August 04, 2006
Israel's Top Secret War Plans - Revealed!
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment cross-posted from IMAO)
Figured I should follow the lead of the New York Times and start revealing Israel's covert ops, since it's the hip & trendy thing to do when a nation battles terrorists:
* Use uncircumsized bullets - the full metal foreskin provides extra stopping-power.
* Secretly plant an anti-Semitic parrot in Mel Gibson's house to make him look bad.
* Refer to the terrorists as "tar babies". If they get offended, apologize by saying "We're sorry if our thick Israeli accents made you cry-babies misunderstand what we said."
* Use the Force.
* Develop new head-exploding sonic weapon that transmits a focused beam of Fran Drescher's hideous voice.
* Refuse to negotiate for the release of hostages, but hint that they might be willing to haggle a bit.
* Institute policy of deliberately targeting innocent Lebanese civilians who get paid by Hezbollah to fire rockets into Israel.
* Have IDF stop toying with the terrorists and switch their swords to their right hands.
* Threaten terrorists with ICBM's (Intercontinental Ballistic Mohels)
* As Arabs try to push Israel into the sea, back up real quick and laugh when they fall on their faces.
* Feed Popeye some spinach and tell him Bluto is holding Olive Oyl prisoner in Lebanon.
* Kill terrorists 9 at a time with Ginsu Menorah.
* Get Kos to pick the terrorists to win.
By the way, revealing these secrets does NOT make me a terrorist supporter. I just think the terrorists have "a right to know".
...how they're going to die.
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