DEAR GOD,

If it is your will, please grant Marine Corporal David Emery Jr. the strength to recover from his wounds.

Amen.

Please pray for DJ.

Email this message to your friends and families. Ask them to have their churches, synagogues, or mosques to offer prayers for DJ. I will ask our minister in Ft. Myers to do this tomorrow.

At this point, DJ needs a miracle.

If an atheist can pray for an injured Marine, you can too.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

With you, I have rediscovered the childlike, unquestioning zest for life that I'd thought was gone forever.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Kill your God Kill your TV Kill your God Kill your TV]

David Berkowitz had his dog, I have my graffiti currency.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BugMeNot

Blogdaughter Michele of Letters From New York City posted a well-reasearched piece on the significant numbers related to 9/11. Most of these I've never heard before.

Odd that the MSM considers them less important than the body count in Iraq, since some of these numbers are also trickling upwards.

However, I'm here to make a tangential point. One of the footnotes in Michele's post says:

Some of the information was culled from Wikipedia and the NY Times (which I will not link to as it requires membership and means being subjected to lots of spam mail for you and me).

I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. The NY Times registration spaminator (as well as other compulsory registration sites) can be bypassed by using BugMeNot.

This site provides usernames & passwords for sites that require FREE, compulsory registration (they WON'T hand you the keys to pay sites, so don't bother asking). Just paste the URL of your target site in the search box and click the "Get Logins" button. You'll be sent to a page with several possible combinations of usernames & passwords.

Also, if you have a login you'd like to share, you may submit it to BugMeNot.

Finally, I should mention that Firefox has an extension available that allows you to automatically retrieve a login from BugMeNot by right-clicking on a login box and selecting BugMeNot from the context menu. I have it, I've used it, and it works great.

So the next time you want to send folks to an article that requires registration, you can rest easy, knowing that they can use BugMeNot to get the information without the spam.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I tingle at the way you give a bedroom's worth of intimacy with a single glance.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[He's the one who likes all the pretty songs and he likes to sing along and he likes to shoot his gun but he knows not what it means oooooooo]

As a follow up to the popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the first in its new series of "Suicidal Singer Lyrics Dollars". Coming soon: "'Scuse me while I kiss the sky" and "Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

WILL THESE DAMN BABY BOOMERS *EVER* GET THEIR NOSES OUT OF THEIR NAVELS?

I guess the anwer is no.

You've seen this movie before. It's the 21st century's "Hair", except the hippies are moving in bullet time. But the theme hasn't changed. The "heroes" are nothing but pointless flotsam, helplessly tossed about by the "turbulence of the times", victims of "the man" and circumstances beyond their control.

Personally, I'll stick with heroes who act, rather than those who are acted upon. Heroes who are players, rather than pieces. Heroes who trod a chosen a path instead of walking in drug-addled circles. Heroes who say "we did it", instead of "we couldn't help it".

But maybe that's just me.

9 SECONDS OF THE JUICIEST GUN PRoN EVER

Full auto Glock 9mm.

With twin drum magazine.

[via Frizzen Sparks, comment #6]

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

At different hours, at different days, the spirit of your love comes in different flavors. It's a buffet of delights, and I thrill at the joy of tasting them all.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[HALL OF SATAN (Pentagram)]

Proposed design for the Glenn Reynolds Memorial Building in Washington D.C.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

ON PODCASTING

Because I did some podcasting for IMAO, and because blogdaughter Michele of Letters From New York City suggested it in the post where I mentioned the upcoming PodCamp Conference in NYC (April 6th & 7th, 2007, and there's still time to register), I'm going to share what I learned from the my podcasting experience - which was mostly how to do it on the cheap.

When the IMAO crew first brought up the idea of doing a podcast, I was totally against it. Figured that if I'd wanted to do voice work, I'd have gotten a job at a radio station. I mean, while it's true that I have a face for radio, I also have a voice for mime. Nevertheless, I took the plunge to be a team player.

The first step, of course (aside from reluctant acquiescence), was getting some recording equipment.

I started with a cheap microphone. Not the bottom of the line $10 model, the nearly-bottom $20 model.

I used this for most of the early podcasts, but around August of 2005, I splurged on a fancy $60 mike and a $150 amp on the advice of the podcast's then-producer, Scott McCollum, who wanted to standardize the quality of the recordings. You can probably tell the difference if you compare the earlier and later podcasts, but if podcasting is only a hobby for you, then a $20 mic is fine.

However, after I got my $20 mike, I realized that I also needed two pieces of equipment that I didn't have - a pop filter and a microphone stand.

Well, they didn't sell pop filters locally, I didn't want to wait to have one shipped, and I didn't want to spend the time to make one of the fancy home-made ones. Even the ultra-half-assed method of slipping old nylons over a bent coathanger was beyond my means, as my wife didn't have any old nylons kicking around.

So, working on the theory that what I *really* needed was just some porous material between my lips and the microphone, I took a sheet of mesh foam-grip drawer-liner and wrapped it around the head of the microphone.

As for the microphone stand, well, I figured all I needed to do was get the thing off my desk and near my face. So I put the mike in a glass cup (heavy enough so that it wouldn't tip over), and set the cup on a cigar box. Here's what it looked like:

Crude, yet effective. But mostly crude.

For recording software, I used WavePad - it's free and relatively intuitive.

Then there was my "recording studio".

You can't just talk in a room, you need something to deaden sound & minimize echoes and ambient noises. My chosen something was to put a sheet over my head and the computer monitor:

Sheet over computer monitor (left) and computer chair (right). Recording artist not included. Some assembly required.

Which does the job ok, although it does get a little warm under there, and the light's not very good. The main side effect of this method is that it makes you do several takes, aiming for one good read, because you don't want to spend MORE time under the sheet editing your recording and it's a pain to keep setting up & taking down the sheet.

Once the talky bits are recorded, it's time for some simple post-production work with WavePad:

1) Apply the noise reduction function - get rid of most of the pops, paper-shuffling, and chair-squeaks. Makes the rest of the clean up easier.

2) Amplify - With my computer system, I found it helpful to double the volume so that I could hear everything clearly without cranking up my speakers.

3) Frequency adjustments - using the Equalizer, lower the highs and boost the lows a bit, so that it doesn't sound so tinny.

3) Cut! Cut! Cut! - Carve it down to one good, clean take - mostly snipping out throat-clearings, dead air, and bad takes.

And then the nightmare begins:

Mixing in music.

First, trying to find royalty-free music on the web is like trying to find REAL information on discount mortgages - a LOT of fruitless searching through deceptive, search-engine-optimized web sites. Ditto for sound effects. It was even worse for me, since I'm not musically inclined enough to write my own tunes, and all the free music-generating software I found had miserably steep learning curves. Sure, those programs are versatile, but I'm stupid and impatient. Plus none of them seemed to come with electric guitar samples - which is what I was mainly looking for - although you can bass, drum, and piano to your heart's content.

In the end, I wound up finding some guitar chord samples and I put them together using some chording instructions for basic blues riffs. Not pretty, but it gave me 8 seconds of music that I could loop for background. You'll hear it in the last few podcasts behind my reading of the Fun Facts.

Blending music and speech is fairly simple with WavePad - just copy, set the volume to mix at, and paste - but getting the music to stop and start at precisely the right points is tedious and time-consuming. Putting together a three-minute Fun Facts segment (actually two 90-second ones) took about two hours from the time I started printing out my scripts to the time the last finishing touch was in place. Very nearly the same amount of time it took me to write the Fun Facts in the first place. Which somehow made it seem not worth the bother, because I didn't think the background music & occasional sound effects improved the piece all that much over the plain written version.

Once that was done, I was done. I just mailed it off to the podcast's producer/sound-engineer, and prayed for no last-minute re-writes.

So that's my experience with podcasting. It was a huge bother and I didn't much enjoy it.

However...

Going through the process, with all the script-writing, Skype-chatting, and e-mailing back & forth with other participants in the various IMAO podcast sketches DID help cement friendships with the rest of the IMAO crew.

And THAT made it all worthwhile.

GUESS IT WAS ALL JUST CHEAP RHETORIC

Obama said - back at the 2004 Democratic National Convention:

If there’s a child on the south side of Chicago who can’t read, that matters to me, even if it’s not my child. If there’s a senior citizen somewhere who can’t pay for her prescription and has to choose between medicine and the rent, that makes my life poorer, even if it’s not my grandmother. [...] It’s that fundamental belief — I am my brother’s keeper, I am my sisters’ keeper — that makes this country work.

I guess old friends in L.A. don't count as brothers.

