TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

You are more beautiful than music.

Your face is like a poem

And your eyes... heaven.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(some blue squiggly lines - try seeing them as two different profiles)]

Comic Strip Celebrity Deathmatch: Opus vs. Mike Doonesbury.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) For what album did Krusty get a gold record?

3) What was Krusty's Clown College before it became a college?

4) Homer and Marge have a deal - if her sisters stop coming over after six, he promises to stop doing what?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

You are the hot air balloon. You are the one floating among the clouds with the world below, details insignificant, astounding beauty enveloping you. I am the one reaching for you with my feet well grounded. And, as I reach, when I touch you... For just that second, I loose the ground and fly. And the flight is worth the agony of reaching.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[red splotches]

I'm not positive, but I think it's Arabic for "www.wheresgeorge.com".

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Who accuses Homer of sexual harrassment?

3) Who are Springfield's local lion-tamers?

4) Who is the self-help guru who inspired the "Do What You Feel Festival"?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

FREE BLOG CONTENT

Got nothing to post?

Going out of town, but can't find a guest blogger?

Wish you had something new on your blog every day, but don't want the hassle of daily posting?

No problem.

Word of the Day
Article of the Day
This day in history
Today's birthday
In the News
Quotation of the Day
Match Up
Hangman

All available - just need to slap the code in your template, and you'll give people something to do while they're waiting for you to post.

Or you can just ignore your readers and hope they'll go away, like I do.

[Hat tip to blogdaughter Michele of Letters From New York City for sending me the link]

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR PORN, INTERNET EXPLORER CAN GIVE YOU VIRTUAL SYPHILLIS

Blogdaughter Michele of Letters From New York City e-mailed me to point out yet another danger of using IE

Miscreants are using an unpatched security bug in Internet Explorer to install malicious software from rigged Web sites, experts warned Tuesday.

The vulnerability lies in the way IE 6 handles certain graphics. Malicious software can be loaded, unbeknownst to the user, onto a vulnerable Windows PC when the user clicks on a malicious link on a Web site or an e-mail message, several security companies said.

[...]

Shady adult Web sites are among the first to exploit the IE vulnerability, Eric Sites, vice president of research and development at spyware specialist Sunbelt Software, wrote on a corporate blog. In one case, a malicious Web site used the exploit to install "epic loads of adware," according to Sunbelt.

Microsoft says they'll fix the problem during their next update on October 10th.

Or you can fix the problem yourself right now by switching to Firefox.

Your call.

NOT THE ONLY SQUID GETTING SMASHED AT THE SHARK'S COVE

About 2 years ago, I posted this picture of me & some Navy buds getting stinking drunk at the Shark's Cove bar in Olongapo (Philippines).

(click to enlarge)

Turns out I'm not the only one with fond (if blurry) memories of the place. Reader Richard, who was a MM Nuke on the Truxton (CGN-35), e-mailed me a pic of him and HIS buds doing the same damn thing:

(click to enlarge)

Note the fishnet in the background of both pictures.

By the way, the short chick on the right wasn't a Nuke, she was a... um... "working girl".

Wonder how much her bar fine was?

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Wherever I am right now, I'd rather be standing behind you, kissing your neck.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Harpo's Lounge, 4210 Thomas, Memphis TN 38127, 901-357-8005]

It's kinda like Hooters, except instead of hot chicks in tank tops shoving their boobs in your face, they've got guys in curly red wigs & top hats honking bicycle horns at you.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) At Itchy & Scratchy Land, where can the adults go to get away from the kids?

3) Where did Marge want to visit instead of Itchy & Scratchy Land?

4) Whatever happened to Homer's co-worker, Mindy Simmons?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

ANOTHER REASON TO JOIN THE MILITARY

Free e-book version of Matty O'Blackfive's "The Blog of War":

Simon & Schuster, to their credit (and having gone through the arduous book deal process with them, I can tell you that they are an amazing group of people) decided to put up a link to the PDF version of the eBook for Enlisted members to download for free. We decided to provide it on the honor system and not spend time authorizing people to download the PDF file.

This offer is only good until the end of October.

Use this link to download from Simon & Schuster, and pass it along to anyone who you think should see it.

Oh, and to clarify a point, Officers can get the book free, too.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If I gave you flowers as often as I thought of you, the world would be covered in roses.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Who's Your Daddy?]

Some historians theorize that Lincoln wouldn't have been targeted for assassination if he hadn't tossed out that smug little line while accepting the South's surrender.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) While watching "Paint Your Wagon", Marge says she didn't know Lee Marvin could do what?

3) In "War of the Simpsons", what is the name of the giant catfish?

4) In Fleet-A-Pita speak, what is Tahini?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

ON SELF-CENSORSHIP

Blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World ponders a bit on how blogging changes for you after you've met some of your readers:

I find myself holding back on what I write. I don't speak my mind as easily. [...] I don't always hit publish. I worry about what "people think". Some how, some where it became more about other people. Worryin' about how they saw me, how my feelings were being viewed. I actually worried about what people were saying about me.

I know the feeling. When I first started blogging, my posts were sort of an open letter, but I did have an "ideal reader" in mind. Someone who would just accept my words and not use them against me personally. A good, non-judgmental friend.

As I've met some bloggers in real life, the target of my "open letter" has become more concrete and less ideal. I know who's reading this, and I know that some things I write may touch sore spots.

It sometimes makes things a bit uncomfortable. And maybe I avoid harsh treatment of certain topics out of courtesy.

But I will say this: there have been times when I've thought "Should I post this? Is this too much?", yet every time I've hit "publish" on one of those, the reaction has been one of understanding - of "I've been there too".

It's scary while you're waiting for the comments to arrive, not knowing if someone will take you to task over what you've written, but you grow from pushing through that fear.

And you find out you're not alone.

My short advice on the topic is this. Write what you want. Then go ahead and imagine the possible objections you think certain readers might have to it. If you're willing to face those objections and you're willing to explain and/or justify what you said, go ahead & publish, then wait for the outraged responses.

You probably won't get them.

If you do, well, you're already prepared.

And if you explain your position calmly and rationally, you might even win some people over. It's happened to me before.

However, if things go horribly wrong and there's bickering and trolling, all is not lost. You still have friends to watch your back. As AlliCadem of Can I Have Some Whine With That Cheese? said in Tammi's comments "when you get an intruder, your blog family comes to the rescue".

Thank God for blog family...

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I only wish to be the fountain of love from which you drink, every drop promising eternal passion.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Do you believe in God?]

Hmmm... not sure... ask me again on a 50.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What does Mayor Quimby declare the funnest day in the history of Springfield?

3) What is Mr. Burns' first name?

