September 13, 2006
MAN ENOUGH TO ADMIT WHEN I'M WRONG
Nevertheless, I here re-publish the list of potential excuses Air America will use to explain its failure. We'll see if I'm at least right about these:
* Contract with Satan guaranteeing Air America's success found invalid due to not being signed in blood.
* Al Franken's thick glasses kept accidentally setting the studio on fire.
* Randi Rhodes didn't talk about her nipples enough.
* Too much money wasted on salaries, not enought spent on bribes to Clear Channel executives.
* Rush Limbaugh depleted the nation's supply of Oxycontin, so not enough was available to make Air America's hosts witty and insightful.
* Digital brownshirts kept smashing people's radios
* Al Franken is Jewish, so Bushitler had him gassed.
* The fact that Al Franken is still alive does NOT disprove this theory.
* Air America staff constantly attacked by vicious hordes of rats and cockroaches, who, apparently, didn't appreciate the competition.
* The Air America signal simply wouldn't carry. Not surprising, since vibrations in the electomagnetic spectrum tend to vote Republican.
* Nobody was buying commerical spots. Even a NAMBLA spokesman was quoted as saying "we don't want our reputation soiled by these degenerates".
* Air America had to shut down because of the McCain-Feingold campaign finance laws, which expressly forbid such things as speaking in direct support of a candidate, or speaking at all if you're dumber than a bucket of monkey spunk.
* Although Al Franken created a lot of great material, he would often flush the toilet before it could be retrieved.
So... which one do you think they'll use?