FUN WHILE IT LASTED - UPDATED 4-2-05

About six weeks ago, Frank J. decided to make IMAO a group humor blog, and he asked me to be a member of the editorial staff.

I was honored. I was flattered. I was scared shitless.

I knew I could write IMAO-worthy, over-the-top humor pieces. I *have* the talent. The only question was - could I do it 4-5 times a week?

Maybe.

I was already doing 2 straight-up humor pieces a week in the form of Alliance Precision Guided Humor and Filthy Lie Assignments. But the rest... did I *really* have the self-discipline to create my own funny on a near-daily basis? And could I do it without completely neglecting Bad Example, Alliance HQ, and - most importantly - my relationship with Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite?

Over the last 6 weeks, the answer appears to be "yes and no". I *do* have the ability to crank out regular funny bits, and I still fulfill my Alliance obligations, and I still manage to pay enough attention to TNT to keep her reasonably happy, but posting at Bad Example has taken a serious hit. By the time I finish blogging for everyone else, I don't have the energy left to do much at my own site.

This disturbs me.

I really enjoy what I've been able to do at Bad Example - the linky-love to my blogfamily, the thoughtful pieces of near-philosophy, the teasing posts, the straight-up humor bits... but there just hasn't been time to do all I want lately.

I'm still not sure what to do about it.

Currently I'm contemplating trying to farm out some of my Alliance duties. That would help.

I *don't* want to drop IMAO. Mostly because I have a bigger audience there. It's like having the chance to do stand-up at the Hollywood Bowl. It's a rush, and I love it. And after initially receiving a somewhat icy reception, I've managed to make peace with my critics, and I *do* get a fair amount of love and encouragement in the comments these days.

At least when my entries deserve it, which - I'll be honest - they don't always. Comedy's not easy. Some days I'm in the zone, some days... not so much.

But mostly I think I do it for the challenge. When I first started blogging, I had not even the vaguest hope of being able to write "the good stuff". Now... it's a daily test to see what I'm REALLY made of.

It's invigorating. It makes me feel alive.

So now that I've gotten the notice from Frank saying that IMAO is shutting down, I think I'm going to try to keep the funny going over here at Bad Example.

I must admit I was rather stunned to receive an e-mail from Frank saying that he had sold his domain name and shut down his blog...

Ok, I was a little pissed off, too.

Ok, MORE than a little.

But in the end, I remind myself of why I agreed to join IMAO in the first place. Yes, part of it was taking my shot at blogger fame, but another part - and I believe the GREATER part - was that I *like* Frank J., and I wanted to be able to help him reach his dream of getting his books published. He's done more for me since I started blogging than I have time to put into words. He's given me a lot of support & respect over the months, and I wanted to return the favor to the best of my ability.

So now he's made his choice to give up blogging for a cash settlement.

I understand.

He's got a fiancee now, and SarahK deserves to be the main focus of his life. If he can make more money by selling his domain than he can by using it. I'm not going to hold it against him.

Believe me, I understand the importance of giving a good woman the love she deserves.

So I'll wish Frank the best of luck in his non-blogging pursuits, and if he needs my help for a future project, I have his back. No questions asked.

Meanwhile, I guess it means more funny for the blogfamily, and more quality time for the woman who is my world.

I'll make the most of what I've got, and I think that - in the end - I'm still coming out ahead.

Thanks for the memories, Frank.

UPDATE: Wow. Didn't take them long to move in...

UPDATE 4-2-05: Well, they moved out again. My thoughts about are in this post.

As for everything I said above the "Frank sold out" section of the post, that's all true, and that still all applies. Fortunately, blogson GEBIV of There's One Only has agreed to help do some Alliance stuff, so I may be able to post more stuff here after all.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If all those glittering monarchs that command the servile quarters of this earthly ball should tender in exchange their shares of land, I would not change my fortunes for them all. Their wealth is but a counter to my coin... the world is but theirs; but my beloved is mine.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

COURTESY LINK

Carnival of Cordite #6 is up at Resistance Is Futile.

Long Guns for Home and Personal Defense

(A Guest Post by blogless Peter, for Carnival of Cordite)

This week we are going to discuss long guns for home and personal defense. There are many reasons why a person would choose a long gun instead of a handgun, the most obvious being that some locations have Draconian laws about the ownership of handguns by civilians. A strong second reason is that some long guns are nearly impossible for a child, too young to understand, to shoot. In a later installment we'll talk about the fact that it is very difficult to childproof a gun kept in a ready state but quite easy to gunproof a child who is strong - meaning old - enough to work the action.

There is a bewildering array of long guns. For simplicity's sake I shall lump them into three categories: full sized hunting and battle rifles, carbines shooting handgun rounds, and shotguns. Forget the full sized rifles for defense. Besides the fact that most (not all) full sized rifles are big and cumbersome and the scope sights that most wear are useless at inside-the-house or -store range, the bullets penetrate too much. No matter your religious beliefs, or lack thereof, you should know that there are evil spirits that possess any bullet that overpenetrates. That bullet will always shoot right through the bad guy and then the evil spirit takes over and sends the bullet through your single most expensive household item, the children's rooms, four walls, your neighbor's house, any handy baby carriages and a station wagon full of nuns before lodging in the Mayor's car.

The shotguns and carbines firing handgun rounds are, on the other hand very useful as home and store guns, each having some real advantages for us good guys, and gals.

We'll start with shotguns. The biggest single advantage to a shotgun as a defense weapon is the intimidation factor. The hole in the barrel is HUGE and very scary to look down. Since the very best possible outcome in a defense situation is the bad guy fainting at the sight of the homeowner licking his or her lips in happy anticipation of the carnage to come, and coming-to only when the police have him hooked up, this is no small advantage. If we survive a defense situation, we've won. If we survive without a shot being fired, we've WON BIG!

Shotguns come in single shot, double barrel, pump action and semiautomatic. All I can say about a single shot is that it's better than no gun at all.

When we get to the double barrels the possibilities start opening up. My home defense shotgun is an old fashioned short-barreled double barrel with exposed hammers. I've practiced reloading from the butt cuff full of five more shells so that I'm not at a disadvantage. After two shots of 12 gauge anybody that's not down is ducking, I've plenty of time to reload. The biggest advantage to a double barrel with exposed hammers is that it can sit for years, hammers down on loaded chambers with tape over the muzzles, covered in dust and cobwebs yet ready to go just by earring back those hammers. Another advantage is that the double barrel action is shorter than the semiautomatic or pump. My double is about five inches shorter than a pump with the same length, a real advantage in the house.

The disadvantage is the long practice required to reload fast enough if there are more than two bad guys. That's why most people prefer pumps or semis. Another disadvantage is that there is a learning curve on handling two different triggers. When I switched from a pump to a double I discovered that no matter how hard I pulled on that front trigger the second barrel still wouldn't shoot. It took a lot of practice to make the shift from front to back trigger automatic. The last disadvantage is that it's really hard to find an exposed-hammer double. To my knowledge only Norinco makes them anymore. I'm reluctant to recommend a gun made by virtual slave-laborers of the ChiCom government. Then again, slaves with something to do are better treated than slaves with nothing to do.

I don't like the idea of the internal-hammer doubles for defense, in order to be ready, the strikers have to be cocked over loaded chambers. That makes me nervous.

The autoloader has some advantages, most notably the softer recoil and the fact that we don't have to DO anything to be ready for the next shot. The normal magazine capacity is four or five shots although most shotguns have a wooden or plastic plug in the magazine limiting the capacity to three rounds, including one in the chamber. This is also true for pumps. This plug is easily removed and should be. The only reason the plug is there is because of federal laws on hunting waterfowl. There is a real good chance that we'll never have to defend our homes or businesses from armies of rampaging ducks. Watch out for the geese, though.

Still, check the local laws before throwing that plug away. I don't know all the laws everywhere. If you fall afoul of some local law I've never heard of, I'm afraid the 'Peter told me to defense' might not work.

The only disadvantage to the autoloaders is that most of them require adjustment when going from standard loads to magnum loads. This is more theoretical than real. The standard loads are plenty powerful enough.

The pump guns are what most people think of when the defensive or fighting shotgun is mentioned. Advantages include simplicity, comparatively low price, plenty of magazine capacity, and the ability to shoot any ammunition that is the right size. An advantage that many folks don't know about is that if the gun is cocked they can't work the action without either pulling the trigger or hitting the little action release button. This means that we can have a loaded magazine and an empty chamber and small children can't blow up the house. That's kind of nice.

There are many makes. You'll never go wrong with Winchester, Remington or Marlin.

Much is made of that intimidating ca-chunk sound of a round being chambered in a pump. Any sensible person will run away upon hearing this sound. Trouble is, sensible people don't commit many life-threatening crimes. Do yourself a favor. Get you behind something substantial before betting your life on this sound. It's fine when it works, awful when the bad guy pegs a couple of quick shots at the sound.

In the last few years there has been some real advances in ammunition for the defensive shotgun. Primarily due to increasing numbers of women and some smaller statured minority men in police forces, the ammunition companies have developed rounds that offer plenty of power at typical defensive ranges, yet lower recoil. These rounds are variously known as 'tactical', 'managed recoil' or 'low recoil' depending on the ammo company, but they all offer the same thing. They are standard buckshot or slug loads which travel at a somewhat lower velocity than the high speed hunting loads that we're used to.

The new buckshot loads are ideal for defense. The slug loads? Even the lower-recoil slug loads have too much penetration to use in the house. The slug is mainly used to penetrate car bodies or barricades. The instances where a civilian can shoot at a car are few and far between. The civilian shooting at a barricaded suspect is even rarer. The rural homeowner has a use for the slug loads, the urban or suburban homeowner can live quite well without them. Use your judgement.

In addition to a five shot butt cuff, I have a cheap cloth and elastic cartridge belt loaded with a variety of ammunition, including a few slug loads. They are not in the gun or butt cuff. If the bad guy is so far away or so well barricaded that slugs are indicated, well, I ought to have plenty of time to change ammo.

At typical inside-the-house ranges, the larger birdshot loads are quite effective, yet less destructive to the house in case of a miss. Many homeowners like the first round in their gun to be a duck load for that very reason and I can't fault the logic. If there is a chance that a warning shot will scare the bad guy off, the birdshot penetrates a lot fewer walls. If the bad guy is so close that a warning shot won't work, he's close enough that the tight pattern will be as effective as any other load.