4) Mr. Burns ran for governor against who?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I love the sun for days, the moon for nights, and you forever.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

Contrary to popular belief, Bill Clinton was NOT America's first redneck President.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) When the Simpsons go camping, where does Maggie spend her first night?

3) In "Moaning Lisa", what is the name of the toothpaste Lisa brushes with?

4) Why didn't Bleeding Gums Murphy ever go to a dentist?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

Fun Facts About North Dakota

The IMAO Podcast is still on hiatus, but I have an irresistable urge to finish up the rest of the states in the Fun Facts About The 50 States series, so I'm going to forge ahead - hopefully on a weekly schedule.

Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I'll pick & choose my favorite items to record.

This week, we'll be picking Canadian coins out of our pocket change and tossing them into fountains to make 89% of our wishes come true as we visit North Dakota. So let's get started...

North Dakota became the 39th state on November 2, 1889. It was originally settled by Canadians searching for somewhere to live that wasn't cold and boring. The expedition was, of course, a miserable failure.

Westhope, North Dakota, is the state's busiest point of entry into Canada. Over 72,000 people per year cross the border there - mostly Hollywood types making good on their promises to leave the country after Bush was elected.

Dakota Gasification Co. of Beulah, North Dakota is the nation's only producer of "synthetic natural gas" - an oxymoron of a degree second only to "peaceful Muslim".

Writing Rock State Historical Site near Grenora, North Dakota, features two granite boulders with carvings of the mythological Thunderbird. Which is either an example of early Indian religion or a declaration of their love for cheap, fortified wine.

North Dakota got its name from the Sioux Indian word "Da-ko-ta", meaning "pasty white guys"

The town of Rugby, North Dakota, is the geographical center of the North American continent, which - for those of you with public school educations - is the one that's right above that ice-cream-cone-shaped continent.

In 1987, North Dakota passed a law making English the state's official language, as a direct snub to those who only speak Canadian.

"Whut's dat aboot, eh?" - I mean, who can understand THAT goofy monkey-jabber?

In 1989, North Dakota attempted to drop the word "North" from the state's name, seeking to become known simply as "Dakota". The bill was defeated after their neighbor to the south threatened to change its name to "Smart Dakota".

Max Taubert of Casselton, North Dakota built a 50-foot-tall pyramid out of empty oil cans. Experts are still debating whether Taubert was an artistic genius or just a lazy slob who couldn't remember that trash day was Tuesday.

Devil's Lake - the largest natural body of water in North Dakota - got it's name from a mistranslation of the Sioux Indian word "Miniwaukan", which actually means "Satan's Urinal".

The Dakota Dinosaur Museum in Dickinson, North Dakota, contains dozens of complete dinosaur skeltons and celebrates the North Dakota state recreational pastime of watching things slowly turn to stone.

Harvey, North Dakota... no relation

The largest state-owned sheep research center in the US is located in Hettinger, North Dakota, and specializes in trying to discover what it is about sheep that makes ordinary men suddenly unable to quit each other.

The original grave of Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull can be found in Fort Yates, North Dakota. His last words before being killed in 1890 were "Me think-um white man not have guts to pull trigger".

Jamestown, North Dakota is home to the world's largest buffalo statue. It's 26 feet tall, weighs 60 tons and features a small plaque at its base that says "Yes, we KNOW it's actually a 'bison'. We don't care. Shut up."

North Dakota grows more sunflowers than any other state, which is why they were going to name their NFL expansion team the "Sunflowers". It's also why the last NFL expansion franchise was granted to Houston, instead.

The historic Opera House in Ellendale, North Dakota was shut down after 90 years of successful operation in 1999 when it made the regrettable decision to put on performances of the controversial musical, "The Pedophiles of Penzance".

A "flickertail" is a small ground squirrel native to North Dakota which gets its name from its characteristic manner of flicking its tail just before entering its burrow. Sorta like the way a Democrat flinches upon hearing good news out of Iraq.

North Dakota's biggest tourist attraction is the annual Killdeer Mountain Roundup Rodeo, which is the one time of year when residents can chase, tackle, and tie up animals for pleasure without running afoul of the state's beastiality laws.

Before becoming President, Teddy Roosevelt came to the Dakota territory in 1883 to hunt bison. He left in 1898 to fight in the Spanish-American War because he thought it would be more fun to hunt Spaniards.

Known as "The Small, Friendly German Town on the Dakota Prairie", New Leipzig, North Dakota, hosts an annual Oktoberfest celebration during which it invades and conquers the neighboring city of New Paris.

Every year, New Rockford, North Dakota hosts the Central North Dakota Steam Threshers Reunion, which features a variety of antique farm machinery, some of which is so old that it's actually been used to harvest non-government subsidized crops.

Fort Berthold Community College near New Town, North Dakota, was the first tribally chartered college in North Dakota and offers courses in casino operations and victim-card playing.

Rutland, North Dakota created the World's Largest Hamburger. Over nine thousand people came to sample the nearly two-ton burger, and all of them went home hungry, since Michael Moore was first in line.

Turtle Lake, North Dakota hosts the annual United States Turtle Racing Championship. The losers of the race compete again later in the day during the United States Turtle Soup Cook-off.

Bismark, North Dakota features a statue of Lewis & Clark's Indian guide Sacagewea. She's depicted gazing westward toward the country she helped open, while the baby strapped to her back is shown giving the finger eastward to the country that forced his mom to live on a reservation.

The Lewis & Clark expedition encountered hungry grizzly bears in North Dakota, which is also where they lost their first Indian guide, Snackagewea.

North Dakota's highest point, White Butte, features numerous small piles of rocks. Known as shepherder's monuments, they were piled there by sheepherders as a way to pass the time. Sorta like a primitive version of Microsoft Solitaire.

The International Peace Garden straddles the international boundary between North Dakota and the Canadian province of Manitoba. Like the peace movement itself, it's filled entirely with pansies.

The Fort Union Trading Post in North Dakota was the principal fur-trading site in the region from 1829 to 1867. It was one of the few places in the country where no one would raise an eyebrow upon hearing the phrase "I'm going into town to see if I can trade my beaver for a bottle of whiskey".

---

That wraps up the North Dakota edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be shopping for discount Drew Carey glasses as we visit Ohio.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go head into town to see what I can get for this bottle of whiskey.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

When we get close, I want you to know that I get all weak and want to hold you forever.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Rose]

This is NOT an acceptable substitute for actual flowers on your wife's birthday.
This is NOT an acceptable substitute for actual flowers on your wife's birthday.
This is NOT an acceptable substitute for actual flowers on your wife's birthday.
This is NOT an acceptable substitute for actual flowers on your wife's birthday.
This is NOT an acceptable substitute for actual flowers on your wife's birthday.
... only 995 more & I can sleep in the bed again...
This is NOT an acceptable substitute for actual flowers on your wife's birthday...

