STANDING UP FOR THE WOMEN FOLK

Just thought you guys would like blogson GA Mongrel's tale of youthful chivalry.

It's a short read. Give it a click.

ACTUALLY, I *DO* KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT ONE

Checking my Sitemeter refers, I saw this one coming from Ask.com:

How big will mu breasts be?

I assume that was supposed to be "my".

Anyway, the answer is:

Either too big, or too small.

Honestly, do ANY women think they have Goldilocks breasts?

"My breasts are juuuuuust right!"

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If "ruby lips" are a cliché, I'd like to kiss your cliché.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Dwight]

In 2001, the Treasury made a half-hearted effort to get Eisenhower back on the dollar.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

IF YOU HAVE KIDS, *THIS* IS THE MOVIE REVIEW SITE YOU NEED

How many times have you taken your kids to a "kids" movie - maybe something from Disney that you figured HAD to be safe - only to discover that it was peppered with inappropriate violence, sexual innuendo, and toilet humor?

Well, via bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks (via Dad of Raising4boys.com), I've discovered Kids-In-Mind: Movie Ratings That Actually Work.

They break a movie down completely and specifically mention every single scene that you might have to explain to or discuss with your kids.

This does not mean that they're passing judgment or saying these movies are bad, they're just saying that forewarned is forearmed. If you read these reviews, you WILL know exactly what you're getting into if you take your kids to see a particular movie.

They also list possible topics for discussion, and the movie's overall message.

And they are THOROUGH. Here's a review for the G-rated movie, Charlotte's Web:

Dakota Fanning stars as a young girl that saves a little pig from being killed and cares for it, and they become friends. The pig also befriends a spider named Charlotte that none of the other barn animals can tolerate, and their friendship causes a chain of events that eventually has an effect on the lives of everyone. Also with Julia Roberts, Oprah Winfrey, Dominic Scott Kay and John Cleese. Directed by Gary Winick. [1:37]

SEX/NUDITY 1 - A boy and a girl look at each other and smile in a few scenes, and then run off holding hands in another scene.

VIOLENCE/GORE 2 - A man picks up a piglet, and then a heavy axe, and walks out of a stall where is confronted by his daughter who protests the fact that he is going to kill the piglet (the man relents).
* A girl punches a boy in the arm. A girl tackles her younger brother who was trying to kill a spider (the boy had trapped the spider in a jar).
* A rat is chased by two crows who squawk and dive toward it: one pokes it with its beak, and the other rolls it in an empty can, but the crows crash into a refrigerator and fall in a pan of wet paint.
* A pig slams its head into a fence plank three times, until the plank falls off and the pig runs out of the yard. A rat with a yo-yo string around its neck is pulled back and onto its back when a sheep steps on the string. A goose slaps another goose on the head with its wing.
* Spiders break out of their egg sack, shoot a strand of webbing into the air and sail away in the wind. A rat pulls a spider egg sack and drops it off a ledge to the hay-covered floor where it is picked up in a pig's mouth.
* A horse faints and lands hard on the ground, and a pig faints and lands hard on the ground.
* A goose egg rolls down a rat tunnel, lands on the rat and breaks open covering the rat with goo that apparently smells really bad (the animals in the bar react to the smell). A rat falls into a tattered stove in a garbage dump.
* Two crows are frightened by a scarecrow in a field. A man drops a cleaver that nearly strikes a rat on the ground.
* A piglet squeals and thrashes while in a school desk and the girl who put it there gets in trouble. Animals call a spider many insulting names (creepy, disgusting, hideous). A pig is told that he will be killed and smoked for Christmas dinner.
* A man pours slop (gooey brown mush) into a trough in several scenes, for a pig to eat, which it does and its face and front hooves are covered with the goo; a rat also wallows in it and eats the slop.
* A cow flatulates in a couple of scenes, at one time blowing in the direction of a rat that is consequently thrown off a fence. A rat burps loudly, and a cow drools.

PROFANITY 1 - 2 mild exclamations (bloody, ruddy), name-calling (stupid, hairball, creepy, disgusting, hideous).

SUBSTANCE USE - None.

DISCUSSION TOPICS - Pork, friendship, death of a loved one, kindness, patience, livestock farming, caring for others, beauty, extraordinary occurrences, thinking for yourself, being humble, the life of spiders, nocturnal creatures, childhood phases, miracles.

MESSAGE - Friendship can have an extraordinary impact on people. We are better listeners when we are children.

The only downside is that - because of their thoroughness - the site is chock full of spoilers. So you'll have to make your own decision as to whether ruining your sense of surprise is worth being prepared for your kids' inquiries.

If you have impressionable children, bookmark this site now.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

By you, I am swept away in a hurricane of passion.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(hand-drawn disfigurement of Lincoln's face)]

Would someone PLEASE tell Michael Jackson that he's had enough plastic surgery already?

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

Fun Facts About Washington

While the IMAO podcast is still MIA, I'm going to keep posting the latest uncut Fun Facts About The 50 States - hopefully on a weekly(ish) schedule.

This week, we'll be buying a new umbrella - not because we lost the old one, but because it actually wore out from constant use - as we visit Washington. So let's get started...

Washington became the 42nd state on November 11, 1889. The state's name was chosen as a long-overdue honor to America's first President... and because "wood-toothed wig-wearer" sounded a bit clunky as a state name.

Seattle is home to the world's first revolving restaurant, "The Top of the Needle", completed in 1961. Victims of a recent salmonella outbreak at the restaurant were buried in the nearby revolving cemetery "The Bottom of the Gravel Pit".

Washington's license plate has black lettering over a light blue mountain design, and features the state motto, "First 5000 tourists receive a free umbrella!".

Washington produces more apples than any other state in the nation. For some reason, Bill Gates gets twitchy when you say that in front of him.

Starbucks Coffee was founded in Seattle, Washington, in 1987. It saved the Filthy Hippie Protester industry from bankruptcy by giving it a target for it's senseless anger during the debilitating peace between the two Gulf Wars.

Washington has more glaciers than all the other 47 contiguous states combined. This tends to scare tourists away from the state, since everyone knows that if a glacier bites you, you'll slowly go insane with global warming paranoia. If you don't believe me, check Al Gore's neck for bite marks sometime.

Washington's capitol building was the last state capitol to be built with a rotunda. State capitol buildings constructed since then have used more modern architectural features, like cantilevered ceilings and indoor water slides.

Everett, Washington is home to the world's largest building - Boeing's final assembly plant. It encloses nearly 500 million cubic feet - enough to hold every Muslim terrorist in the world... if you chopped them into little pieces first... which, frankly, I don't have a problem with.

Medina, Washington is the home of Microsoft founder and multi-billionaire Bill Gates. Who just happens to own a blender big enough to chop every Muslim terrorist in the world into little pieces.

Software giant Microsoft is headquartered in Redmond, Washington. An aerial view of the corporate campus shows that the buildings are colored and arranged to form the world's largest Blue Screen of Death.

The state flag of Washington has a green background behind a picture of George Washington holding a cup of half-caf-double-shot-extra-foam-vanilla-soy cappuccino.

King County - Washington's largest county - was originally named in 1852 after William Rufus King, vice president under president Franklin Pierce. In 1986 it was "re-named" in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King. Between those times it may also have been named in honor of Stephen King, Rodney King, Billie Jean King, and possibly even Sgt. Preston's dog, for all we know.

The state flower of Washington is mildew.

Washington was the birthplace of both Jimi Hendrix (Seattle) and Bing Crosby (Tacoma). Although representing vastly different music styles, they DID collaborate to record the holiday classic, "Purple Christmas".

