November 03, 2004
380 TONS OF EXPLOSIVES
(A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT)
According to the Legacy Media, 380 tons of explosives have gone missing in Iraq, and nobody seems to know what happened to them.
I'd like to solve that mystery by declaring that I'm the one who took it. It's currently stacked up in my garage. And don't believe Bush's assertions to the contrary.
Don't worry though, I assure you that I will only use it for peaceful purposes.
Ok, MOSTLY peaceful.
Here's what's on the to-do list:
Attempt to launch the Eiffel Tower into orbit.
Use it to print explosive currency and make a hefty donation to MoveOn.org.
And I suppose I could use some of it to pay off Yassir Arafat's hospital bills, too. Does anyone know what Euros look like?
Start an explosives breeding program. Soon I'll have 760 tons. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
DAMN! I just checked - all the explosives are female. I'll have to order something from explosivestuds.com.
Create the ultimate squirrel-proof birdfeeder.
Turns out it's also bird-proof. I'm still tweaking the design.
By adding a little patchouli scent, I can also make it hippy-proof.
Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker removal kits.
Explosive-tipped baby harp seal clubs.
Retaliate against the Arab world by blowing up THEIR tallest building. Shouldn't need much to take out a 2-story tent.
Do they even HAVE buildings? I might have to settle for a particularly tall camel.
I was thinking about making some of those gag exploding golf balls, but I have so much of the stuff, maybe I'll make an exploding golf course, instead.
Suicide bomber jackets. I wonder if I should mention that I set the timers a couple hours ahead?
Nah. I'm sure they'll notice.
"Special" cigars for Fidel Castro. I've heard he appreciates a good practical joke.
Xtreme Play-Doh!
I finally saw Matrix: Revolutions last week. I think I should give some "money" to the Wachowski brothers, too.
ยป The Alliance links with: Precision Guided Humor Round-up: 380 Tons of Explosives
Excerpt: "I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!" - Bart Simpson 'Fess up. You've thought about it. You've fantasized about it. All that fun explosive power at your fingertips and SO
Weblog: The Alliance
Tracked: November 3, 2004 08:16 PM
What??? your not gonna blow up Michael Moore? Oh well, guess that would be too much moonbat goo everywhere.
Don't worry, I think Cao has that angle covered. Check the round-up :-)
"Create the ultimate squirrel-proof birdfeeder" LOL! I need one for TGOO!
Doh. I forgot all about sending cigars to Castro.
"Xtreme Play-Doh!" ROFLMAO!!!! I could just see my four-year-old wanting some of that...
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