There is another very interesting option available. An ammunition company named Sellier & Bellot that makes rubber buckshot and ball loads. At near-contact range, these loads are lethal. At across-the-room, the ball-loads will knock a guy down, but - unless we are real unlucky - not kill. The advantage is obvious. Our object isn't to reduce the population but to save the lives of our families and ourselves. If I can do that without killing, so much the better. There is also the simple fact that if I kill or wound a bad guy, the LEAST that will happen is that I'll have a long, uncomfortable time before the Grand Jury. There's a good chance that I will be indicted and I will almost certainly be sued in civil court as well. If the first shot I fire is a shot that is normally non-lethal it will go a long way toward making my good guy status clear to all who hold my future in their hands. We will explore surviving the aftermath of a shooting in further detail in a future Carnival.

In the past few years it's become popular to outfit defensive shotguns with all kinds of sh..., um stuff. Pistol grips with no buttstocks, magazines that hold a year's worth of ammo, lasers, lights, sirens, beer-taps, and dancing girls. Most of these modifications are horsesh..., um fertilizer. Those super-long magazine tubes add nothing useful. If we can't do it with four or five rounds, we can't do it. Furthermore, those extra-long magazine springs have a tendency to kink, tying up the gun. That sexy-looking pistol grip is gonna bust you square in the beezer if you hold the shotgun up where you can use the sight. And if you don't use the sight, you don't have a weapon - you just have an extremely loud and destructive noisemaker. Shooting from the hip is for TV cops. I know a guy that tried one of those buttstockless pistol grip shotguns - fortunately, at the shooting range. He missed trying to shoot from the hip so he reloaded and held it up so he could see the front bead. Knocked himself plumb out cold. Y'all think I'm woofin', try it yourself. I'm not gonna. I never did get as purty as Momma wanted me to be in the first place... I sure don't need my face rearranged on top of that.

There are three - and only three - useful modifications to a defense shotgun: a decent recoil pad (if it doesn't come with one); a high visibility front bead (if it doesn't come with one); and, lastly, one of those little flashlight mounts. The worst thing in the world is to blow away your spouse during a late night bathroom trip or blasting a drunken Harvey showing up in the wrong house for a comment party. We don't shoot at noises, we don't shoot at shapes.

Here is a trick. If we are awakened in the middle of the night, don't go charging out. Grab your shootin' iron, get BEHIND the bed and loudly and clearly repeat the following sentences. "Who is there? I have a gun! I'm calling the police!" Unless other family members are in danger, stay there. The bad guys can take everything you own, the deductible on your homeowner's insurance is still far cheaper than the legal costs of even the most justified shooting. This can be enraging but, right or wrong, it's the world we live in. Some jurisdictions allow the use of deadly force in defense of property, some don't. Some people's ethical standards or religions allow the use of deadly force in defense of property, some don't. While my state allows the use of force to protect property, I figure I'll never go wrong using deadly force as the very last resort. During my life, I've stuck myself into some very stupid predicaments due to my somewhat-less-than-genius-like choices on how I made my living. But I'm retired now. Anybody wanting trouble has to bring it to me. They'll get mighty hungry waiting for me to come to them.

Before this turns into a book, let's discuss the third option: the carbine shooting handgun-cartridges.

There are two main options, the little semiautomatic Marlin Camp Carbine, and the lever-actions in handgun cartridges like .38 Special/.357 Mag, .44 Special/.44 Mag and .45 Colt.

Those who were here for last week's Carnival might wonder why I recommend that beginners should stay away from autoloaders in handguns but make no such statements about long guns. Simple. The carbine or shotgun, being longer, makes us much less likely to lose control of where that muzzle is pointing. While there is still a somewhat increased possibility of an unintended loud noise, we're much less likely to hit someone we care about. We still need to drill a little more on safety, but it's an acceptable risk.

The Marlin Camp Carbine is a nifty little weapon. It comes in nine millimeter, 40 S&W and 45 ACP, all - with the right ammo choice - proven combat rounds. Advantages include: much lighter recoil than the low recoil shotgun loads; muzzle blast that won't damage one's hearing nearly as much as shotguns; and the ease with which they can be shot with acceptable combat accuracy. Disadvantages include being a bit more fussy than some other shootin' irons as to what ammo it will digest. They are short, light, and easy to shoot. Maintenance is fairly simple and straightforward. Not a bad choice at all. It's an even better choice for the man or woman who also has a pistol in one of those cartridges.

Rule number one of gunfighting is to have a gun - any gun. If you don't have a gun, you can't go to a gunfight.

Rule number two of gunfighting is that the only reason handguns exist is to buy time to get to a long gun.

I can't find the Camp Carbine on Marlin's Website, it may be discontinued. I still see them in gun shops so, if this is your choice, best move quickly.

I happen to love the little lever-action carbines in handgun rounds. Marlin's 1894, Winchester's 94, Rossi has one, and there are several others. There is a Marlin 1894 within arms reach as I sit in my little study. I can hit as accurately at one hundred yards with it as I can twenty-five yards with my revolver. This is comforting, since I live in the country, where the nearest patrol car might more than ten minutes away. It's even more comforting knowing that two-legged varmints aren't the only challenge. I live where rabid critters are a very real problem. Two-legged or four-legged, even with the brush, trees, and rolling contours of the land, if I can see it, I can hit it. My choice is the .38/.357 Mag model, primarily because that's my go-to handgun cartridge. An arcane fact of gun lore is that the longer the barrel, the higher the velocity of the same cartridge. Depending on the load, the carbines hit as hard at fifty to one-hundred yards as the same load hit at powder-burn range. In a close range defensive situation this means a bigger hole in the bad guy. Counter-intuitively, this doesn't mean the bullet will have a lot more penetration. That .38 Special, +P, lead hollow-point will actually penetrate a little less from the carbine than from a revolver. It expands more, so the bullet hits more of what it's tearing up, and it stops a little quicker.

A lever-action can actually be fired - accurately - just as quickly as a semiauto. With a little practice, you can learn to work the lever in the time it takes to recover from recoil and get your sight picture back.

A little known - and seldom thought-about - advantage of the lever-action carbine is psychological - it's a good-guy's gun. If you end up having to use one in self-defense, it's the conditioning of everyone we will be dealing with in the aftermath - cops, prosecutors, grand juries, and (if it goes that far) judges and juries - to think of it that way. We've all grown up on Roy Rogers, Marshall Dillon, the Rifleman - all those guys. The guy in the white hats all had lever-action carbines. The villains we grew up with all had handguns, AK-47's, sawed-off shotguns, and the like.

It's a small thing, but it can be the difference between Justifiable Homicide and Manslaughter.

Next week? How about how to avoid a gunfight and what to do if we can't?

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 20

Over at Drunken Wisdom

SAVE ME FROM THE THAI DILDO CARTEL!

That title's going to need some explanation, so you better see Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks, since I have to head into work and don't have time to explain right now.

The only thing I have to add at the moment is that I can't believe that Grau isn't saying anything about the yummy, cleavage-revealing top TNT was wearing.

ELSEWHERE

Lie reminder, Linky stuff, round-up and new PGH all at Alliance HQ

My PGH at IMAO

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

You know you're in love when you think about that person, and your stomach gets all fuzzy and squishy.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE MONTH OF MARCH

Are congruent with those of Linus of Pepper of the Earth, who describes his as follows:

It was like this, see. March came in like a lion. Then it clawed the furniture like a lion. Then it mauled around like a lion, took a rest like a lion, and decided to go out like a lion. So it’s been all over lions. And no, this sudden spate of 50° business on March 30th does not qualify for lamb status, April is the lamb, you don’t get to change your mind and suddenly be all lamby. You made your den, go lie in it.

I *do* so admire that man's gift for turning a phrase.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Love is when the woman of your dreams becomes a reality and sleep stops being a priority.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

FREE ADVICE

The secret to a happy marriage?

As your married life progresses, you will become privy to your wife's deepest fears and vulnerabilities. This knowledge carries with it the power to say something viciously cruel that will cause her unspeakable pain.

During the course of your marriage, your wife will - from time to time - say something thoughtless and brutal to you, and you will be tempted to exercise your power.

Forbear.

Always.

No exceptions.

SHOULD ALEX MOVE TO MUNU?

Blogson-in-law Alex of Alex in Wonderland is sick to death of his current crappy bloghost, 20six.

If you're a Munuvian, please give him a "YAY!" at Ellis Island.

I left a link to one of his posts at the nomination entry, so you can check him out if you're not familiar with his work.

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 19

Over at Drunken Wisdom

Helpful Wedding Advice

Over at IMAO

MORE THOUGHTS ON AN ATHEIST'S PRAYERS

Blogson GEBIV of There's One, Only! left this comment on my original atheist prayer post:

Who does an atheist pray to?

Harv, you're an agnostic. You don't know if God exists or not. You don't deny He exists.

Regarding the first part, as I said in the original post, I will pray to the empty, Godless sky.

Regarding the second part, I'm not an agnostic. I do deny God's existence. Or at least, I would if I were asked. I'm not an evangelical atheist out looking for converts, so I don't usually bring it up.

As to whether I "know", that brings up epistemological niceties about what knowledge is, which I'd rather avoid. Suffice it to say that I know it as well as I can be said to know anything about ANY complex abstract phenomenon. That is, the absense of God causes fewer contradictions in my personal knowledge base than a belief in him would.

As to WHY I don't believe... that's another VERY complex topic that I'm not fool enough to try condensing into a single post. It took a good 10 years or reading, study, and conversation to get to the point where I felt comfortable saying "none of the above". Even if I could reproduce it all, it wouldn't necessarily be persuasive, because that particular set of data was only sufficient to convince someone with my personal life experiences. If you've lived a different life, you'd probably need more or different information to reach the same conclusion. Since, as I said, I'm not evangelical, I have neither the time nor the desire to discover and deliver that critical mass of information for anyone else. That's a personal choice.

For informational purposes only, the VERY short answer is this: I looked at THE fundamental question:

Where did the universe come from?

Most people answer that question with "God created it", and if asked "Where did God come from?" they'll answer "Nowhere. God was just always there".

Which is my answer to that original question.

The universe was just always there.

All the matter and energy that currently exist have always existed, just changing in form and/or location over time.