The oldest continually operating gas station in the US is located in Zillah, Washington. It hasn't changed much since it opened in 1873, and still accepts payments by either cash, check, or beaver pelt.

The world's first soft-serve ice cream machine is located in an Olympia, Washington Dairy Queen. It was installed in 1940 as a way to cater to a growing demand for something cold, bland, and containing more air than actual substance. Much the same desire that drives Hillary's 2008 presidential campaign today.

Residents of Washington are properly referred to as "Washingtonians", despite the widespread use of the less-favored term, "Starbucks-swilling Nirvana-moshers".

Washington is home to the only rainforests in the US. Sadly, these rainforests contain nothing but wet trees, and don't meet the minimum requirements for malaria and naked savages that would make environmentalists give a crap about them.

Europeans first landed in Washington when the Spanish ship Santiago visited briefly in 1775. The captain's log entry that day consisted only of the terse and cryptic phrase, "Smells like teen spirit".

Lewis & Clark visited Washington 30 years later in 1805. Their report was, "Smells like mid-life crisis".

Tumwater, Washington was the state's first colonial settlement. It was founded by Canadians seeking the religious freedom to worship coffee and donuts, which was forbidden by Canada's repressive Tea & Crumpetist regime.

Washington is home to such internet giants as Amazon.com, Classmates.com, and Whitepages.com, which explains why the state song is "DAMMIT! ANOTHER POP-UP!"

In the early 1900's, Aberdeen, Washington was known as "the roughest town west of the Mississippi", as it was a haven for violence, saloons, whorehouses, and gambling establishments. It was also rated the #1 tourist destination for both sailors and the Irish.

The Grand Coulee Dam on Washington's Columbia river is the largest concrete structure ever built. It contains over 12 million cubic yards of concrete - nearly enough to build a life-size statue of Ted Kennedy's drinking problem.

In 1980, Washington's Mount St. Helens volcano erupted with such violence that the top 1600 feet of the mountain were completely blown away. The sudden, cataclysmic destruction of over $1 billion in economic resources was rumored to have given Bill Gates the idea for Microsoft Windows.

Washington has a higher percentage of non-religious people than any other state, which is why so many cars there have window signs saying "Blasphemer On Board".

Washington ranks first in the nation in the production of apples, cherries, pears, and grapes, earning it the nickname of "America's Fruit Basket". The city of San Francisco has the same nickname, although for an entirely different reason.

Pictionary was invented by Ron Angel of Seattle, Washington, in 1986. According to numerous scientific studies, the game is responsible for more bad art than Picasso, Jackson Pollock, and the National Endowment for the Arts combined.

The state marine mammal of Washington is the Orca. Although some small-minded, bigoted racists refer to them as "killer whales", the term is more properly translated as "whales of peace".

The fact that they frequently kidnap and behead seals in the name of their God, Poseidon, is no excuse for not respecting their cultural differences.

Maybe those seals should ask themselves why the orcas hate them.

Actor Adam West - who played Batman in the 1960's TV series - was born in Walla Walla, Washington, in 1928. He's been quoted as saying that his least favorite part about playing the Caped Crusader was "Batpole burn".

---

That wraps up the Washington edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be doing genealogy research as we travel through the gene puddle of West Virginia.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go book my vacation to Aberdeen.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I could wish for no more than to walk through the door of your heart into the garden of your soul.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Tip: U only Live once! make it worth it]

Hard to make it worth it when it's going to take 19 more of these just to get me a quickie lap dance...

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS...

When you don't give twidgets enough busywork to keep them out of trouble.

I blame the officers.

We never did anything like this down in the engineering spaces.

Sure, we'd occasionally duct-tape someone to the main propeller shaft, but we did NOT do it to the tune of an internet earworm.

Anyway, via bloggranddaughter Sarah the Penguin of Because We Have Thumbs, a video of members of the Combat Systems division (the radar guys) of the USS Enterprise - my old ship ('87-'91) - performing their rendition of the Numa Numa video.

If you need to see the original for reference, click here.

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED

For example

OpenCola is a brand of cola unique in that the instructions for making it are freely available and modifiable. Anybody can make the drink, and anyone can modify and improve on the recipe as long as they, too, license their recipe under the GNU General Public License.

Although originally intended as a promotional tool to explain open source software, the drink has taken on a life of its own. The Toronto-based OpenCola company has become better known for the drink than the software it was supposed to promote. Laird Brown, the company’s senior strategist, attributed its success to a widespread mistrust of big corporations and the "proprietary nature of almost everything." A website selling the stuff has shifted 150,000 cans.

Sadly, the company is now dead.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

You are effortlessly stylish and charming, and I burst with pride to be seen with you on my arm.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: CASHED AT LAW WITHOUT RECOURSE "Without Prejudice" UCC 1-207)]

Nice try, but if disclaimers can't protect the tobacco industry, they ain't gonna protect the Treasury.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)
.

BUSH DERANGEMENT SYNDROME HITS NEW PEAK OF INSANITY

A woman was brutally raped in Iraq by Iraqi security forces.

Which is tragic.

Slightly less tragic, and far less comprehensible, is to blame President Bush for it:

"The men who raped her are those same security forces Bush and Condi are so proud of - you know - the ones the Americans trained."

I seriously doubt that rape techniques were included in the training.

But least comprehensible of all is to make this statement:

"There was a time when Iraqis were safe in the streets."

If they could speak, I assume that the residents of Iraq's mass graves would beg to differ.

Although perhaps the author is referring to the days BEFORE Saddam took power.

And in case anyone was wondering, we've already lost our War For Oil.

Let me clear it up for any moron with lingering doubts: It’s worse. It’s over. You lost. You lost the day your tanks rolled into Baghdad to the cheers of your imported, American-trained monkeys. You lost every single family whose home your soldiers violated. You lost every sane, red-blooded Iraqi when the Abu Ghraib pictures came out and verified your atrocities behind prison walls as well as the ones we see in our streets. You lost when you brought murderers, looters, gangsters and militia heads to power and hailed them as Iraq’s first democratic government. You lost when a gruesome execution was dubbed your biggest accomplishment. You lost the respect and reputation you once had. You lost more than 3000 troops. That is what you lost America. I hope the oil, at least, made it worthwhile.

Damn. Someone's bitter about SOMETHING, although I'm not quite sure what.

Anyway, for my part, I hope that the rapists are tried, convicted, and jailed. Which I think is all that really needs to be said about the story.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Love has - in my past - been a bittersweet thing. But with you, only the latter.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: Get US Out! of the United Nations)]

As a follow up to the popular "State Quarters" program, the Treasury released the first in the new series of "Right Wing Warmonger Mantra" Dollars. Coming soon: "Nuke France" and "We're coming to steal your oil".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

ON THE DOLLAR COIN

Lynn of A Sweet, Familiar Dissonance is contemplating the unpopularity of the dollar coin.

"people aren't rejecting the dollar coin because of who is on it. They are rejecting it because, first of all, old habits are hard to change, second, people prefer dollar bills and finally, possibly most important, most of us have never even seen one of the darn things except in magazine ads selling them for twenty or thirty dollars each as "collectors' items""

I'd like to add that it's not just the "we have a choice and we prefer bills" issue, there's an infrastructure issue, too. A lot of vending machines don't take dollar coins, and - here's the biggie - cash drawers at most supermarket checkouts don't have a slot for them. Which is the same reason for the unpopularity of the half-dollar. In the cases where cash drawers DO have a 5th slot, it's already designated for half-dollars.

