September 19, 2005
HOW TO LIVEN UP A WEDDING
I got stuck going to a wedding on Saturday. It was nice enough, I guess, but... boring.
So here are some suggestions for livening up your next wedding:
* Flower fights ("OW! Thorn!")
* Stripper bridesmaids
* Ninja attack!
* Hire the pyrotechnics guys from KISS
* Wouldn't it be cool if - when the priest said "If anyone objects to this union, let him speak now or forever hold his peace" - the ceiling collapsed?
* Replace "I now pronounce you man and wife" with "Let's get ready to RRRUMMMMBLLLLLE!!!"
* Light the unity candle with a flaming arrow
* Wedding program basketball ("Bride's cleavage! Two points!")
* Have the happy couple exchange vows while leaping from pew to pew
* "Accidentally" spill holy water on yourself and run around the chapel screaming "IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"
I'm open to other suggestions.
» From Chaos to Serendipity links with: New York Red Neck Wedding Brawl
» Cafe Oregano links with: Tuesday Specials
» basil's blog links with: Carnival Of Comedy Turns 21
» Stop The ACLU links with: Sunday Funnies
Excerpt: Here's a wedding to remember. All you have to do is read the arrest report. And, there won't be any pictures except mug shots. It seems that two wedding parties got into a brawl ....
Weblog: From Chaos to Serendipity
Tracked: September 20, 2005 05:18 AM
Excerpt: Bad Example starts a career as a wedding planner. IMAO allows his curiosity to get the best of him. Mudville Gazette reports on angel sightings. MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy has gone over to the other side. Michelle Malkin covers...
Weblog: Cafe Oregano
Tracked: September 20, 2005 06:30 AM
Excerpt: Welcome to the Carnival of Comedy! It's a special edition, as the Carnival turns 21 today. Well, it's the 21st edition of the Carnival, and that only happens once. Unless I double-post. But I won't. I promise. Too much funny
Weblog: basil's blog
Tracked: September 22, 2005 05:02 AM
Excerpt: Ogre finds out his Elfin and Hobbit name. By the way, my Hobbit name is Olo Loamsdown of Deephallow, and my Elf name is Findecáno Carnesîr. To find out your Hobbit name go here. And for your Elf name, go here. He also does a great job on the New...
Weblog: Stop The ACLU
Tracked: September 25, 2005 09:06 PM
Replace vows with a list of things the groom will no longer be able to do.
Don't forget to list the things the bride will have to put up with!
Drunken midgets. They're always fun.
Richard Simmons leading the ceremony, blowing bubbles and throwing flowers.
...at drunken midgets....
My husband suggested I walk down the aisle to 'Brick House'. If his parents had not been attending, I would have done it. Well, if the pastor would have let us. GRIN.
Add dirty things to the vows. "Do you promise to use the whip lovingly and tenderly?"
Hmm, it's gonna be hard to top drunken midgets, but let's see what I can do. Oh, I know. When the bride and groom kiss, everyone fires their handguns into the air (blanks, since the bullets falling back to the Earth would hurt). Maybe have then shout "Yeeee-Hawwww!".
...No, still doesn't top drunken midgets. Well, when you mentioned stripper bridesmaids, shouldn't that also include Chipendale best men? I'm not a girl, but I don't think they'd appreciate being left out.
You mentioned flowers earlier with thorns. How about we wrap the roses in barbed wire? Don't know why, but the image of a rose wrapped in barbed wire is just cool.
I GOT IT!!!! SOMETHING CLOSE TO BEING UP WITH DRUNKEN MIDGETS! Have the flower girl be a stripper, but her dress is the flowers that she throws, and she throws flowers off her body as she proceeds down the aisle.
...wait, aren't flower girls supposed to be little kids? Umm, I think I'm going to stop now before I get myself in trouble.
Gunlord
drawing lots to see who gets to take the garter off the bride.
take a shot every time the families respond with 'amen'.
groom has to wrestle the father-in-law for the bride.
woolen tuxes and dresses for the wedding party.
freshly smithied wedding rings.
a real ball and chain.
put the key to their chatity belts somewhere in the cakes.
Indiana Jones type exit down the aisle or be crushed by a rolling boulder.
The preacher must take regular shots of Nitrous Oxide.
the wedding families must sit on those children's bouncy ball toys instead of pews.
icy hot in the married couple's undies
35 degree water balloons to be tossed by the families at any member of the wedding party that doesn't perfectly fullfil thier duties as dictated during the rehearsal.
Musical Brides and Grooms. Whoever from the wedding party is left standing in the "couples" places when the music stops, gets to be wed. I guess the guests could participate to make it interesting.
How about simultaneous moons from the Bride & Groom in place of the kiss?
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