ABOUT THAT SUPERBOWL

I'm required by Wisconsin law to hate the Bears, but since they're fellow NFC Northers, I have to root for 'em on the big day.

On the other hand, I think it'd be nice for a kick-ass QB like Manning to get himself a Superbowl ring.

On the third hand, it'd be nice for Urlacher to have one. That man is just SCARY good at his job.

On the fourth hand, it'd just be amusing for Rex Grossman to get a ring, considering he had a 0.0 QB rating in his last regular season game.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Like a runner's second wind, your love gives surprising fuel to my spirit.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)


[Much Love, Jay]

... so then Leno asks me "So... what will $20 buy me at a Tijuana whorehouse?", and I says...

[Hat tip to blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World]

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BECAUSE I'M A SLAVE TO THE HIP & TRENDY

I'm signing up for the 2000 Bloggers project:

If you want to be included in 2000 Bloggers, leave a comment here with a link to your blog and your name and I will add you. Two requirements, though: 1. You must have a photo of yourself somewhere on your blog, and 2. Your blog must have been created prior to January 1st of this year.

Currently sitting at 1250, but it's filling up fast.

Better hurry if you want to be included on the official site.

[Hat tip to Lynn of A Sweet, Familiar Dissonance]

CAN'T BELIEVE CONDI RICE SCORED LOWER THAN JOHN MCCAIN

...in the Right Wing News poll of right wing bloggers' most desired nominee for the 2008 Republican Presidential nomination.

I guess the country just isn't ready for a woman president.

Hope Hillary's taking notes.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I have no illusions. I know who you are. I love you because - not in spite - of that.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)



[TO GOD, TAKE CARE OF ALL AND LOOK AFTER ME J.R.M.M (heart)]

After Republicans won their 5th straight presidential election in 2016, the Democrats gave up trying to get their social welfare spending programs passed and settled for occasional attempts at currency-based prayer.

[Hat tip to Brian of Musings From Brian J. Noggle for sending me the picture]

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

VACATION! SCROLL DOWN FOR NEW ENTRIES!

Going to visit TNT's Great Aunt Jean for about a week. I expect to resume normal blogging on the 30th, although there may be sporadic posting in the meantime. Hard to say.

In any event, since I really want to get all 365 of the new love notes posted this year, I will back-date and post the BE Daily Love Notes when I get back, if nothing else.

Meanwhile, I've instructed horse-dog Jake to keep his peepers peeled for trouble-making comment-carousers, so be on your best behavior.

I *know* I can trust you.

Right?

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I am prisoner to the savage need to feel your lips at this very moment. Please set me free.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

As I hold you close in my arms, I hold you even closer in my heart.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If synchronized loving were an Olympic sport, we'd take gold.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

They say that you have to work at a marriage, but as in rowing a boat, between efforts there is effortless gliding, and continual progress is maintained for the price paid. A mix of joy and work is still joy.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

We are - in many things - opposites. We do not match. But we DO complement... hand in glove.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If there's gray in your hair, I don't see it. Love is colorblind, too.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

ABOUT THOSE COLLEGE BLOGS

Blake of Laughing Wolf is working on a project and needs some help:

I am helping a colleague put together some panel proposals for the upcoming Blogworld & New Media Expo and would appreciate your assistance. For this proposal, he/we need suggestions for university/college blogs; that is, blogs done by colleges and universities, or by particular schools within such institutions. We also would like to get some good student blogs recommended, and those students can be full-time, part-time, local, long-distance, or purple with pink polka dots. Suggestions anyone?

I'm sure you all know some good college-affilliated or student bloggers. Go leave the man some links.

Fun Facts About Utah

While the IMAO podcast is still MIA, I'm going to keep posting the latest uncut Fun Facts About The 50 States - hopefully on a weekly(ish) schedule.

This week, we'll be getting run over by a rocket car going 700 mph on the Bonneville Salt Flats as we visit Utah. So let's get started...

Utah became the 45th state on January 4th, 1896. It was originally founded by a group of Mormons from Illinois in search of a new food supply after they'd hunted the local population of lime jello to extinction.

The state song of Utah is "Hooray for Sacred Undergarments!"

Utah gets its name from the Navajo Indian word meaning, "yet another unreadably boring holy book".

Utah has a professional basketball team - the Utah Jazz. No one's sure where they got the black guys for it, since the state is 50% whiter than the NHL and the American Polo League combined.

Utah is home to America's first department store, the Zions Co-operative Mercantile Institution. It operates today as ZCMI, after having won the trademark infringement lawsuit against Zionist Conspiracy Members International.

The state motto of Utah is "7 am is NOT too early to ring doorbells for Jesus".

The Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City took 40 years to complete. It would've been done sooner, but the workers were required to take church-mandated "conception breaks".

That's Mormon for "nooners".

And when you have 30 wives, that makes for some LONG lunch hours.

At 278 feet long, the Rainbow Bridge is the world's largest natural-rock span. Geologists theorize that the stone beneath the arch was slowly worn away over the years by repeated impacts from an unlucky yet persistent coyote.

Utah's license plates have black lettering over a desert image background and feature the slogan "Annoying, yet SO nicely dressed".

Utah's Great Salt Lake covers 2100 square miles with average depth of 13 feet. The salt concentration of the lake is approximately that of the rim of a margarita glass.

Salt Lake City was originally called Great Salt Lake City. The word Great was eventually dropped, as the locals consider it a curse word - for example when used in such obscenities as "Great Caeser's Ghost!" and "Great Googly Moogly!".

The state symbol of Utah is the beehive, which represents thrift, industry, and an insanely high birth rate.

The state animal of Utah is the Rocky Mountain Oyster.

Utah's Wasatch mountain range is named after a Ute Indian word meaning "Wazzzup!"

During WWII, the Alta, Utah, ski center served as a training ground for the paratroopers from the 10th Mountain Regiment, which is currently known as "The Xtreme Dew Crew Dudes!"

Utah's annual precipitation varies from 5 inches in the desert regions to 60 inches in the mountains, in clear violation of the Federal Rainfall Fairness Act.

Damn Utah and it's evil precipitationist discrimination!

In 2002, Salt Lake City was the host of the XIX Olympic Winter Games. The event was a resounding success, marred only by the controversy over banning coffee as a performance-enhancing drug.