And, realistically speaking, outside of a window of a few million years in one direction or another, I have no need to know the specifics about that form. So I don't waste a lot of thought on it. I know the laws of physics here and now in this part of the galaxy, and that's plenty to get me by. The rest is just the rest, and the niggling details are Stephen Hawking's problem, not mine.

Again. Not persuasive. Not by a long shot. It wasn't meant to be.

Getting back to the subject of atheistic prayer, The Humble Devildog of Random Firing of Neurons asked me a very good question on Saturday night while we were out enjoying scotch & cigars:

WHY would an atheist bother praying?

I'll toss out a parable here. If, for example, Nick were to have asked me, "Harv, my wife is sick. Would you please flip a coin until it comes up heads three times in a row so that she'll get better?" I wouldn't answer, "Nick, that's just coinist foolishness. I don't believe there's any relationship between coin-flipping and a woman's health."

No, I'd grab a quarter & start flipping. Why? Because I like Nick, I know he's suffering, and if there's something simple that I can do to make him feel better, I'll do it.

I'd probably even let him keep the quarter afterwards.

I suppose that, technically, this attitude towards prayer makes me as bad as the Pharisees - doing my prayers in public to be seen by men. God probably just rolls his eyes at such foolishness, and I won't win any favor in his eyes.

But then again, my intention is to please those I care about, and if an atheist's prayer will do that, then - to paraphrase Matthew 6:5 - "Verily I say unto you, I have my reward."

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

It's always more than sex to sleep with you.
Don't get me wrong; I like to tangle sheets
and hungry scents and taste the salty dew
of glistening sweat where heavy brow meets
soft eyelids closed, relaxed. I'll kiss them, too,
and sample other slow seduction sweets.
But I run out of juice, won't thump my chest
and say I don't, and so I like the rest:
I like to lie, arms wrapped around you, deep
in comfortable darkness where the moon projects
odd patterns on the walls. I want to keep
you safe and warm as winter licks our necks.
You mumble love and slowly fall asleep;
these moments worth much more than simple sex.

[stolen from Musings of Brian J. Noggle]

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

Precision Guided Humor Assignment reminder: What are some signs that the terrorists are losing? due by 8pm CDT Wednesday, March 30th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Monday Linky Stuff

Totally True Tidbits About Germany

Over at IMAO

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 18

Over at Drunken Wisdom

MARRIAGE ADVICE FOR FRANK & SARAH

Bloggrandaughter Army Wife says it best:

"...just give each other a soft place to fall."

Whether you're celebrating joy, coping with tragedy, or doing anything in between, if you make this the golden rule of your marriage, you'll do fine.

Congratulations Frank J. and Sarah K.

GUESS WHO HAS HALOSCAN NOW?

That 1 Guy of Drunken Wisdom.

And while upgrading him, I found out that the code for displaying the pre-Haloscan comments can vary from template to template.

The key, apparently, is finding the line that starts

<a class="comment-link"

and copying that all the way to the final </a>

Anyway, T1G's got Haloscan.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If I had never met her, I would have dreamed her into being.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 17

Over at Drunken Wisdom

FOR POST COMMENT-PARTY CLEAN-UP

Blogdaughter Machelle of Quality Weenie left town & forgot to lock up her blog. Go point up her folly in her comments.

After she gets back, she can borrow a box of this:

MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

Friday Linky Stuff

Filthy Lie Round-up: Evil Glenn's Investment Advice

I especially recommend GEBIV'S and Alex's entries.

New Filthy Lie Assignment: What will Evil Glenn be doing for April Fool's day?

Help Frank and Make Money

Another Filthy Lie - Over at IMAO

EVIL GLENN'S INVESTMENT ADVICE

(A FILTHY LIE)

So I sent an e-mail to Glenn Reynolds, asking him how I could get rich like him.

He told me to sell T-shirts.

It's good advice, but I didn't really know what to use for a design, so I decided to just take my sainted mother's advice:

BE HONEST

So... behold the Instapundit T-shirt:

Thanks, Glenn!

[hat tip to Lynn of Reflections in D Minor for the link to Pegasus Publishing and the "Rude - Adult Designs" apparel gallery]

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

An Open Letter to Shootists, Gunmen and Gun Molls and Those Contemplating That First Adult Shootin' Iron.

(A Guest Post by blogless Peter, for Carnival of Cordite)

I like to think that I've learned a bit in the fifty years I've spent as a shooter and gun owner. I'm a pretty fair amateur gunsmith, I've been handloading ammunition for forty-five years now and there was a time when I strapped on a holstered service revolver to go to work every day.

Over the years I've both been asked by non-shooters about that first gun and been present when other gunnies have been asked. That first shootin' iron is today's topic.

The mistake we gunnies make most often is recommending our favorite iron to that non or new shooter, Lord knows it's a mistake I've made myself. Trouble is, the right iron for an experienced enthusiast is not necessarily the best first gun for a beginner. As a matter of fact it seldom is.

The vast majority of non-shooters who are thinking about that first gun want something for home and self-protection. Let's begin there. Another time we can discuss fun guns and hunting rifles and shotguns.

In most cases when we are discussing firearms for self-protection we are speaking of a handgun. In some locales handgun ownership is very difficult, in those areas a shotgun or short rifle, perhaps a carbine shooting a handgun round makes sense. Still, let's discuss the handguns first.

The first handgun should stay away from the extremes. Avoid the very large, the very powerful and loud. Avoid the tiny little guns, they are very difficult to shoot. Avoid the extremely cheap as well as the extremely expensive. Most extremely cheap firearms are unreliable. The extremely expensive should be avoided simply because the new shooter may decide he or she doesn't like having a gun around, by avoiding the extreme that person won't take a bath selling it. There is also the strong possibility that the new shooter will find out how much fun it is and want something with more features down the line. When we stay in the middle we maintain the best trade-in value.

Avoid both extremes in power. A hand cannon will certainly put a bad guy down but a cartridge with a huge muzzle blast and horrendous recoil will never be shot enough to attain proficiency. Especially if each cartridge costs more than a dollar. By the same token, the mouseguns will kill. That is very small comfort if the bad guy dies from infection four days after he's ripped your arm off and beaten you to death with it.

Above all, avoid complexity. Most serious professionals use autoloaders these days, the Glocks, the Sigs, the wonderful old 1911, there are a host of good autoloaders in serious cartridges. Great Guns! If I were on my way to a gunfight and restricted to a handgun I'd pick one. Well actually if I were on the way to a gunfight I'd change directions and go to a picnic or maybe the library, instead.

Still an autoloader isn't a beginner's gun. Complexity breeds accidental discharges. During the great shift from revolvers to autoloaders during the late '70s through the '80s police departments endured an almost tenfold increase in inadvertent firearm discharges. There were also Officers killed because of problems manipulating safeties. The beginner doesn't need complex. The beginner doesn't need to worry about in which order to remove the magazine and clear the chamber. The beginner doesn't need one recoil spring for light target loads and another for business loads.

Speaking of springs, in my youth autoloaders were considered less reliable because to be loaded and ready a few springs had to be under constant tension. Improved metallurgy has made that mostly a thing of the past. The modern autoloader, fed good ammunition is just as reliable as a good revolver. Still, the autoloader is not the best choice for the beginner.

While there are some tactical situations that the increased cartridge capacity and easier reloading are an advantage, home and personal defense aren't those situations. A civilian in a defense situation won't have the time to fire six rounds, the gunfight is won or lost within three seconds. The rule of thumb is that if we need more than six shots it ain't a gunfight, it's a war.

That leads us to the double action revolver. Which one and in what chambering?

The very best for the beginner is the mid sized four inch barrel length six shot in .38 Special or .357 Magnum. Unless one has someone experienced, stay away from the used guns. If, on the other hand, we have someone who can tell the difference between used and abused, a good used revolver is not only a great bargain but will hold it's value. A good gun shop that has a variety of used revolvers will often let the shooter put a box of ammo through a used revolver and, if it's not satisfactory, allow the purchase price in trade for a new one. Ask.

If our new shooter can afford the price difference, Stainless Steel is a useful upgrade. It's not THAT difficult to avoid rust but again, the less the new shooter has to worry about, the better. An adjustable rear sight is another nice option but, again, not absolutely necessary. Legions of bad guys have been brought toes up by fixed sight revolvers.

Brands? Smith and Wesson, Ruger and Taurus. Unfortunately Colt has downsized it's line of fine .38 and .357 revolvers.

In S&W we look for what is called the "K Frame" There are too many model numbers to keep track of but if the clerk at the gun shop doesn't understand .38 or .357 K Frame Smith, leave.

In Ruger we might get lucky and find the old Security Six in good shape. If not, the slightly heavier GP100 is a fine revolver.

In Taurus we again look for the medium framed four inch .38 or .357.

No matter the choice, forget buying .357 Magnum ammo for now. All .357s shoot .38 Special ammo just fine. Our new shooter doesn't need the muzzle blast and, in the lighter weight guns, unpleasant recoil. We want to start with the load we call the target wadcutter. This is a bullet shaped like a little bitty beer keg at a moderate velocity. The relatively quiet report and light recoil make it easy to shoot. The peculiar shape of the bullet makes it more effective than it's energy numbers suggest. Once our new shooter is accustomed to the mild loads we can introduce him or her to the most effective .38 round, the old FBI load, the 158 grain lead hollow point Plus P load. The civilian won't need the full charge .357 Magnum ammo. With the likelihood of being indoors in a defense situation the very loud muzzle blast is disorienting to the shooter.

While there are many directions a shooter can go once the experience is there, this is the starting point. While the four inch medium frame revolver is not as easy to hide as some other firearms, with the proper holster neither is it impossible.

There are smaller cartridges that are easier to shoot, they are lacking in that hard-to-define thing we call stopping power. There are heftier cartridges, they are more difficult to shoot.

Of all the bewildering choices, the medium frame revolver shooting the .38 Special is THE choice for the beginner.

Next Carnival we'll cuss and discuss the choices for those who are restricted to a shotgun or rifle for a home defense gun.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

It only takes a second to say "I love you", but it will take a lifetime to show you how much.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

SEVENTH OCCASIONAL JERKY AWARDS

A while back I started the Little Right Wing Circle Jerk, which is founded on two principles:

1) Information found on blogs is at least as accurate as information found in the mainstream media

2) It's morally wrong to hijack someone else's blog.

The second one is fairly easy to agree with, but the first one requires a little nerve to assert.