For the record, I wouldn't have given the dirty old mooch a dime, either. And I guess that makes me an uncaring, stone-hearted monster. But then again, I've never pretended to be anything different.

But for a man who professes (in that same 2004 speech) to "believe we can provide jobs to the jobless, homes to the homeless", well, wouldn't that make yonder bleeding-heart liberal a lying bastard sack-o'-crap hypocrite, then?

Sorry... ARTICULATE lying bastard sack-o'-crap hypocrite.

The most amusing part to me was when Obama's advisers "suggested Mr. Kakugawa get help from social-service agencies".

Typical liberal - always looking to spend someone else's money to fix problems that matter to him instead of cracking his own damn wallet.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Is it raining? With your arms around me, I didn't notice.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)


[(Front) Question: How do you distract a dummy? Turn over]

[(Back) Question: How do you distract a dummy? Turn over]

DAMMIT! I've been flipping this thing for HOURS!

WHAT'S THE ANSWER???

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

Fun Facts About Wyoming

With a great sigh of relief - and I'm sure I'm not alone in this - I present the last edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States:

This week, we'll be wrapping up the Fun Facts About the 50 States series by fighting off a pack of rabid jackalopes as we tour Wyoming. So let's get started...

Wyoming became the 44th state on July 10th, 1890. Or maybe that was Colorado. I don't know... all those rectangular states look alike to me.

The state motto of Wyoming is "120 miles to the next rest area".

Wyoming gets its name from an Algonquin Indian word, "wa-ho-men", meaning "little too friendly with the sheep, there, cowboy".

The state song of Wyoming is "Go Back To Colorado And Ski On Your Own Mountains, Ya Damn Greenie!"

Wyoming's license plates feature black lettering on a scenic landscape background, a silhouette of a man riding a bucking bronco, and the tourism slogan "Our Women Are Like This, Too".

In 1869, Wyoming was the first state to grant women the right to vote, which earned it the nickname, "The Whipped State".

Rising nearly 1300 feet above the surrounding lands, Wyoming's Devil's Tower was designated as America's first National Monument in 1906. It also beat out Richard Dreyfuss for the Best Actor Oscar in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" in 1977.

Black Thunder, located near Wright, Wyoming, is America's largest coal mine. It was also Al Sharpton's nickname back in his stripper days, although the two are otherwise unconnected.

The first "Dude Ranch" was the Eaton Ranch near Wolf, Wyoming. The Eatons were the first to use the word "dude" in that capacity, as the term originally referred to a burr that had gotten tangled in a horse's butt-hair.

The horse featured on Wyoming's license plate is named "Old Steamboat", after an unridable bronco that gained fame in the early 1900's. Keep that in mind before buying a package of Old Steamboat brand hot dogs.

With less than 500,000 people, Wyoming has the smallest population of any of the 50 states. Strangely, this was true even before the release of "Brokeback Mountain".

Established in 1886, the Laramie County Library located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, is the oldest continually operating county library in the United States. In 2007, they plan to consider broadening their collection to include books not written by Louis L'Amour.

Just outside of Laramie, Wyoming, the 60-foot tall stone monolith known as Ames Pyramid marks the location of the world's first rodeo. More specifically, the site where a VERY drunken Robert Ames uttered his final words, "I'll bet I can sit on top of that angry bull for 8 seconds!"

Using a firearm to fish is strictly forbidden by Wyoming law, as is chumming with city slicker body parts.

Wyoming's Nellie Tayloe Ross was the first woman Governor elected in the US. Her first official act was to outlaw jokes about her that used either "Grand Tetons" or "Jackson Hole".

Newcastle, Wyoming, has a law that specifically prohibits couples from having sex inside a store's walk-in meat freezer. I probably don't need to mention that it was passed shortly after a Bill Clinton campaign stop.

The punishment for being drunk in a mine in Wyoming is a year in jail - or "Irish Condo", as the locals call it.

The Jackalope - common in Wyoming - is a cross between a pygmy deer and a particularly vicious breed of killer rabbit. While nominally considered a pest, the animal is credited with annually bringing millions of dollars of revenue into the state through the sale of Holy Hand Grendade hunting permits.

In Wyoming, it's illegal to wear a hat in a theater that obstructs someone's view. In the event of an offense, the obstructed person is allowed to shoot the hat off the other person's head - the only time it's legal to yell "Fire!" in a crowded theater.

Jackson, Wyoming elected the first all-woman city council in 1920. The first law they passed banned fat guys in Speedos.

The spacecraft Voyager II has, as part of its artifacts cargo, an Ansel Adams photo of Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Note to space aliens - it's actually just a come-on to get you to attend a time-share seminar.

There have been numerous sightings of Bigfoot in the woods outside Jackson, Wyoming. However, most scientists theorize that he's actually just an ordinary man who went feral after being exiled for wearing a Speedo.

The first person to ski down the 14,000 foot Grand Teton mountain was Bill Briggs, in 1971. And by "ski", I mean "fall to his screaming, bloody death with skis strapped to his feet, regretting his endeavor the whole way down".

Yellowstone National Park has over 10,000 geysers in addition to the popular "Old Faithful". Also intriguing, though less well-known, are "Middle-aged Erratic" and "Young Psychotic" - affectionately known as "Mel" and "Britney", respectively.

The state flag of Wyoming features a blue field bordered in white and red with a picture in the foreground that I'll describe as, "a bison that got REALLY drunk with a bunch of his rowdy friends and decided to blow the rest of his paycheck at a tattoo parlor - which SEEMED like a good idea at the time, and that eagle IS pretty cool, but that "equal rights" thing over the picture of that ugly chick might've been a mistake in retrospect - and what's the deal with that one guy grabbing his crotch like Michael Jackson - what was I THINKING?".

In 1991, a elementary school class discovered a the bones of a new species of dinosaur during a field trip at Alcova Lake, Wyoming. Since tradition allows a discoverer to name his find, the giant prehistoric carnivore was dubbed "Fartosaurus".

In 1872, Yellowstone was designated as the world's first National Park. The first non-American National Park was Le Pew Springs, outside Paris, France. It's pungent, sulfurous waters are said to be the source of France's cherished National Odor.

Wyoming law prohibits "fat people" - defined as 100 or more pounds overweight - from using playground or park equipment. This became the inspiration for Michael Moore's documentary, "Teeter-Tottering For Columbine".

While it IS true that Cody, Wyoming was named after William "Buffalo Bill" Cody, it is NOT true that Casper, Wyoming was named after a particularly gregarious-natured spectral apparition.

The first JC Penney store opened in Kemmerer, Wyoming, in 1902. It was the first department store that featured annual visits from Santa Claus - of sorts. The Wyomingized version of the jolly holiday elf, "Saint Clint", gave cigars and ponchos to good children, while misbehaving youngsters were hogtied & branded "naughty".

That wraps up the Wyoming edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States and ends our little tour around the greatest nation on earth. Hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to grab my Speedo and get out of Jackson.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Forlorn? Since I've met you, I don't know the meaning of the word. Heck, I had to look it up just now to make sure I spelled it right.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Andy Wasilewski, P.O. Box 5121, B'ham, WA 98227]

Part of me says "mail it back to him".

Part of me says "sign him up for a subscription to Playgirl".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

OH! SO *THAT'S* WHAT'S GOING ON IN IRAQ!

TJ’s Anti-Contrarian Blog has an interview with SFC Thomas Nichols of Jack Army. After reading it, I noticed a pattern:

"the Iraqi Police in this area are stepping up to that challenge more and more every day"

When we started waving at passing motorists and pedestrians as we drove by in our up-armored humvee’s, people looked confused and unsure what we were doing. Now, we wave and smile and get waves and smiles in return.

Iraqis are turning in insurgents, calling when they see IEDs and even chasing away bad guys in some cases.

The best part is seeing the Iraqis take charge of situations in the area. From IED discoveries to crowd control to providing security for pilgrims moving through the area, the Iraqi Army and Police are performing more and more of those tasks with less involvement from Coalition Forces.

I want to tell the story of Iraq as it is, not as I want it to be. It would mostly be good news, though, because that is what is mostly going on: infrastructure projects, new schools and medical clinics, humanitarian programs, security operations, etc.

Yup. I think it's pretty obvious from reading this that we've lost the war, lost the peace and need to pull out ASAP.

I mean, it just looks so BLEAK, and there's simply nothing to be optimistic about.

[Hat tip: Radioactive Liberty]
[Pic via 21st Century Paladin]

Jeb Bush's Booby Prizes - When Bad Awards Happen To Good People

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Although Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush was snubbed by the University of Florida for an honorary degree, he was still granted the immensely-less-impressive honor of being named an "honorary alumnus". Here are some of the other prestigious accolades he's been awarded:

* The Nobel Pathetic Prize.

