December 10, 2004

DAN RATHER REPLACED BY INSTAPUNDIT?

(A FILTHY LIE)

With Dan Rather leaving the CBS Evening News, there's been some chatter around the blogosphere that Glenn Reynolds would make a good replacement.

I guess good is a relative term, depending on good for whom and for what. Let's take a look at some of the probable changes and see...

Somewhere along the line, you can probably expect a penguin to have a Janet Jackson moment during one of Glenn's broadcasts. I'd call this a bad thing for everyone, except, perhaps for Straight White Eric's wife.

The DNC will continue to be made to look like ineffectual fools. That's good.

CBS news will now be on 120 times a day, 15 seconds at a time. Also expect 360 daily programming interruptions for updates. VERY bad. Especially for Survivor fans.

Moving CBS headquarters to Memphis will help pull in viewers from the coveted hillbilly demographic. This will mean more beer commercials featuring scantily-clad women. VERY good.

My odds of getting an Instalanche will remain at zero. Probably good for me to stay under his radar, considering what I've been saying about him.

Admit it. You've always wanted to see a hobo murdered live on national TV. Good thing.

CBS News will FINALLY be the number one Google hit for something. Probably "penguin porn". Bad for me, since that's MY bragging point.

All things considered, put me down in the... [flips coin]... "against" column for this Reynolds-replacing-Rather notion.

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

posted by Harvey on December 10, 2004 at 09:38 PM | Permalink | 0 Liars | Filthy Lies
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