In my recent surfing, however, I've come across a post in praise of the excellent job the blogosphere does of getting its facts straight. In honor of which, I present:

THE SEVENTH OCCASIONAL JERKY AWARDS

The Little Right Wing Circle Jerk Award of Merit (or "Jerky") is given to those who defend the honor of blogger credibility vs. the so-called "journalistic integrity" of the mainstream media. I hereby award a Jerky to:

Pamela of Atlas Shrugged for her post "PWR; Pamela's Weekend Recap. The Chicken Came First" (found via the New Blog Showcase Carnival #6 at Snooze Button Dreams)

Here's a sample quote:

The American people are searching for truth in a mad, mad, mad world. And there is veracity in the blogosphere. Unlike the MSM (mainstream media) the blogs have tens of thousands of fact checkers, specialists - all in the their area of expertise. Any fallacy, misrepresention or out and out lie will be "outed" by the bloggers. The blogosphere maintains the highest standards. They answer to a higher authority - us. Vetted by all Americans, blogs are forums in which to correct and speak out. No inaccuracy goes unpunished, inhabited by lawyers, doctors, engineers, sanitation engineers, scholars, construction workers - well, you get the idea.

As long as she promises not to hijack any blogs, Pamela is cordially invited to display either the Jerky Award image or the Little Right Wing Circle Jerk logo, or both.

[Credit: Jerky Award and LRWCJ logos created by Pam of Pamibe, the queen of graphic design - she's the one to see for all your blog-related image needs]

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 16

Over at Drunken Wisdom

Eric's up to some devilment over there, too.

Fischer-Spassky Highlights

Over at IMAO

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I love you more now than when you began to read this sentence.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

Filthy Lie Assignment Reminder:If you asked Evil Glenn for investment advice, what would he tell you?

Is due by 8pm CST Friday, March 25th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse. This is still the assignment from March 11th, just with an extended deadline. If you've already done the assignment, check the assignment post to make sure your comment or trackback is there. If it's not, e-mail me at harvolson@gmail.com with a link.

Wednesday Linky Stuff

Precision Guided Humor Round-up: North Korea's Grievances

New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: What are some signs that the terrorists are losing?

Two optional exercises.

DO AN ATHEIST'S PRAYERS COUNT? - UPDATED 3-28-05

Tammi of Road Warrior Survival says that Bloodspite of Technography has a sick mother and that we should pray for her.

Nick of Patriot Paradox has a sick wife and also asks for prayers on her behalf.

Since - religiously - I'm "none of the above", that seems to exclude me.

But it just occurred to me today... nowhere in the Bible - correct me if I'm wrong - does it list "believing in God" as a requirement for having one's prayers answered. In fact, I honestly can't think of a single reason why my prayers should count any less than the prayers of any other garden-variety sinner. When it comes to prayer, isn't it the message - and not the messenger - that matters?

I sincerely WANT these people to have good things happen to them, so I'll look up to my Godless sky and ask a favor. I'll send a tiny emotional care package out on behalf of people I don't know, but who mean a lot to people I do. If God wants to refuse delivery, that's his call. If it's not to be - for whatever reason - at least I tried.

I figure as long as God's sorting through his holy virtual e-mail anyway, he might as well get my spam, too.

Even if I *do* think he's 404.

UPDATE 3-28-05: Further thoughts on the matter here.

What's Irking North Korea?

Over at IMAO

BAD EXAMPLE INTERVIEW

Remember all those interview questions you sent in last week?

I answered all 35 of them.

Over at Jennifer's History & Stuff.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If I know what love is, it is because of you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 15

Over at Drunken Wisdom

Frequently Asked Questions About Harvey

Over at IMAO

GIRL SICK. BOY SICK. NEED COMMENTS NOW

Bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks has a boy in the hospital with the croup, and she's battling the flu herself.

Please go here and say something comforting.

FRED THE GNOME WORLD TOUR

I blame Nick.

Feel free to steal the Fred the gnome over to your own blog, and leave a trackback to the original post at NickQueen.com

If you're trackback impaired or just think sending one via Haloscan is a pain in the ass, just use the Wizbang standalone trackback form.

Here's the URL to ping:

http://blog.mu.nu/cgi/mt-tb.cgi/71993

BAD EXAMPLE'S WINDOW PEEPERS

From time to time - not very often these days, but still, it happens - I find myself having finished my blogrounds and wanting more to read.

Usually during slow days at work.

Times like these, I'd like to go someplace where I know the writing is good (or at least the blogger is interesting), but I don't have anything bookmarked.

...Problem solved.

Via Blogrolling, I've set up a little auxilliary blogroll way down on my right sidebar, comprised mostly of good blogs that show up in my referer logs now & again.

Although I reserve the right to throw anyone in there I darn well please.

Or not.

It's not a recipri-roll, per se. Just because you have a Bad Example link on your site doesn't get you a free pass onto my sidebar - I'm all stuck-up & snooty like that - but I'll be fairly open-minded about throwing people on there.

Now, unlike the Annoying Neighbors blogroll, being a Window Peeper doesn't mean I'll be able to stop by every day. However, it does make it more likely that I'll stop by on occasion, once my blogfamily obligations are complete (being a blogfather isn't all ham & plaques, you know).

As for Brian J. Noggle, I'm still holding out for him getting comments, after which he'll be an Annoying Neighbor and a daily read.

Come on, Brian, tell me - what do I have to do to get you to go to Haloscan and hit AutoInstall? Name your price. We can negotiate.

Anyway, I'd like to thank Pam of Pamibe for creating the logo for me. I have to say - once again - she does great work on short notice, and doesn't stop until you're satisfied with the finished product.

TWEAKING THE FAMILY BLOGROLL

Trying something new.

Recently Beloved Wife commented to me that it's hard to find a given blogfamily member on the Family blogroll, and also hard to remember all the names.

I thought she had a good point, so I took the liberty of alphabetizing the family blogroll, and - if you hover your mouse over the link - the blogger's name will also appear in a little text box.

Does that make things better, worse, or about the same?

SINCE YOU GUYS ARE BORED

I know everyone's sad about being kicked out of the pudding pit, and you're looking for other trouble to cause.

Seems that blogson Chuck of Class Mishaps is off on Spring Break, and has left us with more promises of new cartoons instead of actual cartoons. Also a threat:

Anyway, I know Harvey and his gang like to sneak in to people's places when they're out of town and have comment parties, so I have my pet gnome here to gaurd my comments to make sure that doesn't happen.

Pity Fred the gnome wasn't there to gAUrd against typos.

Anyway, Chuck is a film student at some college in Arizona (I think), and makes poorly-drawn comic strips on the side. Go steal his pencils or something.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

[Something a little different tonight. Amanda of Aussie Wife sent me a link to a poem she wrote for her husband. I'm stealing it and modifying it slightly to make it better fit my situation. Please go read the original at her place, though. Figure if I send her enough traffic, she won't be upset by my sneakthievery]

In the morning's clear light
I study the face I know so well
I am filled with a boundless love
as my gaze travels over familiar curves and contours
I see the peacefulness that deep sleep brings
when the essence of the person hides within
then she awakes and the face is transformed
a sleepy smile and a request for morning loving
the weekend has begun

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Totally True Tidbits About ANWR

Over at IMAO

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Had I no eyes but ears, my ears would love
That inward beauty and invisible;
Or were I deaf, thy outward parts would move
Each part in me that were but sensible:
Though neither eyes nor ears, to hear nor see,
And nothing but the very smell were left me,

Yet should I be in love by touching thee.
Say, that the sense of feeling were bereft me,
And that I could not see, nor hear, nor touch,
Yet would my love to thee be still as much;

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 14

Over at Drunken Wisdom

Condoleezza Rice Apologizes for "Outpost of Tyranny" Remark

Over at IMAO

QUICK AND PAINLESS GUIDE TO ADDING HALOSCAN COMMENTS WHILE KEEPING YOUR OLD BLOGGER COMMENTS VISIBLE - UPDATED 5-24-05

Thanks in equal parts to blogchildren VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks and Contagion of Miasmatic Review for inspiration and technical assistance.

Blogger comments suck because they're miserably slow and can be hard to access, depending on how they're set up on an individual's blog.

Bug explains in her link above how to manually install both the Haloscan code and add back in the Blogger comments code so that you can still see your old comments.

The important thing to take from her post is that you need to back up your Blogger template. You can just copy & paste it to your favorite word processing program (I use NoteTab Light) and save it - just in case. If you're REALLY paranoid, you can back up your entire blog and Bug explains how. Whether you think it's necessary is up to you. Personally, I don't think there's THAT much risk involved, but again - your call.

Then Contagion got gutsy and tried an experiment. He used Haloscan's super-nifty AutoInstall feature to add Haloscan comments and - after it was done (and it worked perfectly for him) - he went into his Blogger template & manually added the code to display Blogger comments.

Which also worked perfectly for him.

I tried it out on one of the Blogger blogs I keep around for experimentation purposes, and it worked perfectly for me, too.

What to paste:

 | <a class="comment-link" href="<$BlogItemCommentCreate$>>"<$BlogItemCommentFormOnclick$> <font="1">Pre Haloscan <$BlogItemCommentCount$></a>

Where to paste it:

Haloscan will have placed its code in a section of your template a little below the tag

<div class="PostFooter">

It's the code that starts:

<a class="comment-link" href="http://www.haloscan.com/... blah blah blah...

and ends:

</script><noscript>Trackback</noscript></a>

The code I give you starts with a blank space, a vertical line, another black space, and then the critical code. Be sure to include the blank-line-blank at the beginning so there's space between the Trackback link and the old Blogger comments.

ADDITIONAL NOTE: Looking around in my experimental template, I noticed that the Haloscan comment code appeared twice. Once for the main page, and once for the individual archive [permalink] pages. Assuming it's the same in your template, be sure to add the code I gave you at the end of BOTH pieces of Haloscan code. I didn't see the second one at first, and had no Blogger comments on my permalink pages. One more copy-&-paste and the problem was solved.

SUMMARY: Bacnts.k up your template, sign up at Haloscan, do AutoInstall, copy & paste old Blogger comment code, live a life of joy and happiness free of the evil of Blogger comme

UPDATE: Sissy of And What Next... mentions this in the comments:

If you want to keep the ability to forward a post, you will still need <$BlogItemControl$> this code after the "Pre Haloscan" code.