By the way, if anyone out there works at a checkout, please comment about how you handle halves and dollar coins.

In the comments to her post, Lynn wonders why she never sees half dollars anymore. Well, in addition to the above problems, there's also the fact that a half weighs the same as two quarters. So besides being inconvenient to use, there's no weight benefit to carrying one, either. Unlike, say, the advantage of 1 nickel to 5 pennies, or 1 dime to 2 nickels.

By the way, if for some reason you WOULD like to get some half dollars, just ask for them the next time you're at the bank. One of the tellers probably has a few she'd like to get rid of - since she doesn't have any place to put them.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Every moment together with you is a celebration of delight.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Pokemon]

As a follow up to the popular "State Quarters" program, the Treasury released the first in the new series of "Those Weird Japanese" Dollars. Coming soon: "Mr. Sparkle" and "Japscat".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BRITNEY - SUMMED UP

Found at Jessica Hagy's Indexed. If you're not reading this site daily, you're missing out.

Explain This Picture

(cross-posted from IMAO)

>

a) Analogous to the way the evil undead cringe at the sign of the holy cross, the decent and living have a visceral reaction when confronted by the liberal news media.

b) Condi tries out for the 25th Anniversary Celebrity All-Star Thriller Tribute Video.

c) CNN hates black people.

[Pic found at Musings from Brian J. Noggle]

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

You couldn't have happened by accident. Someone must have eavesdropped on my fondest dreams and made you to order.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[*star* *heart* *peace sign*]

It either means "America Loves Peace" or "Ninja throwing stars will soon rip through your heart - R.I.P."

Soon To Be Eaten By A Very Angry Rottweiler

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Senator John McCain recently criticized Donald Rumsfeld's handling of the Iraq War, saying "I think that Donald Rumsfeld will go down in history as one of the worst secretaries of defense in history."

Jimmy Carter's SECDEF Harold Brown was reportedly thrilled at the prospect of having his picture moved up a notch on the Wall of Shame.

So why exactly IS Captain Combover so pissed at Rummy?

I have several theories...:

* Unlike McCain, Rumsfeld favors abortions - as late as the 300th trimester for terrorists.

* Amongst his other blunders in Iraq, Rumsfeld gave Iraqis MORE freedom of speech during the 60 days preceeding an election.

* Jealous of Rumsfeld's ability to remove a human spine with one lightning-fast, yet seemingly casual, hand gesture.

* While McCain was filibustering in the Senate, Rumsfeld was filibustering Mrs. McCain.

* Next to Rumsfeld's pile of strangled terrorists, reporters, and Democrats, McCain's pile of strangled Tickle-Me-Elmos just looks kinda sad.

* Thanks to Rumsfeld, McCain's "Gang of 14" has become known as the "Gang of beaten-up lunch-money hander-overers"

* Although "Gang of the wedgied" is becoming the increasingly common term.

* Rumsfeld kept popping out of random closets and yelling "Torture!", just to watch McCain flinch.

* A little miffed about Rumsfeld's plan to invade Arizona and steal its illegal immigrants.

* Two words: Hairline Envy

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

When my life feels like dry ashes and burned cinders, you come to renew me, like rain in the desert.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

Something a little different today, sent to me by Leslie of Leslie's Omnibus

(click to enlarge)

[(Check written out with a formula in place of an amount)]

Scene from the new Fox Special, "When Geeks Write Checks!"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

WHO HAS TIME FOR BLOGGING?

When there are all these toys to play with (by the way, I've forgotten where I found some of these, so if you're on my blogroll and you've posted a pointer, feel free to take credit in the comments because it was probably you):

Splash Back - if someone figures out an actual strategy to this, please post on it. Although I made it to level 16 without one.

Monty Python's Silly Walk Generator

Crashdown - sorta like an inverse Tetris.

Pretty much anything on TrueNuff TV - watch out for language, though. Someone posted a link to one of their videos. Who was that?

Line Rider - make sledding hills for the little dude. Via I Hate My Cubicle!!!

WickedAwesomeFilms is pretty decent. Except for the language in spots.

Encyclopedia of Sex - VERY nasty. Don't even THINK about hitting this one from work. If you already know all these terms, you are a disgusting person. And I'm jealous.

Almost 2000 amusing cat pictures. It'll take about a month if you're on dial-up.

FamousIdiot.com - stupid things famous people are saying.

From 2003 - a list of signs that blogs have become mainstream. Re: "When a character on a sitcom has one" - See "How I Met Your Mother". Barney mentions his all the time.

Star Trek New Voyages - Think of it as Season 4 of ST:TOS

Via Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks - Tanks.

Via Shadoglare of Refractional Darkness in the comments to the above post - Scorched 3D. Yes, it's worth the 40 Meg download. Especially the game's Apocalypse option. Ah... the lovely screams.

Also, this list of things soldiers aren't supposed to write home about if they want to maintain operational security - I notice that the MSM does a LOT of them on a regular basis, especially #7

MIA blogson John of We Swear (who needs to fix his server or something) pointed me to the Tiddy Bear. Thought I saw this somewhere else, too. Anyway, buy one now for the woman in your life who's lacking in the Tiddy department.

Now go waste some time.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Anthropologists study primitive love rituals. I'd like to be your personal anthropologist.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Lincoln with a moustache)]

Wait!... Lincoln doesn't have a moustache...

Oh my God! Dirty Sanchez! EWWWWWW!

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Such a soft and delicate cheek, and such a shame that it is not being kissed right now. I am too much of a gentleman not to correct such a glaring oversight.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: I GREW HEMP)]

As a follow up to their popular "State Quarters" program, the Treasury released the first in its new series of "Lies Hippies Tell Dollars". Coming soon: "Animals have rights" and "You don't need to be on acid to enjoy the music of the Grateful Dead".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Karmic theory states that one is rewarded for the good that one does. I don't specifically recall saving the planet of a doomed race, but I don't know how else I could have earned the reward of your love.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Graduation 1998]

Thomas Jefferson refused to let a little thing like being dead keep him from going back to school and getting his diploma. After all, it never kept him from voting in Chicago.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

In my mind, the sweet kindnesses you do for me are faithfully chronicled. That which displeases me is erased in the span of a heartbeat. Selective memory is not a bad thing when used correctly.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Bert L]

In a moment of drunken muppet honesty, Bert very nearly confessed his forbidden love for Ernie.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS, RIGHT?

Blogless Brother Roy sent me a postcard from Florida:

So... how DOES one go about disowning a relative?

Edwards Steals Blogsphere's Comedy Gold!

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Foul-mouthed, hate-filled, lefty blogger Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon has officially resigned from her post as the Edwards '08 campaign's official screech-owl.

I wonder how the Breck Girl will replace Amanda's priceless ability to mire his campaign in controversy...

* 100 monkeys at 100 typewriters that only have 4 keys each - K, U, C, and F.

* Hire David Duke as his campaign adviser.

* Make every Wednesday at campaign HQ "cigars and interns night".

* Hire Ted Kennedy to drive the interns home Thursday morning.

* Talk up his new charity, "Centrifuges for Iran".

* Start taking hair styling tips from Zach Braff.

* Eat Snickers bars in the garage with John Kerry.

* Puppy blending! - it's not just for bloggers anymore!

* Take the Dixie Chicks with him on his next fact-finding tour to Iraq.

* Admit to being the real father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, Dannielynn.

* Accept an invitation to the Duke LaCrosse team's next kegger.

* Tear down a homeless shelter to make room for his new 280,000 square foot house.