* Honorary Chicago Bears 2007 Superbowl Quarterback.

* Losers Anonymous Lifetime Achievement Award.

* The Jason Alexander "No, Really, I'm More Than Just Seinfeld's Fluffer" Trophy.

* Best Actor for the movie "299".

* The "Seriously, You Don't Look a DAMN thing like George H.W. - Is Michael Moore Your Real Father?" Certificate of Questionable Parentage.

* Honorary Robin from the Justice League of America.

* The Nobel Pathetic Prize.

* Rowdy Frat Boys of America Puke-litzer.

* Boy Scouts of America "Whizzing Out The Campfire" Merit Badge

* Girl Scouts of America "Cookie Queen" Sash

* The Dan Rather "Integrity In Broadcasting" Ribbon.

* The Harvey, RightWingDuck, Cadet Happy, Spacemonkey, Laurence Simon, SarahK, and Aquaman Medallion of Overshadowed Excellence.

* The Congressional Medal of Whatever

The Other Side of the British Hostage Situation

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Iran now claims that the British Sailors and Marines that it took hostage a few days ago have confessed to invading Iranian territorial waters. Well, assuming this is true - and what possible reason could we have to doubt the Iranians? - you HAVE to wonder what excuse the British government will come up with for being there.

I speculate thusly:

* Trying to unload a shipment of genuine, licensed, "300"-logo burkas.

* Ship's mascot - Fluffy the Cat - needed a litterbox refill.

* Took Carter's advice on how to get a free 444 day vacation.

* Iraq, Iran... you can't catch EVERY typo.

* Helpless to steer away from the seductive, siren-like song of Iranian saber-rattling.

* Tweaking the Iranians noses by showing them what an unsunk Navy looks like.

* Came to deliver humanitarian aid in five megaton increments.

* They simply drifted off course because the ship's navigator was distracted by a piquant cup of Earl Grey.

* Investigating the connection between global warming and camel flatulence.

* Thought there was a big tent sale going on and wanted to take advantage of the low, low prices.

* Responding to Grail-shaped beacon

* Just comin' by to Rock the Casbah, baby!

* Falkland flashbacks. Please disregard.

* Bush said "just give us an excuse". What were we SUPPOSED to do? He paid in crumpets for God's sake!

* Wanted to borrow a cup of crazy from Ahmadinejad.

Wouldn't want to risk inflaming the "Arab Street" ya know.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Are we a mismatched pair? And how! But consider how different bees and flowers are, and how much better they make each other's lives.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[COME BACK 2 ME 2/2/03]

Oddly enough, the Democratic Party's plans to bring the troops back to America actually predate the invasion of Iraq.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

COLOR HIS WORLD

Bloggrandson Titan of Titan's lair asks in a recent comment:

"does anyone know where I can find atheltic socks with the colored stripes around the top, I would really like to have some more, the one's I have from middle school are really starting to yellow"

I scoffed as I Google-image searched, but it turns out that I had to go 11 pages deep to find any.

WTF?

Back in the day, ALL athletic socks came with three brightly-colored bands around the calves. Now it seems that unless you're some kind of estrogen-enhanced Christmas fetishist, you'll have to buy solid white and LIKE it.

I haven't felt this old since my nephew asked me "who's Monty Python?".

BLACKLISTING TERRORIST SUPPORTERS

Chris of Spotted Horse posted a list of names at his site, hoping to ruin their reputations.

"WTF!," I thought, "that sounds like something a liberal would do!"

So I Googled up one of the names he listed.

*Now* I understand.

On March 19, 2007, in Milwaukee, a bunch of "peace activists" [yes, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinal actually called them that] vandalized an Army recruiting station.

Anyway, if you're an employer who's Google-checking candidates, and you're thinking of hiring any of the following people:

Kelsey M. Kazik, 20, Milwaukee;
Sara Keiza, 17, Milwaukee;
Jillian Duckwitz, 21, Milwaukee;
Richard A. Ketcham, 22, Milwaukee;
Amy M. Barger, 19, West Bend;
Jessica L. Brooks, 18, West Bend;
Craig R. Barringer, 20, Waukesha;
Jonathon W. Wilson, 17, Wauwatosa;
David W. Clerkin, 21, Madison;
Derek W. Johnson, 17, West Bend;
Nathan J. Bartelt, 20, West Bend;
Thomas P. Buckholt, 17, Milwaukee;
Jeffrey G. Lavato, 18, West Bend;
Andrew L. Ortlieb, 24, Milwaukee;
Kathryn E. Jacobs, 20, Milwaukee.

Be sure to ask them about their "extra-curricular activities".

By the way, these names were taken directly from the MJ-S article, so they're already out there. I just want to make sure that this continues to haunt them.

Remember folks, the only reason to be at an Army recruiting station is to join the Army. Those who want to treat it as nothing but a symbol - instead of having a little respect for the real men and women who are trying to do the VERY real job of protecting this country - should take their victory-subverting bullshit somewhere else.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

No pleading the Fifth, no jury trial... I confess... I love you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[WWW.TIPPLER.NET]

Just based on the name, I'm guessing that's Straight White Eric's secret blog.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

HELP A BROTHER OUT

Physics Geek is desperately trying to find episodes of the old HBO series "Hardcore TV":

It contained some real oddities and unusual parodies such as:

1) a commercial for The Pubic Hair Club for Men

2) Fairytales From the Dark Side

3) a Bob Vila spoof where Bob and Norm spoke like they were from the hood

He's tried all the usual video sources and struck out. Can anyone point him in the right direction?

Unscruting the Inscrutable Iranian Mind

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Iranian naval vessels on Friday seized 15 British Sailors and Marines who had boarded a merchant ship to search for smugglers in Iraqi waters in the Persian Gulf.

It's being assumed that Iran will claim that it was because the British were operating in Iranian territorial waters, but there's been no official word yet. Which makes me wonder what reason they'll give when they finally speak up. Here are my best guesses as to the reason Iran will give for kidnapping 15 British Sailors & Marines:

* Mistook them for carbon offsets.

* Needed someone to explain that "cricket" thing.

* A simple request to borrow a cup of limes went horribly awry.

* Hoping to trade hostages for nude photos of Queen Elizabeth.

* Looking for helpful tips on how to get some islands back from Argentina.

* Seeking a diagnosis - is this parrot resting, stunned, or pining for the fjords?

* Just a little backsliding in their "don't kidnap the British" 12-step program.

* Desperately searching for insensitive pricks with British accents for reality-TV judging panels.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I adore the way your cheeks flush a slight, sunrise-pink after I kiss you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: GUNOWNERS$)]

Just amazing what a heaping pile of these have done for Rudy Guiliani

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

2) I usually contain more than one pecker

3) A cock wants to come inside me

Answer in the comments tomorrow.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I don't mind your messy morning hair. It reminds me of how it got that way last night.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[ABOSCO3@comcast.net]

Yes, it's true. If you're dumb enough to put your e-mail address on a dollar bill, it WILL be used to sign up at "hot amateur barnyard porn" sites.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

DISCRIMINATION IN A NUTSHELL

As succinctly put there by Russell of Mean Mr. Mustard 2.0:

Part of the problem has to do with the fact that "discrimination" has taken on an axiomatically condemnatory connontation in the public sphere. Of course, for the last generation, as the word took on this talismanic power, numerous people pointed out that everyone discriminated against people and things virtually every moment of their lives, but that didn't stop idiots from using it as shorthand for "decisions that upset me."

Attack of the Light Bulb Nazis

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Ok, so there's this bunch of loonies that wants to take away my Constitutional right to incandescent light bulbs, and FORCE me to use compact flourescent bulbs, like I'm some sort of commie serf.

Well... I guess I'll go along with it, since they'll shoot me if I don't and this isn't worth dying for. It's not like they're taking away my porn.

Just one question, though:

How am I supposed to operate my Easy-Bake Oven?

... and it's not just Easy-Bakes that are being threatened.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Run, don't walk, into my arms. Even if we have a thousand years left together, there is no time to waste in being apart.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(meaningless scribbling)]

It's either a meaningless scribbling or the transcript of a Democrat's speech giving reasons to pull out of Iraq.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

PUPPY!

Blogson Peter of Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack has posted pictures of his new German Shepherd puppy.

I need to go look at some pictures of Rosie O'Donnell now to keep myself from going into cuteness shock.

NOT TRUSTING THE POLLS

In a college statistics class, I learned that for a random poll to be worth a damn, it really needs to have at least 1000 participants in order to minimize the effect of misleading coincidental clusters.