Utah's nickname is the "Pass The Sanka State"

Fillmore, Utah served as it's capital when it was still a territory. I was named for US President Millard Fillmore. The only other thing ever inspired by "America's Boringest President" is a lame, right-wing comic strip which features a mallard and all the political subtlety of PeTA protesting at a KFC.

The city of Kanab is known as "Utah's Little Hollywood, because of the large number of motion pictures filmed in the area, including the new Wachowski Brothers film "Matrix: Decaffeinated".

Beaver, Utah is the birthplace of Philo T. Farnsworth, the inventor of television. Which is ironic, since half the time you can't even say the name of his hometown on TV without getting bleeped.

Salt Lake City, Utah, is the only state capital whose name contains three words, except for What's That Smell, New Jersey.

Utah was originally part of Mexico before the Mexican-American war. It was used by the Mexicans as an internment camp for deranged mental patients who swore using words like: 'darn', 'fetch', 'flip', 'heck', 'shoot', and 'sugar'.

The Spanish word for Utah translates roughly as "Ned Flanders".

Utah has over 11,000 miles of fishing streams, which are filled with rainbow trout and secret stashes of Coca-Cola.

65% of the land in Utah is owned by the federal government. The fact that 65% of the state is a barren, lifeless wasteland is just a coincidence.

The television series "Touched By An Angel" was filmed in Utah, as was its low-rated spin-off, "Suing An Angel For Sexual Harrassment".

Utah has the highest literacy rate in the nation, as long as you define "literacy" to exclued any words that would trigger a PG-13 rating.

---

That wraps up the Utah edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be wondering how to get that hippie smell out of our maple syrup as we visit Vermont.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for a conception break.

IT'S A BOY!

And it's not a blogchild this time.

Long-absent despite my incessant nagging (and thus still a milk carton kid) Blogdaughter Sally of Whimsy Capricious and her husband Alex of Alex in Wonderland are 22 weeks into brewing up a new offspring.

Thought you'd like to know.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

In quiet moments, I suddenly find my heart overtaken by thoughts of you. If you see me smile for no reason, rest assured that there is one, and it is you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Russian coin with two-headed eagle)]

Following the example of America's popular State Quarters program, the Russian government recently announced it was releasing the "John Kerry Issue Position Ruble".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

AND IF THE *COMPANY* IS SENSIBLE, THEY'VE ALREADY FIRED THIS GUY

Perhaps by now you've seen or heard the story (verified by Snopes) of the soldier who received a rude reply from Discount Mats after inquiring as to whether they shipped their products to APO addresses:

SGT Hess,
We do not ship to APO addresses, and even if we did, we would NEVER ship to Iraq. If you were sensible, you and your troops would pull out of Iraq.

Bargain Suppliers
Discount-Mats.com

First, be aware that Snopes has NOT yet heard back from Discount Mats, so it's possible that the person sending the response was not actually the person authorized to handle such inquiries. It's happened before.

Second, I want to take issue with this comment by PoliPundit:

Contact DISCOUNT MATS and let them know how wrong they are. Freedom of speech?

And who exactly protects that right?

This is NOT a freedom of speech issue. Discount Mats is NOT a governmental organization. They have the right to say whatever they want, including setting shipping policy, being rude to their customers, and telling soldiers what they think of their mission.

On the other hand, they deserve no protection from the CONSEQUENCES of their free speech. Including boycotts and angry e-mails. So feel free to sound off to contact@discount-mats.com. But do be aware that they seem to be dealing with a large volume of mail right now, so you may not receive a response.

If you DO decide to e-mail them, please be aware that a LOT of companies don't ship to APO and FPO addresses, simply because it requires a lot of extra work on their part to ship the items. In most cases, it's a matter of economics and shouldn't be assumed to reflect any sort of opinion of the troops or their mission.

So if you want to contact them, please try to stick with the facts and allow for the possibility that there's some sort of misunderstanding underlying this episode. Consider asking for clarification rather than making accusations. Personally, my e-mail consisted of a simple inquiry: "Do you ship to APO addresses?".

I think they got the message.

Assuming their e-mail server hasn't melted down by now.

ADDENDUM (from Snopes) - Sgt. Hess has already found an alternative supplier for his mats, and is snowed under with supportive e-mails. There's no need to contact him.

UPDATE: I should credit blogson Contagion of Miasmatic Review for pointing out to me that Snopes has a mailing list you can subscribe to, which is how I first found out about this story.

YAY! MORE FARTBLOGGING!

So... I got bored and searched for "Harvey" on YouTube.

Judging by the results, it seems the name is a LOT more popular for dogs, cats, rabbits and horses than for people.

Nevertheless, I think you'll be amused by (quoting the description) "an experiment on harveys ass and talcum powder".

20 seconds. Enjoy.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

My heart and head debate endlessly on points large and small, but always they agree how right it is to love you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)



[Booker T., Big Show, Gold Dust, Big Pappa Pump, Ric Flair]

As a follow up to its popular State Quarters program, the Treasury recently released the first in its new series of "Washed Up Talentless Hack Wrestler Dollars". Coming soon: "Hulk Hogan", and "Jesse The Body/Mind/Spleen Ventura"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

California Legislature Spanking Ban

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Democratic California Assemblywoman Sally Lieber has vowed to introduce legislation this week banning the spanking of elected officials.

"Currently we face the ridiculous situation of having our law condone justifiable beating of legislators," said Lieber. "Sure, I love a good spanking as much as the next consenting adult, but only if it involves a leather paddle and a safety word. But using phyical violence to punish legislators for passing stupid laws? That's just WRONG!".

Governor Schwarzenegger seemed to agree, citing the corrective effects of both scheduled and recall elections. "We can discipline our legislators without hitting," he said.

Under current law, any legislator that proposes, votes for, or passes any legislation in violation of either the Constitution or common sense can have "the stupid beat out of his ass" with an 18 by 6 inch wooden paddle.

Lieber disagrees with the policy.

"Most people know you should not hit legislators, and legislators do not know right from wrong," she said. "Legislators you have to distract, remove, supervise, protect... preferrably with a shiny stack of unmarked bills."

Others, however, think Lieber is full of crap.