* Refuse to hire black campaign staffers unless they're sufficiently clean and articulate.

Any other suggestions?

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

In your presence, I am starstruck.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[To who ever sees this may God bless you 6/1/01]

One the many thousands of dollar bills left in male stripper g-strings before Rev. Ted Haggard became "completely heterosexual".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Every scintillating thought of you ripples my skin with shivers of delight.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: SHOP TILL YOU DROP)]

As a follow up to the popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the first in its new series of "Female Cliché Dollars". Coming soon: "Not tonight, I've got a headache", and "Do these pants make me look fat?"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BECAUSE SHE'D BE TOO NICE TO GIVE IT TO ME ON HER OWN

Lynn of A Sweet, Familiar Dissonance is doing a little game where you list 10 of your favorite things, beginning with a letter chosen by the person at whose blog you first saw the post.

I'm taking X

Xerography - where would we be without copying technology?

xylem - it keeps trees alive and I like trees

Xenomorphs - "Aliens" is one of my "I can always watch it" movies.

xanthan gum - makes your food creamy

x-axis - I liked geometry. Y- & z- are ok, I guess.

Xanadu - by Rush, not Olivia Newton John

Xander - one of my favorite characters on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series.

XXXI - My favorite Superbowl.

xylocaine - things that kill pain are ALWAYS good.

xylography - MC Escher did a lot of woodcuts.

For the record, I hate xylophone music.

SERIOUSLY, VALENTINE'S DAY SEX TIPS

For men.

For women.

Thank me later.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Let's play "screen test". Lights. Camera. Kiss me.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)
[New bill - not previously posted]

(click to enlarge)

[Women say no to war, Don't serve in Iraq (in a peace symbol), AWOL]

Although popular among Democrats, Cynthia McKinney's proposed currency re-design was eventually rejected by the Treasury Department

[Hat tip to Radar Rider of Flying Above the Radar and RadarRider's Journal for sending me the pic]

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

Fun Facts About Virginia

While the IMAO podcast is still MIA, I'm going to keep posting the latest uncut Fun Facts About The 50 States - hopefully on a weekly(ish) schedule.

This week, we'll be scammed into buying a "genuine" George Washington cherry-tree-choppin' ax as we visit Virginia. So let's get started...

Virginia became the 10th state on June 25, 1788. The northern part of it was originally used by the British as a penal colony for thieves and con artists, which may explain Washington, D.C.

The state motto of Virginia is "Sic Semper Tyrannis", which is Latin for "No, seriously, the Waltons were fictional. Stop asking about them".

George Washington was born in Westmoreland County, Virginia in 1732. He's famous for being the first President, the father of his country, and the first white man to rap under the name Vanilla Ice.

Thomas Jefferson was born in Shadwell, Virginia in 1743. His first draft of the Declaration of Independence was blunt but concise: "King George - You suck. We're outta here. - The Colonies".

Considering they used the letter "f" instead of "s" back in those days, it's probably better that he went with the longer version.

28th President Woodrow Wilson was born in Staunton, Virginia in 1856. Despite the fact that his administration brought income taxes, WWI, Prohibition, and the horrors of women's suffrage, history still remembers him kindly. Probably because he never violated the Constitutional separation of intern and cigar.

Being the largest of the colonies, Virginia was named in honor of England's "Virgin Queen", Elizabeth I. The tiny state to the north was named for her slutty cousin, Mary.

The state song of Virginia is "Carry Me Back to Old Virginia", which was chosen by one vote over "Like A Virgin".

Virginia's early settlers got the idea to plant tobacco after they were first welcomed ashore by Indians holding up signs saying "You've come a long way, baby!"

The colony of Jamestown, Virginia, was founded for the purpose of producing silk, which was shipped to England to help King James indulge his not-as-secret-as-he-thought fetish for women's underwear.

The first peanuts grown in the US were grown in Virginia. Trust me, you DON'T want to know what King James did with THOSE.

Three of the first four US presidents were born in Virginia. They were the original Patriots' Dynasty.

The state capital of Virginia - Richmond - was also the capital of the Confederacy. Most of the people in Virginia wish is still was.

The Dogwood is Virginia's state tree, state flower, and state euphemism for a canine erection.

The American Revolution ended with the surrender of Cornwallis in Yorktown, Virginia. The terms of the surrender included having Cornwallis stand in the town square naked and shout "I stink! I am a senile, bucktoothed old mummy, with bony girl arms and I smell like an elephant's butt!"

Some historians cite this as the root cause of the war of 1812.

Two iron-clad ships, the Monitor and the Merrimac, fought for 12 hours at Hampton Roads, Virginia on March 9th, 1862. The battle was inconclusive, but proved one thing: getting a cannonball through metal armor was like trying to get a tax cut through a Democratic congress.

2000 of the Civil War's battles were fought in Virginia.... 3000, if you count the times Robert E. Lee's wife whacked him with a rolling pin.

In Virginia, more people work for the US government than any other industry.

Um... well... leastwise they have more people listed on their payroll.

The world's largest shipyard is in Newport News, Virginia. Their drydock facility alone is large enough to hold 3 aircraft carriers, or a week's supply of gin for Ted Kennedy.

The Pentagon building in Arlington, Virginia is the largest office building in the world. It has over 5000 fax machines, all which are destined to someday be taken out into a field and smashed with a baseball bat.

Contrary to the popular story, the first Thanksgiving was actually held in Virginia's Berkley Plantation colony in 1619. 90 Indian braves were invited to the feast as thanks for their help during the previous year's harsh winter. Those 90 later burned the village to the ground as revenge for being made to sit at the kiddie table.

The Great Dismal Swamp is a wasteland of foul muck located near Virginia's border with North Carolina, and is NOT a nickname for Washington, D.C.

Don't feel bad. A LOT of people make that mistake.

Thomas Jefferson designed the home where he spent his final years - Monticello - which can be seen on the back of the nickel. If you look closely, you can see Jefferson yelling at some kids to get off his lawn.

George Washington's home - Mount Vernon - is NOT shown on the back of the quarter since all the pink flamingos on his lawn were deemed "too un-presidential".

The world's only oyster museum is located on Chincoteague Island, Virginia. It celebrates history's greatest oysters, including playwright Oyster Wilde and Supreme Court Justice Oyster Wendell Holmes.

On April 9, 1865, at the Appomatox, Virginia courthouse, the Civil War ended when General Robert E. Lee was forced to surrender to General Ulysses S. Grant after Lee foolishly chose rock to Grant's paper.

St. John's church in Richmond, Virginia, was where Patrick Henry famously said "Give me liberty, or give me death!". Some historians consider this story a mere legend, however, and insist that what he actually said was "Give me freedom, or give me severe nasal congestion with a headache and slight fever!"

The Atlantic headquarters of NATO is located in Norfolk, Virginia. For those who don't know, NATO is sorta like the UN, except with weapons and testicles.

---

That wraps up the Virginia edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be paying 35 dollars for one stinking martini at the top of the Space Needle as we visit Washington.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go... Hey! Look!... Dogwood!.

HOW DID I SUDDENLY BECOME THE GO-TO GUY FOR BOOB-RELATED STORIES?

Blogdaughter Michele of Letters From New York City sent me a story proving that Stewie Griffin's man-boob-suckling nightmare has, unfortunately, some real-world counterparts.

Fortunately, bloggreatgranddaughter Sticks of From Chaos to Serendipity send me something to counteract the above horror:

The health benefits of breast-ogling, as published in the New England Journal of Medicine:

Great news for girl watchers:

Ogling over women's breasts is good for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered.