So when I heard that the latest Iraqi opinion poll used 5000 participants, I figured it would contain some good, solid information.

But then I noticed these two items:

69% thought the presence of coalition forces had made the security situation worse

35% said coalition forces should leave at once

The conclusion I draw from this is that at least 34% of Iraqis lie to poll takers.

Giving any poll of Iraqis a margin of error of +/- 37%

Another thing I noticed is that when given a statistic like: 42% of respondents saying that their lives are better and 36% saying it's worse, the headline will be:

"Iraqis feel quality of life has dropped since U.S. invasion"

So the other conclusion I draw is that journalists are as reliable as Iraqi poll-respondents.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I must whisper, speak, and shout my love for you. There is too much to hold in.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(anarchy symbol in Federal Reserve Seal) Tim got this by sucking dick (swastika on Lincoln's forehead) Lasarous]

In one of the many alternate universes of Star Trek, the 16th President of the US was Tim Lincoln, an out-of-the-closet homosexual from the Amish Nazi Anarchist party.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

IS IT REALLY $206 MILLION?

Saw this picture of "206 million dollars in cash" from a Mexican drug bust at I Hate My Cubicle!!!

As a former bank teller who's quite familiar with bundles & stacks of cash, I did some counting & some math to see if the total was accurate.

In the front row, the third bundle from the left is a stack of 1000 $100 bills ($100,000). Trust me, I know what a stack of 1000 bills looks like, having bundled plenty of them during my career.

The short stacks in the front row look about 5 bundles high, the taller stacks, about 6.

I counted 34 bundles per row, and 9 full columns.

9 x 34 x 6 x $100,000 = $183,600,000

1 x 34 x 5 x $100,000 = $17,000,000

Gives just over $200,000,000. Plus whatever that foreign crap is in front is probably enough to make up the difference.

So assuming those are all actually hundreds... yeah, that's about right.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Drifting, dreaming... waking to discover the dream has come true - you are with me.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Jack Johnson "Brush Fire Fairy Tales" song "Flake"]

As a follow up to the popular "State Quarters" program, the Treasury released the first in the new series of "Songs from 'Michael Moore: The Musical!' Dollars". Coming soon: "Sympathy for the Devil" and "I'm a Loser"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Loving you as much as I do is not insanity. It's merely idolatry.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[I love Corey H of Cleveland Ohio. I love Corey H of Cleveland Ohio. I
love Corey H of Cleveland Ohio. I love Corey H of Cleveland Ohio.]

Looks like Corey might have a bunny-boiler on his hands.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If you see flaws when you look at yourself in the mirror, I can only assume that the mirror is defective.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[U know you want what you can't have Oh boy that's to damn bad]

...and what would THAT be? Literacy?

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

IRISH THINGS UPDATED 3-17-07 10:30PM

Irish fridge.

Irish squirrel.

Irish trip to the mall.

UPDATE 10:30 pm - fixed the first link

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

It's not that I'm madly, passionately, hopelessly, devotedly in love with you, it's just that I have my priorities straight.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Lacey [heart]'s U, It's better to burn out than to fade away, Peace, Love,
empathy, 69, [anarchy symbol], 4:20, Kurt Cobain]

After contemplating several possibilities, young Caitlyn eventually decided on the more traditional Tigger tattoo.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

I HEAR HE'S REALLY BIG IN IRELAND

America's favorite drunken Irish paratrooper, Matty O'Blackfive (aka Paddy O'Tatertot) has passed through many milestones on his path to the rockstar-like fame that he currently enjoys.

His first job, was, of course, as an Army paratrooper.

After his discharge, he worked briefly as the spokesman for Pillsbury (who liked him so much that they continue to use his image today).

Then he started a really crappy blog with broken permalinks, got fed up, got a REAL blog, popularized the fly mint green shirt (more minty goodness here), and wrote a book (ok, THE book).

Yet through it all, one prize eluded him - getting his face on a cereal box.

Unfortunately, Wheaties has a very strict "No Irish Need Apply" policy, so he'll never make it there, but he DID finally manage to get the Irish equivalent:

Congratulations, Matt. You deserve it.

And Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Fun Facts About Ireland

(cross-posted from IMAO)

In honor of St. Patrick's day, I thought I'd take the time to share a few items that I made turned up while researching the Emerald Isle:

* In 1998 Danny O'Malley of Dublin created the first internet search engine to specialize in Irish-related information: Alcohoogle.

* Currently, every search term entered returns the Guinness home page.

* To prevent illegal immigration into the country, Irish Border Patrol members guard the country's beaches by hurling empty whiskey bottles at swimmers.

* The Irish possess the most unstoppable Special Forces in the world, which are capable of successfully invading any nation with at least one distillery.

* According to noted zoologist Jonathan Swift, the Irish - unlike rattlesnakes - really DO taste like chicken.

* Ireland has long been famous for the irritable temperament of its inhabitants. It used to be called Angerland, until St. Patrick realized that "ire" was a much more sophisticated-sounding word.

* The national symbol of Ireland is the shamrock. Which used to be called the "samrock", but the new pronunciation quickly took over, since that's how a liquored-to-the-gills Irishman would pronounce it, anyway.

* Another important symbol of Ireland is the hardwood cudgel known as the "shillelagh". Which used to be called a "salay", but changed for the same reason as the samrock.

* In a fight between Aquaman and Ireland, Aquaman would die messily when his dolphin "mysteriously" exploded, with the IRA claiming responsibility shortly afterwards.

* The Irish are a clever and inventive people who are popularly credited with inventing several different types of bar soap. None of which they've been able to sell to France.

* Which really sucks, because France is upwind.

* Before switching to the Euro in 1999, the Irish had a dual currency system, where both Guinness bottle caps and whiskey labels circulated freely alongside each other.

* There was also a brief experimental period with British currency, but - like most things in Ireland featuring the Queen's portrait - the bills quickly became too spit-soaked for practical usage.

* Although the Irish claim to have their own language, it's actually just a form of English that they picked up from watching Lucky Charms commercials.

* Even though Ireland thinks it's better than the US, I think the fact that Americans can dance AND use their arms at the same time proves them wrong.

* While Ireland DOES have a President and a Parliament, the true power rests in the hands of Bono and his mysterious Leprechaun Council.

* Despite the impression given by the Notre Dame mascot, not all Irish are obnoxious, chrome-domed troublemakers. Just Sinead O'Connor.

* Ireland is a country blessed with vast, verdant grasslands. Plants grow well there because of the soil's incredibly high content of organic minerals - a result of the Irish peeing all over the place as they stagger from pub to pub.

* Much like the fabled elephant graveyard, the Irish have a secret bog where they go off to die when they become too feeble to lift a glass.

* In Ireland, starting a fight by punching someone in the face is considered a friendly greeting. Starting a fight by throwing your drink in someone's face, however, is grossly insulting, wastes precious alcohol, and carries the death penalty.

* Only one Irishman has ever won the Tour de France (Stephen Roche, 1987). Although this SOUNDS pathetic, I'm actually quite impressed that they found someone sober enough to sit on a bicycle without toppling over.

* Irish pop band The Boomtown Rats recently scored their first hit single since 1979 with their War on Terror ballad, "I Don't Like Mohammeds".

* Like the US, Ireland's constitution guarantees its citizens the right to free speech. It doesn't do them any good, though, since the only difference between Irish speech and incoherent drunk-dialing is the phone.

* The Titanic was built by the Belfast shipbuilding company, Harland & Wolff. Although the company was eventually cleared of negligence charges for its part in the ill-fated ship's construction, they WERE convicted of giving Leonardo DiCaprio career options beyond "pretty man-whore".

* The first Irishman in America, Paddy O'Tatertot, was also the man who built Notre Dame college and started its legendary football program. This caused the mass immigration of the Irish to America in the late 1800s, as they all wanted to see this union of the two best aspects of their country - devout religion and open-field brawling.

* Ireland's 1996 Olympic Gold Medal swimmer, Michelle Smith, was banned from the sport in 1999 for substance abuse after her urine sample was found to contain enough alcohol to qualify for a proof rating.

* Sad thing is, that last one was completely true. Personally, I don't think it's fair to test the Irish for alcohol. It's like testing SpongeBob for seawater.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

HEY! YOU! STOP THAT PRODUCTIVITY!

Contagion's gonna hate me for this.

Remember that fun little time-waster where you build towers to destroy creepy monsters as they shuffle their way through a small maze?

There's now a desktop version.

In the sense that the page it's on has a picture of the top of a desk as a background.

It's basically the same game as the other one, except that there's no maze. You have to make that yourself with the towers. Figuring out a good placement strategy should keep you busy for a little while.

