September 01, 2005
GEORGE BUSH IS STEALING MY OIL!
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment cross-posted from IMAO)
According to modern leftist dogma, the whole reason we went to Iraq is to steal oil. Yet oil's going for nearly $70 a barrel these days.
Since it's obvious that he didn't sell it on the open market, what did W do with all that stolen oil?
My theories:
* Fixed that sticky door hinge on Air Force One.
* Needed supplies for the "Oil-Wrestle Condi" contest.
* Keeps it in his personal refinery so that he has enough gas to drive his International CXT across town if he wants to.
* Dumped it in Boston Harbor as a protest against England's "Texas Tea Tax".
* He's reverse-engineering it to make an army of dinosaurs.
* Sea otters have become tragically non-flammable in recent years. Trend now reversed.
* It's still sitting in Iraq, because Bush is having trouble getting blood for it.
* Bush hopes that if he keeps enough oil for himself, his monkey-faced daughters will grow up to be as pretty as Elly May.
* It's even possible that he didn't steal the oil. Maybe it's just that there are no barrels left to put the oil in because Bush had them made into steelpan drums which he's giving away to boost his poll numbers in the Caribbean-American community.
* However, based on recently acquired satellite images, I'd have to say that it's pretty obvious that he's just hiding it in and around the White House.
(click to enlarge)
BONUS FUN GAME: How many barrels of George Bush's stolen oil can you find in this picture?
37
Hmmph! I got forty. I may be misquoting, though.
I got forty also
You guys are good. I only found 13 (and I'm lying about that!)
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