UPDATE 5-24-05: [If you've found this post useful enough to blog about, send a trackback or e-mail the permalink to me at harvolson-at-gmail.com and I'll add you to my Bad Example Groupies blogroll. See this post for details]

BACK TO WORK

Things are relatively back to normal, computer-wise. Except for the loss of some e-mails, no permanent damage. I think I'm switching my main contact e-mail over to Gmail, though, since their servers seem to be more reliable that my twitchy little Windows machine.

While I clear out some of the llamas & pudding, here's something to entertain you...

Susie of Practical Penumbra is looking at having to hire more movie-serfs and is asking for suggestions on what to ask them in the interview.

Slightly off-topic in the comments, blogdaughter Machelle of Quality Weenie mentioned the best job she ever had - working for Dairy Queen. Good pay (for the work required) and FREE ICE CREAM.

Which reminded me of MY dream job - pizza delivery.

Not the kind of job that gets you bragging rights at cocktail parties, but the hours were mostly all evenings and weekends, so it's not like I could make it to any cocktail parties, anyway.

My job duties consisted of driving around all night as fast as I could without getting pulled over, while doing my level best to blow out my car stereo speakers. Base pay was total crap (aka minimum wage), but add in tips & mileage, and I averaged about $12 an hour.

Plus any "mistake" pies or burned orders became "crew food".

Not to mention that we had a deal with the gas station across the street where they gave us their old donuts at the end of the night.

mmmm... donuts...

But I gave it all up for a respectable banking job - suit, tie, human hours...

So... how about you? Best job you ever had?

LESSON NOT LEARNED FROM TAMMI WORLD

Gee, you would think some people would have learned something from our family reunion. However, apparently Mr. Bad Example missed out on this golden opporunity.

I have to say, it is sort of nasty of me (Smiling Dynamite) to take advantage of him when he is having computer issues, but that's just the scheming kind of wench I am! However, he did leave his Movable Type page up and ready for entry.

SO...I think Mr. Bad Example be punished for his inability to learn by example from Tammi World.

What do you think would be a proper punishment? 100 whip lashings (but he mighe enjoy that), loss of "Brownie Points", what???

CRASH!

[blogging from Beloved Wife's computer]

My C drive just crapped out on me. Odds of recovering the data are unknown at this point, but I'm not hopeful.

The big problem right now is that this would mean I've lost all the e-mail I had flagged for follow-up.

So, until further notice please use harvolson-at-gmail.com if you want to contact me.

Also, if you've sent an e-mail recently to harvolson-at-charter.net that I haven't responded to, I'd appreciate it if you could re-send it to harvolson-at-gmail.com

Meanwhile, until I get my system re-configured, expect blogging to be light or non-existent.

Crap.

AWWWWWWW...

The best part about blogparenting?

Watching your blogkids be sweet to each other, and knowing you had a hand in making it all possible.

MARINES, PARATROOPERS, AND THE PEACEFUL IRISH

Blogson Mike the Marine of From the Halls to the Shores has posted a review of the movie Gunner Palace - along with a review of the movie theater he saw it in and the people who watched the movie with him, which is at least as good of a read as the movie review itself, and includes lines like:

And then there were your burned out hippies... the kind that take as much pride in the "Kerry '04" bumper stickers on their Volvos as they do in the "Mondale/Ferraro '84" stickers that are still there as well.

This is the kind of post that demonstrates why I wanted this guy to get his own blog in the first place.

Now, Matty O'Blackfive has been raving about how wonderful this movie is for months (as Mike points out in his post). So why haven't I said anything until now? Why haven't I linked any of Matty's reviews?

Because I suspected him of blogging sober.

And when Matty's sober, he starts talking like a liberal. "Save the whales!", "No blood for oil!", "Do it for the children!". A tragic affliction, which he normally controls via medication.

So for all *I* knew, Gunner Palace could've been as evil as Fahrenheit 9/11.

The moral of the story:

Never trust a sober Irishman.

Meanwhile, it IS St. Patrick's Day, so I figured I should share a few:

Ireland has long been famous for the crabby temperament of its inhabitants, and used to be called Angerland, until St. Patrick realized that "ire" is a MUCH more sophisticated-sounding word.

The symbol of Ireland is the Shamrock. Which used to be called the "Samrock", but the new pronunciation quickly took over, since that's how a liquored-to-the-gills Irishman would pronounce it, anyway.

The Irish are clever and inventive people who are popularly credited with inventing several different types of bar soap, none of which they've been able to sell to France.

Which really sucks because France is upwind of Ireland.

The first Irishman in America, Paddy O'Tatertot, was also the man who built Notre Dame college and started it's legendary football program. This caused the mass immigration of the Irish to America in the late 1800's, as they all wanted to see this union of the two best aspects of their home country - devout religion and open-field brawling.

Another important symbol of Ireland is hardwood cudgel known as the "shillelagh". Which used to be called a "Sahlay", but changed for same reason as the Samrock.

Ireland is a land filled with verdent green grasslands. Plants grow well there because of the soil's incredibly high content of organic minerals, which come from the Irish peeing all over the place as they stagger from pub to pub.

The Irish choose their leader by having a drinking contest where the contenders match each other - drink for drink - until there's only one man left standing, who is then declared President.

The election of 1324 continues to this day.

Matty O'Blackfive is the current leader.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 13

Over at Drunken Wisdom

Star Wars Episode III - Dark and Diabolical

Over at IMAO

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Whenever we're apart it feels like part of me is missing... and then I remember, you have my heart.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

Filthy Lie Assignment Reminder: If you asked Evil Glenn for investment advice, what would he tell you? due by 8pm CDT Friday, March 18th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Wednesday Linky Stuff

2 Filthy Lies

Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Dan Rather's Last Show

New PGH assignment: What are the reasons for North Korea being so grumpy?

Dan Rather's Farewell

Over at IMAO

By the way, did you remember to send Jen my interview questions yet?

jenlarson-at-gmail.com

And if you left questions in my comments, I'm just going to ignore them. SEND THEM TO JEN SO YOU CAN BE PART OF MY HISTORIC INTERVIEW!

Silly people.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If every word I said could make you smile, I'd talk forever.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 12

Over at Drunken Wisdom

Oh, and T1G (or someone who looks like him) has a teary-eyed confession to make.

ON LOSING A FRIEND

This one is a personal indulgence, so I've tucked it into the extended entry.

NOTE: Hanky alert and strong language warnings are in effect.

Totally True Tidbits About Hybrid Cars

Over at IMAO

HOLY CRAP! 6PM FRIDAY!

...is the deadline for submitting my interview questions to Jen of Jennfer's History & Stuff.

jenlarson-at-gmail.com

YOU HURRY ASK QUESTION NOW!!!

Can't think of any? Maybe this'll shake your brain.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Love is born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 11

Over at Drunken Wisdom

There's also a post by T1G.

You remember him, right? It used to be his blog...

STICKER PICKER-UPPERS

The book-memers have responded:

Nick Queen of Patriot Paradox bought a book on economics... GEEEEEEEEK!!!

Oddybobo of Bobo Blogger reads Judy Blume? I thought only girls read Judy Blume? Well... I *did* read "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret", but only for the bust-enhancing scene.

Gbfan001 of Spotted Horse wants to be the Kama Sutra. I am deeply ashamed for not picking that one myself.

MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

Susie warns that the Alliance HQ blogroll update is delayed due to the Bear updating the Ecosystem.

Precision Guided Humor Assignment reminder: What should Dan Rather have done to make his last CBS Evening News broadcast more memorable? due by 8pm CDT Wednesday, March 16th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Monday Linky Stuff

HORSE-DOG JAKE VS. THE BOOK MEME

(a guest post by horse-dog Jake)

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451. Which book do you want to be?

Clifford the Big Red Dog. 'Cuz I'm big, just like him. I might be red, too. I don't know. I'm a dog. I'm colorblind.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Lassie. But then I found out she was actually played by a guy-dog, so now I'm a little freaked out.

The last book you bought is?

Cujo. Now Harvey's a little freaked out.

The last book you read?

The Essential Ellison. Actually, I didn't really READ it so much as eat it. And I only got as far as the introduction before Harvey started beating me. I think it's because he's a little freaked out over the Cujo thing.

What are you currently reading?

Iams Lamb & Rice. You said EATING, right? I *like* eating. Eating is fun.

Five books I would take to a desert island:

The Essential Ellison - I want to find out what the rest of the book tastes like.

The Bible - I've heard a LOT about that one. It's really popular. I'll bet it tastes like chicken.

Walter, the Farting Dog - He taught me everything I know about getting back at Harvey after he freaks out.

Principles of dog breeding;: A presentation of heredity in dogs, the anatomy and functioning of sexual organs, the selection of bloodlines, and the interpretation of pedigrees - closest thing I could find to doggie porn. I got NEEDS, ya know.

Ummm... sorry... I've only got four paws. That's as high as I can count.

Who am I going to pass this onto?

Boo-Hahn

Cody

and... um... whichever one of these is a dog.

EVERYTHING YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT MR. BAD EXAMPLE BUT WERE TOO BUSY SNICKERING AT HIM BEHIND HIS BACK TO ASK

I need help.

Jen of Jennifer's History & Stuff is going to interview me via e-mail and post the results over at her place. I've done this before and it's fun, so I'm doing it again.

And, like last time, the questions will come from you, my beloved readers. Please send your question (or questions - you're encouraged to ask as many as you want) to jenlarson-at-gmail.com

Best part? The questions are anonymous. I will have no way of knowing who asked what, so you can ask ANYTHING. YOU. WANT.

So... fire away. Questions will only be taken for a limited time. Last time I got 20 of them. I'd be very embarrassed to get less than that this time.

Help!

TNT'S BAD EXAMPLE FAMILY (& FRIENDS) REUNION REVIEW

Beloved Wife (aka TNT of Smiling Dynamite) has her review of the Bad Example Family (& Friends) Reunion posted now.

See how she went from "blogging is stupid" to "blogging is fun!" in 7 short days.

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 10

Over at Drunken Wisdom.

The Official United Nations Guide to Fighting Terrorism

Over at IMAO

BLOGGER EAT YOUR POST? FIGHT BACK!

Among numerous other people, bloggranddaughter Sissy of And What Next... lost a post when Blogger was having issues.

Surgery without anasthetic hurts slightly less, depending on location.