"The day that the [government] votes in its own legislators, then they have a right to raise them," wrote one constituent named Esther. "Till then, they are mine to do with as I please. I will raise them the way I see fit. If I think that those little butts need a swat... I will be the one to give it to them."

Meanwhile, Republican Assemblywoman Audra Strickland has promised to counter Lieber's bill with one of her own, which calls for a larger variety of corrective measures for wayward legislators. New options would include attending "wise-up classes" at either the Lyndie England Smoke & Point Discipline Academy or the President Clinton Internship Program, depending on gender and sexual preference.

"Assemblywoman Lieber's gonna regret introducing this bill!"

WHAT IF...

...you took the best stunts from a Jackie Chan movie, built it as an obstacle course, and televised it?

I tell ya, it makes me want to move to Japan, just so I can watch stuff like this.

9 of the best minutes of your life, this video is.

[Hat tip: Matty O'Blackfive]

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

What sublime being are you to make me love you so?

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[T]

When I said you should invest in T-bills, that's NOT what I meant!

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

No, His Name Isn't The Problem...

(cross-posted from IMAO)

I can deal with a president named "Obama".

I can deal with the fact that he's a colored fella.

I can even deal with the fact that he's a liberal, socialist, tax-and-spend Democrat.

But I CAN'T deal with the fact that he looks like Barney Fife.

Obama '08: "Terrorism - I'll nip it in the bud!"

GODWIN'S LAW IN ACTION

Godwin's Law: "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.

[snip]

There is a tradition in many newsgroups and other Internet discussion forums that once such a comparison is made, the thread is finished and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically "lost" whatever debate was in progress."

Bloggreatgranddaughter KD of Life of the Wife mentioned that she's been hit repeatedly with this line:

I am often told that as I grow older and more educated, I will grow more liberal.

Which put me in mind of this quote, usually attributed to Winston Churchill:

"If you're not a liberal when you're 25, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative by the time you're 35, you have no brain."

While I was Googling to check the phrasing on this, I came across a discussion thread about the quote, and as I was reading it, I kept waiting for the Nazi analogy.

I wasn't disappointed.

Godwin 1, liberal asshat 0.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Every time I see you, I gasp - because you're always more beautiful that I remember.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(large section of ink missing from Washington's portrait)]

1997 (138 minutes, Rated R) - John Travolta and Nicolas Cage, directed by John Woo...

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT BY ASKING

Whenever you need to get something accomplished, and you're stuck dealing with a low-level flunky (no offense to the flunkies of the world), DON'T ask "How can I get this thing done/changed/removed/approved?". They will say "I don't know" and you will be screwed.

Ask instead: "Who do I need to talk to in order to get this thing done/changed/removed/approved?"

Someone, somewhere ALWAYS has the power to grant your wish. And, since you're letting the flunky shift responsibility for the decision away from themselves, the person you're talking to will ALWAYS happily point you to someone who is either authorized to grant your wish, or someone who has a better idea of who your wish-granter might be.

At some point in your journey, the person you're talking to will answer "I can help you with that".

Repeat as necessary until you get what you want.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

My desire to be with you here, now, is not a whim, but rather an undeniable, irresistible necessity.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Rubber stamp: YE OLDE TRADING POST INC, 1125 1/2 S. STATE ST., WESTERVILLE IL 51883, CARY K. SPICER CORP PRES]

Come for the famous "stable-o-hookers", but beware the "counterfeite currencie".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

HOW NOT TO BE NOTICED BY SECURITY WHEN YOU GO THROUGH THE AIRPORT

Blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World posted the handiest links ever for infrequent fliers who are lost in a sea of confusion regarding the latest airline rules on what is and isn't allowed.

The Transportation Security Administration home page.

And the ever-changing list of what you can and can't bring.

You might want to bookmark these.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

How well we go together! What you fuss over as your flaws are, to me, the charming quirks that make you uniquely adorable.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

:)

As a follow-up to the popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the "Smiley", the first in the new series of "Emoticon Dollars". Coming soon:

"Steaming Mad" ~:-(

and

"Propeller Beanie" %(|:-)

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

A PART OF MY CHILDHOOD JUST DIED

There was nothing good on TV last night, so Beloved Wife TNT & I popped The Cat in the Hat into the DVD player (live action version, with Mike Myers).

I vaguely remember the book. Something about 2 kids home alone on a rainy day, a cat who makes a mess and then cleans it up, and a fish that does a lot of complaining.

It made, as I recall, a nice 30-minute cartoon.

But the mess I saw last night contained about 60 minutes of unrelated padding, lots of gratuitous toilet humor, VERY little Suessian rhyming, a tacked-on story line, and some inexplicable plot elements (what WAS up with that guy with the clean-hands fetish?).

Dr. Suess was not my favorite children's author, but I *do* have a lot of respect for the man's work.

Unlike the people who made this movie.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Compared to the joy of loving you, experiencing mere ecstasy would be anticlimactic.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[LXIII]

Add another "VI" and this would be my favorite dollar.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

AH... A CHALLENGE

Bloggreatgranddaughter Tink of Tink's Tribulations needs some scrapbooking help:

I need songs, specificially songs that begin with N, P, Q, S, T, U, V, X, Y, Z; where either a verse or the chorus would be appropriate for a young girl.

I personally don't know a lot of music appropriate for children. Those of you with more class, please feel free to chime in.

IF *I* CAN'T GET ANYTHING DONE, YOU SHOULDN'T EITHER

Via Blogson Contagion of Miasmatic Review, an annoyingly addictive time waster:

Build some towers, shoot some monsters, try to make it through all 38 levels with a better score than 5925.

Only took me 5 tries to make it all the way through.

Helpful hints in the extended entry...

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Human beings, it is said, are but miniscule motes of dust in the vastness of the universe. Your love, however, makes me feel as bright and spectacular as a galaxy of supernovas.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Rubber stamp: IBM STOLE MY PENSION)]

This is obviously just a transparent attempt by Dick Cheney to distract
the public from the oil-thieving war-mongery of Halliburton!