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)
Today's Simpsons Trivia
(Introduction)

2) What does Ned Flanders sell over the internet?

3) Who said, "Homer is a brutally honest man, completely tactless and insensitive"?

4) What job did the Crazy Old Man have when he was young?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

"If ever there was a man who felt he had found the secret to perfecting his life it is I... I have found it in you. You have unfolded like a beautiful butterfly, becoming more than I ever imagined... you are forever adding balance to my life and clearing my vision."

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Anyone who recieve this bill will be Blessed with lots of money if they write this on 10 other bills.]

Al Franken's final, desperate attempt to raise the money to keep Air America out of bankruptcy.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Why did Homer once pawn the family TV set?

3) In one of his nightmares Bart dies, and Nelson does what to him at the funeral?

4) In "There's No Disgrace Like Home", Homer learns that the answers to his life's problems are found where?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

This was love at first sight, love everlasting: a feeling unknown, unhoped for, unexpected - in so far as it could be a matter of conscious awareness; it took entire possession of him, and he understood, with joyous amazement, that this was for life.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(red, sparkly, heart-shaped sticker)]

Presidential Fun Fact: In 1789, George Washington invented the world's first horrifyingly tacky leisure suit.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What does Martin Prince always have in his breast pocket?

3) What college does Lisa fear she may end up at?

4) According to Bart, how is Homer like Thomas Edison?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Love you... It's funny how two words can take up so little space on a piece of paper, but fill up ALL of the space in my heart.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Rubber stamp: I GREW HEMP)]

Although not as successful as the "State Quarter" program, the "State Illegal Drug Dollar" program proved quite popular in California.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) In "Homer Alone", where does Marge go to get away from it all?

3) (T/F) Baby photographer and airline steward are two of the jobs Marge's dad once had

4) Marge once worked as a carhop at which burger stand?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

This Job Would Be Easier If Iraqi Houses Had Doorbells

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Iraqi police guard precious shipments of Avon beauty products during delivery to the newly de-burqafied women of Iraq.

[Hat tip to CENTCOM for the pic]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

To Pixy Misa of Ambient Irony.

Even though he's only punk who's just now getting around to turning 40, I still thought I should post a little something to thank the man who hosts my blog,

A very little something...

A very little something you'd have a hard time explaining to your boss, so it's in the extended entry.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

The four most important words in any marriage... "I'll do the dishes."

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Prov 11:25 - Seed for Debt Free Prov 13:22 - The wealth of the Sinner is laid up to the just]

Prov 15:19 - Hot tip - put everything you've got on the Packers to win the Super Bowl this year. Just trust me on this one... why am I laughing?... uh... I just remembered a really funny joke that one of the Archangels told me this morning...

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What was Bart's collie dog's name?

3) In the year 2000, the Springfield Tire Yard celebrated what anniversary of its fire?

4) Who is Mr. Burn's rival at the Shelbyville Nuclear Power Plant?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If you can't giggle, tickle, scream, laugh, run around the room naked, pour liqueur on each other and lick it off, tie each other down, have whipped cream fights, and dance and sing with each other, then you are having sex with the person too soon.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(big green spot on Washington's face)]

Martha sighed... she didn't mind so much that George wore her dresses once in a while, she just wished he'd take it easy with her green eye shadow.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Which band played at Marge and Homer's senior prom?

3) What kind of beer does Homer drink when he visits the Happy Sumo restaurant?

4) Bart gets hit by what year and make of car?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

WORD OF THE DAY

Blogson Wandering Gunslinger of Gunpowder Grotto asks for guesses as to the meaning of the word "Zwitter". Apparently the title of some incomprehensible song or another by Rammstein.

My guess: A miniature high voltage fly swatter. The full-size version is called the "Zwatter", a combination of "zap" and "swatter". They changed the name for the new, smaller version - the letter "i" makes it sound diminutive.

Any other guesses?

I SHOULD TURN 40 MORE OFTEN (UPDATED 9-18-06 4PM)

Because I like presents. Here's what I got, by category:

BLUE THINGS:

An anonymous donor sent me some animated gifs. A couple are blue. Work safe, but hard to explain.

Lynn of A Sweet, Familiar Dissonance got me some blue music and something blue to look at while I'm listening to it.

Blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice got me a new car, and some scenic blue hills to go with it.

Bloggranddaughter Mrs_Who of House of Zathras got me a nice blue beverage holder.

Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite got me something dreadful and horrible from Blue Mountain Arts (work safe, but turn down your speakers - there's music) as well as posting a picture of me hard at work on my computer.

Bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks offers a bonanza of blueness, including - but not limited to - some clean underwear and a birthday meat thermometer call.

Blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World got me the dreaded Blue Screen of Death. I'll be poking CTRL+ALT+DEL for a while.

Susie of Practical Penumbra sent me a copy of the new movie "The Blair Cupcake Project" (it features a blue candle, so it counts) as well as some amazing cleavage.

Bloggreatgranddaughter Tink of Tink's Tribulations got me a little vacation - blue sky, blue water... blue beer...

RSM of When the Smoke Clears gave me a reminder of my Navy days.

Blogdaughter Oddybobo of Boboblogger gave me this mysterious item, but it seems to include helpful instructions in the lower right corner.

Blogson Wandering Gunslinger of Gunpowder Grotto got me a couple of fancy readin' books, even though readin's fer sissies. I'll give him credit for mentioning the theme, even if this one's more of a stretch than a Fruit of the Loom waistband.

Blogdaughter Teresa of Technicalities gave me all kinds of pricey blue things, plus a way to pay for it all.

Blogdaughter Machelle of Quality Weenie offers me 4 boobies with plenty of blue.

Bloggranddaughter ArmyWifeToddlerMom took me to a live taping of Celebrity Jeopardy, which features that soothing blue background.

Tiffany of Blown Fuse got me the carbonite-frozen body of that little bastard who dumped my smuggled shipment of spice out the airlock.

Richmond of One for the Road (who also gave me birthday hugs, since she picked the right night to order pizza) offers me so many things to unwrap that I just don't know where to start.

Still-inexplicably-blogless reader Morrigan says the two magic words: "Vegas, baby."

Bloggreatgranddaughter Tink of From Chaos to Serendipity has 3 near-misses, but gets it right on the 4th try.

Pam of Pamibe offers a little blue something. Judging by her rolled-up eyes, it looks like she's already roofied, so that'll save me a little trouble.

Blogson Mike the Marine of From The Halls To The Shores found some graffiti currency for me.

Rachel of Pereiraville has the most literal interpretation of the theme I could imagine.

Leslie of Leslie's Omnibus also went literal, but I admit that I had to click the explanatory link before I got it. Kudos to her for making the connection I should've made myself. So obvious in retrospect.