Anyway, please review this old post of mine to find out how to avoid this problem in the future.

I've also linked it near the top of my right sidebar in the Blogging Tips section as "Never lose another post", if you need to find it again.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

We turned on one another with deep, drowned gazes, and exchanged a kiss that reduced my bones to rubber and my brain to gruel.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

LAUNCHCAST - HOW TO MAKE RADIO STOP SUCKING

Bloggranddaughter SarahP of Because We Have Thumbs says radio sucks and explains why

The truth is that radio stations don't do anything without pissing away hundreds of thousands of dollars on at least 3 surveys and hiring some guy to spend weeks pouring over the results of those surveys.

So they have every reason to think that you should love what they are doing. That is what the surveys and experts told them.

They were told to 1. play the same songs over and over again. 2. Sound as much like everyone else as they can. 3. play bands you hate instead of bands you love.

Now ask yourself: when is the last time you took the time to respond to a survey?

What to do about it, she doesn't say.

That's ok, because *I* will.

Thanks to _Jon of We Swear, I found out that Yahoo's LaunchCast fixes the problem.

Click the freakin' link already.

Scroll down to where it says "Create my station". Click that, get all signed in, and now you can start making your radio station the way YOU want it.

It plays complete songs. For free. You get to rate them on a 4 star scale as to how much you like them, and YOU CAN ALSO CHOOSE "NEVER PLAY AGAIN!".

It starts off fairly randomly, but as you rate more songs, it starts getting a feel for what you like, and selecting stuff you like better.

But even when it sends you a clunker, YOU CAN CLICK THE SKIP BUTTON and move on to something else.

The catch? Boring, annoying commercials. About 1 minute's worth every 10-15 minutes. Which is still a LOT less annoying than commercial radio.

However - as they never tire of reminding you - you can ditch the commercials for a year for $36 (or do it monthly for $3.99). I did the year thing after about 24 hours, and I'm in music-junkie heaven right now.

Did I mention you can pause the songs, too? Not indefinitely, but for a few minutes at least if you need to go feed the dogs or something.

Also, you rate (and possibly ban) separately on the basis of song, artist, or album. Also, you can click on the song title to find similar songs. You can click on the artist and find similar artists (there's also an "albums" link there where you can find the band's entire discography and rate that - hint: rate something a 4, and they'll play something from it pretty soon). Click on the album link and you can rate every song on that album, as well as find similar albums.

Doesn't matter what kind of music you like. They have it, and you can train your personal radio station to play it.

Just check it out.

Meanwhile, one of you Ubergeeks can explain how I can capture these songs. Figure if they're coming out of my speakers, there's gotta be a way to catch 'em.

WHY WISCONSIN?

Blogson _Jon of We Swear wants to know:

- Why do you live where you live?
- Where would you like to live?
- What is keeping you from living there, really?

Why?
I was born in Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin, population just under 10,000 at the time. It was boring. I hated it. I left to join the Navy. I lived in a dozen different towns, some huge (Alameda, which is essentially a part of the mass of humanity known as "The Bay Area" - San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, etc), some tiny (Ballston Spa, NY). Came home to Fort to live with my aging dad. After he died, I moved to Whitewater, where I was going to college. After graduation, I moved to Madison (which, politically, makes Berkeley look sane).

I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life there, but then I discovered TNT was living just outside of Whitewater, so I moved back to Whitewater to be closer to her (it's not THAT romantic - my lease was up soon and I had dropped out of Law School almost a year before). I took a job as a bank teller in a crappy little bank about 20 miles from Whitewater, because they were the first ones to say yes after I papered the county with applications. I'm still there.

After marrying TNT, we lived in her nasty little shack outside of Richmond, WI, but soon sold the place and moved to a bigger town.

This place I like. It's big enough to have all the shopping amenities that make life convenient, but not big enough to where you need to worry about traffic jams or whether you'll be able to find a parking space.

Where?
Desert Southwest - Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada. I'm tired of shoveling, and I've been practicing saying "but it's a DRY heat".

What?
Moving would cut into my blogging time.

WHEN BOOK MEMES ATTACK!

Blogson Contagion of Miasmatic Review whacked me upside the head with the infamous book meme stick. I respond thusly:

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional Character?
After reading a book on mythology, I had a crush on Medusa for a while. You know how it is... chicks, snakes... Wait... maybe I'm thinking of Natasha Kinski?

The last book you bought is?
"A Fire Upon the Deep" by Vernor Vinge, as recommended by Sandor of The Zoo, which I got used & cheap from Amazon. Uh... the book, not Sandor... Anyway, it's a passable read, but could've used less setting description and more character development.

The last book you read?
See above.

What are you currently reading?
From a Buick 8 by Stephen King. Not one of his better efforts.

Five books I would take to a deserted island.
"The Stand" Stephen King. I've read it 10 times. It's just a good story.

The Boy Scout Handbook - good survival tips.

The Bible - with nothing but time on my hands, I might actually stay awake through Chronicles.

The Complete Calvin & Hobbes. Every last one of them is in there.

All The Trouble in the World - one of P. J. O'Rourke's best efforts.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and Why?

Nick Queen of Partriot Paradox - he needs something to blog about.

Gbfan001 of Spotted Horse - he needs some attention, because he's been reduced to turning me into a toy train for entertainment.

Oddybobo of Boboblogger - A good book might be just the ticket to slow this lunatic down. Also might accidentally reveal his/her gender in the process.

MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

Friday Linky Stuff

Filthy Lie Round-up: Evil Glenn's Historic Feat

New Filthy Lie Assignment: If you asked Evil Glenn for investment advice, what would he tell you?

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 9

Over at Drunken Wisdom

Evil Glenn's New World Record

Over at IMAO

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Do I love her?
More with every breath I take.
Every word she speaks, every deed, every word she writes.
I love her more.
Never have I had this feeling before.
I adore her!

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

BLOGGER COMMENTS ARE FUBAR TODAY

So I can't say stuff at a lot of blogs I'm visiting :-(

It's not that I don't love you, it's just that Blogger's given me laryngitis.

LINKS! LINKS! LINKS!

Amanda of Aussie Wife gives us classic Poe, updated for the 21st Century.

Tammi of Road Warrior Survival is celebrating her first blogiversary. YOU can help commemorate the event by buying Tammi's tank-top from Lee Ann of Lee Ann's View.

Solomon of Solomonia has posted the 129th edition of The Carnival of the Vanities, and learns the hard way that doing it right - as he very much did - is a HELL of a lot of work.

Sir George of The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler has - in this post - one of the truest phrases I've read in a while, regarding a certain commie-loving Italian journalist who wasn't shot enough in Iraq:

Not many Westerners could go to Iraq as advocates for an even more totalitarian form of government than Saddam's, but somehow the leftists never disappoint.

SarahK of mountaineer musings tells more of her tall tales about the Bad Example Family (& Friends) Reunion). I deny everything. And so does Molina.

TGOM of Drink This... is collecting money to fund a care package for a Sgt. stationed in Kosovo. You've got some quarters in the couch cushions, don't you?

Jed of Boots & Sabers wants you to waste your time putting satellites in orbit. I swear I'm gonna give him a wedgie for destroying my evening this way. Here's a hint: move your mouse just a LITTLE bit before releasing the left button in order to put some momentum on that baby. Be gentle, though.

Need gun pr0n? Kevin of Eckernet has your gun pr0n. If you watch the videos of the XM8 in action, bring Kleenex.

Remember my (still mysteriously missing) blogson Madfish Willie? Well, blogson Jeff of Oh-Dark-Thirty (who could use a little more comment attention before he gets back on Saturday) informs me that MW's non-evil twin, Sanefish William, may have started his own blog. REEEEEEALY creepy. I don't think I'm letting this one into the family... *shudder*

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 8

Over at Drunken Wisdom

Warning to Ed of MonkeyWatch - it's simian-related.

The Happy Bunny Song

Over at IMAO - and I've been told it fits well to the tune of "The Yellow Rose of Texas".

BOU MOVE

Blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice has her new MuNu home up and running now.

Update your blogrolls.

If you're using the Family javascript, I updated her "Boudicca's Voice" link, but I also left in a "Boudicca's Voice (old Blogspot site)" link in there too.

Just in case she needs to go back temporarily in the near future. But assuming everything runs smoothly for a week or so, I'll probably clear the blogspot link out.

SHAMELESS, EGO-STROKING PLUGS

CY of Confederate Yankee has started a new blog called Blog Nettiquette, whose purpose (as far as I can tell) is to become a central clearing house for tips & hints on improving your blogging.

Naturally the only reason I mention this is that he cites me extensively in his first post.

Anyway, if you see any good blogging tips posts (or have written some yourself), drop him a line.

Which would be a lot easier if the doofus had a contact e-mail listed on the site.

Until he gets that done, try just leaving a link in his comments, or using his Confederate Yankee e-mail: confederateyankee-at-hotmail.com

And while I'm busy making my cranium puff up like Michael Moore's gut at an all-you-can-eat buffet, I'll aim a smile towards Basil of Basil's Blog, who's actually taken the time to go through my blogging-advice posts to see how he stacks up against my "ideal blogger":

PART 1
PART 2
PART 3

Not that anyone ELSE cares. I just thought it was cool :-)

SIXTH OCCASIONAL JERKY AWARDS

A while back I started the Little Right Wing Circle Jerk, which is founded on two principles:

1) Information found on blogs is at least as accurate as information found in the mainstream media

2) It's morally wrong to hijack someone else's blog.

The second one is fairly easy to agree with, but the first one requires a little nerve to assert.

In my recent surfing, however, I've come across a couple posts in praise of the excellent job the blogosphere does of getting its facts straight. In honor of which, I present:

THE SIXTH OCCASIONAL JERKY AWARDS

The Little Right Wing Circle Jerk Award of Merit (or "Jerky") is given to those who defend the honor of blogger credibility vs. the so-called "journalistic integrity" of the mainstream media. I hereby award Jerkies to:

1) Owen of Boots and Sabers for his post "MSM Jerk-Boy"

Here's a sample quote:

The credibility [of the information posted on blogs] is as strong as any MSM outlet. I have been posting for nearly two years. In that time, I have never knowingly printed anything false. If I unwittingly did, I corrected it in an obvious fashion. This, I suspect, is far more than anyone could say for Mr. Rieckman. Credibility is built upon the experience of the reader. It is not granted by a degree in journalism.

