TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

[new note - not previously posted]

It's not just holding your hand, it's not just a hug or even a kiss, it's more... it's a way to feel your love.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[If you save this dollar you will Recive ten more]

...keep in mind, though, that Murphy's Law applies, and after you get your tenth dollar, your car will blow a head gasket on the freeway during rush hour, leaving you with a $2000 repair bill.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What is the name of Springfield's comic book shop?

3) Where did Sideshow Bob hide at during the Springfield Air Show?

4) What does Lisa try to get everyone to eat at a barbecue, instead of meat?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Your voice makes me tremble inside
And your smile is an invitation
For my imagination to go wild

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Clown face on Washington; pie being thrown at his face)]

Chuckles thought he could get away with double-crossing the Clown Mafia...

...Chuckles was wrong...

[Hat tip to Radar Rider of Flying Above the Radar for finding this one for me]

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Who learned medicine at The Hollywood Upstairs Medical School?

3) Who is the waiter at the Happy Sumo Japanese restaurant?

4) What body part of carny Cooder is not real?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore... my face should be among them.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Josh is hott!]

Too bad Josh is also gayy.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Who does Lisa describe as "The few, the proud, the geeky"?

3) What is the name of Springfield's video arcade?

4) What is Capital City's nickname?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

True is the word of your eyes
Beauty is the beating of your heart
Love is the smile on your face
Desire is the touch of your hand

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(purple-stained dollar)]

Even though the answer was perfectly innocent, the FCC still fined "Barney & Friends" $1.5 million for airing the infamous "What's purple, six inches long, and can be found in Barney's pants?" segment.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Bart chips in and buys a Radioactive Man comic book with who?

3) What is Miss Hoover's first name?

4) What is the name of the Olmec Indian God of War statue that Burns gives the Simpsons?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

[new note - not previously posted]

You touch my mind with beautiful dreams, while you hold me as I sleep.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[kou hlub koj kou hlub koj kou hlub koj kou hlub koj kou hlub koj kou hlub koj kou hlub koj]

Star Trek Fun Fact:
The Romulan mating ritual involves small quantities of currency and the incessant repitition of phrases indicating prospective emotional attachment, not unlike the Terran "nickel beer night" ritual.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) In "Marge in Chains", what product is a tanning lotion and a laxative in one?

3) In "Krusty Gets Cancelled", who makes a 19th century carousel out of balloons?

4) Who are Eastern Europe's favorite cat and mouse team?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Love comes quietly…
But you know when it is there
Because suddenly…
You are not alone anymore…
And there is no sadness in you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Chewy Runts]

It's either a type of candy or a euphemism for small, erect nipples (as in "nibble on my...")

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What kind of factory is next door to where the Krusty the Clown show is taped?

3) What is the name of the studio where Krusty's show is taped?

4) Where did Milhouse's dad work before he was fired?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Each night when the day is through,
I don't ask much, I just want you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[I LOVE U! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART PLEASE DON'T EVER FORGET THAT. TU ERES TODO PARA]

I think that last part is Spanish for "NOW will you put out?"

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What famous singer helps get Bart out of the well?

3) In "The Otto Show", whose concert does Bart attend?

4) Whose concert does Homer sneak backstage during, pretending to be the potato man?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

NEW CLAN MEMBER?

NEW CLAN MEMBER?

I vouch for the character of Swap Blog because...

...well, they asked me, and they don't suck.

But if for no other reason, there's this:

We listen to both kinds of real music - bluegrass / Celtic and speed metal

According to the rules, they still need two other Bad Example Family members to link their application post before they make the blogroll. Go check 'em out & see if they're worthy.

Fun Facts About Oklahoma

While the IMAO podcast HAS returned in sporadic fashion, I'm still going to keep posting the latest uncut Fun Facts About The 50 States - hopefully on a weekly schedule. Figure by the time it shows up in a podcast, you'll have forgotten all the jokes anyway.

This week, we'll be visiting the state where, when a man says "mine's bigger", he's talking about his belt buckle, because we're headed to Oklahoma. So let's get started...