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

(update: typo in first clue fixed)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I don't know any Italian except for "pizza" and "amore", but I think that'll get us through tonight.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Snoop]

As a follow up to the popular State Quarters program, the Treasury introduced the first in its new series of "Crappy Rapper Dollars". Coming soon: "P. Diddy" and "Vanilla Ice"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Your body is a candy-store of sensual delights, and - kid that I am - I'm determined to sample them all.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Jim Allen]

From E! True Hollywood Stories:

"Though normally a very family-oriented individual, the Home Improvement star refused to discuss his little brother, currently serving 20 years to life for counterfeiting."

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

WHY I'M CHILDLESS

Because if the kid in this commercial were mine and I gave him the public spanking he so richly deserved, Child Protective Services would take him away and I'd be doing jail time.

[Hat tip: Russell of Mean Mr. Mustard 2.0]

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

With every kiss from you, my spine crackles with the electricity of passion.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[420 (and Jackson smoking a joint)]

As a follow-up to the popular State Quarter program, the Treasury recently released the first in its new series of "Stoner Dollars". Coming soon: "Man, Pink Floyd is, like, so DEEP!" and "Dude! Got any Twinkies?"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

Fun Facts About Texas

While the IMAO podcast is still MIA, I'm going to keep posting the latest uncut Fun Facts About The 50 States - hopefully on a weekly(ish) schedule.

This week, we'll be wondering whether the locals are just kidding when they offer us a bowl of jalepeno ice cream as we visit Texas. So let's get started...

Texas became the 28th state on December 29th, 1845 after the US won it from Mexico in - ironically - a game of Texas Hold 'em.

Although the Texas justice system is sometimes criticized for having "too many" executions, the truth is that most Texas prisoners prefer death to the alternative sentence of "life without the possibility of an oversized belt buckle".

Texas license plates have dark blue numbers on a white background and contain the tourism slogan "All the oil, without all the burkhas".

The Texas flag consists of 3 colored sections - red, white, and blue - with the blue section featuring an image of Chuck Norris kicking a bad guy's ass.

The state flower of Texas is the Bluebonnet. It WAS the yellow rose until the RIAA sued the state for copyright infringement.

Texas gets its name from a Caddo Indian word meaning "short swim to a welfare check".

Texas has a population of nearly 21 million people, all of whom are ashamed to be from the same state as the Dixie Chicks.

President Dwight Eisenhower was born in Denison, Texas. He was the last elected American President who didn't need to check his pockets for a comb before a press conference.

The state tree of Texas is the gallows.

The Alamo in San Antonio, Texas, is the place where a grossly outnumbered contingent of Texans fought to the death against an overwhelming force of Mexican troops in 1836. Much as modern-day beer kegs currently wage their valiant yet inevitably hopeless struggle against frat boy sobriety.

If a Texan brags to you about how much bigger his state is than yours, tell him your friend from Alaska was just saying the same thing about him, and laugh when he starts crying like a little girl.

The state mammal of Texas is the armadillo. For those not familiar with it, an armadillo is a peculiar-looking animal with the head of a rat, the body armor of a turtle, and the spineless flexibility of Bush's immigration policy.

President Lyndon Johnson was born in Johnson City, Texas. He was the last president to be popularly known by his three initials, "LBJ". Which should not be confused with President Clinton's nickname among Hispanic voters, "el BJ".

Alvin, Texas, set the record for rainfall in the US when it received 43 inches in 24 hours in 1979. It also holds the record for the world's largest wooden boat at 300 by 50 by 30 cubits.

Texas' nickname is "the big freakin' hat state".

More wool comes from the state of Texas than any other state. The quality of the wool is far superior to that from New Jersey, which is 90% Italian back hair.

Texas was actually an independent nation from 1836 until 1845, when it got divorced, lost its job and moved into America's basement, where it remains to this day.

Lazy bum.

An oak tree near Fulton, Texas, is estimated to be over 1500 years old. Every year on June 1st, the locals celebrate the tree's birthday by getting drunk and firing pistols into the air. The drunken shooting on the other 364 days of the year is just for fun.

Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in Texas. All the rest have implants.

On December 20, 1835, the first flag of Texas independence was raised. It featured a white background behind an image of Speedy Gonzales's head on a pike and a capital "T" branded on his forehead.

The Hertzberg Circus Museum in San Antonio, Texas, has the largest collection of circus memorabilia in the world. It includes such rare sideshow freak attractions as a three-headed calf and a modest, soft-spoken Texan wearing sneakers and a fedora.

The state motto of Texas is "That chili's not hot, you're just a wuss".

Texas is home to both Dell and Compaq computers. The fact that they've outsourced all their tech support overseas gives new meaning to the phrase "Cowboys and Indians".

The famous soft drink Dr Pepper was invented in Waco, Texas, in 1885. It should not be confused with any best-selling Beatles albums or that crappy rip-off, Mr Pibb.

The first suspension bridge in the US was the Waco Bridge, built across the Brazos river in 1870. Before then, all bridges were supported by concrete pilings reinforced with the broken bodies of Chinese railroad workers.

The Texas capitol building in Austin opened on May 16, 1888, and is actually 7 feet higher the US Capitol building in Washington, D.C.. Personally, I think it's nice that men from Texas at least have ONE size-related thing they can brag about.

The first word spoken from the moon was "Houston". The second and third words were "Astros" and "suck".

Texas possesses three of the top 10 most populous cities in the US - Houston, Dallas, and San Antonio. It also claims two of the top 10 most monkey-eared presidential candidates - George W. Bush and Ross Perot.

The cattle population of Texas is estimated to be 16 million.

17 million if you count Cadillacs with steer horns mounted on the hood.

The world's first rodeo was held in Pecos, Texas, in 1883 when a dozen cowboys came up with a plan for a way to publicly tie up and wrestle cattle while dressed in leather chaps without running afoul of the state's oppressive bestiality laws.
---

That wraps up the Texas edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be finding it ironic that a state that's filled with Mormons is, itself, a four-letter word as we visit Utah.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go help put down a beer keg uprising.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Even in the saddest of times, you share with me an unquenchable optimism that sustains me through my darkest hours, bringing me always back to the light.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[QUE NO SE TE OLVIDE MAMARME LA VERGA CHINGA TU MADRE SI NO LO HACES]

Not sure exactly how to translate that, but I'm pretty sure a lot of people would like to say it to Hugo Chavez.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

WTF?