[Hat tip: Shamus of Twenty-Sided]

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

When I take you out, people think I'm just showing off my trophy wife... which, I suppose, is not entirely untrue.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

AFTER A WHILE, YOU KINDA GET USED TO BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT

The Thought Police Say: "Do it for the children"

[Picture by the darkly brilliant Mark Ryden]

[Hat tip: Lynn of A Sweet, Familiar Dissonance]

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

When men design clothes, it's in the vain hope that they could ever make a runway model look as good as you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: GUN OWNER$)]

I like to walk around with one of these hanging out of my pocket just HOPING someone's dumb enough to try to mug me.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

Top 10 Things Gen. Pace Would Do To Improve the Military

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Marine Gen. Peter Pace recently said that he disapproved of allowing gays in the military because he thought homosexuality was immoral. If he had his way, what other changes would he make to the US Armed Forces?

9) Change the female uniform to that miniskirt & leather boots combo they had on Star Trek.

8) Less talkin', more killin'.

7) Recalibrate terribly inaccurate journalist targeting system.

6) Fix that annoying squeaky wheel on his desk chair.

5) Get rid of the big, flaming homos.

4) No small, sparking metros, either.

3) Iran = nuclear free-fire zone.

2) Improve diversity by raising recruitment quota for Spartans.

And the number 1 thing Gen. Pace would do to improve the military:
(see extended entry)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

The genius has not yet been born who could design an amusement park that would provide half the spine-tingling excitement that I experience every moment with you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: Hillside Square Theatre, 4500 Frontage Rd., Hillside IL 60162)]

Apparently Susie's been moonlighting.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

I WAS WONDERING...

Does every woman in the world know the lyrics to "I Will Survive"?

Or does it just seem like it?

TEACHING BLACK KIDS TO SPEAK EMPLOYABLY

Found this video of a Fox News story about Garrard McClenton - author of "Ax or Ask? The African American Guide to Better English" - via I Hate My Cubicle!!!

To increase the diversity of this post, I will admit that I - Harvey the UberWhitey - am guilty on a daily basis of using slang and bad grammar.

The thing is, though, I do it on purpose to achieve a specific informal conversational tone. I *know* it's wrong, and I can - if I choose - clean it up for a job interview or professional paperwork.

The kids that Garrard is trying to reach don't have that option. They've never been corrected regarding - or informed of the consequences of - their English abuses. Which is a damnable failure on the part of... well, pick your favorite blame-target: teachers, parents, pop culture, the music industry, society at large... whatever.

All I can say is that after these folks have been told explicitly that Ebonics is a career-killer, they have no one to blame but themselves for never advancing past burger-flipper.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

You are not a goddess. But if you were, I'd by your chief acolyte.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: RAINBOW ROOM)]

"Of COURSE not, Honey! What in the WORLD would make you think I've been at a gay bar?"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

IS IT JUST ME

Or are the writers for Battlestar Galactica starting to have contests to see who can write the most uninteresting, obscure, disconnected dialogue?

Seriously, I'm rapidly losing interest.

Fun Facts About Wisconsin

While the IMAO podcast is still MIA, I'm going to keep posting the latest uncut Fun Facts About The 50 States - hopefully on a weekly(ish) schedule.

This week, we'll be indulging in the official state pastime of plotting to invade Michigan and annex the Upper Peninsula as the 73rd county when we visit my home state of Wisconsin. So let's get started...

Wisconsin became the 30th state on May 29th, 1848... and seriously, why the HELL is the Upper Peninsula considered part of Michigan? Just look at a map! It doesn't even TOUCH the rest of the stupid state! This is BULLS***!

The state flag of Wisconsin is comprised of a dark blue background with a central design that was most likely created by someone with a Colorforms play set and too much time on his hands.

The state flower of Wisconsin is the "Road Construction Ahead" sign.

The Wisconsin license plate features a white background with black lettering and the tourism slogan, "Cannibal-free Since 1994!"

Wisconsin's nickname is the "Will you please shut up about Brett Favre already?" state.

According to the other 49 states, anyway.

The first typewriter was invented in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, in 1868 by C.L. Sholes. The first sentence ever typed on it was "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog". The second was "GAH! Carpal Tunnel!"

Although Wisconsin sports revolves around the Packers, the state DOES have a professional baseball team - the Milwaukee Brew... somethings - who, since joining the National League in 1998, have already set the record for keeping the Cubs out of the basement.

Wisconsin has over 15,000 miles of snowmobile trails. Most of them run adjacent to the state's highways, and are clearly delineated by reflective sidemarkers and piles of discarded beer cans.

Noah's Ark in Wisconsin Dells is America's largest waterpark, and is also Wisconsin's only non-alcoholic fluid-related attraction.

Wisconsin gets its name from the Oneida Indian phrase "Oui-con-sun", meaning "nothing but polka music on the radio".

Milwaukee, Wisconsin, is home to Harley-Davidson Motorcycles. Despite the violent, anti-social reputation of Harley riders, most of them take the time to give back to their communities by helping to keep Wisconsin's snowmobile trails clearly marked.

The nation's first Kindergarten was started in 1856 in Watertown, Wisconsin. Its purpose was to ensure that children had all the vital skills they needed for attending the first grade, like reciting the alphabet and taunting misfits.

Wisconsin is America's top milk producing state. Although vegetarians consider milking cows to be a form of animal abuse, they should just shut the hell up before I break their brittle, calcium-deficient little arms!

Architect Frank Lloyd Wright was born in Richland Center, Wisconsin, in 1867 and was the father of the "cinderblocks and pizza boxes" style of architecture.

The state motto of Wisconsin is "Home of Schlitz, Blatz, Pabst, and other beers that sound like vomiting noises".

The Barbie doll was named for Barbara Handler of Willows, Wisconsin. And yes, like the doll, she really DOES have painted-on eyebrows and plastic boobs.

The state song of Wisconsin is "The Bears Still Suck", which Illinois has also considering adopting since the 2007 Superbowl fiasco.

The Ringling Brothers Circus started in Baraboo, Wisconsin in 1884. Although now world-famous, they had their humble beginnings in a travelling freak show consisting of a single woman with painted-on eyebrows and plastic boobs.

It was in Two Rivers, Wisconsin, in 1881 that the ice cream sundae was invented. Prior to this, hot fudge had only been used as a topping in adventuresome marital bedchambers.

The Republican Party was born in 1854 in Ripon, Wisconsin. It was started as an attempt to replace the Whig party, which self-destructed after candidate Millard Fillmore completely discredited himself by making a bizarre screaming sound at the end of a campaign speech in 1852.

Green Bay is Wisconsin's oldest city, which was founded in 682 BC by Roman Coliseum Master Vincini Lombardo. Today, a cult of his loyal followers preserve the legend of his promise to return again in his city's hour of greatest need. Most likely after Brett Favre retires.

Yeah, yeah, I know... shut up about Brett Favre, already.

Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, is home to the Mustard Museum. It contains all 2300 varieties of mustard known to man, except for Mean Mr., which can be downloaded from iTunes.

Cannibalistic serial killers Ed Gein and Jeffrey Dahmer both hail from Wisconsin. Which was probably just a coincidence, even though it's true that nothing complements the taste of human flesh like good ol' Wisconsin cheese.

The town of Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, was established in 1874 in an effort to allow people from Wisconsin the opportunity to win back the bar bets they lost against people from New Mexico who challenged them to spell Albuquerque.

In Wisconsin, the term "bubbler" is used to refer to a public drinking fountain. Although if you're on the UW-Madison campus, it might also be used to refer to a hippie who's rabidly frothing about global warming.

No one in Wisconsin pronounces the letter "g" at the end of a word (I'm tellin' the truth about that part). The state legislature passed a drastic law in an attempt to correct this bit of grammatical retardation, which is why everyone in the state has as least one shirt with a big letter "G" on it.

Monroe, Wisconsin is the Swiss Cheese Capital of the World, much to the embarrassment of those chocolate-chomping, Nazi-neutral, clock-makers across the pond.

Wisconsin contains almost 8000 streams and rivers, 99% of which are clean enough to drink from directly if you don't mind the taste of deer urine.

Which is also true for cans filled with Wisconsin beer.

Boscobel, Wisconsin is the birthplace Gideon Bible Society, who - since 1889 - have made it their mission to place a Bible in every hotel room in the world so that patrons would no longer have to lay awake at night wondering which commandment they just broke.

---

That wraps up the Wisconsin edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be repeatedly reminded that Brokeback Mountain was about gay sheep ranchers and NOT gay cowboys as we visit Wyoming.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to look something up in my Gideon Bible...