Oklahoma was admitted to the union as the 46th state on November 16th, 1907, in order to fill a diversity quota for states that vaguely resemble cookware.

The state flower of Oklahoma is mistletoe. Its berries are deadly poisonous, which is convenient since there's really nothing to live for in Oklahoma, anyway.

Oklahoma's name comes from the Choctaw Indian word "oka-oma", which means "mobile home destroyed by tornado".

The state song of Oklahoma is, as you would expect, the title song from the musical "Oklahoma". Which doesn't make the residents of the state gay. Unless they actually LIKE the song.

The world's first parking meter was installed in Oklahoma City, and was seen as a reasonable alternative to the previous method of controlling parking time - throwing a dead skunk on the hood of the vehicle after 30 minutes.

Although most residents of Vinita, Oklahoma, were pleased to become the first city in the state to receive electricity in 1871, city hall was soon inundated by complaints from citizens who were unable to make their VCR's stop blinking "12:00".

Oklahoma City has an operating oil well on its capitol grounds. Despite numerous attempts to have it removed, Mr. Clampett firmly refuses to sell.

Duncan, Oklahoma is home to a life-size statue of a cattle drive, titled, "I Crap Bigger Than You".

Boise City, Oklahoma was the only city in the US to be bombed during World War II. In 1943, a US B-17 bomber dropped 6 practice bombs on the town as a warning to other cities that were still selling sauerkraut instead of "Liberty Cabbage".

Okmulgee, Oklahoma holds the record for the world's largest pecan pie. It was 60 feet in diameter, and contained over 300,000 pecans, as well as a dozen squirrels who didn't get out of the nut bin in time.

The state motto of Oklahoma is "labor omnia vincit", which means "my brother was an extra in 'Twister'".

Oklahoma residents are known as "Sooners", after the disreputable people who made homestead claims prior to the official start time of noon on April 22nd, 1889. Personally, I don't like the nickname because it makes light of a serious offense. It's like referring to terrorists who blow up children as "baby boomers".

The National Cowboy Hall of Fame is located in Oklahoma City. Whaddya wanna be that Terrell Owens throws a fit because they won't induct him?

Every April, the city of Beaver, Oklahoma, holds the World Championship Cow Chip Throw. It's the one time of year where the phrase "You wanna watch me fling poo?" actually works as a pick-up line.

Sylvan Goldman of Oklahoma City invented the modern shopping cart, enabling the homeless to at last to transport their worldly goods without the use of Sherpas.

Jenks, Oklahoma, is home to more antique stores than any other city, and has more useless, outdated, unworkable items than a Democractic Party platform.

The first capital city of Oklahoma was Guthrie, but it was later moved to Oklahoma City, since no one wanted their state to be associated with a crappy folk singer.

I mean, "You can get anything you want blah, blah, blah" over and over and over. Doesn't that song ever freakin' END?

At over a mile in length, Oklahoma's Pensacola Dam is the world's largest multiple arch dam. In case of leaks, there are emergency repair kits every 1000 feet containing a sponge and a roll of duct tape.

Bob Dunn of Beggs, Oklahoma, invented the world's first electric guitar in 1935, about the same time that his mother coined the phrase "turn that crap down!".

At 287 feet above sea level, Little River, Oklahoma is the lowest point in the state and is reputed to be one of the many low places where Oklahoma native Garth Brooks has friends.

Oklahoma City's WKY was the first radio station to broadcast west of the Mississippi. It's first transmission was "HELP! TORNADO!".

The National Lighter Museum in Guthrie, Oklahoma, contains over 20,000 lighters, the largest collection outside of a Rolling Stones concert.

Oklahoma was the setting for the movie Twister, which proved to be very difficult to shoot, since other tornadoes kept sneaking onto the set and holding up "Hi Mom!" signs.

Antlers, Oklahoma now bills itself as "The Deer Capital of the World" after recieving too many complaints about its previous nickname of "The World's Horniest City".

Oklahoma is one of only two states whose capital cities include the name of the state. The other is New York.

Why yes, I *did* fail geography in high school. How did you know?

The first YIELD sign was installed in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and was generally considered an improvement over the earlier version which simply said "Prepare For Impact".