Lynn of A Sweet, Familiar Dissonance pointed out a story about a woman who can't get her personalized license plate renewed.

She used to own the North Woods Tree Farm with her husband, and got a "NWTF" license plate.

I'm sure you thought it meant she was a member of the National Wild Turkey Federation.

Or possibly Negros Women for Tomorrow Foundation.

Or maybe the North West Twinning Federation.

Or perhaps the National Wind Tunnel Facility.

Or any of a number of other innocent acronyms

Apparently the state of Ohio thinks it stands for "now what the f*ck?".

The state of Ohio is retarded.

NOBODY uses those four letters to mean that... at least until this story came out of Ohio. This may become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Anyway, I just wanted to clear something up, here. I *do* realize that most people think that WTF stands for "what the f*ck?"

Most people are wrong.

WTF stands for "what's this for?".

Which is handy information to have, if an innocent youngster (or uptight oldster) ever asks you what WTF stands for.

APPARENTLY IT'S TRUE

(cross-posted from IMAO)

The folks at the Monger Horde have been posting vicious fabrications asserting that Frank J. of IMAO has a thing for manatee pr0n.

At least it's SUPPOSED to be a fabrication.

But then how would you explain this recent screen capture of the IMAO front page?

I credit TopicAds from CafePress.com for blowing the lid off this scandal.

Bush Is Kennedy!

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Gerard of American Digest recently pointed out that no one has yet compared Bush to Vlad the Impaler, and - upon reading that - it occured to me that the left is making a huge mistake in comparing Bush to Hitler.

After all, Hitler managed to hold the reins of German power for 11 years and was directly responsible for millions of deaths.

What's Bush's confirmed body count?

Why, it's not even as impressive as Ted Kennedy's.

Besides, as the frothing Kos-kids are forever pointing out, Bush is an idiotic bumbler who has the cunning of Grimace and the success-to-failure ratio of Wile E. Coyote. Surely a more accurate comparison would be to those lovable, bumbling villians who bluff and bluster but never manage to really hurt anyone before their ill-conceived schemes blow up in their faces.

So here's a list of dangerously unbalanced and/or evil people to whom comparing Bush would be FAR more reasonable:

C. Montgomery Burns

Boris and/or Natasha

Cobra Commander

Elmer Fudd

Sylvester Pussycat

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

Any Batman villain from the TV series.

Pinky and/or The Brain

Shredder

Harcourt Fenton "Harry" Mudd

David Letterman and/or Paul Schaffer

The Wachowski brothers

Sideshow Bob

Captain Hook

The Wicked Witch of the West

Severus Snape

Gargamel

Vizzini

Witchiepoo

Skeletor

Jareth the Goblin King

Dr. Smith

and, of course, Frank J. of IMAO

Who - like George W. Bush - has yet to have a SINGLE confirmed kill of either a monkey or ninja, despite his numerous half-implemented plans to bring about their destruction.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Basking in the glow your indomitable spirit, I believe that I can move mountains.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[St. Jude - Anyone who gets this bill will be blessed with lots of money if you re-write this on 10 more bills]

Smelling opportunity, Bubba wrote this on his cable, electric, gas, water, phone, Visa, MasterCard, insurance, mortgage, and Porn-of-the-Month Club bills.

[Hat tip to bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks for the pic]

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

My imagination is powerful - it creates miracles and wonders. But were they all to manifest real, I would trade them unthinkingly to be with you right now.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[For Bubba - Tell Him To Leave You Alone Tonight]

Somewhere in the distance, Dueling Banjos began to play...

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

NAVY BEANS? ISN'T THAT HOW THEY POWERED SHIPS BEFORE NUCLEAR REACTORS?

Blogson Peter posted his Navy Bean Soup recipe.

The main ingredient seems to be "throw it in".

If anyone makes this, invite me over.

MILK CARTON KIDS - NEAR MISSES AND A PRODIGAL SON

While I was checking the blogspawns to see who fell on the wrong side of the 6 month cutoff date, I discovered that a couple of the long missing had made posts in December.

Those would be:

Hippie of Bohemian Rhapsody (missing 6 months) who posted her "Things I've Done" meme.

and

Neonangel (missing 8 months) of Lyrical Coma, musing on what kind of hell it is to be on the service side of the counter during the Christmas shopping season.

Then Blogless Brother Tom - whose abandoned Blogspot site got taken over by some idiot spam-mongering crapblogger - recently returned as... um... Blogless Brother (tagline: The Rambling and Jibbering of a Good Jedi Gone Bad).

I now officially hate him because he used the phrase "Six Flags old guy happy dance".

GOD how that scar burns upon being re-opened.

And just so everyone else feels the pain, here's what he's talking about. Good luck getting THAT happy little tune out of your head.

Afterwards, you can watch this parody. Takes some of the sting off.

ANYONE NEAR ORLANDO?

Bloggranddaughter Rave of Quid Nunc is looking to get a special present for her mother, but she needs some help.

She wants to get an autographed copy of Janet Evanovich's book "Plum Lovin'".

The only hitch being that Rave won't be anywhere near an Evanovich book signing.

However, if you're in the Orlando or Cape Coral area, maybe you can help out.

Here's Janet's schedule:

ORLANDO on Jan 12th, 7pm, Barnes & Noble 2418 E. Colonial Dr

CAPE CORAL Florida Jan 15th, 1pm, BJ's 1929 NE Pine Island Road

Here's what Rave is offering:

If any of you live in the [Orlando or Cape Coral] area, and could purchase a book and have it autographed for me, then of course send it to me snail mail, I would forever be in your debt.

I will pay for the book, mileage to and from, snail mail costs, and I will even pay for your time spent to do this (I can only imagine how long the line will be). Just give me a ballpark figure and I can send money in advance!

If you are able & willing to help, drop Rave a line at:

rave1-at-cox.net

to work out the details.

HOW TO MAKE BLOGCHILDREN

Even though I encourage everyone to start blogging, I must reluctantly admit that it's not for everyone.

As evidenced by the Bad Example Family Milk Carton Kids.

So here's my advice for prospective blogparents who wish to avoid blogmiscarriages:

Only try to blogparent qualified people.

