CO2 Emissions Down; Environmentalist Unemployment Up

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Sad news for the global warming crowd, as US emissions of CO2 have actually dropped 1.3% in 2006, despite having an economy that grew 3.3% during the same year.

Which, I guess, means that Bush has saved the planet.

But what other effects will this have? I predict thusly:

* Environmentalists stop talking about "climate change" and start talking about "fries with that".

* Dole company abandons Alaskan pineapple plantation complex.

* Al Gore wept.

* Skyrocketing sales of "I Told You So" T-shirts to climate change deniers.

* "Kyoto" once again only notable for being an anagram of "Tokyo".

* Powerful computers used to model world climate switched to BitTorrenting pirated MP3's.

* South American rainforest ecosystems collapse as trees succumb to oxygen poisoning.

* New York Times headline: "Bush Fails to Prevent Global Temperature Stagnation Crisis".

* Sheryl Crow back to twirling Charmin around her hand like spaghetti on a fork.

Some things never change.

THIS SHOULD HELP

Blogdaughter Machelle of Quality Weenie is feeling down, and there's only one thing I know of to cheer her up - a slightly late 40th birthday present:

Shirtless guy in shorts & workboots.

If that don't ease the pain, I don't know what will.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Falling in love with you converted my bachelor's-apartment heart into a mansion built for two.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Lincoln with make-up and long tongue)]

Presidential Fun Fact:

Although he was one of the original founding members of KISS, Lincoln was eventually forced to quit because his tongue kept getting caught in his beard.

[Hat tip to blogson GEBIV of There's One, Only! for finding this one]

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Falling in love with you converted my bachelor's-apartment heart into a mansion built for two.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Grant w/sunglasses & smoking)]

"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses."

[Hat tip to blogson GEBIV of There's One, Only! for finding this one]

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

WHAT OG SAID

About winning the wifey super-lotto:

Lets face it: If I got what I deserved, I’d be married to a crack whore with no teeth and bad odors emanating from every orifice, who takes potshots at me every once in a while with my own guns, and regularly stabs me in my sleep.

Instead I managed, like Kim, to attract a woman who is an absolute doll; a woman who still gives me serious wood to see her naked, a good mother and wife, a joy to go to sleep next to, and wake up next to.

And I pray every night that she never comes to her senses.

Amen, brother. Thank God for senseless women who don't know any better than to marry beneath them.

Meanwhile, In An Alternate Universe...

(cross-posted from IMAO)
(hat tip to reader Chuck for inspiring this one)

The shrieking freaks at ANSWER (Act Now to Stop War and End Racism) are planning to protest Dick Cheney's address at the West Point commencement ceremony on May 26th as part of what they're calling their "Turn Up the Heat in 2007" campaign of year-long slogan-chanting.

What's the matter with these people? It's Memorial Day weekend! Can't they take a break from rooting against the troops to have a barbecue or something?

Anyway, after reading yet another of their tiresome screeds, I nodded off out of sheer boredom and had the most wonderful dream. I was transported to a happy world where ANSWER was actually a group of pro-victory patriots which wanted America to win this war as much as this world's ANSWER wants America to lose it. And in that beautiful dream, their "Turn up the Heat in 2007" page looked something like this:

A Year of Protest and Resistance

 On March 17, tens of thousands of people marched on the Pentagon. Between March 17-20, more than 1,000 protests took place in cities and towns throughout the country.

The people of the country want the war to end immediately in victory. Instead, the death toll for terrorists barely grows higher every day. Politicians fiddle and jockey for electoral advantage while tens of thousands of troops get sent once again, and for extended 15 month tours, to do the killin' that they do so well. Sadly, though, the list of terrorist dead is still well under 100,000 as a result of this war, which is tragically undersupported and underfunded by Bush and Congress.

Iraq is Bush's Vietnam. Or possibly Korea. Maybe the War of 1812. History's not my long suit. Anyway, this war based on "being nice" and "minimizing collateral damage" enters its fifth year with no end in sight.

