EVIL GLENN'S AMUSEMENT PARK

(A FILTHY LIE)

The following is a transcript of a conversation between myself and Glenn Reynolds.

Here's a llama, there's a llama
and another little llama,
fuzzy llama, funny llama,
llama, llama, duck.

What the...?

Looks like I must've taped over the first part. Just a sec

[fast forwards]

Ah. Here we go...

Harv: You built a hobo-themed amusement park in Berkeley?

Evil Glenn: Why not? They've got a thriving homeless population there, and I figured this would be a good way to keep them from getting all sterno'd up and wandering away before I could sacrifice them to Satan in exchange for the dark powers that keep me atop the ecosystem.

Harv: But what about the rest of the population? The gays? The college students?

Evil Glenn: Hobos, homos, hippies, hobie cats... whatever. Satan's not particular about spelling when it comes to unholy offerings. He's the Prince of Darkness, not an English teacher.

Harv: Funny. I thought my English teacher WAS Satan.

Evil Glenn: Your English teacher had horns and cloven hooves?

Harv: Well, she had horn-rim glasses. I couldn't tell about the hooves. She always wore heels.

Evil Glenn: Satan's not a woman.

Harv: [pause] This coming from a married man?...

Evil Glenn: ... Touché. Anyway, you'll LOVE Glennyland. It's got...

Where can you see lions? Only in Kenya.
Come to Kenya, we've got lions.
Where can you see tigers? Only in Kenya.
Got lions & tigers only in Kenya.
Forget Norway.

DAMMIT!

[fast forwards]

Harv: Ok, I'll admit the Bumcot Center sounds pretty cool - an entire city run by hobo-energy. It's hard to believe you found a way to extract power from layabout alcoholics. Sounds like something out of The Matrix.

Evil Glenn: Actually, it's based more on the Irish railroad-worker model of the 19th century, but it's almost the same thing.

Harv: I'll have to warn Matty O'Blackfive. Meanwhile, I really can't let you continue to destroy innocent lives like this. Prepare to be thwarted!

Evil Glenn: MUAHAHAHAHAHA! You are powerless against me! There's no way to prevent Glennylands from opening in every city of the nation!... Well, I suppose there is ONE exploitable flaw in my plan. If you...

BadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadger
MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!

awwww CRAP!

[fast forwards]

Who loves the chocolate?
Everyone loves the chocolate.
Nobody hates the chocolate.
'Cos everyone loves the chocolate!

Son of a...

[fast forwards]

The treasure of Duck Pond Island will soon be mine!

Lousy piece o'...

[fast forwards]

Everyone loves magical Trevor
'Cuz the tricks that he does are ever so clever.

[fast forwards]

I've seen things, I've seen them with my eyes.
I've seen things, they're often in disguise.
Like carrots, handbags, cheese...

[fast forwards]

[tape breaks]

Ah screw it. Just watch this weird Korean cat/rabbit version of a Pepe LePew cartoon while I try to get Glenn back on the phone.

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!