Here's what I mean by "qualified":

1) They comment on several different blogs regularly, preferably daily.

2) Their comments are relevant to the posts they're on.

2) Their comments add either insight, experience, or humor.

Why are these traits important?

Because they indicate that the person reads blogs, understands the concept of blogging, shows some desire to participate, and demonstrates the all-important blogger trait of regularity. If a reader's not inclined to make time for regular commenting, he probably won't be inclined to make time for regular posting, either.

And let's be honest. Blogging isn't something you FIND time for. You MAKE time for it, usually at the expense of time spent doing other things.

Like eating, sleeping, and making love.

But if you're lucky, it'll only cost you a little TV time. And if it's the nightly news you're giving up, you're really better off, since all the GOOD news stories are being covered on blogs, anyway. And with more quality, detail, and accuracy.

Anyway, if you're lucky enough to have one of these qualified commenters, go ahead and send 'em a link to my "How To Start Blogging" post, and just keep nagging until they give in.

A word of warning:

DO NOT encourage friends, relatives, or co-workers to start blogging if they don't already meet the above-listed criteria.

Being a blogger who stands the test of time requires a passion for self-expression. If it's not there, your blogbaby MIGHT be able to drag on for a few weeks out of a feeling of obligation to you, but eventually it'll just seem like too much damn work, and they'll be back to worshipping their PlayStation before you can say "Blogger 404 - Page Not Found".

If you REALLY want to get your friend/relative/co-worker blogging, start by getting them to read your favorite blogs. Once they see how fun and interesting the whole phenomenon is, they might decide they want to join in.

On the other hand, there's also an old saying about leading a horse to water that you'd do well to keep in mind.

Now, having said that, I'll say this:

I could be wrong.

Personally, I think I left a grand total of 3 comments before I started blogging, so there are obviously exceptions to the above guidelines. Maybe the person you have in mind for your blogchild might be a shy-but-eager protoblogger just like me.

Or maybe that commenter you couldn't get to shut up will blog for a week and then just drop off the face of the earth.

You never know.

I'm just saying that in my experience, it's the yappy, yappy, yappy, yappy ones that will go the distance.

NOTE: [If you've found this post useful enough to blog about, send a trackback or e-mail the permalink to me at harvolson-at-gmail.com and I'll add you to my Bad Example Groupies blogroll. See this post for details]

EVER WONDER...

What a blogmeet at Straight White Eric's place is like?

It's a lot like this.

[Hat tip: bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks]

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I'm listing the reasons I love you. I'm at infinity - and still counting.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[FILL YOUR TANK UP AFTER U GET WALLET!!!]

From the book, "Mugging for Dummies".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

A VERY BRADY CONTAGION

So... Blogson Contagion of Miasmatic Review has - as Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite describes it -

a SIGNED, framed picture of Barry [Williams] hanging on his wall. Pocketed in the corner of the frame is an old driver's license of Contagion, which is also signed by Barry saying "keep on giving"!

Which leads one to speculate as to just how Contagion knows the actor who so famously portrayed Greg Brady in The Brady Bunch.

Personally, I suspect that Contagion installed the astroturf in the Brady back yard, but feel free to suggest other theories.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Seeing you before me, I now understand the maddening admiration that drives men to chisel statues from marble.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(horns, eyebrows, & moustache on Lincoln)]

Product of a disastrous genetics experiment involving DNA from Satan, Hitler, and Rod Serling.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

It is said the French have 100 different words for "love". I have only one... "you".

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Naughty]

As a follow up to the popular State Quarters program, the Treasury has released the first in the new series of "Bad Example Dollars". Coming soon: "Indecent", "Perverted", and "Bad Touch".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE FAMILY MILK CARTON KIDS

As regular readers know, I try to encourage good writers and frequent commenters to start their own blogs, and - consequently - I have a lot of blogkids. Many of whom have blogchildren of their own.

Unfortunately, sometimes things don't always work out. A new blogger may start out with great enthusiasm, but - for whatever reason - doesn't develop the same obsessive-compulsive desire to blog that I suffer from.

Sometimes these folks just quit blogging.

Which makes me very sad.

And torn.

Because I don't want to de-link them - they're FAMILY for cryin' out loud! - but on the other hand, I've pretty much given up hope of them coming back, and the blogroll IS a little bloated... besides, a lot of the active kids use the official Family blogroll, and is it REALLY fair to keep all those dead links on it?

So I've decided to do something about it. A new blogroll just for the blogspawn who haven't posted anything in the last 6 months.

The list of the missing.

The Bad Example Family Milk Carton Kids.

The offspring that are no longer with us, but whose absence leaves an empty, aching hole in my heart.

If they post again, I will - with great rejoicing - put them back on the Family blogroll.

I hope they do.

Meanwhile, for those using the Bad Example Family blogroll, you won't have to skip the non-posters and 404's anymore. But if for some reason you'd like to include a list of the missing somewhere on your sidebar, here's the Blogrolling code:

<script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="http://rpc.blogrolling.com/display.php?
r=64a82ee75946298cde968c000df9a238"></script>

(Code divided for display purposes. If used, put all of it on the same line)

And if you ARE one of the Milk Carton Kids, all I can say is...

All is forgiven.

Please come home.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Beneath the moon, my love for you is silver. Beneath the sun, gold. But always - always - it shines.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Baby I love you! I love you. I'm Sorry Sweetie] [Hey Baby, I just wanted to let you know that I love you more then anything in the world and that I am sorry and I hope that you will always love me as much as I will always love (over) you. And once again I am sorry I am a bitch to you and don't treat you like you deserve to be treated. I just love you so much and never want to lose you. I love you]

I don't care HOW much she begs, I'm NOT taking her back unless *I* get to be "the guard" during our next game of "prison bitch".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I love you for who you are. There is no pretense. A dove made of diamond still couldn't fly, and - despite its sparkle - would never have a bird's essential elegance. I love you... because you fly.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[This note was used to fund the murder of our friends, family, & the innocent in Iraq by our government!]

Apparently the Democratic Underground is now printing its own currency.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BIGGEST ON EARTH UPDATE

I blame the USPS and and the Christmas card writers of America for the delay, but I finally got my "69th Best Blog on Earth" certificate in the mail on December 31st from BiggestOnEarth.com. Looks just like the on-line version, except "Bad Example" and "69th Best Blog on Earth" are in red.