Oklahoma has more man-made lakes than any other state, most of which are a result of a lack of duct tape at the Pensacola Dam.

Humorist Will Rogers was born in Oologah, Oklahoma, and is best known for his saying, "I never met a man I didn't like". Please note that he died before Michael Moore was born.

Durant, Oklahoma is home to "the world's largest peanut" - a 3-footer. After being informed that Georgia had a 6-foot peanut, Oklahoma renamed theirs "the world's largest peanut - after taxes".

Oklahoma was featured in the book, "The Grapes of Wrath", as well as the sequel, "The Raisins of Petulance".

---

That wraps up the Oklahoma edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be helping the border patrol beat up on hippies sneaking north from California as we visit Oregon.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go fling some poo. Anyone wanna watch?

WHY I MISS THE NAVY

Got this from Bloodspite of Technography

OTHER FRIENDS: Never ask for food

MILITARY FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

OTHER FRIENDS: Call your parents "Mr. and Mrs."

MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents drunk as hell and tell them about the fat girl you tried to pick up

OTHER FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, Damn...we f***ed up...but that was fun...but I'm not calling the CO this time!!!!"

OTHER FRIENDS: Cry with you.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Laugh at you and tell you to "man up, Nancy boy!"

OTHER FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Keep your stuff untill they PCS.

OTHER FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

OTHER FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you.

OTHER FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

OTHER FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "You better drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste... that's alcohol abuse!!!"

OTHER FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore".

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will say "okay just one more"... 2 minutes later - "okay just one more".

OTHER FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will knock them on their ass!

OTHER FRIENDS: Will support you when you try to quit smoking

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will blow smoke in your face and offer you cigarettes until you cave, then call you a wuss for relapsing.

STOP WASTING TIME WORRYING ABOUT TERRORISTS

...and start worrying about the REAL threat:

VELOCIRAPTORS!

[hat tip: bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks]

APPARENTLY, EVERYONE LIKES THE PACKERS THIS YEAR

Frank J. of IMAO tipped me to this post by Scott Adams of The Dilbert Blog wherein he shares his thoughts on success. Here's his theory in a nutshell:

If everyone exposed to a product likes it, the product will not succeed.

He makes an intriguing argument in support. Check it out.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

To love a person is to learn the song
That is in their heart,
And to sing it to them
When they have forgotten.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[This started out in KS: Pass it on. Hi everyone!]

Souvenier from Munchkin City's "Dorothy was here" collection.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) When Bart sends Mrs. Krabappel a love letter, he includes a picture of who?

3) What is the name of Nelson's soapbox racer?

4) Millicent is Lisa's riding instructor at what equestrian establishment?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

HAPPY 33rd BIRTHDAY!

To blogson GEBIV of There's One, Only!

I thought I'd get him a nice pic of a hot chick playing a banjo.

After several hours of Googling, I discovered the awful truth:

Hot chicks don't play the banjo.

Happy Birthday anyway... :-/

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Catch Livery Service (cab) (773) 379 - 6000]

Since selling human organs is illegal, black market organ dealers often resort to subtly disguised messages to get the word out.

Livery, indeed...

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What kind of car does Ned Flanders own?

3) In the corner of the Simpson's kitchen, there's a cookie jar shaped like what?

4) What is the name of the fancy restaurant often visited by the Simpsons?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

[new note - not previously posted]

Some people search their whole lives for one moment of what we share together.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Winamac, Indiana 2000 dirty dirty dirty dirty]

Souvenier from Winamac's 10th annual "Oscar Madison Days" festival.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Why did Homer want to buy a recreational vehicle so badly?

3) When the Simpsons go camping, what do Marge and Lisa discuss as they build camp?

4) If it weren't for Jebediah Springfield, the early settlers would've died in what?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

HELP!

Due to an unfortunate VCR programming accident, I missed taping last Friday's Battlestar Galactica episode (Exodus, Part 2). Having read the detailed synopsis at the link, I've realized that this was truly the BEST. EPISODE. EVER. and that I will die if I don't get to see it.

