HUMILIATING TERRORISTS

(A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT)

Ok, it's kind of embarrassing to be led around naked on a leash. But Americans have worse things happen to them all the time, and you don't see us going postal all over the countryside. For example:

Guys - remember in 7th grade, those uncontrollable spontaneous erections? Ever get one in the locker room after gym class?

Ladies - surprise periods in white pants?

Getting caught with 13 items in the 10 items or less aisle.

Making a presentation with something green stuck in your teeth

And your fly at half-mast.

Having the checkout girl snicker when you buy Preparation H.

Standing outside the ladies' room holding your wife's pinkest purse.

Doing the Chicken Dance at someone's wedding reception because you're REALLY drunk, and winding up on the wedding video.

And all the attendees get a copy.

Spilling a Bloody Mary on your shirt during lunch and then going back to work. No, boss, I wasn't out drinking. Honest.

Getting that hickey seemed like fun in the heat of the moment, buy you forgot you don't own any turtlenecks.

Dropping a mighty load in a public bathroom, complete with bad gas, tuba sounds, and hearty sighs of relief, only to realize afterwards that you weren't alone.

Spending an hour searching for your glasses and discovering them on top of your head.

Much to the amusement of your giggling co-workers.

Farting quietly at your desk only to have your boss show up a second later, followed by three words of conversation, a pause, and a visible wince.

You bring your dog over to a friend's house, and he breaks training on the living room carpet.

Itchy balls in public.

Company drops by unexpectedly, and you forgot to put the handcuffs and flavored body paint back in sock drawer.

Your car stalls in the middle of an intersection and refuses to start during rush hour.

Sneaking up behind your girlfriend at a bar and grabbing her ass, only to discover it's a complete stranger's cheek in your hand.

Then explaining it to her burly linebacker boyfriend.

Trying to fart quietly and failing.

Ya know, given the choice, I think I'd take the naked pyramid.

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!