As a note on BOE's good customer service, I'll mention that I was sent another certificate a couple days earlier. However, Dan realized after he sent it that it contained an error, so he sent me a replacement at no charge.

Also, please note that Biggest On Earth has changed its business model. It now offers a choice of a web-only certificate for $2, or a web version plus a hard copy for $8 (shipping is free).

Further Evidence Of Bush's Dismal Failure In Iraq

(cross posted from IMAO)

A terrorist group calling themselves "Toddlers for Allah" have started taking hostages. The captured victims have not yet been identified, although - judging by the red nose - the one on the left may be Ted Kennedy.

[Hat tip: CENTCOM]

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

The taste of your last kiss still whispers to my lips. I can't wait to turn the volume up again.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Washington with some black ink highlights)]

Paid for by Grandpa Munster for President, '08

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

NOW I DON'T FEEL QUITE SO BAD ABOUT TALKING TO MYSELF IN PUBLIC

Because at least I'm not dancing, doing air-karaoke, or riding an invisible motorcycle at a bus stop.

[Hat Tip: Musings from Brian J. Noggle and Free Will]

QUOTE OF THE DAY

From Blogson Shakey Pete of the eponymous Shootin' Shack:

"Did I mention that marked down tastes better?"

According to my wife it also fits better.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Winds change direction and speed, but there is always air. My love will always be there for your breathing.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(filthy dollar bill)]

..and with each story using Jamil Hussein as a source, the Associated Press's framed "first dollar of clear profit" slowly grew more twisted and hideous, even though the reputation of the AP itself remained untarnished in the eyes of MSM.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

Fun Facts About Tennessee

While the IMAO podcast is still MIA, I'm going to keep posting the latest uncut Fun Facts About The 50 States - hopefully on a weekly(ish) schedule.

This week, we'll be getting our asses whupped for making banjo jokes as we visit Tennessee. So let's get started...

Tennessee became the 16th state on June 1, 1796, and was originally settled by outcast heretics from Massachusetts who believed that playing polo on horseback was completely inferior to playing it hogback.

Tennessee's nickname is the "Needs a cool spelling mnemonic like Mississippi has" state.

Chattanooga, Tennessee is where the famous International House of Possum restaurant chain got its start in 1925.

The Iris was adopted as the state flower of Tennessee in 1972, despite numerous complaints that it was too hard to spell.

The state motto of Tennessee is: "Moonshine - it's not just for breakfast any more".

The city of Kingston served as the state capital of Tennessee for only one day - just long enough to sign a peace treaty ending the bloody Civil War between rival factions of Hicks, Rubes, Hayseeds, Rednecks, and Hillbillies. The victorious Rednecks then moved the capital to its present Nashville location.

The state song of Tennessee is "All I Want For Christmas Is My Thirty Front Teeth".

Living most of his life in Greeneville, Tennessee, Andrew Johnson held every elective office on the local, state, and federal levels - from City Alderman to US President. His shrewish mother-in-law, however, never ceased referring to him as "that good-for-nothing job-hopper".

Tennessee license plates are white with black numbers and feature the phrase "Barely Toleratin' Yankees Since 1865".

The famous racehorse Iroquois was bred at Nashville's Belle Meade Plantation, and left hundreds of thoroughbred descendants. Sorta like the Kennedy clan, except with more hay-eating, and less negligent homicide.

The Houston Oilers football team moved to Tennessee in 1997 and were known as the Tennessee Oilers for two years before changing their name to the Tennessee Titans. Which brings up a question: if the New England Patriots are affectionately known as the "Pats", what's the Titans' nickname?

During the first Gulf War, more National Guard members from Tennessee were deployed than from any other state. Possibly due to a rumor that the Iraqi Republican Guard consisted entirely of Gators fans.

Born in Bakersville, Tennessee, Hattie Caraway became the first woman elected to the US Senate. Sadly, her term was marred by the now-infamous "lap dances for votes" scandal.

Legendary frontiersman Davy Crockett was born near Greeneville, Tennessee and was best know for wearing a coonskin cap and a snakeskin thong.

Tennessee's name comes from the Cherokee Indian word "tanasi", which means "White man make-um kick-ass corn juice firewater".

When it opened in 1992, Chatanooga's Tennesse Aquarium was the largest fresh water aquarium in the US, featuring over 300 different aquatic species. Due to recent budget cuts, it now consists of three fishsticks in a wooden bucket.

The largest earthquake in the continental US was the New Madrid Earthquake, which happened in northwestern Tennessee in 1811. Locals took it as a punishment from God for their sins of sobriety and book-learnin', and quickly mended their evil ways.

Tennessee's Reelfoot Lake is known as the Turtle Capital of the World. It contains thousands of these ponderous reptiles, very few of whom are named after Renaissance painters or skilled in martial arts.

Nashville, Tennessee is famous for its country music scene and is widely known as "the city that spells 'opera' with a y, and 'violin' with two d's".

Famous railroad engineer Casey Jones lived in Jackson, Tennessee. He was killed when his train crashed on April 30, 1900, having failed to attain the 88 mph speed necessary for successful time travel.

Tennessee has over 3800 caves containing a space of over one million cubic miles - nearly enough to hold an entire Senate's worth of broken campaign promises.

Bristol, Tennessee, is known as the "Birthplace of Country Music" and the "Graveyard of Cheerful Sobriety".

Elvis Presley's home, Graceland, is located in Memphis, Tennessee, and is the most visited house in the US that does not contain the word "pancakes".

Or "possum".

Before the Revolutionary War, there was a colony in central Tennessee known as Transylvania. Contrary to popular rumor, it contained no vampires because 1) Tennessee vampires don't exist, 2) if they did exist they'd be too ignorant to find the jugular vein on their victims, and 3) if they could find it, a toothless vampires couldn't bite anyone.

Tennessee will not allow you to buy beer in a liquor store. Probably because you can't fit a Tennessee beer gut through a liquor store doorway.

The 266 foot tall Sunsphere built for Knoxville, Tennessee's 1982 World's Fair still stands in it's original location, although it's currently up on blocks.