2) Teresa of Technicalities for her post "Me Blog People!". I especially like that, instead of RIPPING this guy a new asshole, she surgically enlarges said orifice with deft strokes of her verbal scalpel.

Here's a sample quote:

I see that on the basis of his perusing a few blogs, he is now ready to lump everyone into the same category. Are there blogs with poor writing? Absolutely. Are there blogs with poor idea expression? Positively. Does this cover all blogs available? Absolutely, Positively NOT! Mr. Gorman, in a rather more erudite manner, using complete sentences and good grammar, has produced a column that is just as bad in it's own way, as the blogs he is so ready to dismiss. Calling names, calling into question the intelligence level, these are the tools of a person with no real ammunition against something they dislike. The thought being maybe if he says it often enough and loud enough people will start believing that it's true. This is the same mindset used by the MSM to push their own unique view of the world. So far it's not working.

As long as they promise not to hijack any blogs, Owen & Teresa are cordially invited to display either the Jerky Award image or the Little Right Wing Circle Jerk logo, or both.

[Credit: Jerky Award and LRWCJ logos created by Pam of Pamibe, the queen of graphic design - she's the one to see for all your blog-related image needs]

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

When I saw you I fell in love.
And you smiled because you knew.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

Filthy Lie Assignment Reminder: What historic feat will Evil Glenn attempt to accomplish? due by 8pm CDT Friday, March 11th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Wednesday Linky Stuff

Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Car Bomb Bumper Stickers

New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: What should Dan Rather have done to make his last CBS Evening News broadcast more memorable?

Car-Bomber Bumper Stickers

Over at IMAO

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 7

Over at Drunken Wisdom

Totally True Tidbits About Bono

Over at IMAO

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I love you because I am sensitive to touch and you have touched my heart.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

MAKING FAMILY LIFE A LITTLE EASIER (UPDATED 7-30-05)

The Bad Example Family is getting crazy-big, so I took the liberty of going to Blogrolling.com and creating a Bad Example Family blogroll, so now you can just copy & paste one line of javascript and 'roll the whole mess.

You can see it in my right sidebar, below the hard-coded Family list.

I could use some feedback on two areas in particular:

First, I have it set with a marker to indicate blogs that have been updated in the last 2 hours. Figure you'd want to know who has fresh content. But that might be simply annoying, instead.

Then I have the links listed in the order of blog title length. Mostly to have the "The Complete Annotated and Illustrated Bad Example Family Tree" post at the bottom. I could also do it randomly or alphabetically, or most recently updated first, instead.

Anyway, let me know what you think.

Meanwhile, the code for displaying the Family 'roll is:

UPDATE: 7-30-05: The code is too long to display properly in this post - the last bit gets cut off. It should contain all of the following, except put it all on one line in your template:

<script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="http://rpc.blogrolling.com/display.php?
r=f6ff21d761fa222a93159978f2d68eb6"></script>

Also, let me know if I missed anyone.

IT'S A GIRL!

Tammi of Road Warrior Survival has herself another bouncing baby blogdaughter. This one is Army Wife of ArmyWifeToddlerMom. Who I think I'll take to calling AW for short.

She just started posting, so there's only two things to see so far, but they're good. And like Tammi warns, you might want to bring a Kleenex.

In post one, we learn that her husband of has just returned from an 18 month deployment. To meet his now 3 year old son again, and his 16-month-old son for the first time.

In post two, we discover that they've been married 14 years, and that he was deployed in Desert Storm. We also get a glimpse of what she's dealing with in trying to pick up her marriage where she left off, as well as fill in the gaps that - for the most part - seem almost unfillable... the time lost, the changes missed. The parts of their lives that they had to lose in order that we may live free.

As a former Sailor who did some long deployments himself, I have at least a small notion of what it's like to step out of the world and step back in minus a huge chunk of time.

It's hell.

And I'll do what I can - if there's anything - to make it easier for them both.

Although I have no idea what that might be. So I'll start with some visits & comments & see where it goes from there.

So for the rest of you guys - tiptoe over there quietly - if the bedroom door is shut, tiptoe back out.

Meanwhile, AW, you are entitled to go to this post and collect the Bad Example Family logo of your choice. Your are also invited to blogroll the entire Bad Example Family as listed in my right sidebar.

Please note that these activities, while encouraged, are NOT mandatory. All that matters to me is that you're in my blogfamily now.

Welcome to the blogosphere.

SHOULDA CHECKED THE WOMB FOR SPARES

When blogson Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist announced his new blogdaughter, he forgot to mention that it was actually a case of fraternal twins, because Sarah the Penguin of Because We Have Thumbs already has a blogbrother - Neonangel of Lyrical Coma. Who I'll probably take to calling "Neon", since I'm a lazy typist.

Let's take a look at the bouncing baby bugger:

GOOD LORD! He's had a blog for 30 seconds, and he's already CAT-BLOGGING! Neon, my man, you're supposed to save that for when you're drawing a complete blank!

Even worse, there's no pictures. Somebody needs to sign up with Image Shack.

He gives a lesson on the importance of keeping your stack of unread mail LESS than 10 inches high.

Finally, he exhibits a little resentment over the fact that Martha Stewart has a better cake recipe than him... and - even worse - won't share it.

A decent start. Now he just needs to get an "About Me" post up, and link it in his sidebar, and he should be good to go.

Except for the fact that he's dating his blogsister...

EWWWWWW.... wait...

Tennessee.

Nevermind.

Anyway, Neon, you are entitled to go to this post and pick up the Bad Example Family logo of your choice. Your are also invited to blogroll the entire Bad Example Family as listed in my right sidebar.

These activities are encouraged, but NOT mandatory. All that matters to me is that I get a new bloggrandbaby.

Welcome to the blogosphere.

TAMMI VS. THE BULLET

Looks like there was a highway shooting near Tampa - which is in Tammi of Road Warrior Survival's neck of the woods - so she's a little worried about it.

Well, having MET Tammi and spent nearly a week basking in the sunshine of Tammi World, I have a feeling that if Tammi ever encountered a bullet, it would go a little something like this:

TAMMI [putting on her biggest, warmest smile]: Well... Hello there little friend... What can I do for you?

BULLET: I'm a bullet! BANG! BANG! I've come to kill you! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

TAMMI: Well, I'd certainly like to help you with that. Do you mind if we just pull over first? Traffic's kinda thick around here and someone else could get hurt if I stopped suddenly. I mean, you just want to kill ME, right? So, there's no sense in anyone ELSE getting hurt, now is there?

BULLET [uncertainly]: Well... I really SHOULD obey the laws of physics...

TAMMI: Don't be silly! You're already talking to me, and THAT'S not natural. What's one more tiny rule-bending gonna hurt? The laws of physics will still be there after the car's stopped.

BULLET: Well... I guess you've got a point...

TAMMI: Of COURSE I do! Say, are you hungry? I'll bet you haven't eaten a thing since you left that rifle. No sense killing me on an empty stomach. I know this GREAT little Italian place! You'd just LOVE it! Their lasagna is simply to DIE for!... No pun intended *giggle*

BULLET: Heh. Well, I *am* feeling a mite peckish... But I don't have any money...

TAMMI: Hey. NOT a problem. This one's on me. You're in Tammi World now, and I'm here to make sure that EVERYONE has a good time!

BULLET: Tammi World? So... you're a mouse?

TAMMI: [pause] I'm sorry. Did you say "a mouse"?

BULLET: Yeah, like Mickey?

TAMMI: OH! I'm sorry, sweetie, you're thinking of DISNEY World! There's no mice in MY car. But I'll tell you what... after we eat, we can GO to Disney World. I'll just make a few phone calls, reschedule a couple store visits, and then we can grab a couple Hopper passes, and I'll show you around. It'll be SO much fun! You'll just LOVE it!

BULLET: I really don't want to be any trouble...

TAMMI: No trouble at ALL! I just LOVE Disney World, but it's no fun going by myself. You'd be doing me a FAVOR by going with me.

BULLET: [pause]... Can I get a little hat with mouse ears?

TAMMI: Honey, you can have ANYTHING you want! I'm just grateful for the company.

BULLET [slyly]: Now... when you say anything... do you mean...?

TAMMI: Oh no, sweetie, *I'm* sorry. It's nothing personal. I mean, you're the cutest little piece of ammunition I've ever seen and you've got a REALLY nice butt, too. It's just that I don't date anyone under six feet tall. It's nothing against you. It's just a Tammi thing. I still think you're cute and I'm VERY flattered. And thank you for asking [big smile].

BULLET: *sniff* You're the nicest person I've never killed...

TAMMI: Awwwww... you are SO sweet for saying that! Come on... let's go get some food.

BULLET: YAY! Lasagna!

TAMMI: So... what I'm going to need you to do is go to Blogger, and...

FALLEN MARINE HONORED IN LOCAL PAPER

Beloved Wife (aka TNT of Smiling Dynamite) has posted a poem written by a Marine who fell in Iraq last October. Well worth a read, and a definite hanky alert in effect.

Two details that she didn't mention that are at least relevant. PFC Andrew McFall-Halverson was honored by the Governor of Wisconsin by having the flags in Wisconsin flown at half-staff last October.

Also, the poem itself was published in the local free advertising weekly, as part of the family's public "thank-you" to all the people who helped after Andrew's death. Which means not a lot of people saw it.

Maybe we can change that.

I tell ya, this is one poem I wouldn't mind getting as a million-times-forwarded e-mail somewhere down the road.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

The sweetest of all sounds is that of the voice of the woman I love.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 6

Over at Drunken Wisdom.

By the way, all the pictures I've posted over there were actually taken by me in Thailand when I was there courtesy of Uncle Sam's Cruise Lines back in '89.

IT'S A GIRL!

Blogson Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist has just peeled back the little pink blanket on his shiny new blogdaughter.

Sarah the Penguin of Because We Have Thumbs (who I'll probably take to calling SarahP so as to avoid confusion SarahK of Mountaineer Musings) has given new meaning to the phrase "hit the ground running"

3 days, 10 posts, 8 of them in the first 48 hours. Quite a dynamo, this one. Let's have a closer look:

"I am Sarah the Penguin and this shall be my blog." Traditional sucky first post - check.

Post number 2 contains a little personal background, some experimentation with font sizes & colors, and the phrase "lemon pepper chewing gum". I can already tell this girl ain't right in the head.