Bloodspite of Technography gave me some blue camel toe and made sure I'd have the strength to put it to good use.

Steve of Steve the Pirate hits the blue trifecta with sky, surf, and sweater kittens

Beth of She Who Will Be Obeyed makes me think that large floral patterns might not be such a bad thing after all.

John of Argghhh! got me something that might look good on my wall.

UPDATE 4PM: Blogson Joey of... well, he's currently between blogs, but he keeps promising to be back on line "any day now"... sent me this quaint little song. Bluest lyrics I've ever seen.

OTHER THINGS:

Blake of Laughing Wolf welcomes me to the club.

Wes of Bohdran (Drum) Roll, Please, realizes something about glass houses and stone-throwing. Meanwhile he also shared a delightful quote:

Going to war without the French is like going deer hunting without your accordian." -- ret. Gen. Norman Swartzkoff

Blogson Contagion of Miasmatic Review got me not a damn thing, but I really like the Muppets, so I'm stealing that and calling it my birthday present.

HAPPY THOUGHTS:

Blogdaughter Michele of Letters From New York City:

Men only get more distinguished and sexier with age!

and a poem:

This lousy child didn't forget.
This lousy child is sick in bed.
Will need to get you something blue
but still don't know what give you

Blogson That 1 Guy of Drunken Wisdom:

You'll get nothing and like it.

Apparently blogless reader Tennessee Budd:

as the Humongous said of Wez, "You puppy." Happy 40th; fair winds & following seas.

Blogson Peter of Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack:

If you'd have stayed in the Navy you'd be ready for a pension now.

Spacemonkey of The Flying Spacemonkey Chronicles:

Sorry dude, you're old.

Blogless reader Shimauma:

many thanks to your parents for bringing you into existance; I'm certain they enjoyed every second of it

Apparently blogless (and possibly Hare Krishna) reader Ktel60:

(adjusts finger cymbals)
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday,
Birthday Birthday
Happy Happy,
(repeats ad naseum)
(is firmly ejected from the airport)

Maeve of Bartender! Another round...:

I feel your pain.

Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks:

I'm pretty sure I could get a stripper to wear some woad paint if TNT will let you come out and play...

Pixy Misa of Ambient Irony:

40 is officially not old any more

WARM WISHES:

Anna of A Rose By Any Other Name

JimmyB of The Conservative UAW Guy

Straight White Eric

Army of Mom

Bloggranddaughter Rave of Quid Nunc

Damian G. of Conservathink

Apparently blogless reader Russ

UPDATE 10:30AM AFSister of My Side of the Puddle

And thank you all for celebrating with me.

I THINK SHE'S 21 NOW

Bloggranddaughter Mrs_Who of House of Zathras is having a birthday. Heard she likes back rubs, so I got her a fancy-ass massage chair:

It looks pretty complicated, so I thought I should hire someone to operate it for her.

This guy looks like he'd be pretty handy around the house:

I'm sure Mrs_Who will find ways to keep him busy.

Happy Birthday, sweetie.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[FROM KHRISTA MILLER FUCK YOU BITCH]

Dear Grandma,

Just wanted to thank you for the thoughtful birthday gift.

Love,
Khrista

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) In "Bart of Darkness", what does Bart break?

3) Who presents the barbershop quartet, the Be Sharps, with their Grammy?

4) In "Bart the Genius", what special new school is Bart sent to?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Warm like a summer's breeze

Soft as a night's whisper

Deep as the bluest sea

The fullness of love

Unbound and free

Shine on me in the night

With starlit glow

And mellow my day with your desires

That in my step I am light and free

And in my sleep I am content

And at rest...

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Did you know? Steve and Guido are lovers! But Steve is the man!]

Guido's wife stared at the dollar, thunderstruck... the new drapes, the sudden interest in show tunes, the chronic incontinence... it all made sense now.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) When Marge becomes a cop, she arrests Homer for taking her what?

3) Who is the Shelbyville version of Bart?

4) When Bart sells his soul, what does he buy with the money?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Oh my sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive and heaven has been brought to me.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[CT CT (also drawing on Washington's face)]

As a follow-up to its popular "State Quarters" program, the Treasury instituted the "State Dollars" program. Here we see Connecticut's design, celebrating its claim to fame as the birthplace of Grandpa Munster.

[[hat tip to Susie of Practical Penumbra for finding this one for me]]

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Who falls in love with the new girl, Samantha Stanky?

3) Homer's half-brother Herb regains his fortune by inventing a machine that does what?

4) Who directed the musical "Streetcar", which featured Marge as Blanche?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

STUPID LIFE... GETTING IN THE WAY LIKE THAT...

TNT & I are packing & tossing the clutter in the estate house while the weather's still nice, so my weekend's a little busier than expected.

Add that to the more-or-less literally millions of thoughtful folks stopping by to wish me happy birthday, and it looks like the round-up will be delayed a bit. Right now I'm eyeballing Monday as looking promising. Might be sooner. Keep watching.

And thank you for the outpouring of love and/or abuse.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If a star fell from the heavens every second I spend thinking of you, then the sky would be barren in a half a day's span.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Abel]

"Look," said Cain, "SOMEBODY has to be the world's first murder victim, and your name got drawn fair and square, so stop squirming!"

[[hat tip to Susie of Practical Penumbra for finding this one for me]]

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) When Homer is trying to think un-sexy thoughts, he imagines who in a bikini?

3) In "Homerpalooza", Lisa says the outdoor concert smells like what?

4) In "Homerpalooza", who's been left at the veterinarians for a very long time?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

IT'S MY 40TH BIRTHDAY!

(This post will stay on top all day. Scroll down to check for new material)

On Wednesday, September 14th, 1966, at 6:06 AM, an eighth child (and seventh son) was born to a couple in a small town in Wisconsin.

Some stuff happened.

Now it's today, and you can help me celebrate. As I mentioned last week, this year's suggested theme is:

"BLUE"

Make of that what you will.

And if you're afraid of getting me something inappropriate, don't be. Seriously - the word doesn't apply to this blog.

If you're posting about this, leave a link in the comments or a trackback (assuming they work) so I'll know who to thank tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

"Where's home for you?" a stranger asked a fellow traveler. "Wherever she is", came the reply, as the man pointed at his wife.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[go.dollar.go@yahoo.com]

...and to vote for the US dollar in the "World's Coolest Currency" competition, send an e-mail to...

[[hat tip to Susie of Practical Penumbra for finding this one for me]]

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What is the name of the baseball bat Homer makes for himself?

3) Why did Mike Scioscia shoot Waylon Smithers?