The famous Scopes Monkey Trial was held in Dayton, Tennessee in 1925. The monkey was found guilty and barred from further ascension up the evolutionary ladder. Afterwards, he shaved himself, changed his name to Al Gore Sr., ran successfully for the US Senate in 1952, and - ironically - voted against the Monkey Rights act of 1964.

Tennessee's Fall Creek Falls is the highest waterfall east of the Mississippi. Unlike the more famous Niagra Falls, no one has ever gone over Fall Creek Falls in a barrel, since barrels are considered sacred by the state's official religion of Whiskeytarianism.

In Tennessee, it is perfectly legal to gather and consume roadkill. However, there IS a 7-day waiting period for buying a Buick.

Jack Daniel, of Tennessee Whiskey fame, showed up early for work one morning and - frustrated at being unable to open a safe - kicked it, thus breaking his toe. He later died from infection as a result of the injury. Since then, people from Tennessee always stay home and drink all morning as a safety precaution.

---

That wraps up the Tennessee edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be remembering the Alamo by randomly shooting Mexicans as we visit Texas.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go saddle up my hog for the polo match.

[Hat tip to reader Tennessee Budd for providing some of the trivia that I so wantonly abused]

DRINKING GAMES THAT WILL LEAVE YOU IN A COMA

Bloggreatgranddaughter Napster of Pull My Finger mentioned that she was thinking about trying out for The Amazing Race.

Although Beloved Wife TNT (who actually posted something today) is fascinated by this show, I find it mortifyingly dull - because you have to watch EVERY SINGLE TEAM work on EVERY SINGLE TASK, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM reads the same damn instructions.

Blech.

On the bright side, you could make a nice drinking game out of it:

Just take a drink every time someone uses the word "hurry" or "go" while speaking to their partner.

Don't think you'd ever finish the show.

Anyway, I found this list of TV show related drinking games at Wikipedia.

Wondering if anyone has any to add?

LEAST IMPORTANT THING ON YOUR BLOG

Most blogs have a calendar on the sidebar.

Does anyone actually use that thing?

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If my love for you were birdsong, sparrows would sing arias.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Save Kevin]

Play "Spaced Penguin" today!

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BIG MOVE, LITTLE NAME CHANGE

Bloggranddaughter Mrs_Who of House of Zathras has ditched Blogger for a fancy Wordpress blog with her own domain.

She's also changed her name from Mrs_Who to Mrs. Who - I have no idea if it's a witness protection thing, or what.

Anyway, update your bookmarks.

If you're using the Bad Example Family javascript, it's already been done for you.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Every tick of the clock marks another second in my heaven of being with you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

SUPRISINGLY, IT'S ONLY A 1-STAR

...as indicated by bloggranddaughter Ktreva of The Reality Ranch's handy chart:

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

I rang in the new year in the house of Contagion of Miasmatic Review and his aforementioned beloved wife Ktreva.

There are tales to tell... oh my, yes...

Like how - while reminiscing about sex on a Ferris wheel - Contagion & Ktreva got a little out of control, and before you knew it, there was a wet spot on the couch.

But I suppose that - out of courtesy for their fine food-and-drink-laden hospitality - I should just avoid mentioning the rest of their activities.

Still, I must say this:

If Contagion EVER tells you "don't watch this video", then - in the name of all that you hold dear and holy - take his word for it.

On the other hand, don't believe a word about how bad the MacPhail 27 (a locally-distilled adult beverage) is. Sure, it's got a brutal kick and a subtle undertaste of things long dead, but I still prefer it to straight shots of either cheap vodka or expensive gin.

Other vague, blurry memories that I sorta remember include:

Wes of Bodhran (Drum) Roll, Please! vowing to learn how to play Weird Al's "White & Nerdy" on his bodhran. I think it was conditioned on finding the lyrics. Which are here.

Little Joe of Little Joe's Soap Box - who I haven't seen in WAY too many months - was there. I nagged him to update his blog. He just ignored me and grabbed my wife.

Oh, and he's got a new hat. I think it was something like this, but the lighting was bad in the house, so I could be mistaken.

Graumagus of "deep in a coma, but could come out of it any day now, so it doesn't technically qualify as being dead" aka Frizzen Sparks was forced to watch the Packers treat his precious Bears like a puppy getting frisky on his first Nerf ball. To ease his sorrow, he made a drinking game out of it, and had to drink every time the Bears screwed up. On the bright side, Grau didn't have to watch the WHOLE game, since he was too busy trotting into the other room to refill his glass.

Shadoglare of Refractional Darkness... well, all I can say is that he needs to practice his recorder so that he can accompany Wes on "White & Nerdy" next year.

Anyway, the great thing about bloggers getting together is that you inevitably learn about new & cool stuff on the internet. Here's what I learned:

Dr. McNinja

Funny British cross-dresser Eddie Izzard [adult language].

Ask a ninja.

The Federal Vampire & Zombie Agency.

And something about Barry Williams

So... how was YOUR New Year's Eve?

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

In my pocket is a wallet. Inside is a picture of you, cherished and protected, as - in my heart - my love cherishes and protects you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE - INTRODUCTION

A couple years ago or so, I posted this:

On my refrigerator, there's a little plastic novelty magnet in the shape of a mailbox, complete with a little red flag that can be placed in the up or down position. When I first got married, I used to write little love notes to my wife, place them inside, put the flag up & wait for my wife to discover them. She really liked that.

Well, it didn't take long for my creative well to run dry, so I started searching the internet for sweet sayings that actually reflected my feelings. I'd print them out, cut them into little strips, and tuck them into the mailbox. Beloved Wife liked that, too.

After a couple years, I discovered that there are really only a few hundred different ways that I could say "I love you", and I got tired of searching one lame list after another looking for something new. Despite the fact that the internet is nearly infinite, the creativity of its authors is not, and lists of favorite quotes tended to be repetitive.

After thinking about it, I decided that maybe my well wasn't as dry as I thought it was, so I set about writing my own collection of love notes - 365 of 'em to be exact.

I'll be posting them here - one a day - throughout 2007.

If there's sufficient interest, I'll see about making an electronic and/or paperback version of the collection available.

Meanwhile... enjoy.

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[GAY MONEY]

... although if you want to be PC about it, it's "currency of a festive orientation".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)