Recently IMAO readers were asked to ramp up the fun in the following unfun fact about Wisconsin:

"In 1882, the first hydroelectric plant in the United States was built at Fox River."

The results are included below:

...In 1883, the dam was shut down due to the first (and only) cheese clog in the United States.
- NMUSpidey

...In 2001, Democrats angry over coverage of the 2000 presidential election renamed it the 'Faux' River.
- Master Shake

...In 1982, a vehicle was driven off the dam for the first time. Senator Kennedy escaped unharmed.
- MurdockTheCrazy

...In 1883 the first brewery was attached to the HydroElectric Dam, thereby proving that useful things can come from hippy tree-hugging technology.
...In 1883 the first person from Illinois made their way up the Fox River, and yelled "Cheesehead"! Things have never been civil since...
...In 1883 Wisconsin, enjoying the total control over the waterways that led to Illinois, tried to dam up all the other rivers. However, a typo on the Army Corps of Engineers form merely made them curse at the water instead. "'Damn'! Hmmm, this isn't doing too much..."
...In 1883 Illinois responded to Wisconsin's technological innovation by exporting overweight suburbanites north for vacation every weekend.
...In 1883...we ran out of good Wisconsin v. Illinois Jokes.
- Dan

...In 1974, Ted Kennedy was seen swerving near the Fox River reservoir. All subsequent missing persons and accident reports regarding the incident are deemed classified.
- Dr V

...Onlookers all said 'Daaaaaaaam.'
- spacemonkey

...In 2002 global warming dried up the river, plunging Wisconsin into 1881.
- Moneyman

...Finally, something in Wisconsin sucked in more water than beer.
- P.J.

...Built entirely from plans tattooed on Michael Scofield's back.
- Bob in Feenicks

...This prompted a young George Soros to form the new political movement MoveOn.co-op
- Ron Rockstar

...This permitted the switch to be thrown on the world's first electric fence. Neither wild dairy herds nor gullible city slickers in need of a pit stop would ever be the same again. [insert zap! sound effect]
- motopolitico

...It was built after over a century of failure in trying to create a Fromagelectric power plant.
- DesertElephant

...In 1883 Krakatoa exploded. You do the math.
- SpecialEd

...In 1960, Arthur Fonzarelli successfully jumped over Fox River on a motorcycle. Later that year, he successfully jumped a shark. In 1978, a television show depicting his life did the same.
- bunkerboy

... -Muslims offended.
- steelshadow

...In 2002 Al Gore claimed to have invented it.
- SonofJorel

...Recently it was converted into a 'deeptunnelectric' plant to adapt to more plentiful fuel sources."
A little obscure, but pretty typical of Milwaukee [explanatory linkages].
- z

...This came three years after Edison invented the practical light bulb, which until then Wisconsinites had used as very small screw-top beer bottles.

This may explain why Old Milwaukee beer tastes like a metal light bulb filament.

If you are ever tempted to drink from a Wisconsin beer bottle that cannot stand upright on a table, resist.

If you are ever tempted to drink while you cannot stand upright on a table in Wisconsin, it's probably Deer Season.
- Kent

...Liberals have attacked it for not being fair and balanced and helping to power the vast right wing conspiracy
- Mike

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

A "haunting" is when something that isn't actually there forces its presence on you and induces misery. You are not a phantom. You offer, rather than force. You induce joy, rather than sorrow. There needs to be a word for that, too.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: I GREW HEMP)]

As a follow up to the popular "State Quarters" program, the Treasury released the first in the new series of "Washington's Most Embarrassing Statements Dollars". Coming soon: "I bet $10 on the British to win", and "I did NOT have sexual relations with that cherry tree!"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

3-11-2004

We Remember

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I stand like a fool, mouth agape, eyes blinking without comprehension, helplessly in awe of you. In senseless wonder, I try to grasp what miracle of fate brought you to me. I have no answers. I can only cherish my good fortune and try - in whatever small ways possible - to be worthy of the exquisite gift of you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: fish)]

The latest proposed currency re-design includes the new "holographic bass" security feature.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

SCHOOL NEEDS TO HIRE OMNISCIENT TEACHERS

Nick of NickQueen.com is troubled regarding this story of two middle-school students who had sex during shop class, and wonders why the teacher didn't do a better job of controlling his classroom.

Personally, I'm not sure I'm ready to fault the teacher on this one.

For those of you who haven't taken industrial arts classes before, they tend to be held in HUGE rooms full of equipment and materials. More like small factories than classrooms. There ARE out-of-the-way places in them.

Normally, during a shop class, after the book-instruction part is finished, students are set free to go to various work stations to work on their projects.

As for the teacher, he either wanders around randomly, or sits in the front of the class at his desk doing paperwork, which makes him easier to find if any students have questions or need help.

In this case, I think it was just a matter of students taking advantage of the fact that one teacher can't be everywhere at once, rather than any particular incompetence on the teacher's part. If I were to point fingers at all, I'd be more inclined to blame the parents who didn't bother teaching their kids about the virtues of sexual self-restraint.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Your lap is the perfect place - with warmth and comfort to rest my weary head, and there to relax in the joy of having you in my life.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: ying-yang symbol)]

Presidential Fun Fact: After divorcing Martha, George moved in with Yoko Ono's Great-Great-Grandmother and became obsessed with Eastern religions.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

EXPANDING MY HORIZONS

I'm looking for some unserious reading material.

So tell me - what are your favorite web-based comic strips?

And before you ask, here's my list:

Indexed

Unshelved

User Friendly

Sluggy Freelance (really best to start at the beginning with this one)

Pearls Before Swine

Prickly City

Kevin and Kell (don't need to start at the beginning, but the backstory helps)

Day by Day

Shoe

Sheldon

Cox & Forkum

Freefall (start at the beginning)

The Order of the Stick (start at the beginning - and only if you've rolled dice with more than 6 sides before)

Erfworld (ditto)

Full Frontal Nerdity (only updates once a week - which is a shame)

Class Mishaps

Whadda YOU got?

BEST ADVICE EVER

[Content hat tip: Bacchus of ErosBlog (site is NC17)]

[Format hat tip: Indexed]

ATTENTION PODCASTERS

As blogdaughter Michele of Letters From New York City points out, the Podcamp Conference is going to be held in New York City on April 6th & 7th.

If you're into podcasting, this looks like a good event. They've already got 101 speakers lined up so far.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

From other women, the promise of love was but snake oil peddled by frauds. With you, I've discovered a true restorative tonic in your affectionate devotion.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: I GREW HEMP)]

Which I made into fashionable wedding dresses.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

HOMESCHOOLER QUESTION

I was channel surfing recently and caught a smidge of a morning newsish show that was discussing home schooling. I heard them mention that 83% of colleges now have a formal application process for homeschooled kids.

Then the show's chat chick pondered to her panel about the "social skills" of the homeschooled, which I paraphrase thusly: "I worry about the social skills of homeschooled kids. There are some things you learn in the school yard that you can't learn elsewhere".

Allow me to get snippy & say "Yeah, like intimidation or fear skills, from being either a bully or his victim."

Anyway, my theory is that the purpose of childhood is to internalize enough of the rules of adult behavior to be able to live independently and successfully as an adult by the time you reach the age of majority. I would think that the best way to do that would be to expose a child - as much as possible - to mature, adult behavior.

If I remember my schoolyard experiences correctly, there wasn't a hell of a lot of that going on there.

Frankly, I imagine that if a youngster showed up at college having mainly interacted with adults, he or she would fit in perfectly with the other adults on campus. But since I went to public school and have no children, this is all just a theory for me. People with direct homeschooling experience, please pipe up in the comments about how homeschoolers develop social skills.

ANALOGY OF THE DAY

Comes from Russel of Mean Mr. Mustard regarding global warming:

Most impressive about the whole thing is the certainty with which the predictions of imminent catastrophe are made, coupled hilariously with apparently sincere assertions that all we need to do is start acting more like consciousness-raised hippies to solve this massive global problem which apparently will otherwise end our civilization and kill us all. It's a little like saying that the Earth is going to spin into the sun, but if we all just lean to one side really hard, we can change our orbit and make everything better again. Though that's really not the best analogy, as it doesn't involve enough confiscation of other people's money.

I also like his observation later in the post that, in matters of social policy, one side usually argues with numbers while the other side argues with feelings. For myself, I'm with the numbers people about 99% of the time.

Although the War on Terror is a notable exception. The left is obsessed with body counts and dollars spent, while the right says "Damn the price tag, we need to pacify those psychos". In this case, I find the right's argument more persuasive, since if the Islamists win - and they intend to keep trying even if we stop fighting - the resulting society won't even be civilized enough to keep statistical records any more.