According to the New England Journal of Medicine, "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out" declared gerontologist Dr. Karen Weatherby.

Dr. Weatherby and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients -- half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so.

The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease. "Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation," explains Dr. Weatherby.

"There's no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years."

And, bless her heart, she even included a picture for today's workout:

I feel better already.

MEMED, BUT THIS ONE WAS COOL, AND NOT TECHNICALLY A MEME, SO I'M NOT UPSET

Blogson Bitterroot of Friction and Harmony challenged me to take the Geek Test.

I was pretty smug about my lack of geekness until I hit the first "I Know" section, when I checked 27 of the 36 boxes.

And I completely stopped feeling good at the last question, when I realized that I'd already taken the following notes for this post:

I'm disappointed that I didn't get points for owning a Galileo thermometer and a plasma ball shaped like a human brain.

Anyway, here's my badge of honor/shame for scoring 39.84221%:

I'm only tagging people who I think will outscore me:

Venerable Lady Susie the Naive of Goosnargh Leering of Practical Penumbra

Basil of Basil's Blog

Phin of the phish bowl

and finally, let's see if Physics Geek can live up to his name.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Come here next to me where you belong, you beautiful, delightful woman.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

((rubber stamp: teddy bear sitting on... an American flag?... holding a... sparkler?)]

With America fully focussed on the war in Iraq, other issues, such as the sudden rash of flag burnings by teddy bears, got pushed to the back burner.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

HEIGHT QUESTION

Blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice was blogging about her height and had this to say:

I’d rather be my size. I fit in any car, airplane seats aren’t cramped, and although it sucks to not be able to reach the top cabinets, I just don’t put stuff in them. I like the hand I’ve been dealt. Very much.

If I remember correctly, she's right around 5 feet.

Which makes me wonder...

If you had to choose to be either 5 feet tall, 6 feet tall, or 7 feet tall, which would you choose & why?

Personally, I'd go with 6 feet, mostly because that's all the longer the bunks were on the USS Enterprise. Guys who were taller than that just had to learn to sleep bent.

GUESS I'LL START RIOTING IN PROTEST

Most TV opinion shows have the decency to have at least one person from each side of the issue they're discussing. When they don't, it makes them look a little catty.

Like this clip from Paula Zahn's show that I found via Hot Air (and an e-mail from Frank J. of IMAO), where they discussed their final solution to the atheist problem without having an atheist on the panel.

First, ya gotta love those big, yellow, hornets'-nest-stirring questions in the background:

"Why do atheists inspire such hatred?"

and

"Are atheistic tactics too militant?"

Jerks.

Anyway, it occurs to me that just as non-terrorist Muslims need to speak out, condemn, and separate themselves from the splodey-dope lunatics who claim to be members of the same religion, I - as a tolerant, sane, non-evangelical atheist - need to do the same thing.

When people talk about atheists, they usually think about the frothing, blasphemous, God-hating, religion-mockers. People who write screedy, antagonistic diatribes like Russ of Pam's House Blend.

I just don't understand that stuff.

I think most people agree that in-your-face Christian evangelicals can be annoying with their constant fretting about the state of your soul, and their polite-but-condescending invitations to Bible studies. It's like having your 70-year-old mother who lives in another state calling you before you go to work to remind you to take an umbrella because the Weather Channel says it looks like rain.

Thanks for caring, but really, I'm good, here.

But why should atheists adopt the same tactic, going out of their way to antagonize Christians? It's a waste of time. You're not going to de-convert anyone. Try doing something productive with your life.

Personally, I'm not so insecure about my lack of religious beliefs that I feel the need to sway people to my way of thinking, and I'm not afraid of or offended by the little scraps of Christianity that poke their heads up in day to day living, like having "IN GOD WE TRUST" on the back of my currency. Let's face it, no one's ever said to me "You must be a Christian because the money you're spending professes trust in a deity".

And just because I don't believe in God doesn't mean I think that "love thy neighbor" and "do unto others" must automatically be bad advice. I believe in wisdom, regardless of the source. I just don't believe in miracles.

So you go ahead and worship your God, and I'll go ahead and not worship mine, and as long as neither one of us are obnoxious about it, I don't see any reason why we all can't get along.

Terrorist Threat From Radical Atheist!

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Deb Schlussel says that, as an atheist, I'm very likely to be seduced by radical Islam.

Which I thought was just the dumbest thing I'd ever heard.

But then I realized how right she was.

You see, although I've called myself an atheist for years, I'm always been a Christian Atheist, because it was the God of the Holy Bible that I didn't believe in. I mean, sure, I scoffed at other popular deities, too, but it was really reading the Bible that convinced me that believing in God was as silly as believing that Criss Angel doesn't use camera tricks and audience shills during his Mind Freak specials.

But recently all that changed. I started reading the Koran. I mean REALLY studying it and thinking it over.

And I've come to the conclusion that it's Allah and not Jehovah that's the most hysterically unlikely anthropomorphic personification of infinite power that's ever been fictionalized between the covers of an overlong holy book.

That's right. I've converted.

I'm an Islamic Atheist now.

And since the ideas put forth in the most blood-soaked, kill-'em-all passages were the least believable parts of the completely deranged waste of paper that IS the Koran, I had no choice but to become a Radical Jihad-Lovin' Islamic Atheist. There's simply nothing that I don't believe in more.

And so now five times every day, I don't face Mecca and don't bow down while I'm not saying the prayers that will cleanse my non-existent soul, as I don't purify my thoughts for the moment when I don't martyr myself in Allah's imaginary name while not killing infidels so that I may not be immediately swept into a mythical paradise to enjoy the spuriously sweet temptations of the 72 virgins who don't eagerly await me.

And thus it is for the completely made up glory of Allah The Not-Really-There, that I have not strapped on this explosive vest filled with C4 ball bearings and will now not blow up this blog and all its readers.

If you don't believe me - and you shouldn't - then believe your own lying eyes as you gaze in horror at this "genuine live web cam" image of the bomb I'm not wearing!

Prepare to meet your makers!

... by which, of course, I mean "your parents".

Next time you see them, tell 'em Harv says "Hi!"

And that Deb Schlussel doesn't know sh*t about atheists.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I don't mean to ramble on, but on the other hand, you surely do not expect me to describe my boundless adoration for you in a single sentence, do you?

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: ONEIDA TRIBE OF INDIANS)]

Today, the Oneida Tribe of Indians announced that it has purchased the Federal Reserve Bank of New York for $24 worth of beads and trinkets.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

YAY! TIME WASTER!

Stackopolis.

Pick up a tile, put it down on another square. The blueprint tells you how many tiles should be on each square when you're done.

I finished the first level, then quit while I was ahead.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

As newborn rosebuds someday blossom into heady-scented finery, so too our love will grow, with patience, time, and care.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[For Bianca and Elizabeth To Sandra Jean I love you! It's All Good One for the other in a good way! The best way!]

As a follow up to its popular State Quarters program, the Treasury recently released the first in its new series of "Hot Lesbian Orgy Gratitude Dollars"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Like fireworks across the night sky, I am beautifully, brilliantly, explosively in love with you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: I GREW HEMP)]

And then I sold it to the ACLU Legal Observers at the Arizona-Mexico border.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

LINKS

1) I've heard of the children's book "Why Mommy Is A Democrat" before.

Which is why I got such a kick out of Chris Muir's Day by Day strip for Thursday.