Which is a good thing... at least in THIS blogfamily.

Explains where the title of her blog comes from (Sarah, sweetie, you'll need to put a link to that post in your sidebar so that newcomers and the easily confused can enlighten themselves), while introducing us to the many relentless, nagging voices in her head.

Explains why it's better to be a chicken than a teenager. Hint: it's all about the sauce.

A woman? Admitting she was wrong? I'll bet this post gets deleted at some point.

Praises Johnny-Oh and explains her brilliant plan for ridding the world of sub-Johnny-Oh hominids.

Points out (quite correctly) that the only thing worse than women who can't handle tools is women who go to the power-tool-equivalent of Tupperware parties. I had no idea these things existed. I wish I still didn't.

Sarah recaps her rapid descent into blog madness and... oh... crap... seems her boyfriend's blogging, too. Ok, Johnny-Oh, I'm gonna need you to make a call on this one. Is neonangel of Lyrical Coma your blogson, SarahP's blogson (possibly a joint venture - not like that's never happened in this blogfamily before), a blogson-in-law (although they're not actually married), or should I just ignore him since he's getting dumped next week anyway, and... oops! Wasn't supposed to mention that!)

Anyway, Johnny, figure that out & get back to me.

Here's an interesting post that asks... wait... what's the question?

She's got a post about commercial music radio, but I'm not going to link it right now, because I'm actually going to post on this in the near future, and I'll be using her post as a reference.

ANYWAY... That's the short version. And if you're not intrigued by at least one of those posts, well, then there's obviously something wrong with you.

Meanwhile, SarahP, you are entitled to go to this post and snap up the Bad Example Family logo of your choice. Your are also invited to blogroll the entire Bad Example Family as listed in my right sidebar.

These activities are encouraged, but NOT mandatory. All that matters to me is that I get a precious new bloggrandbaby.

Welcome to the blogosphere.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING SATURDAY NIGHT?

Hanging out with the Humble Devildog of Random Firing of Neurons, smoking, drinking, and getting my ass handed to me at darts.

And, as always, he tells the story better than I do.

MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

Precision Guided Humor Assignment Reminder: What should a car-bomber's bumper sticker say? due by 8pm CDT Wednesday, March 9th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse

Monday Linky Stuff

Ogre shows how to pimp the Alliance.

But HOW MUCH Do I Suck?

Over at IMAO.

COMMENT PARTY!

Seems like blogson Jeff of Oh-Dark-Thirty has taken off for the week and threatens to have his pet tank, Jimbo, blow up anyone who tries to have a comment party at his place.

Lord, but I *love* a challenge.

Grab some wire-cutters & head on over.

Maybe a few gallons of pink paint and some Flower Power decals, too.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

You know what real love is when just thinking of your lover - maybe something they did before, or just the thought - gives you chills all over your body.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 5

Over at Drunken Wisdom

Totally True Tidbits About Knights

Over at IMAO

MY CAR GETS 40 RODS TO THE HOGSHEAD, AND THAT'S THE WAY I LIKES IT!

While reading blogdaughter Machelle of Quality Weenie, I learned the following:

Well AAA has done a study of popular vehicles on the road today and shows that they are not getting the mileage that the manufacturers are reporting that they should get either.

They have found that:

These driving tests found dozens of examples where vehicle miles per gallon of 2003 and 2004 model years were overestimated because of outdated 30-year-old EPA tests.

AAA is throwing their support behind the "Fuel Efficiency Truth-in-Advertising Act of 2005" that would require the standards be updated.

I'm glad AAA cares, but I kinda wish they wouldn't. Here's how *I* look at it:

If my car's not getting the mileage it's "supposed" to, I just shrug and think to myself "my mileage may vary". Just like every single car commercial ever made says, albeit in tiny print at the bottom of the screen.

So, I'm fine with the tests as they stand. If they implement more testing, then that's more tax dollars spent on it all, and then more regulation on the auto industry to force the MPG up to where it "should be".

Which will come out of MY pocket when automakers raise the price on their cars.

And then, after millions of dollars have been wasted on this project, there will be new stickers on the car windows, with new estimated MPG numbers on them.

...From which my mileage may STILL vary.

How to Write for IMAO

Over at IMAO

IT'S A BOY!

I kinda feel like the doctor whose lover kept his "gift" after oral sex and impregnated herself with it.

By which I mean, I really didn't see this one coming.

Longtime commenter Contagion has up & started himself a blog - The Spoon and Blade Annex. And as much as I'd like to take complete credit for this blog-birthing, I find that I must share it with Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks (who has a couple things to say about the matter), and blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice (who claims we took advantage of her while she was passed out - or something)

Looks like a few more "Don't Ask" lines in the family tree. Not that there weren't plenty there already.

Meanwhile, let's see what the little finster's been up to...

Incredibly sucky, lame-ass first post... check.

Second post - very next day. And no one cared.

Two weeks later... and the best he can do is weather-blogging. Good LORD, man! That's so bad, there isn't even a carnival for it.

Then some "Boo-Hoo-I've-Been-Sick" blogging. Nope, no carnival here either.

A month later... "I suck, but I updated the site I *really* care about".

At least THIS post has a link to some hot chick pictures. Getting better.

Thinks he can impress his reader by using the word "dramedy". Reader remains both unimpressed and singular.

Gun pr0n - NOW we're talkin'.

Confesses chagrin at being discovered. As well he might. Sneaky little worm.

Sits around braggin' about how he can "fire his weapon" five times a day. Must be a newlywed.

Says his site name sucks. In other news, water is wet and the Pope is Catholic.

Says girl-on-girl action is hot. In other news, water is wet and the Pope is Catholic.

Well, with enough guidance from the rest of the Bad Example Family, he should be improving over time.

Just remember Contagion - you can never go wrong with guns & lesbians.

Oh, and you're entitled to:

1) Stop by this post and pick yourself up a Bad Example Family logo.

2) Blogroll the Bad Example Family as listed in my right sidebar.

Neither is mandatory, but both are encouraged.

Meanwhile, I'm just glad to find out that you took the plunge.

Welcome to the blogosphere.

MUCH TO NO ONE'S SURPRISE

Bondage Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

[Quiz found at Rantings of a homicidalManiak]

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 4

Over at Drunken Wisdom

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

My Lie at IMAO: Glenn Reynolds' Rehab Clinic

Friday Linky Stuff

Filthy Lie Round-up: Evil Glenn's Rehab Clinic

New Filthy Lie Assignment: What historic feat will Evil Glenn attempt to accomplish?

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 3

Over at Drunken Wisdom

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

As perfume doth remain
In the folds where it hath lain,
So the thought of you, remaining
Deeply folded in my brain,
Will not leave me.
All things leave me.
You remain.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

WHAT REALLY MATTERS

While clicking links at the New Blog Showcase Carnival, I wound up at helenchen293, where I found her musing on the important things in life. This part especially stood out for me:

Last night I stayed up late, writing a short blog. Today at lunch time several of my coworkers and I discussed about our job security. On my way home, I compiled a list of things I have to do tomorrow at work. After dinner, I wondered if I would have enough time to finish my short story for my writers’ group meeting on Saturday.

Is it possible that none of these things is important to me when I reach to the end?

My feelings are this: at the end, you will look back at how you touched other people. I think Helen will look back with pride at her short story, and how it affected her writers' group.

Job-related things - probably won't be given a second thought.

But the blog... although it seems like a trivial hobby, I've met some wonderful people through blogging, and every time I post, I reach out to them in a small way and make a connection. I think it's one of the things I'll remember at the end.

And as a legacy, I think it will honor my memory well.

Illustrated Guide to Serial Killer Identification

Over at IMAO.

IRONY GODS SEEK BLOODY VENGEANCE

There is an unwritten law that states "in any post complaining about spelling or grammar errors, there will be at least one spelling or grammar error".

Bloggranddaughter Sissy of And What Next... is no exception. See if you can spot it.

If you're Sissy, don't fix it. Just sit back & enjoy the traffic :-)

I SWEAR I WORK WITH THE BLUE-EYED GUY IN THIS CARTOON

Just in case you do, too, I'll send you over to Class Mishaps so that you can have blogson Chuck tell you a joke.

He's not REALLY that dumb, he's just acting, since he's in film school & all.

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 2

My new guest post over at Drunken Wisdom

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Chosen by your heart, living your every breath, and joining with your soul - that was my only wish.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

[TO GOD, TAKE CARE OF ALL AND LOOK AFTER ME J.R.M.M (heart)]

After Republicans won their 5th straight presidential election in 2016, the Democrats gave up trying to get their social welfare spending programs passed and settled for occasional attempts at currency-based prayer.

[Hat tip to Brian of Musings From Brian J. Noggle for sending me the picture]

MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

My PGH entry: Adventures in Journalist Targeting over at IMAO. Seriously, this one ROCKS.

Filthy Lie Assignment Reminder: What goes on in Evil Glenn's Rehab Clinic? is due by 8pm CST Friday, March 4th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Wednesday Linky Stuff

Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Setting The Blogosphere's Crosshairs

New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: What should a car-bomber's bumper sticker say?

DON'T DO WHAT HARVEY DOES

When a talented image-wrangler like Pam of Pamibe makes a beautiful banner for your Beloved Wife's blog, and it's too large, don't be an idiot and re-size it yourself, thus making it look squished & illegible, because Pam does good work and you don't want to give people any other impression.

That was completely my fault.

Sorry about that, Pam.

Frank J.'s Car Accident: Shocking Eye-Witness Testimony!

Over at IMAO.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

O happy hours when I may once more encircle within these arms the dearest object of my love - when I shall again feel the pressure of that "aching head" which will delight to recline upon my bosom, when I may again press to my heart which palpitates with the purest affection that loved one who has so long shared its undivided devotion.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Pattaya Beach, Thailand, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 1

Good Lord, I'm everywhere.

Now I'm sitting in blogson T1G of Drunken Wisdom's virtual living room with Eric of Straight White Guy, drinkin' scotch & tellin' bullshit sea stories from back in my Navy days.

Of course, I've actually got a PICTURE to back up MY bullshit.

Go look.

QUOTES OF THE DAY

Blogdaughter Sally of Whimsy Capricious is teaching children useful, computer-related phrases.

I think she's been hanging around _Jon too much.

Totally True Tidbits About Nuclear Power

Over at IMAO