And unlike global warming enthusiasts who have nothing more solid than fond wishes, I can cite the Taliban's Sharia government in Afghanistan as a concrete, if bloodsoaked, example to support my position.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Like stars, your eyes twinkle, becoming the guiding lights in my night's sky.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: THE VALE INN 813 WISCONSIN AVE BOSCOBEL WI 53805-1375)]

Ironically, the place refuses to serve people who hand out free Bibles.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

ACADEMIC DISCUSSION OF AN AWKWARD TOPIC - STRAP ON YOUR THICK SKIN, PLEASE

Ann Coulter said:

"I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'faggot,'..."

A lot of conservatives have repudiated Ann's remarks.

Ann herself, however, did not. She clarified them as follows:

"'Faggot isn't offensive to gays; it has nothing to do with gays," Coulter said on "Hannity and Colmes" Monday night. "It's a schoolyard taunt meaning 'wuss,' and unless you're telling me that John Edwards is gay, it was not applied to a gay person."

Well, since she's 45 years old, I imagine the first part of that is true for her. Being 40 years old myself, it certainly was for me. Although we inevitably shortened it to fag, since one-syllable insults somehow seem more insulting.

And let's not forget that in 1985, there was a #1 pop tune with a #1 pop video - Dire Straits "Money For Nothing" - that used the word "faggot" three times. How offensive could it possibly be?

Then there's the second point. John Edwards is NOT, in fact, gay.

Sure, he's a baby-faced man with delicate features and girlish mannerisms who stars in a YouTube video where he fusses over his hair like a supermodel, but he is NOT gay.

So Ann says it's not a gay epithet, because the target obviously isn't gay, and everyone knows he's not gay.

Fair enough - but let's take it to the next level.

Would it be ok to call John Edwards a nigger because he's not black?

"I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'nigger,'..."

Well, that one's probably indefensible, since - while "nigger" is frequently used to describe gansta-thug rap artists in their own songs and videos - John Edwards has never rapped, pimped, or worn excessive bling, so it's hard to pass it off as a joke, because in order for something to be funny, it needs an element of truth.

Might work for Dennis Kucinich or Dick Gephart, though.

But how about this - checking my dictionary, one of the meanings of "nigger" is "Used as a disparaging term for a member of any socially, economically, or politically deprived group of people: 'Gun owners are the new niggers . . . of society' (John Aquilino)."

Would it be ok to call John Edwards a nigger because he's not deprived?

Something like "I'm not going to talk smack about John Edwards, because I just feel so sorry for him. Big house, millions of dollars, but when it comes to running for the Whitehouse, he's just a nigger."

Personally, I wouldn't go there, because when I skewer folks with political humor, I try to make it as accurate and unambiguous as possible. Using a term that can be construed to make a point that you are not, in fact, trying to make, is just sloppy communications. It's always better to say exactly what you mean.

So maybe Ann IS a verbal-bomb-throwing lunatic who should be shunned by conservatives as a too-pricey political liability, but then again, maybe she just really sucks as a humorist and desperately needs to hire herself a speech writer.

You make the call.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

You think it's silly that I place you on a pedestal? Please consider the possibility that you are perfectly deserving of being there.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: GUN OWNERS$)]

NRA-member contributions to Democratic candidates reached a record high in 2006, finally breaking the long-elusive 99 cent barrier...

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

Fun Facts About West Virginia - Updated 3-7-07

While the IMAO podcast is still MIA, I'm going to keep posting the latest uncut Fun Facts About The 50 States - hopefully on a weekly(ish) schedule.

This week, we'll be unable to tell if that black stuff on our eggs is pepper, coal dust, or roach droppings as we visit West Virginia. So let's get started...

West Virginia became the 35th state on June 20, 1863. Originally part of the state of Virginia, the people in the western part of the state broke away in protest of the despicable institution of mandatory public education and the deplorable conditions of literacy that resulted therefrom.

The state flag of West Virginia consists of a blue-edged white background, overlaid by an image of two men debating whether Fahrenheit 9/11 or An Inconvenient Truth was a bigger load of crap.

The state flower of West Virginia is the Rhododendron. State legislators were chastised for picking a flower that most people in the state couldn't spell, but lawmakers ignored the complaints, since people had said the same thing when the dog was chosen as the state mammal.

West Virginia license plates are white with blue lettering, and contain the tourism slogan, "Now With A Paved Road!".

In a recent survey, 95% of West Virginians report having checked out a book from their local public library within the last year. During the same time period, 95% of West Virginians also reported having found a way to fix that wobbly kitchen table with the short leg.

The state song of West Virginia is "YAY! No More 3.2 Beer!"

The celebration of Mother's Day was first observed in Grafton, West Virginia, in 1908, mostly as a way to get women to stop whining about not being able to vote.

With a median age of 40, West Virginia has the oldest population of any state in the US. Upon turning 40, it's traditional for a West Virginian to cope with his mid-life crisis by buying a shiny red convertible to put up on blocks in his front yard.

West Virginia's nickname is "The Robert C. Byrd Memorial State" State.

Jackson's Mill, West Virginia, was the site of the first 4-H Camp in the US, where rural youngsters learned valuable agricultural skills such as how to milk cows, shear sheep, and hide stills from ATF agents.

The world's largest sycamore tree was located in Webster Springs, West Virginia. However, it was recently cut down and sold to David Letterman, who was reportedly thrilled at finally having a toothpick big enough to fit his tooth gap.

In 1960, Danny Heater of Burnsville, West Virginia, set a world's record by scoring 135 points during a high school basketball game. Even more amazing was that he accomplished this feat while being the youngest player on the team at age 24.

Some critics complain that the record shouldn't count, since he violated West Virginia rules by wearing shoes.

The first state sales tax in the US was instituted in West Virginia in 1921. It was hailed as a vast improvement over West Virginia's old revenue-raising technique - random muggings of Yankee tourists.

The first federal prison exclusively for women was opened in Alderson, West Virginia, in 1926. For those not familiar with women's prisons, they're sort of like sorority houses, except with more sobriety, and fewer gratuitously-sadistic, lesbian-overtoned initiation rituals.

The New River Gorge Bridge in Fayetteville is the highest steel-span bridge in the US, rising 876 feet above the river below. Every October, the locals celebrate "Bridge Day", when over 100,000 celebrants gather to watch or participate in bungee jumping and parachuting from the structure. On Bridge Day, the bridge itself is closed to both automobile traffic and scissors.

The state motto of West Virginia is "Montani semper liberi", which is Latin for "Sister, daughter, wife... whatever".

At 69 feet high and 900 feet in circumference, the nation's largest and oldest Indian burial ground is located in Moundsville, West Virginia. The mound's many unquiet spirits are frequently seen on TV shows such as "America's Most Haunted".

Nearly 75% of West Virginia is covered by forests, providing the state's many fine restaurants with beautiful views and fresh road kill.

In 1824, John Gallaher published the first women's magazine, "Ladies Garland" which featured the now-infamous centerfold of Andrew Jackson showing off "Old Hickory".

The variety of apple known as Golden Delicious originated in Wellsburg, West Virginia, in 1775. It was greeted with overwhelming enthusiasm by a population who'd spent years being stuck with eating the Ochre Atrocious.

Outdoor advertising got its start in Wheeling, West Virginia, when the Block Brothers Tobacco Company started painting barns with the slogan "Treat Yourself to the Best with Mail Pouch Brand Gumming Tobacco".

15% of America's coal comes from West Virginia. The state's coal producers expect that number to rise to 20% once they get their Balrog infestation problem under control.

In 1997, West Virginia had the lowest crime rate in the US. Coincidentally, this was the year after bribing Senator Byrd was legalized.

The world's largest shipment of matches - 210 million of them - was shipped from Wheeling, West Virginia, to Memphis, Tennessee in 1933. They were used as part of FDR's American Arsonist Army (AAA) program, whose job was to burn down trees so that the Civilian Conservation Corps (CCC) could have jobs planting new ones.

Which may explain why - before the word "retarded" was coined in 1940 - extremely stupid people were referred to as "F-D-R-ded".

"Coal House" in White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia, is the only residence in the world which is made entirely of coal. Tourists are strongly advised to bring their own toilet paper.

In 1841, William Tompkins of Cedar Grove, West Virginia used natural gas to evaporate salt brine - the first known industrial use of the natural gas. Prior to this, the highly explosive gas was mostly used by organized crime figures to fill brightly colored balloons for "kids who saw too much and needed to have an 'accident'".