2) I don't remember this scene from Full Metal Jacket, but I'm glad that blogson Mike the Marine of From The Halls To The Shores pointed it out. [Drink Alert]

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I do believe that the remote control was invented so that I could sit by you all night without having to get up.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(red stain on George's chin)]

Looks like George finally got his red wings.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

To Be Known Hereafter As "The 'A' Word"

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Lynette Clemetson of the New York Times claims that it's offensive for white people to refer to Barack Obama as "articulate", because when they do, what they REALLY mean is "he's articulate... for a black guy".

Which is racist, because it's just another way of saying that black people are inarticulate.

While I confess that I've previously used the A-word to describe Obama, I want to make it VERY clear that I did NOT intend it as a blanket insult to Melanin-Enhanced-Americans.

What I MEANT was that he's articulate... for a Democrat - i.e. he doesn't mumble like Ted Kennedy or have inexplicable screaming fits like Howard Dean.

Personally, I think it's crazy to assume that every compliment is actually a disguised insult to a person's race. It might be an insult to an entirely different group of which the complimented victim is a member.

Which is why I hate it when people say I'm "nice". I know what they REALLY mean:

"... for a guy from Wisconsin - because you aren't a corpse-eating serial killer like Jeffrey Dahmer, and you almost never make lampshades out of people's skin like that horrible Ed Gein."

So please... don't use the N-word when referring to me any more.

SHOW THESE TO PEOPLE WHO FLUNKED MATHEMATICS AND MAKE FUN OF THEM WHEN THEY DON'T GET IT

Who knew there was an actual use for co-ordinate planes and Venn diagrams?

Jessica Hagy of Indexed is freakin' hilarious, even if (or maybe especially because) some of her posts need to be thought about for a bit.

[Hat tip to Lynn of A Sweet, Familiar Dissonance]

IS IT STILL MAGIC?

Blogless Brother is reminiscing about how much fun snow used to be when he was a kid (looks like he actually dragged out his spellchecker for this one, so it's a good read).

Since I grew up in the same house with him, I know what he's talking about.

Although he forgot the BEST part of any snowstorm - the 20 ft. tall mountains at the edge of the Sentry Food Store parking lots.

First the big challenge - can you make it to the top? Sometimes it seemed like the steps were built in, and ascension was a matter of seconds. Sometimes you got halfway up and then one leg plunged in up to your nuts. Have fun getting out of THAT hole.

On particularly fortuitous days, there'd be a smooth section where you could lie on your back and slide down. Of course, usually there'd be at least one bumpy spot where you'd dislocate your spine, but since you were just a kid, it'd snap right back into place and you'd be ready to try it again.

Then there was MY favorite hobby - wear smooth-soled shoes, get a running start, then slllliiiiiddddde... with good snow and a smooth undersurface, you might make it 20 feet or so. Of course, if you did it on a sidewalk, you'd likely catch a crack and go stumble-crashing into the ground. Didn't matter. It was just part of the challenge.

Of course, here in my old age, I make sure that my soles have lots of good grip, and anytime I have to walk over snow, it's done at a prudent velocity. Don't want to break a hip, ya know.

And for the most part, snow is just that crap I have to get out of the driveway.

But the magic's not ALL gone.

Because I have a delivery job.

And sometimes, when the streets are empty of cars, but not of snow & ice, and I have to make a delivery to a house on the left side of the street...

...that long-lost 8-year-old's grin re-appears...

Give the car some gas... yank up on the hand-brake... cut the wheel hard left...

Perfect parking job.

And the magic is back.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I write these romantic scribbles and scraps, attempting to capture the essence of you - coming near, but never quite. But still, for the effort, I am rewarded with thoughts of you, and I get to bask in your essence, uncaptured though it may be.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[USCOT.COM]

I've been a big fan for years, and I'm really happy to see that the Underwater Synchronized Calligraphy Olympic Team finally got it's own web site.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If I could be anything, I would be your purse, so that I'd be able to give you whatever you required in your moments of need.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(border of dollar colored red)]

Now you can get those cool under-car neon lighting kits for your currency, too.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

OSTRACIZED PACKER FAN - REAL OR FAKE?

Saw this at Matty O'Blackfive's place:

[220Kjpg large, clear version - suitable for enlarging and/or examining closely - found at I Hate My Cubicle!!!]

I'm saying this one is fake, in the sense that the original kid in this picture was not wearing a Packers jersey.

If you look closely at his right side, you'll notice that his shirt doesn't touch his pants.

Plus the boards to the right of his head are the same as the boards 12 further to the right.

Someone in Matty's comments suggested that it was photoshopped from this Michigan picture:

(click to enlarge)

Unfortunately, this one is fake, too.

Notice the reflection of the sign on the floor. It says "ROOM 311", not "RM 1872". Also, Michigan doesn't have a jersey like that. And if it did, the stripe on the collar would be yellow, not white.

As far as I can tell, the original came from the Toronto Maple Leafs site:

(click to enlarge - 628k)

Notice that's a real Canadiens jersey.

And everything else in the pic looks real to me, too.

If it's faked, it's a DAMN good one.

Everything's in place. The reflections, the shadows, the stitching near the bottom of the curtains, and even the distortion of the reflections where the floor surface is uneven. I see no evidence of a large swath of kids getting photoshopped out of the picture.

I assume the photographer staged this one as an icebreaker before taking the official class picture.

The only problem is that - while Redpath is a huge sugar company in Toronto - I could NOT find a school by that name in Toronto.

If anyone knows where "Redpath PS" is, let me know.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

This is all just part of my diabolical plan to make you the happiest woman on Earth. Resistance is futile.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[103]

Doctor: "You're hot-blooded. Check it and see."

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW WHO HE WAS?

Back in 2003, I first stumbled across Gerard Van der Leun of American Digest in the New Blog Showcase and had this to say about the little newbie:

It's hard to believe he's new. I'd swear he was born blogging.

After stumbling across him again in the Carnival of the Vanities a couple weeks later, I was so impressed that - after granting him some additional enthusiastic linkage - I put him on my blogroll.

Now, I had assumed he was just your typical pajama-wearing blogger with a crummy day job, except, perhaps, with a little more writing talent than most.

Until a few months ago when I was reading Stephen King's Night Shift for the 3rd or 4th time because I hadn't read it in a while and I needed something to pass the time. And to make it last as long as possible, I actually read the Foreword.

My eyes widened perceptibly as I read this part near the end:

In the third group are the people who first bought my work. Mr Robert A W Lowndes who purchased the first two stories I ever sold, Mr Douglas Allen and Mr Nye Willden of the Dugent Publishing Corporation who bought so many of the ones that followed for Cavalier and Gent back in the scuffling days when the cheques sometimes came just in time to avoid what the power companies euphemistically call an interruption in service; to Elaine Geiger and Herbert Schnall and Carolyn Stromberg of the New American Library; to Gerard Van der Leun of Penthouse and Harris Deinstfrey of Cosmopolitan, Thanks to all of you.

That was dated 1977.

In the early 90's, he was director of communications for the Electronic Frontier Foundation.

While Googling about Godwin's Law for a recent post, I discovered that, in a 1994 Wired article, Godwin himself mentioned Van der Leun's Corollary:

As global connectivity improves, the probability of actual Nazis being on the Net approaches one.

Which led me to the discovery that Gerard co-authored the book "Rules of the Net" back in 1996.

And that in 2001 he was vice president for Internet ventures at the General Media Corporation (who owned Penthouse at the time).

It's a very peculiar feeling to realize that the guy I thought of merely as "a pretty good blogger", has - unbeknownst to me - played a solid role in three of the things that most affected my life: Stephen King's writings, soft-core pornographic magazines, and a free-speech-protected internet.

