WHOOPI

Whoopi Goldberg told some jokes about George Bush at a Democratic fundraiser, and That 1 Guy of Drunken Wisdom thinks she was out of line:

It's one thing if the man is sitting there, and the jokes are done "roast" style. That can be tasteless in itself, but it's totally inappropriate when the person isn't there. You can't even say it was a harmless joke, when your other celebrities and speakers are spewing their bile!

It's a fair enough point, but I can't say I'm completely innocent of such tactics myself, having recently brutalized Michael Moore.

However, my beef with Whoopi is that she's a professional comedienne, and I expect better material from someone who tells jokes for a living.

Referring back to Frank J's primer on humor, it's all about the stereotypes. Michael Moore is overweight, so fat jokes are fair game and there are some good shots to be taken.

What Whoopi did was make lame puns about Bush's name. That's not funny, because unlike, say, the Dodge Ram logo, there's nothing even remotely vaginal about the president. Monkey jokes would've been better, since even I'll admit that George's ears stick out to a comical degree.

But even that's only ok for talentless hack amateur humorists like myself. From a professional, I'd expect more cerebral material about his policies and ideas, like "the only reason W doesn't insist that the Israelis tear down their wall is that there's no oil on the other side of it."

I don't mind tacky. I DO mind talentless.

Speaking of which, what happened to Whoopi's eyebrows? Here are my theories:

She forgot to tip the girl doing her bikini waxing and vengeance ensued

Andy Rooney stole them, which explains why his eyebrows are twice as large as a normal human being's

Brow baldness is a Slim Fast side effect.

Her eyebrows voted Republican so she had them removed.

They were devoured by pubic lice.

Hey, YOU try to get a job in Hollywood without going to your knees.

When you're trying to lose weight, every ounce counts, so off they came.

They're there, but they grow inward. They constantly tickle her brain, causing uncontrollable bouts of insipid unfunniness.

In deference to Patrick Stewart, everyone on Star Trek, the Next Generation was required to have at least one bald body part.

Trust me, you DON'T want to know about Wil Wheaton's.