4) In "Homer at the Bat", who falls into the Springfield Mystery Spot?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

FOR SAFETY, VISIT IRAQ

(via my blogless brother Roy)

If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theatre of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers. The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000 for the same period. That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq. Conclusion: The U.S. should pull out of Washington.

MAN ENOUGH TO ADMIT WHEN I'M WRONG

On June 30th, 2004, I predicted that Air America would be dead & gone by February of 2005. I was off by 19 months, and I apologize for my inaccuracy.

Nevertheless, I here re-publish the list of potential excuses Air America will use to explain its failure. We'll see if I'm at least right about these:

* Al Franken's thick glasses kept accidentally setting the studio on fire.

* Randi Rhodes didn't talk about her nipples enough.

* Too much money wasted on salaries, not enought spent on bribes to Clear Channel executives.

* Rush Limbaugh depleted the nation's supply of Oxycontin, so not enough was available to make Air America's hosts witty and insightful.

* Digital brownshirts kept smashing people's radios

* Al Franken is Jewish, so Bushitler had him gassed.

* The fact that Al Franken is still alive does NOT disprove this theory.

* Air America staff constantly attacked by vicious hordes of rats and cockroaches, who, apparently, didn't appreciate the competition.

* The Air America signal simply wouldn't carry. Not surprising, since vibrations in the electomagnetic spectrum tend to vote Republican.

* Nobody was buying commerical spots. Even a NAMBLA spokesman was quoted as saying "we don't want our reputation soiled by these degenerates".

* Air America had to shut down because of the McCain-Feingold campaign finance laws, which expressly forbid such things as speaking in direct support of a candidate, or speaking at all if you're dumber than a bucket of monkey spunk.

* Although Al Franken created a lot of great material, he would often flush the toilet before it could be retrieved.

Who Wants To Be A Progressive Talk Radio Star?

(cross-posted from IMAO)

With the imminent demise of Air America - leaving thousands of radio-hours of dead air to fill - Clear Channel announces that it will be conducting a talent search to find new Loony Left radio talent.

So... coming soon to The Reality Show Network (which itself will be coming soon - please contact your cable service provider):

WHO WANTS TO BE A PROGRESSIVE TALK RADIO STAR?

In season one, contestants take their best shot at discussing the demise of Air America. Here are some highlights:

Denver Oasis - "I’m not a fan of Clear Channel, but their support shows a need in the market for the liberal format. They wouldn’t do it if they didn’t think they’d make a lot of money. I mean, look at how much they made with Air America!"

Craig - "The Repugnican Noise Machine is well-entrenched in radio. Look at Rush and Michael Savage and other hyenas of similar background. We lose the radio wars and it's just another method for the wing nuts to spew their venom without anyone to counter their distortions. Why can't those assholes be polite & civilized, like liberals, instead of always resorting to petty name-calling?"

Badmoodman - "R.I.P., Air America. If it had been a right-wing network, this administration would have secretly funneled millions of dollars into it. You know... if they happened to do that sort of thing... if they weren't too busy reprogramming voting machines in Ohio or blowing up the WTC, which it's been proven was an inside job."

Lib4 - "Even though Air America may go under, Rethugs better not think that they are going to be any closer to victory in November. After all, without progressive talk radio around to showcase the unhinged radical left, the Democrats will appear this close to being sane."

Kenosha Marge - "This country needs to have a place for people too smart to listen to the right wing noise machine. Those who will dance in the streets and cheer the demise (premature) of Air America only show that they are not in favor of a free country where everyone has a right to speak and also to hear their kind of politics. Why are Conservatives so damn afraid of Air America? I mean, WE never complained about Rush Limbaugh!"

Len Smith - "Getting a left wing noise machine in place to counter the right’s is really the only hope we have in this country. It doesn’t matter how great our policies or candidates are if we don’t have the medium to get our message out. We not only need Air America, we need a liberal version of FOX News as well. You know, like CBS or NBC or ABC or CNN or MSNBC or PBS... except not crappy like them."

Trunary Suka - "Rush proves that talk radio is a very important medium. Too bad he became a drug addict. Besides, his hate-baiting style is going out the window, since Air America has already proven that it doesn't work for liberals. Oh, and Rush is fat and bald, too."

Facts Support My Position - "I can plainly remember Al Franken saying he had been on the air for 1 1/2 years, and had not been accused of lying. They've got a GREAT call screener at Air America!"

Brian - "Air America may not be doing well, but there is plenty of evidence that it’s not having problems with ratings. For example - this memo typed on a genuine IBM Selectric typewriter."

You Rethugs better watch out!

[Author's note: for bonus amusement, click this link to find out how much of each statement was lifted directly from the individual's comment]

[Hat tip to IMAO reader Shimauma for sending me the link]

Terrorists Continue To Fight Dirty

(cross posted from IMAO)

New Baghdad Police Academy graduates recoil in horror during a briefing on the latest innovations in terrorist weaponry, the Sony HVR-Z1U 3CCD video camera and the CNN journalist.

[Hat tip to CENTCOM for the pic]

Fun Facts About North Carolina

The IMAO Podcast is still on hiatus, but I have an irresistable urge to finish up the rest of the states in the Fun Facts About The 50 States series, so I'm going to forge ahead - hopefully on a weekly schedule.

Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I'll pick & choose my favorite items to record.

This week, we'll be singing our way through the cotton harvest as we visit North Carolina. So let's get started...

North Carolina became the 12th state on November, 21st, 1789. Then, as now, it was the nation's leading producer of tobacco products and is the only state in the US whose constitution includes a Surgeon General's warning.

The state song of North Carolina is a wet, hacking cough.

Although Carolina is currently considered a woman's name, North Carolina was actually named for England's King Charles I, since the Latin word "Carolus" means both "Charles" and "mincing poofter girly-man".

In 1903, the Wright Brothers had their first successful airplane flight near Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Although early flights barely left the ground, they were quite popular among amorous couples seeking to join the "10-foot-high club".

In the early 1700's Beaufort Town, North Carolina was a notorious haven for pirates - cruel, dim-witted men with foul mouths and poor personal hygiene who wouldn't hesitate to use violence to get their way. Rather like hippies, except with bigger boats.

The famous lighthouse at Cape Hatteras, North Carolina had to be moved due to erosion problems, due in large part to endless streams of tourists spitting over the rail of the observation deck.

The state bird of North Carolina is the Cardinal, which I assume was chosen for its red neck.

The Andy Griffith show was set in the fictional town of Mayberry, North Carolina. It was based on an actual city, but to appease the censors, they changed Otis' role to town drunk instead of his real job as Aunt Bea's pimp.

North Carolina's state vegetable is the Sweet Potato, which was chosen by the state's majority population of Sweet Irish.

Harker Island, North Carolina, is home to the annual Core Sound Duck Decoy Festival which boasts more fake but accurate items than a CBS news broadcast.