If I had to decribe the feeling, it's probably like bumping into Ronald Reagan at a party, not recognizing him, and going around afterwards referring to him as "that nice old guy who gave me good advice on how to buy a quality necktie."

So... did anyone else know he was more than just "a good blogger"?

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If loving you were a crime, I'd like to be sentenced to life with no chance of parole.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Money Cometh to Will Tunstall now - In Jesus Name!]

Hey, Will... Jesus sent me... told me to tell you that maybe - instead of spending all day writing on currency - you should try getting a f*cking job!

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BEST METAPHOR EVER...

... for unemployment.

See Bloggranddaughter Sarah the Penguin of Because We Have Thumbs.

HOW TO PICK A CAT

Blogson Andrew of Custos Honor is considering getting a kitten, and is looking for advice on the selection process.

Well, there are plenty of sites that give advice on doing some quick physical checks, but I'm going to discuss personality.

I'm going to assume here that you want a cat for purposes of phyical interaction, and not one that'll just be a skittish blur that zips away from you at light speed whenever it sees you coming.

My personal preference is to get a cat from a shelter, since - after going through a few days/weeks of living in a smelly wire cage - they tend to really appreciate being given a real home. That, and it's usually cheaper.

The discussion below assumes a shelter setting, so adjust it accordingly if you go to a breeder, pet store, or private owner.

I'm also going to use the word "cat", since feline quality is not necessarily related to age. Sometimes good animals get put up for adoption through no fault of their own. Don't discount the possibility of finding a perfectly suited older animal.

1) Pick a cat that shows an interest in you - Stand in front of the cage and put your finger on the bars. Does the cat come up to you, sniff, rub, and continue to do so? This is a sign of a "people cat" - one that finds humans more interesting than their food bowl. That's a GOOD thing.

2) Dangle a bit of string - Does the cat pounce & play? If so, you'll never be bored again. Another good sign. Cats that ignore string are a drag and not worth having.

3) Pick the cat up and hold it supportively in your arms - It will either squirm and try to get away (some cats don't like being held), or it will be content to enjoy the view. If it snuggles in, lays in your arms like a lump, and starts purring, you probably have a keeper.

4) OPTIONAL - Hold the cat up near other cat cages. Some cats will hiss & spit, others will be indifferent to the presence of other cats. Having an asocial feline isn't a deal breaker, but it will make things a little rougher should you get an additional cat in the future. NOTE: This test is mandatory if you're planning to bring this critter home to a house that already has another cat in it.

That pretty much covers it from my end. Please feel free to leave further advice in the comments.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

My tastes - while not expensive - are QUITE discriminating. Which is why I love YOU.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

[New bill - not previously posted]

(click to enlarge)

[(Lincoln with moustache & eyebrows drawn in)]

"Lieutenant Kyle, your agonizer, please..."

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

SOME PERSPECTIVE ON THE WELL-ENDOWED LOWER HALF

Bloggranddaughter ArmyWife of ArmyWifeToddlerMom mentioned that she'd like to shrink her butt.

Which is just foolishness.

Let's talk about butts in pop culture for a minute.

Off the top of my head, I can think of two hit songs in praise of amply-posteriored women:

Fat Bottom Girls

Baby's Got Back

On the other hand, I can't think of one single song - even a crappy NOVELTY song - about the joys of unpadded seats.

Maybe there's a reason for this.

Maybe your ass is fine the way it is.

Maybe the only men who hate a well-rounded rump are the ones who sell small-size designer jeans.

And they're all gay, so who the hell cares what THEY think?

Curves are a GOOD thing.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Brazen, improbable, maddening, rapturous... all facets in the jewel of my greatest treasure - your love.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: RESPECT THE MEAT www.grill-rub.com)]

Damn typos! That's supposed to be girl-rub.com!

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

Fun Facts About Vermont

While the IMAO podcast is still MIA, I'm going to keep posting the latest uncut Fun Facts About The 50 States - hopefully on a weekly(ish) schedule.

This week, we'll be going to the only state that serves maple syrup at communion services as we visit Vermont. So let's get started...

Vermont became the 14th state on March 4, 1791 after they finally stopped holding out for having the state represented on the flag by a maple leaf.

The stoner-rock band Phish got its start in Burlington, Vermont. It has a cult-like following similar to that of the Greatful Dead, except fewer of Phish's fans are old enough to have taken the brown acid at Woodstock.

Vermont gets its name from the French words "verts monts", which mean "green mountains" and are the only two words in the language which don't translate roughly as "we surrender".

Vermont's capital of Montpelier has a population of under 9,000 people, which means there's always plenty of parking for filthy hippies when they show up to protest whatever it is that's pissing them off this week.

Montpelier is the only state capital in the US without a McDonald's, which - technically - makes it a backwards, third-world hellhole. Expect Sally Struthers to be doing some "save the children" commercials for the place sometime soon.

Vermont has a cows-to-people ratio of 10 to 1, which makes me suspect that the absence of a Montpelier McDonald's is due to heavy lobbying by Big Cow.

Vermont's two biggest employees are Ben & Jerry's and IBM. IBM actually has trouble attracting workers, since it offers its habitually-baked-at-lunch hippie labor pool fewer opportunities to assuage their munchies by nibbling on the company product.

Vermont was, at various times in its history, claimed by both New Hampshire and New York. However, like the skunk, it escaped these predators by emitting a New-Jersey-like odor.

Until 1996, Vermont was the only state without a Wal-Mart, leaving fat women in lime-green stretch pants wandering the streets without a place to gather, gossip, and ignore their crying children.

Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream company has always given their ice cream waste to local farmers to feed their hogs. However, since Ben & Jerry's was acquired by the multi-billion dollar business conglomorate Unilever in 2000, the hogs have refused to eat it, citing the bitter, corporate-sellout taste.

While living in Vermont in the 1890's, author Rudyard Kipling invented the game of snow golf. It's played by cursing and throwing your clubs while searching for a white ball in a snowbank.

Born in Plymouth, Vermont, in 1872, Calvin Coolidge is the only US president born on the 4th of July, and thus the only president to get the free Yankee Doodle Dandy Birthday Sundae from the White House Cafeteria.

Vermont's state capitol building is one of the few to have a gold-covered dome. At the peak of the dome stands a stature of Ceres, the Greek goddess of pancake toppings.

Over 70 percent of Vermont traffic tickets issued in 1996 were given to male drivers, most of whom were speeding because they were late picking up their fat-assed wives from Wal-Mart.

Ida May Fuller of Brattleboro, Vermont, was the first US citizen to collect a Social Security check. After paying in $100 during her working years, she collected over $20,000 after she retired, giving her a return on investment nearly that of a Hillary Clinton cattle futures purchase.

Wildlife biologists estimate that as many as five out of six deer can die during a hard winter in Vermont. Although this sounds harsh and cruel, it's just nature's way of ensuring that Vermont's many ski resorts have enough moguls.

Vermont is the largest producer of maple syrup in the US. This keeps America from having to rely on inferior Canadian syrup, which is frequently tainted with impurities such as benzene or socialism.

Vermont does not allow billboard advertising because it interferes with the natural beauty of the state's scenery. Companies get around this by sponsoring signs at anti-war protests, like "Make Love, Not War! - Buy Viagra!".

Vermont has more ski resorts than any other state in the US. Although this sounds harsh and cruel, it's just nature's way of keeping down the Kennedy population.

