January 17, 2005
BECAUSE DIM PEOPLE BUG THE CRAP OUT OF ME, THAT'S WHY
Oddybobo of Bobo Blogger muses a bit on why people blog. Of the various reasons listed, I'm assuming this is the one that sings his soul's song:
some blog because they can do it in their under guchies while spongebob plays in the background, and while eating cheesy poofs and drinking beer . . .
Not that there's anything wrong with that. I mean, considering what *I* wear when blogging, I don't have a lot of room to talk.
But the REAL reason I blog?
Because I'm not in the Navy anymore.
When I was serving on board the Enterprise, I worked in the Reactor Department. You won't be surprised to learn that they don't trust idiots to run shipboard nuclear power plants. I seriously doubt that there was a single person in that part of the ship with an IQ under 125.
The great part about working with folks like this is that - they GET it.
If you tell a joke that requires them to "think about it for a second", they'll get it after a second.
Normal people don't get it at ALL - they'll just look at you funny.
The people I read and the people who read me... GET it.
There's a certain pleasure associated with being surrounded by the quick-witted. I experienced it in the Navy, got occasional tastes of it in college, and suffered complete withdrawl once I started working for the bank. But then I started blogging, and it's like my good old Navy days again.
Except with less sea-time, more beer and fewer hookers.
It's like... if I could CHOOSE the people I'd want to surround myself with regularly - a luxury unknown in my "real life" - these would be them. And though they're scattered across the globe, I still have the joy, and I have it every day.
It makes the soul-sucking idiocy of my co-workers & customers bearable.
Let me show you what I mean. Let's say the outside temperature is 10 degrees above zero Fahrenheit (-12 C). You come into my bank, walk up to me, and want to make a witty comment about how cold it is outside. Most of my customers will say... "Boy, it's cold outside"... because they're a bunch of inbred farm-country genetic-defectives.
I'm guessing that my readers can do better.
In the comments, please give me your best shot.
» Thunder And Roses links with: Too Cold
» There's One, Only! links with: Must not strangle customer...
» Pepper of the Earth - The Home Office Record & Mostly Daily Gazette links with: You're So Vane
» Tammi's World links with: Do you GET IT?
Excerpt: Harvey is looking for some interesting ways of expressing low temperatures. How about this one: My testicles are lodged against my tonsils. Seriously, they are. I mean, what the hell is this... The whole point of living in the South
Weblog: Thunder And Roses
Tracked: January 17, 2005 11:33 PM
Excerpt: Harvey over at Bad Example had a little post the other day about how much he hates it when his customers make the same old inane "Cold enough for you?" comments to him. And today, as the mercury barely crawled...
Weblog: There's One, Only!
Tracked: January 18, 2005 09:05 PM
Excerpt: In which the frost is on the rose, and New York rises to the chill occasion and pisses and moans thereat. Cold enough for you?
Weblog: Pepper of the Earth - The Home Office Record & Mostly Daily Gazette
Tracked: January 18, 2005 10:01 PM
Excerpt: Harvey issues a challenge. Let me show you what I mean. Let's say the outside temperature is 10 degrees above zero Fahrenheit (-12 C). You come into my bank, walk up to me, and want to make a witty comment...
Weblog: Tammi's World
Tracked: November 4, 2005 06:39 PM
I'm sorry, but it's zero degrees here right now and my brain cells have come to a complete halt.
I don't give a shit how cold you think it is. I need a hundred grand, now!
Cold enough for you?
Cold? You call that cold?
261 degrees is farking hot!
(Yes, I have worked in a cryo lab before)
[bitch-slaps basil]
Teresa - that's STILL better than 99% of what I hear at the bank :-)
J - [thinks about it for a second] HAH! I get it! :-)
It's so cold my 'headlights' came on and I'm wearing a sweater and a coat.
Well, maybe I wouldn't actually say that to you in a bank... ;-)
Let's just see how quick you are:
Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. The first penguin looks at the second and says, "Will you hand me the soap?"
The second looks at the first and says, "What do I look like, your toaster?"
Get it? ;-)
On a day like today, (10 deg F) when my customers come in and say it's freezing out, I usually reply with something like "No, it's got 22 degrees to go till it gets up to freezing."
Only some of them get it.
And sorry, but I don't get the penguin joke. Probably because the key to the humor is something grossly biological.
[regains conciousness]
So, some weather we're having, huh?
J.: Are you absolutely sure?
"I'm having trouble breathing... it's so goddamn cold my scrotum has retracted into my body so far it's starting to block my esophagus"
They love that one when I drop my son off for sunday school....
It's colder then a well diggers ass in January out there.
The best one I ever heard was when a friend walked up to me and she said "It is colder than a witch's tit today!"
My favorite line
"It's quite nipply out there today"
Damnit Machelle and VW - Those are my favorites too!! That's what I get for trying to link before I post!!!
Oh bitter irony - the customer I had in mind when I wrote this post JUST now came in the bank and said "It's cold outside".
I'm proud to report that I restricted my reaction to a barely-noticeable eye-twitch.
"You know, there's a witch outside who wants to have a talk with you."
(You can substitute a brass monkey as needed.)
Huh? I don't get it.
But hey, it's cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table out there!
It's colder than Dick Cheney's smile.
"Colder than a ticket taker's smile at the Ivar Theatre, on a Saturday night" - Tom Waits from "emotional Weather Report"
Dammit Harvey, its colder than Tipper Gore's tit in a brass bra out there!
Boy it's cold outside... so cold that my tongue got stuck to my fillings.
No, no, seriously... it's so cold outside I've now got two small holes in the front of my shirt.
And believe me, I know frigid... dated her for three years...
It's cold enough outside that the roosters are bobsledding on the possum's behind all across the kitchen linoleum while the farmer cooks up a heap o' mongoose. - Dan Rather
Surprisingly enough, the above comment is probably more understandable that most of Dan Rather's, uh, ratherisms.
PG - I deny that that could've been said by Rather, since it doesn't contain the words "Bush lied" :-)
I STILL don't get the penguin joke
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