The WWII battleship North Carolina was preserved as a museum in 1963 as a reminder to the Japs that they should stick to tending goldfish.

The first English Colony in America was at Roanoke Island, North Carolina. The entire population vanished without a trace in 1590, which is not as mysterious as it sounds, since the colony consisted entirely of deadbeat dads.

The state motto of North Carolina is "Esse quam videri", which is Latin for "arrogant basketball snobs".

At nearly 6700 feet, North Carolina's Mount Mitchell is the highest peak east of the Mississippi and is rumored to be the hiding place of the notorious terrorist Bubba bin Laden.

Krispy Kreme Donuts was started in 1937 in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. The donuts are staggeringly popular throughout the US, despite the fact that their name is an obvious euphemism for "stale filling".

The Venus Flytrap is a carnivorous plant which is native to North Carolina. It will eat dead flies, spoiled hamburger, and most other things commonly found in the kitchen at McDonalds.

The first miniature golf course was built in Fayetteville, North Carolina, and was originally invented to appeal to tourists who hate exercise, but really enjoy frustrated cursing.

Babe Ruth hit the first of his record 714 home runs while playing in Fayetteville, North Carolina on March 7, 1914. He also hit his first peanut vendor in the process - his record for that (179) remains unbroken to this day.

The Biltmore Estate in Ashville, North Carolina is America's largest home. Designed by architect Mike Brady, it contains 255 rooms and a single, shared, upstairs bathroom with no toilet.

The first state-owned art museum is located in Raleigh, North Carolina. All modern art exhibits there are limited by law to 1.6 gallons per flush.

North Carolina's Grandfather Mountain is designated by the UN as an "International Biosphere Reserve", which is just a polite way of saying "a place for the French to hide in case they get frightened by a loud noise or something".

The Mile-High Swinging Bridge near Linville, North Carolina, is 5305 feet above sea level. It wasn't originally designed to swing, but that's Union labor for ya.

Pepsi was invented in New Bern, North Carolina in 1898. The secret ingredient in the beverage is a closely-guarded secret, but here's a hint: the beverage was originally called "Peesi".

The town of Wendell, North Carolina, was named for Oliver Wendell Holmes, or possibly for that pale, sickly kid on the Simpsons.

Golfing legend Arnold Palmer started his career playing on the championship golf team of Wake Forest University. He's credited with inventing the "casually kick the ball closer to the hole maneuver" now popularly known as "Palmering".

Born in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1822 Hiram Rhoades Revels became the first black member of the US Congress - inexplicably, without Jesse Jackson's help.

17th President Andrew Johnson started out as a tailor's apprentice in Raleigh, North Carolina. He became the first President in American history to be impeached, but was acquitted in his Senate trial, since his crimes DID include lying about diddling an intern.

North Carolina leads the nation in furniture production, and is famous for its leather sofas made from the skins of unlucky NASCAR drivers.

North Carolina was the first state in the US to establish a state symphony orchestra, which consisted of a jug, a washboard, and a washtub bass.

In 1987, North Carolina declared milk to be the official state beverage when the clerk typing up the bill inadvertently misspelled "moonshine".

Born in Charlotte, North Carolina, televangelist Billy Graham - like Osama bin Laden - used the power of modern media to spread his religious message. Fortunately, his followers usually became naggy church ladies instead of suicide bombers.

---

That wraps up the North Carolina edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be mortified to discover that the people in Fargo really DO sound like those people in the movie, as we visit North Dakota.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go join the "10-foothigh club".

FOR RECRUIT GENE

Bloggreatgranddaughter Sticks of From Chaos to Serendipity is asking for material that she can print out to mail to her nephew, the Marine recruit, to help boost his morale as he suffers the tortures of boot camp.

Since I went to Navy boot camp, I really can't say much. I'll leave it up to the guys who went through actual military training to post boot camp stories.

However, I *did* find this in the Letterman Top 10 archives that he might enjoy:

10. I always loved jumping off landing craft and hitting the beach under heavy fire.
(Staff Sergeant Barbrina Chandler)

9. Couldn't stand one more day of waking up later than 5am.
(Lance Corporal Mike Gregga)

8. My mama was a Marine.
(First Lieutenant Phillip Walter)

7. I'd always heard great things about Afghanistan.
(Lance Corporal Phillip Simmons)

6. It was either this or beauty school.
(Captain Stan Holland)

5. I happen to look great in camouflage.
(Corporal Alan Stowers)

4. Army movie star: Pauly Shore, Marine movie star: Jack Nicholson.
(Lance Corporal Jeremiah Maddox)

3. To serve my country and fulfill patriotic duty, and shoot some big-ass weapons.
(Sergeant Julie Matthews)

2. Every Spring we go to Daytona to establish a beachhead.
(Lance Corporal Michael Renuard)

1. Give me that eagle, globe and anchor.
(Corporal Sean Holcomb)

10. "Instead of the usual cadence, we sing Johnny Mathis"
(Sergeant Greg Popejoy)

9. "Show someone you like her by helping her load her M-16"
(Sergeant Darryl Contee)

8. "For one day, minesweepers are referred to as 'Be mine' sweepers"
(Lance Corporal Andrew Olson)

7. "Going AWOL to see my girlfriend in Georgia...wait, disregard that"
(Corporal Shane Eversole)

6. "Eating candy message hearts that read 'I love you, maggot'"
(Sergeant Donald Garland)

5. "Forget to send flowers? Borrow a Harrier jet and deliver them yourself"
(Lance Corporal Michael Harris)

4. "Chocolate-covered strawberries"
(Corporal David Wheeler)

3. "Every unit gets special-issue red, white and pink camouflage"
(Corporal Barry Gomez)

2. "Using high-tech surveillance and intelligence-gathering methods to identify secret admirers"
(Lance Corporal Thomas Dunne)

1. "Chocolates? Hell, we eat ammo"
(Lieutenant Jim Bergeron)

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

For hearing my thoughts, understanding my dreams and being my best friend... For filling my life with joy and loving me without end... I do.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

[new bill - not previously posted]

(click to enlarge)

[(dollar bill with 5 blue marks from a bingo marker)]

When I asked if I could borrow a 5-spot, that's NOT what I meant!

[Hat tip to niece/blogdaughter Sarah of That's Not Very Nice! for the bill]

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What's the name of the multiplex movie theaters in Springfield?

3) Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel, is married to who?

4) What is Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel's last name?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

STUPID HIPPIES IN NEW YORK

I just found this line amusing:

"Then some guy in a brown trechcoat with a notepad came up to me and asked if he could ask me some questions. I said sure. What’s your name? I gave him a fake name, then he asked who I was with. I told him I was with the 9/11 Truth Movement..."