So... anyone know where I can view it online?

Or if you can send me a videotape, I'll gladly pay postage both ways.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bed rock!

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

[colored-on penny]

This proposed re-design for the penny was rejected by the US Mint as being "just a little too "Queer Eye"".

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Which Simpsons character laughs at totally inappropriate times?

3) Who has been seen eating Chef Lonelyhearts Soup For One?

4) Who did Krusty once present an Emmy to?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

To wish is to wish for you
To sleep is to dream of you
To live is to wait for you
To smile is to think of you

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[ANNAMARIE'S MAGIC DOLLAR]

Someone needs to tell Annamarie that wishful thinking is no substitute for Monistat 7.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What is the name of the Springfield bowling alley?

3) According to Rev. Lovejoy, what is the 8th Deadly Sin?

4) What is the name of the restaurant where Homer dances with Princess Kashmir?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

There is an ease between us as we maneuver around each other. Neither needs to speak, both of us working individually, yet together to get a task accomplished.

[Stolen out of context from blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice]

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Rush Rush]

As a follow-up to the popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the first in its series of "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Dollars".

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) On what street is Moe's Tavern located?

3) Which Simpsons character has a doctorate in Computer Science?

4) What is Krusty's real middle name?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I spent last night dreaming of your eyes,
But your hair kept getting in the way.
Your lips dropped in to tell me how you’d been,
But when I tried to kiss them,
My pillow told me I’d missed them.
Your voice dropped by and sang a lullaby,
And it was then I knew just what to do.
I’d fall asleep and then,
I’d dream of you again.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(pink hi-liter marks on either side of the portrait)]

Like George, I, too, prefer to spend my time with my face surrounded by pink.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) When Bart goes to France, what is the name of the mule on the farm where he stays?

3) According to Homer, why did he have his name engraved in a bowling ball he bought for Marge?

4) In "The Grapes of Wrath", Bart is happy to find what while cleaning his room?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

[new note - not previously posted]

If a raindrop could represent how much I love you, I would ask the Lord to send a storm.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[DREBZ Here's Gas Money You Come See us next time Maybe we'll be There!]

One dollar for gas money? So... Drebz was visiting his neighbor across the street?

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What is the name of Apu's brother?

3) What was wrong with the elf named Chilly in "The Happy Little Elves"?

4) In "Some Enchanted Evening", what motel do Homer and Marge visit?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Your eyes were closed,
Your lips were sweet
And one soft kiss
Meant joy complete.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Touch My Boobs]

Most people will tell you that the 3 sweetest words in the English language are, "I love you".

I beg to differ.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Where does Grampa Simpson live?

3) Who died and left Abe Simpson a fortune?

4) Who was Marge's art teacher at Springfield Community College?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Stealing this from bloggranddaughter Virtue of Rantings of an Indentured Servant, because it's just that good...

I have missed your company more than the blossom misses the sun when the shadow of the storm cloud passes overhead. Being without you is comparable to being one shoe alone in the lost and found of life. I am hopeful that your return will bring the sun out from behind the clouds. Oh, where are you other shoe?

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[WAZZZ-UP?]

As a follow-up to the popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the first in the new series of "Annoying Commercial Catch-Phrase Dollars". Coming soon: "Brilliant!" and "Where's the beef?"

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) (T/F) The Shelbyville version of Milhouse is also named Milhouse

3) Who is the fictional voice actress that does the voices of Itchy & Scratchy?

4) What is the name of Sideshow Mel's significant other?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[kneeling soon for this will be home]

Bill Clinton's cruel sense of humor is best illustrated by the fact that he would frequently drop hints to Monica that he'd make her the new First Lady in exchange for certain... favors.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Who dates Principal Skinner's mom?

3) What Springfield location is a place where logic takes a holiday and the laws of nature are meaningless?

4) Who is the Springfield School District psychiatrist?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Oh! I just remembered how my hands fit the curve of your waist and how your smiles fit the curve of my mind.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(9-30-01) SWM Seeks SWF 1-712-260-8379 (IOWA) Athletic/trim - 22 years old Party animal. Likes - long walks along beach. Dislikes - Liars & mean people]

While the rest of the country has moved on to "toothing", the "dollar quickie" remains the hook-up method of choice in Iowa.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Where are the kids going when the bus crashes into the ocean and they get stranded on an island?