Part of the movie Beetlejuice was filmed in Vermont. The afterlife waiting room scene was shot using people returning from a Phish concert in order to save money on costumes & makeup.

The Vermont area was first explored by Frenchman Samuel de Champlain, who claimed it for his home country after noting with approval how many deer surrendered to starvation every year.

In 1916, Barre, Vermont elected a socialist mayor. This ushered in 4 frightening years when their syrup was inferior to Canada's.

Inventor John Deere was born in Rutland, Vermont, in 1804. He invented the lawnmover in 1872 and the shredded foot in 1873.

Brigham Young and Joseph Smith were both born in Vermont. They founded the Mormon church shortly after being unable to make a go of Brigham & Joseph's Ice Cream. Possibly because of such unpopular flavor offerings as Bible Bangin' Banana and Sodom & Gomorrah Surprise.

On July 2, 1777, Vermont became the first state to abolish slavery. The newly freed black man was reportedly overjoyed.

The first postage stamp issued in the US was made in Battleboro, Vermont, in 1846. Prior to this, postage payment was indicated by having a hole shot in the corner of the envelope by a disgruntled employee.

The first person to cross the entire US by automobile was Dr. H. Nelson Jackson of Burlington, Vermont. Arriving in New York 2 months after leaving San Francisco, his first words were, "Outta my way! I gotta whiz like a racehorse!".

The first Boy Scout troop was organized in Barre, Vermont in 1909 by William F. Milne, who made millions forcing the boys to earn their "indentured servant" merit badges.

The first ski chairlift was used on Vermont's Mt. Mansfield in 1940. Prior to this, skiers ascended the slopes using tow ropes attached to indentured Boy Scouts.

The first Head Start Program, which prepares underprivileged preschool children for elementary school, was started in East Fairfield, Vermont. The original curriculum consisted simply of telling the kids repeatedly throughout the day, "get used to failure, losers!".

The singing Von Trapp family - whose flight from Austria was made famous in the movie "The Sound of Music" - eventually settled in Stowe, Vermont, because it reminded them of the country they left behind, which also consisted of ski slopes full of snooty, Jew-hating WASP's.

---

That wraps up the Vermont edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be surrounded by bleached blond surfers who say "dude!" with a southern accent as we visit Virginia.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go get paid for my "No Blood For Oil! Exxon Takes VISA!" sign.

IT'S A GIRL!

Bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks has adopted herself a blogdaughter.

Who just happens to be the wife of her bloggrandpa.

Not me, the other one.

I tell ya, the Bad Example Family Tree just keeps looking more and more like this:

First, a word of caution to Bug... adopting a blogchild is a grave and fearsome responsibility. I expect you to lavish her with love, support, attention, and regular comments. Remember to encourage her during those dry spells where blogging doesn't seem like much fun anymore. Be a good blogmama.

Now, let's have a gander at this foundling:

Maranda of Maranda Under Stress

Since Maranda has actually been blogging for over a year, I'll just link a semi-random selection of posts instead of the "link every darn one" thing that I usually do with the newbies.

Answers the burning question: "Why would anyone be called Maranda unless they were being arrested or wore big hats full of fruit?"

The nurse's prayer... not sure where that bit about Astroglide came from...

Phrases that should never appear on ANYONE'S blog - "a guy in a thong style suit with thin straps that go over the shoulders on his sides".

Penis enlargement tip that actually works!

A handy tip to help NASA cope with those budget cuts.

Finally, she realizes too late the full implications of being her own bloggreatgrandmother.

Membership in the Bad Example Clan is also an option, if you're so inclined to jump through the requisite hoops, but is not mandatory.

Meanwhile you can look forward - with either anticipation or dread - to regular visits and comments from me.

Welcome home.

IT'S A GIRL!

Bloggranddaughter Lee Ann of Lee Ann's View presents us with her new blogdaughter:

"Susan" of Get A Life

Let's peek under the little pink blanket:

Proof that celebrities should fornicate more cautiously.

Proof of her own insanity in the form of 30 degree coatlessness and a favoring of the Colts in the Superbowl.

Proof of her twisted sense of humor. You can always tell a Bad Example Family member by their inappropriate laughter.

In case you were wondering, that long-haired, black-hatted trumpet player on ESPN2 Thursday night wasn't some homeless guy who wandered in off the street, it was her son.

Membership in the Bad Example Clan is also an option, if you're so inclined to jump through the requisite hoops, but is not mandatory.

Meanwhile you can look forward - with either anticipation or dread - to regular visits and comments from me.

Welcome home.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

The best thing that can happen to a man is to be utterly startled by the elegant beauty of a woman spied across a crowded room, only afterwards to recognize that it is his beloved.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Washington with round glasses, moustache, and goatee)]

Spike Lee IS George Washington, in his new movie, "The Slave-Ownin' Cracka Mutha-F*cka Story"

[Hat tip to Susie of Practical Penumbra who mailed me this one. This is the front of the bill I used yesterday.]

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

HOW ABOUT THAT LOCAL SPORTS TEAM?

Jenelle of A Spinster's Tale asks:

Let's say a high school is built in a predominately-black neighborhood. The school needs a mascot/nickname, and the kids vote to be the "Crackers" and have someone dress up in a Revenge of the Nerds type getup to be the mascot. Or they call themselves the "Wops" and have a Godfather-type mascot, except without any guns or violent imagery.

Would you have a problem with this? Why or why not?

Yes I would.

I've always believed that a team mascot should be fearsome and threatening, symbolizing physical power.

Large carnivorous mammals seem to work best.

Groups of humans whose fighting skills are legendary are also good.

"Wops" with a Godfather?... that works ok. The Mafia is fairly threatening.

"Crackers" with a nerd?... just lame. Might as well call themselves the Power Puff Girls.

"The Dahmers" would be fine, though, even though he was frail-looking and gay.

My personal preference would be to show a biker dude wearing a jacket that said "Ripoff Park Pig F*ckers", but that reference is too obscure for anyone (including Google and Wikipedia) to know about, so I'll just not bother with it.

FIGURES HE'D DO IT THE DAY I LEFT ON VACATION

Hetero Life-Partner (don't ask) Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks FINALLY has his new blog up & running.

And you don't even have to change your bookmarks. Just start visiting again.

Just one thing...

Seriously - don't watch the video.

WILLIAM ARKIN

...is an asshole.

Blogson Mike the Marine of From The Halls To The Shores is toilet paper.

Very angry toilet paper.

Who does a magnificent job wiping up the shit that this troop-denigrating MSM tool spews forth and flushing it down the toilet where it belongs.

[Caution: Rated R for coarse language]

Are Muslim Terrorists Behind Global Warming?

(cross-posted from IMAO)

According to the upcoming report on global climate change:

the last half-century was probably the hottest in at least the past 1,300 years.

Now, looking back about 1300 years ago, we discover that in 732 A.D.:

Muslim empire reaches its furthes extent.

Now, 1300 years later, the crazed Murderers For Muhammed are on the move again, coincidentally at the same time we're experiencing record heat waves, droughts, floods, storms, tsunamis, and hurricanes.

I think the connection is obvious.

So remember:

Save the planet.
Kill a terrorist.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

People ask me "What's she like... this woman who inspires such bliss in your life?", and sadly it turns out that words are such tiny and inadequate things out of which to weave a description. She is not a story that can be told. She is the paradise in which I revel.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Greed is a sin. Freedom Freedom Freedom Freedom Freedom]

Now playing at Susie's Dollar Theater:

SE7EN

Braveheart

[Hat tip to Susie of Practical Penumbra who mailed me this one]

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)