"fake name"

"Truth Movement"

Ahhhhh.... the giggle-inducing irony of it all...

[via Little Green Footballs]

MIA?

I know I've been out of the loop for a while, but I'm still shocked and disturbed that my blogson Tige of Blue Tige is nowhere to be found.

In fact some other jackass now has his URL at Blogger.

WTF?

Anyone with information on his whereabouts, please leave a comment. I'm worried.

WOLF ESCAPES! ESTABLISHES NEW LAIR!

Laughing Wolf is now - at least temporarily, possibly permanently - located at:

http://laughingwolf.net/ee.php/

Update your links accordingly.

LEATHER PRON

Blogson Peter is over at the Shootin' Shack, showing off his leather goods.

Not as kinky as you might think, but it IS a beautiful sight.

There's also a baby grandson picture over there for the girls to coo over.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I've been thinking how hungry my mind and body are for you... and it's time for food for my thoughts...

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA]

I am shocked - SHOCKED, I say - that in all my years as a smutty-minded juvenile, I never thought of this one myself.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Of what profession are Dr. Hillbilly and the Iron Yuppie?

3) What does the blind man rename Santa's Little Helper?

4) What did the Springfield Cat Burglar steal from Bart?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

LOOK BACK, LOOK AHEAD

If I have to tell you what day it is, that means you were born after this date on 2001. You're too young to be here - this site is for adults. Shoo.

If you ARE an adult, may I recommend 2996? The project that has 2996 bloggers each remembering one of the fallen from 9/11.

If you don't personally know any of the fallen, then go to the list, pick someone who shares your first or last name, or a loved one's first or last name. (CTRL + F "Harvey", for example). After all, it could've just as easily been you or your loved ones murdered on that day. It's not like terrorists give a shit who they kill.

If, for some reason, you're just not emotionally ready to face the list, then I'd suggest my essay on when the war will be over.

Otherwise, thanks for stopping by, and regular posting will resume tomorrow.

MY 15 MINUTES STARTS IN 3... 2... 1...

My review of Matty O'Blackfive's book "The Blog of War" is now posted at Amazon.com. (should be in the "Customer Reviews" section, dated September 8th)

To meet their guidelines, I had to remove the obscenities, omit the URL's, and cut it down below 1000 words, but it's essentially intact.

You can go look if you're curious.

I'm just wondering if they'll pull it at some point because it's favorable. I've noted before that Amazon likes playing games with their reviews.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

When I kiss you, it tastes like heaven... so sweet, loving, kind and caring.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Eric has a big penis]

I'd be more impressed if Eric hadn't gotten this from Molly the Midget.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What does the old Radioactive Man #1 comic smell like, according to Milhouse?

3) (T/F) In "Three Men and a Comic Book", we find out that Mrs. Glick's brother died when he held onto a grenade too long in WWI

4) Who once had a job as a Certified Bloodletting Tech-Dude?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

My favorite place to be is inside of your hugs where it's warm and loving.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Rubber Stamp: WINDY CITY HEMP FEST; WINDY CITY HEMP FEST]

Matty O'Blackfive kicked the crap out of a bunch of filthy hippies and all I got was this lousy graffiti currency.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Which Simpsons character is missing an arm?

3) Which Simpsons character has a wooden leg?

4) Which Simpsons character has a brass knee?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

IT'S COMING

I'm turning 40 on September 14th. Suggested theme:

"Blue"

It's how I feel about it.

It's my favorite color.

I like Blues music.

Zhaan has a nice rack.

Leave a link in the comments or trackback to this post and I'll collect all the links for a round-up on the 15th.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Still somewhere in the neighborhood of her 30's, Blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice is having a birthday today.

Having seen her recent work posing for Budweiser, I have to say... she's still got it:

At least, I'm pretty sure that's her. I can't seem to take my eyes off her... uh... beer bottle... long enough to make a solid identification.

Anyway, if you need to buy a present for her, try a kitchen gadget. Perhaps something like this one:

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

My wife makes the best lasagna in the whole world :-)

[Hey, it's true]

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[14 15 16 Fox]

After some initial indecision, Bill Clinton finally decided on the age and physical description of his ideal intern.

(hat tip to Susie of Practical Penumbra for finding this bill for me)

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What does Petrochem Petrochemical Corp make besides Caustic Polypropylene?

3) Sideshow Mel cannot eat what without getting sick?

4) What is the secret to Krustyburger's secret sauce?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

EVERY H.P. LOVECRAFT STORY EVER WRITTEN

"I walked down a hall, which was dreadful and horrible. I saw a black stone, which was dreadful and horrible. It had some writing on it that I couldn't read, which I somehow sensed was dreadful and horrible."

[omit next 7000 uses of the words "dreadful" and "horrible"]

"I turned around and saw a monster with tentacles, which filled me with such dread and horror that I fell unconscious. When I awoke, I wasn't sure if any of this actually happened to me. Yet I dread that I have gone mad from the experience. Which would be horrible".

Worst. Writer. Ever.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Since you are my sunshine and I am your raindrop, together we can create an everlasting rainbow of love.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Pat Duck]

Michael Moore carried around his "lucky bill" for years before someone pointed out to him that it didn't actually say "Fat Dick"

(hat tip to Susie of Practical Penumbra for finding this bill for me)

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Who is Lisa's favorite jazz musician?

3) Springfield's veterinarian flunked out of what kind of school?

4) Why did Santa's Little Helper need an expensive operation?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I made a wish... and you came true

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

[(coin from Somalia: XXI CENTURY, 2002, FOOD SECURITY)]

Posing for an African coin?... Looks like Joe Camel's hit bottom even harder than Gary Coleman.

Probably see him on Celebrity Fit Club 5.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Which Simpsons character allegedly took a shot at Teddy Roosevelt?

3) When Marge is arrested and sent to jail, who is her cell mate?

4) Gabbo is the dummy at the end of the arm of whom?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

BOOK REVIEW: THE BLOG OF WAR

The first time I ever reviewed anything written by Matty O'Blackfive, I had this to say:

...the setup is overly long, and the first part probably should've been in a separate post and shortly summarized before the more relevant part of the story.

In other words, "shut up, boy... ya talk too much".

After I got to meet him in person, I found out that that was a feature, not a bug. Matt's a born story-teller, and - since he's of Irish descent - I assume that he not only kissed the Blarney Stone, he may have given it more than a little tongue in the process.

However, when it comes to his book ("The Blog of War", by Matthew Currier Burden, paperback, 304 pages, available at Amazon.com) he does an amazing thing: aside from various introductions and the Epilogue, he actually shuts up and lets other people do the talking. You'll never see that in REAL life, so you might want to buy the book just for that experience alone.