3) Who tells Ralph Wiggum to burn things?

4) Who is the flower cart girl that Moe falls in love with?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

REMEMBER BALI

10-12-02

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

[new note - not previously posted]

I could conquer the world with just one hand... as long as you were holding the other.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[508-2980 SARA]

Hollywood Fun Fact:
"The Terminator" was originally designed as a TV series, where, every week, Schwarzenegger - having this dollar as his only clue - would kill another Sara Connor in a different area code.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Who usually wears suspenders at the power plant?

3) What platoon was Abe Simpson in charge of during WWII?

4) What Springfield fast-food restaurant is named after a famous writer?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

Fun Facts About Ohio

While the IMAO podcast HAS returned, I'm still going to keep posting the latest uncut Fun Facts About The 50 States - hopefully on a weekly schedule. Figure by the time it shows up in a podcast, you'll have forgotten all the jokes anyway.

This week, the natives will be tricking us into believing that buckeyes actually come from the annual shedding of the male deer's eyeballs as we visit Ohio. So let's get started...

Ohio became the 17th state on March 1, 1803 and was originally populated by people who were improperly whacked by the Detroit mob and dumped into Lake Erie.

The state flower of Ohio is the Scarlet Carnation, more popularly known as the flower that cheapskates buy for their ladies instead of roses.

The first ambulance service in the US was started in Cincinnati, Ohio, in 1865 as a method of promoting physical fitness among lawyers.

Cleveland, Ohio is home to America's first traffic light. The idea was borrowed from the French "war light", whose green, red, and yellow signals told French citizens whether to flee, surrender, or collaborate.

Ermal Fraze invented the pop-top can in Kettering, Ohio, which replaced the older, less reliable method of opening cans - outraging a Muslim into suicide-bombing it open for you.

Singer Dean Martin was born in Steubenville, Ohio, and was the last non-Frenchman to sincerely believe that Jerry Lewis was funny.

The cash register was invented in Dayton, Ohio in 1879 by James Ritty. The first model consisted of a locking drawer attached to his wife's cleavage.

"Hang On Sloopy" is the official state rock song of Ohio, which narrowly beat out "Smack My Bitch Up".

Although Ohio's state nickname is the "Buckeye State", long-time residents still prefer the previous nickname of the "Big Red Dangling Nuts State".

Ohio's name comes from an Iroquois Indian word meaning "Lake Erie's on fire again".

Founded in 1869, the Cincinnati Reds were the first professional baseball team. The second professional team wasn't created until 1870, which may explain why the Reds won their first 130 games by forfeit.

Akron, Ohio was the first city to use police cars. Coincidentally, it was also the first city with a donut shop.

Cincinnati was the first city with a full-time professional fire department, originally consisting of 25 Dalmations with bladder-control problems.

Akron, Ohio is the rubber capital of the world, annually producing enough of the material to supply rubber chickens to every crappy prop comic on earth. Or to supply one Carrot Top show.

The American Federation of Labor union was founded in Columbus, Ohio. It offers all the high-quality corrupt thuggery you've come to expect from East Coast unions, but with a pleasant mid-western accent.

At the age of 77, Ohio senator John Glenn became the oldest man to visit outer space aboard the space shuttle Discovery. The ship was grounded for six months afterwards while crews worked around the clock to get the "old person smell" out of it.

Cleveland, Ohio, is the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which is located across the street from the Alcohol and Drug Abuse Museum.

Ohio is the nation's leading producer of greenhouse and nursery plants. None of which are marijuana. And no, I don't know where you can get any. Now get away from me, you stupid hippy!

Canton, Ohio, is home to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. There's no doubt in my mind that Terrell Owens will make it in there someday - if he stops at the front counter and pays for an adult admission ticket.

Neil Armstrong was born in Wapakoneta, Ohio, and became the first man to walk on the moon. The second man to walk on the moon... eh... who cares about THAT loser!

