February 05, 2005
EVIL GLENN'S GARBAGE
Did you know it's perfectly legal to go through other people's garbage? Yup, once it hits the curb, it's open season.
Knowing this, I thought I'd do a little investigative snooping on Evil Glenn, so I drove out to the gloom-enshrouded Memphis castle and waited until trash day.
Items of interest I discovered were as follows:
397 dog collars, assorted sizes & colors. Some looked a little beat up, as though they'd been hacked at by tiny, rotating blades.
A 3-pound-size Folger's coffee can filled with human teeth and labeled "Sacrificial Leftovers 2004".
An empty can of Fava Beans.
An empty bottle of Chianti. Looks like it was a nice one, too.
A first edition copy of "To Serve Man", personally autographed by the Kanamit ambassador.
A stylish black leather trenchcoat - bloodstained and riddled with bullet holes - with a pair of expensive-looking sunglasses in one pocket and single red pill in the other.
A hand-lettered sign that said "Beware of R.O.U.S".
A small, dirty doll's head with the name "Casey" written on it in red magic marker.
A camoflage patterned hat that seemed to almost sparkle with magical powers.
A Poloroid picture labeled "Frank J., right after I punched him".
There was more, but I really felt the need to take a long shower after seeing that last one.
INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!
. . . I dug a little deeper and found handwritten letters to Doody Head and Blowhole. . .
Too funny!
SS - Seriously... just EWWWWWWW!
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