In May, 1860, the first oil well in West Virginia was drilled at Burning Springs. In June, 1860, the former governor of Texas invaded West Virginia and stole it.

In 1885, stone quarried at Hinton, West Virginia was sent to Washington D.C to become part of the Washington Monument. Although the monument builders thanked West Virginia profusely at the time, they actually thought the stone was horrid. They immediately hid it in the attic of the monument and now only bring it out when they know a West Virginian is coming to visit.

The last public hanging in West Virginia took place in Ripley in 1897. After that, folks learned to keep their uppity book-learnin' to themselves.

---

That wraps up the West Virginia edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be feasting ourselves into a cheese-coma as we visit Wisconsin.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lay in some supplies for my visit to Coal House.

* West Virginia's state bird is the bald eagle, but it should be Robert C. Byrd for all the money he gets for the state for absolutely no reason.

* In Morgantown, WVU students celebrate the coming of each night by getting drunker than sailors on the first night of liberty.

* West Virginia's motto is "Mountaineers are always free." At WVU, it is "Mountaineers are always drunk."

* The toothbrush was invented in West Virgina. It had to have been or it would have been called a "teethbrush".

* Robert C. Byrd is the senior Senator from West Virginia. He gets the federal government to send vast amounts of money to the state by threatening to terrorize Maryland with his crack squad of shotgun-wielding, pickup-truck-mounted commandos.

* West Virginia is reported to have one of the lowest crime rates in the United States, if you don't count incest as a crime.

* The flat, straight stretches of road in the state are called bridges.

* Clarksburg, West Virginia has a very high Italian population, and its local mafia pioneered the practice of throwing someone in a river wearing cement overalls.

* The West Virgina state tourism slogan is "I hope you brought some Dramamine."

ROTFL

I don't usually send people over to IMAO because the load times are so onerous, but this little post from Frank J. is worth waiting for.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

When life seems too complicated, I remind myself of the simplest truth. I love you. Nothing else matters.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: CASHED AT LAW WITHOUT RECOURSE "Without Prejudice" UCC 1-207)]

As a follow up to the popular "State Quarters" program, the Treasury released the first in the new series of "Weasely Lawyer Phrases Dollars". Coming soon: "Offer Void Where Prohibited", and "Your Mileage May Vary"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If you were served to me in a restaurant, I'd include the chef in my will.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[To Mindy - One day there will be a cure [heart] Janet]

Of course, Janet didn't believe a word of what she'd written, but Mindy just seemed so DARN upset about her hairy breasts...

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

HOW TO NOT LINK SOMEONE

Every once in a while, you'll see a post on someone's blog so offensive to your sensibilities that you just HAVE to write about it. After all, the urge to rip somebody a new one is the source of many a great post.

However, that raises a problem. When you link to something, you raise its profile on search engines, you reward the writer by giving him the attention he seeks with his repulsive antics, and you run the risk of his readers following your referral and/or trackback and leaving troll-poop all over your comments.

On the other hand, if your readers don't read the article in question, how are they to fully understand what's got you so upset? Sure, you could summarize the piece, but you run the risk of inadvertantly leaving out important context.

Some people might suggest just copying the post in its entirety and including it in your own post, but that gives an unpleasant whiff of plagiarism.

Besides, there might be mitigating explanations in the comments that your reader ought to see.

So what to do?

Well, consider that by mentioning the offending post, you're probably not actually denying the offender site traffic. Chances are that your reader will take the time to Google around and end up at the target site anyway.

With that in mind, I suggest making it easier on your reader by providing a plain text URL (e.g., http://badexample.mu.nu/archives/032786.php). That way you don't help the Google rank of the page, but you DO offer your readers the convenience of being able to find the post by copying and pasting the URL, without giving a link that would draw attention back to your site.

It's not a perfect solution, since the repugnant piece still gets more attention, but I believe that good blogging revolves around maximizing reader convenience, and this technique accomplishes that.

NOTE: [If you've found this post useful enough to blog about, send a trackback or e-mail the permalink to me at harvolson-at-gmail.com and I'll add you to my Bad Example Groupies blogroll. See this post for details]

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

To say "I love you" is a grotesque understatement of the mad, passionate adoration I feel for you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: WWW.EBIZGRAVITY.COM/MHR)]

As a follow up to the popular "State Quarters" program, the Treasury released the first in the new series of "Failed Dot Com Dollars". Coming soon: "EBIZELECTROMAGNETISM.COM" and "EBIZWEAKNUCLEARFORCE.COM"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

SERIOUSLY, THE MSM HATES AMERICA

A lot of times I'll hear complaints from various bloggers that the Mainstream Media is ignoring a particular story that doesn't fit their agenda, and inevitably the words "this story" are linked to... a MSM outlet - ABC, CBS, CNN, New York Times, etc.

This time is different.

Via Emperor Misha of the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler, I saw a CENTCOM press release that the press released only into the handiest circular file, which I reproduce in its entirety below:

KALSU, Iraq - Dismounted paratroopers located an insurgent safe house uncovering a weapons cache and freeing two hostages south of Baghdad Feb. 26.

Paratroopers from 2nd Battalion, 377th Parachute Field Artillery Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team (Airborne), 25th Infantry Division located the safe house, where they found the two hostages and a weapons cache near Mahmudiyah.

The cache contained three AK-47s, 14 30-round magazines, one 100-round magazine drum, two fragmentary grenades, one cell phone and one hand held radio.

The freed hostages were given immediate medical treatment.

Personally, I would think that getting hostages alive would make for some good front-page happy-dancing.

However, searching Google News for "hostages kalsu" brings up only this blog entry from The Jawa Report.

Ya know, I wouldn't mind the MSM trumpeting every tragedy so much if they'd at LEAST throw the good guys a little sunshine once in a while.

I guess that's too much to ask.

Now you know why I get all my news from blogs these days.

UPDATE: The News Blaze web site also picked up the story (searched Google News for "hostages Baghdad"). Apparently the site caters to under-reported items such as this. Good job, NB.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Although it's not possible to be TOO pretty, you're dangerously close.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: Cameron)]

As a follow up to "The Lost Tomb Of Jesus", the "Titanic" director will soon roll out his new documentary "The Missing Cherry Tree of George Washington".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

RIGHT WING NEWS POLL OF RIGHT WING BLOGGERS - TODAY'S ISSUES

For the record, my votes were:

1) The surge should go forward

2) A majority of Democrats in Congress would like to see us lose in Iraq for political reasons

3) The border wall will be completed someday (although it might take another terrorist attack on US soil to make it happen)

4) Mankind is not the primary cause of global warming

5) I prefer an illegal immigration bill that tackled border security and enforcement issues only

6) Barack Obama would be the Republicans' toughest opponent in '08 (he's handsome, a talented public speaker, doesn't have a lot of political baggage, and his supporters can play the race card)

7) Bush gets a B for foreign policy (he could be more aggressive)

8) Bush gets a D for domestic policy (not enough tax cuts, too much social spending)

The totals for all respondents are at Right Wing News.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I call you "striking", and such you are. Like a blacksmith at his forge, you make sparks fly, and my heart burns for you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[42 48 35 22 24 21 28 12 18 31 37]

IQ scores of the Academy Awards judges who voted for "An Inconvenient Truth"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Loving you is equal parts pleasure and honor.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(pink spots)]

Although ostensibly an "anti-counterfeiting feature", everyone suspected that the new currency designs were actually a result of the Treasury Secretary's frustrated desire to be a Trading Spaces interior decorator.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

WHAT THE FOOD NANNIES SHOULD DO

Owen of Boots & Sabers points out the Prince Charles wants to ban McDonald's food for being unhealthy:

"Have you got anywhere with McDonald’s? Have you tried getting it banned? That’s the key,"

When asked in the comments what the government should do about nutritional problems, Owen basically said to require labeling and let consumers decide.

Not good enough for commenter Scott of ScottFeldstein.net. His suggestion:

I’d like to see prominent (if not scary) labeling for food products that are known to promote poor health. If that bag of Oreos had to have a big red "unhealthy" badge on the front I bet Nabisco would find a way to tweak their recipe to get under that wire.

*sigh*

Why do food nannies always want someone else to do their dirty work?

Scott, if you think this is such a good idea, then start your own company and make chocolate sandwich cookies the way you think they OUGHT to be made, and drive Nabisco out of business with your superior product. That's the PROPER way to do things in a free market.

And I wouldn't put too much stock in warning labels and scary packaging. People buy Black Death Cigarettes all the time.

Heck, if *I* were to start a cookie company, I'd WALLOW in the unhealthiness angle:

I bet I'd make a fortune.