Born in Dayton, Ohio, the Wright Brothers invented the airplane in 1903. Their accomplishment was was largely ignored until they invented the scantily-clad stewardess in 1905.

Americans have elected seven presidents from the state of Ohio. If we elect three more, we'll get a coupon for a free Speaker of the House.

The hot dog was given its name by concessionaire Harry Stevens of Niles, Ohio, after discovering that people weren't interested in buying his "snouts & sawdust sausages".

50% of the United States population lives within a 500 mile radius of Columbus, Ohio. The other 50% lives with a profound sense of relief.

Charles Kettering of Loudonville, Ohio, invented the automobile self-starter in 1911, which was a huge improvement over the old method of grabbing the engine block while peeing on an electric fence.

Ohio's state flag is the only one of the 50 states' which is a penant shape, rather than rectangular. Sorta like that kid you went to school with who thought that being the only person with a mullet made him cool.

In 1839, Charles Goodyear of Akron, Ohio, developed the process of vulcanizing rubber. Prior to that time, rubber could neither live long nor prosper.

Teflon was invented by Roy Plunkett of New Carlisle, Ohio, in 1938 after he followed a recipe for homemade glue typed up by his dyslexic secretary.

Oberlin College was founded in 1833, with the goal of becoming the first interracial and coeducational college in the US. It took a lot of persuading to get people to part with perfectly good tuition money only to be forced to rub elbows with filthy Irishmen.

Civil War General and US President Ulysses S. Grant was born in Point Pleasant, Ohio. His only notable accomplishments were getting really drunk and killing people. Which means that if Ted Kennedy ever became president, we'd soon have a new portrait on the $50 bill.

---

That wraps up the Ohio edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be wondering why the musical didn't mention tornadoes and trailer parks as we visit Oklahoma.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go find an electric fence so I can start my car.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

As the rain falls from the sky
So have I fallen for you.
As the thunder longs to be heard,
So I long to be loved by you.
As the lightning bolts across the sky,
So my heart bolts for you.
As the sun shines beautifully and brightly,
So does my smile because of you.
For without rain, there is no growth.
Without thunder, there is no sound.
Without lightning, there is no brightness.
Without sun, there is no warmth.
And without you, there is no love!

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[BILLS]

Fortunately for the movie-viewing public, the original "flock of killer ducks" angle was scrapped in favor of a great white shark and a toothier title.

[Thanks to Susie of Practical Penumbra for providing the picture]

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What do the Movementarians call the leader of their sect?

3) Who's the little kid that's always just about to throw up?

4) What two poor little orphans give the Simpsons their vitamin money?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

THEY'RE NOT MUCH BIGGER THAN TWO METERS

Staff Sgt. Skywalker bullseyes a womp rat with his M-16.

[Hat tip to CENTCOM for the pic]

WHAT REALLY IRRITATES TERRORISTS?

Making music videos mocking fauxtography.

All Your Fakes Are Belong To Us

and

Rocket Ride

[Hat tip: The Jawa Report]

ON STORING CIGARS

Hapkido of Crunch Time e-mailed me to let me know that he actually found my blogging tips useful. And since I'm a sucker for flattery, I checked out his site.

32, Iowa, politically conservative, practices Hapkido, Italian, not in the witness protection program (or so he says).

Nice guy. Go check him out.

Meanwhile, I'd like to address a particular concern of his: storing cigars.

I love me a good cigar, usually about twice a week (unless I'm at a blogmeet, in which case I chain-smoke 'em like George Burns). Mostly I buy them in bulk from either JR Cigars or Cigars International, depending on which brand I'm in the mood for.

But that leaves the question of what to do with the rest of the box once they arrive. If you don't do something to maintain humidity, they'll dry out within a week, so leaving them as is isn't a good option.

Here are some better ones:

Humidor - you can buy all manner of fancy wooden boxes with humidification devices and maybe even a hygrometer, and you can spend anywhere from $20 to over $2000. I guess they work ok. I've never used one.