On the other hand, those of you who know Matt also know how much he enjoys name-dropping. In this book, he does little but. What it lacks in personal loquacity, it makes up for in shout-outs to folks both in and closely related to the military.

Which is appropriate, since it's their stories that he's telling in his book - told in their own words and often taken directly from their own blog posts - with very short introductions by Matt. These are arranged in chapters according to various aspects of the war experience, summarized below:

1 - "Some Must Go To Fight The Dragons" - Setting the stage for the rest of the book by dealing with the broad, philosophical reasons why some men chose to put their life on the line to answer their nation's call. This chapter - like many of the others - is hard to read. Not because it's poorly written, but because it's written so well. It's hard on the heart, and touches the reader's deepest core

2 - "Life In A War Zone" - Very earthy, very gritty, very you-are-there tales from the front line. I imagine that to civilians, some of the oddball fuck-aroundery in NCO Alley will seem incomprehensible, but those with military experience will be able to relate and will get a huge kick out of it. I don't know if I'll ever get that "like a coyote ravishing a housecat" line out of my head.

3 - "The Healers" - Tells exactly WHY war is hell, in heart-rending, blood-soaked detail. If you don't tear up, wince, or flinch away from the book at least once during this chapter, I'd suggest getting your soul checked, because I would question your humanity.

4 - "Leaders, Warriors, and Diplomats" - There's a lot of talk about "winning hearts and minds" in this war. The newspapers will never explain what that actually means. This chapter does. You'll see soldiers winning with a cool head instead of a hot hand, and perhaps you'll come away with a better understanding of the fact that war isn't all about killing. It's about accomplishing the mission, however that needs to be done.

5 - "The Warriors" - I'm going to be understated. This - in clear and disturbing detail - is what good men have to do to keep you safe. If you ever meet one of these men, thank him. Profusely.

6 - "Heroes of the Homefront" - Another "hard on the heart" chapter. This is the hell the families left stateside have to go through to keep you safe. If you ever meet them, thank them also.

7 - "The Fallen" - Unlike the other chapters, you KNOW how the stories in this one will end. There is no way to thank these men. They are gone. All you can do is honor them by cherishing the freedoms they bought for you with their lives, and never forgetting what they've done.

8 - "Homecoming" - As much as our troops want to be out of the war zone, the transition back to life in the safe, civilized United States is rife with mixed emotions and conflicting feelings. For our troops, it's one final battle to win the war inside themselves.

As for the epilogue... well, you remember how Animal House ended? With little snippets of "where are they now?"

Somehow, I'm not surprised Matt used this technique himself.

Teasing aside, I think it was an excellent idea to give some closure with the people the reader has come to know and care about. Well done.

I'll also mention that there's a handy glossary for military terms and acronyms. You probably won't need it, though, since Matt and the contributors did a pretty good job of defining the terms as they came up. Even the greenest of civilians will be able to avoid getting lost in the terminology.

So... were there any bad parts? Is this review going to be nothing but ass-kissing suck-uppery of Matt's brilliance?

Not really, and mostly. The only thing I could find to complain about is that a few of Matt's introductory paragraphs are written - for no discernable reason - in present tense instead of past tense. I realize that's a bit of nit-picking on my part, but I stand by it. I also lay the blame for it squarely on the shoulders of the book's editor, who should have corrected it before the book went to press.

However, that and the occasiona minor typo (possibly in the original posts being reprinted) will likely pass completely unnoticed by the reader, since the stories themselves are too gripping to leave awareness left over for grammatical niceties.

Do I recommend this book?

Yes.

If you support the war, but don't know anyone personnally who's serving overseas, you owe it to yourself - out of intellectual honesty, if nothing else - to read this to find out EXACTLY what it is you're supporting.

If you enjoy reading warbloggers, you will enjoy the familiar, blog-entry-like style of the tales contained within. It reads so much like a blog, I sometimes found my hand twitching to try to click a link. No book has ever cried out more to be published in a fully hyper-linked electronic format.

If you've served overseas, you should read it so that you can see whether you should nod your head in agreement or call "bullshit" over an inaccurate description (of which I suspect there will be very few). I'd be curious to see whether those in-the-know think Matt got it right.

Who would I not recommend this book to?

Those with delicate constitutions. There's plenty of coarse language and adult situations. I'd give it a good, solid R rating. Definitely not for children or the child-like.

On the other hand, I also think everyone should buy this book so that Matt can quit his crappy day job and go to blogging full time. Which would be a wonderful thing.

Even if he does talk too much ;-)

IRAQI AND US SECURTY FORCES CAPTURE 30 INSURGENTS, 38 SUSPECTED INSURGENTS, OVER WEEKEND OPS IN WESTERN AL ANBAR PROVINCE

Just in case you missed the story in your favorite MSM news source, which probably didn't publish it, since it didn't involve dead Americans.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

It's not being in love that makes me happy, it's being in love with YOU that makes me happy.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Happy Birthday Hope; Happy 5th Birthday Hope; From Tio Roy and Barbara]

What Hope said: "Thank you, that's so sweet!

What Hope thought: "Where's my pony?... I asked for a pony!... THIS IS NOT A F*CKING PONY!"

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Who wants Abe Simpson to lend him money to build a death ray?

3) After Bart is hit by a car, what does he do while riding the escalator to Heaven?

4) According to Burns' court testimony, where was he going when he hit Bart with his car?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Thank you for yesterday, today, and always...

For bringing me happiness right from the start

and offering me both your love and your heart,

for being so thoughtful in all that your do,

overlooking my faults, and understanding me too.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[ABORTION: THE ULTIMATE CHILD ABUSE]

Possibly, but I think this would have to at least run a close second.
[safe for work]

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What happens when you honk the horn of the car Homer designed for Powell Motors?

3) In "Bart's Dog Gets An F", what sickness does Lisa have?

4) Who did newsman Kent Brockman marry?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

From the moment that our lips parted for the first time, and our eyes were married in a long loving glance, my heart told me that you were the one. My lips needed some more reassurance, but my heart was for certain!

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[12/18/00 Wisconsin Shawna [heart] Jason 4 eva yo]

The best part about living in Wisconsin is that marriage licenses are easy to fill out and incredibly cheap.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Who runs the Springfield Post Office?

3) Homer's counterfeit Super Bowl tickets are printed on what?

4) What is the name of old hippies Seth and Munchie's dog?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

There is nothing that means more to me than the joys of life you've helped me see. With your openness and honesty... YOU will always have me and my love.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[MEXICAN MAFIA (also, beard on Washington)]

una oferta que él no podría rechazar

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What evil super-villain was at first thought to have shot Mr. Burns, but later released?

3) Jasper says sidewalks are for regular walking, not what?

4) After Smithers is fired in "Who Shot Mr. Burns?", what cheap scotch does he get drunk on?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.