Tupperdor - About 8 years ago, I spent $2 on a 9x12x6 plastic tub with a lid. I then took a two-piece travel soap dish, drilled holes in the sides, glued the top to the lid of the box, put a damp rag in the bottom, closed it, and threw my cigars in there. Keeps my cigars just as fresh as the $2000 wooden model.

Baggiedor - Sometimes my cigar shopping exceeds my storage capacity, so I have to expand. Here's what I do. Take two ziploc baggies (I like the gallon size) throw your cigars in one of them. Seal it up. Put the cigar baggie inside the other baggie and seal that up. Assuming you bought the cigars in good condition, the double air-tight seal will keep them in good shape for about a month. If it's going to be longer than that, take a paper towel, fold it up small, get it wet, then squeeze it as dry as you can so that it's just damp and doesn't drip. Put your damp paper towel inside the outer baggie. Check it every few weeks. If it's still damp at all, you're fine.

As for WHAT to smoke, well, that's a personal choice. Hapkido is looking for recommendations on mild cigars. I prefer medium- to full-bodied ones, so I'm useless for advising him. Anyone else got any tips?

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

[new note - not previously posted]

You are the sun that shines in my life; you brighten my day, you chase the dark away, and you dry the rain; that is one of the many reasons I love you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Stranglehold '03]

...which marked the 25th in a series of Ted Nugent "Farewell" concert tours. Of course, by this time in his sagging career, he was being billed third under both "Puppet Show" and "Spinal Tap".

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What did Dr. Marvin Monroe keep in his gun cabinet?

3) In "Bart the Fink", what kind of bank checks does Bart get?

4) Troy McClure says that as an actor, his eyeballs need to look what?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

You are my heart - personified.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[YO]

I give up... what DO you call a Duncan Butterfly that won't come back up into your hand?

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Who owns the Springfield doorbell shop?

3) Homer goes into space with which real-life astronaut?

4) In "Das Bus", what bites Bart on the butt?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Long after moments of closeness have passed, a part of you remains with me and warms the places your hands have touched and hastens my heart for your return.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[William's check for a good week's work]

Being the county's "Road Kill Clean-up Guy" didn't pay a lot, but
William made up for it by selling discount toupees on the side.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) To Lisa's horror, Homer breaks the 8th commandment by stealing what?

3) From where do the Simpsons buy an RV?

4) Where did Marge and Homer first get married?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

[SMOKE A DOOBIE]

Prohibited from touting their wares on TV, California's medical
marijuana dealers opted for a less conventional means of advertising.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What song would Homer's mom sing him to sleep with?

3) What is Bart's middle name?

4) What is Kent Brockman's real name?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

My love for you is a journey; starting at forever, and ending at never...

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)


[All ill and injustice will return to its makers. Fill all voids with justice and wellness]

As a follow up to the popular "State Quarters" program, the Treasury released the first in its series of "New Age Psychobabble Dollars".

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Who wants to create a film called "Get Your Hands Off My Jerky, Turkey"?

3) In "Principal Charming", where does Skinner buy an engagement ring for Patty?

4) In "Bart's Dog Gets an F", who is the neighbor that calls to complain about Santa's Little Helper?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

Top Ten Results of North Korea's Nuclear Test

(cross-posted from IMAO)

North Korea threatened to test a nuclear weapon. How will things be different afterwards?

9) Second nuclear test on North Korean soil, courtesy of an irritable Donald Rumsfeld.

8) Condi Rice has to drag out her Super-Diplomatic, Thigh-High, Black Leather Negotiating boots again.

7) Emptied missile silo now available for stowing political dissidents.

6) Grand opening of Disney Pyongyang - The Glowingest Place On Earth!

5) France thrilled by new opportunity to surrender.

4) Mark Foley's 15 minutes of fame abruptly cut short.

3) Kim Jong Il despondent upon discovering that radiation doesn't ACTUALLY give you super powers.

2) Bush's status as biggest threat to world peace miraculously unchanged among leftists.

1) North Korea forced to explain away yet another embarrassing Dong malfunction.

STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL

[Inspired by this post from IMAO pointing to this Weird Al video]

Witness the secret shame of George Lucas!

Featuring a cartoon with Boba Fett!

Singing Princess Leia!

Harvey Korman in drag!

Bea Arthur in drag!

and Wookies! Wookies! Wookies!

The whole thing, sans commercials, crappy, grainy, choppy quality, 1" x 1" display, RealPlayer format (scroll down) - 17.1 MB download

RealPlayer, if you don't have it - 9.5 MB download

The first 50 minutes at Google video

The animated cartoon segment featuring an appearance by Boba Fett.

Commercials from the SWHS:

Part 1

Part 2

[DISCLAIMER - Bad Example is not responsible for any mental scarring or cognitive disorders arising from the viewing of images linked above]

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Amid the gloom and travail of existence suddenly to behold a beautiful being... and as instantaneously to feel an overwhelming conviction, that with that fair form, our destinies must be entwined... this is love.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[LO]

In order to assist an increasingly stupid population of public school graduates, the US Treasury began printing verbal descriptions of each denomination's relative value on all US currency.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What real-life person said, "The nation needs to be closer to the Waltons than the Simpsons"?

3) What real-life boxing champion beats up Barney outside Moe's?

4) What real-life US city had Bart Simpson Day declared on January 26, 1993?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to walk by again?

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Hot Licks]

As a follow up to their popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the first in its new series of "Happy Foreplay Dollars".

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) What item does Homer name "Stitchface"?

3) When Apu is fired from the Kwik-E-Mart, who takes over for him?

4) What is the activity of the first Junior Camper's meeting Bart attends?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I long to touch your soul,
To taste the sacredness of you,
A love so pure, sublime, serene…
A dream contemptuous of time.
Come to me, Love, and wrap me up
In endless dreams, caresses sweet
With gentleness and joy.
My aching heart, filled with desire,
Would gladly soar through time and space
Just to dissolve in your embrace once more…
And melt in your soul’s sweet fire.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Hamilton with funky facial hair)]

While somewhat historically accurate, "Gangs of New York" omits the facts that The Butcher survived the final showdown, changed his name, and was elected President. When asked about these gross factual inaccuracies, Scorsese responded, "You see this knife? I'm gonna teach you to speak English with this [f******] knife!" before wading into the crowd of reporters with a meat cleaver.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) In "Homer the Vigilante", we learn that instead of insurance, Homer bought what?

3) In "Treehouse of Horror IV", who wrote the forward to "Yes, I Am A Vampire"?

4) The words across the front of the Springfield museum say "Truth, Knowledge, and..." what?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

"You have gripped my soul with a ferocity reserved for a castaway clinging to a raft in the middle of the ocean. If my soul is the raft, it is your hold that keeps me afloat. Don't ever let go. I love you."

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(brown stained $5 bill)]

Bill Gates' toilet paper

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) When Homer becomes an executive at the power plant, who is his personal secretary?

3) Who provided the voice of the Babysitter Bandit?

4) What miracle medicine gives Homer a full head of hair?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

THIRTY-MUMBLE AGAIN

Blogson Contagion of Miasmatic Review had another birthday.

Embarrassingly enough, although I knew about it ahead of time, I was away from my computer, so I couldn't do a cruel and humiliating post to help him celebrate.

I'm sure he's broken-hearted about that.

As I was googling around for an appropriate present (which I didn't find), I *did* discover something interesting:

Looks like ol' Seamus MacPhail finally got his still working.

Congratulations on keeping the world inebriated.

And Happy Birthday!

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

[new note - not previously posted]

(Introduction)

Let these words not only touch your eyes, let them travel through your soul, and let them rest in your heart as you rest in mine... I Love You.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Rubber stamp: LITTLE PEOPLE REVOLUTION)]

After Dorothy left Oz, the Munchkins stormed Emerald City, and Scarecrow's head wound up on a pike in front of the palace gate.

TODAY'S SIMPSON TRIVIA

(Introduction)

2) Who breaks into the Simpson's house during the "All Singing, All Dancing" episode?

3) Who is Superintendent Chalmers' assistant?

4) Who helped Ned Flanders overcome his behavioral problems when Ned was a boy?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.