Bush and the Generals hang on to the fantasy of military victory that doesn't include shedding oceans of Islamofascist blood. Congress voted to prolong the war for at least another year. If the war is not worth fighting after 2008, then why should one more Soldier or Marine be sent to kill terrorists in Iraq in 2007, when we have thousands of nuclear-tipped missiles that could kill terrorists for them?

The U.S. invasion and occupation has yet to kill the thugs and murderers who plunged Iraqi society into a terrible nightmare. We, the people, must act now, to stop this criminal enterprise. The drug-addled hippies, not the politicians, lost the Vietnam War. We must ignite a firestorm of grassroots pro-victory activity.

Starting in 1968, shortly after the pro-communist-slanted mis-reporting of the Tet Offensive, the defeatist idiots of this country became a major factor in the calculations of the warmakers. Treason and subversion grew in every community, in every school, and in the audience of every Grateful Dead concert, as tens of thousands of gullible morons became the simpering propaganda tools of the Viet Cong.

Starting then, it was impossible for any government leader, Pentagon spokesperson or pro-victory member of Congress to visit any community or school in the country without the knowledge that they would be confronted by some screeching, unbalanced, anti-war-tard too permanently stoned to even master a job as a "hot lipid potato engineer" at McDonald's. No military recruiter could dare come on any campus without having the knowledge that smelly, anti-American loser-monkeys would fling figurative and literal poo at them.

We all know what we got for listening to those thrice-bedamned crap-slingers, and the merry hell if we're letting it happen again!

We are proposing to tens of thousands of pro-victory activists and organizers around the country that we all join together and guarantee that wherever and whenever Bush, Cheney, government officials and other slinky-spined "pro-victory" members of Congress step out in public they will know with certainty that they will be met by REAL pro-victory protestors. Many committed pro-victory activists have been making it their business to confront the warmakers when they come to their towns. This must become a deepened, dedicated and concerted action of the pro-victory movement as a whole. We must make it clear to them that we will accept no outcome in this war that doesn't include making a pile of dead terrorists 1368 feet tall.

Twice.

This is the essence of the new nation-wide campaign called "Turn up the Heat in 2007." The campaign is very simple. ANSWER (Activate Nuclear Solution to Win and End Resistance) and other national pro-victory coalitions will mobilize for every local and regional action that confronts the war makers and their spokespersons whenever they appear in public. We will encourage them to have our troops use massive, overwhelming amounts of explosive, incendiary, and nuclear ordnance on our enemies. We must let our leaders know that we want the terrorists to burn on Earth before they burn in Hell.

This campaign starts now.

On May 26, there will be a demonstration at West Point, New York where Dick Cheney will be the keynote speaker at a graduation ceremony. Activists are assembling at Veteran's Park in nearby Highland falls at 8:30 a.m. for a march to the Thayer Gate into West Point. The ANSWER Coalition will be screaming their unquenchable thirst for terrorist blood at this demonstration.

Bush, Cheney and every other pussy-footing politician -- which means anyone who is for prolonging the Iraq war -- will feel the pressure of the Turn Up the Heat campaign in the weeks and months to come.

The Turn Up the Heat campaign will promote and publicize the effectiveness of nuclear weapons as a means of pacifying a fanatical enemy (Japan - hint, hint) and also encourage every action that contributes to the decisive breaking of either our enemies' support networks, will, or bodies - and the sooner, the better. The power to end the war is in the people, but we must step up the pressure from every direction.

Let's unite and support all pro-victory actions in 2007. Together we will Turn up the Heat. Together we will end this war with a decisive American victory and plenty of dead terrorists.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I have mixed feelings about you. On the one hand, I love you. On the other hand, I adore you. It's all SO confusing...

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[RondaS]

So... you're saying it's pronounced like Roh-en-DAHZ?

Ya know, I miss the good old days when football players had normal names like "Walter"...

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

FOR MEMORIAL DAY

One of my readers - the (currently) blogless Chuck - sent me a report from the Coast Guard graduation attended by President Bush on May 23rd. I thought it'd be appropriate.

There were about 100 Eagles, Patriot Guard Riders, Rolling Thunder, American Legion Riders and Vets and family supporters on our side of the road.

On the other side, not one American flag in their midst, contrary to their professing their troop support. While our side of the road was a sea of Red, White, and Blue. A sight to behold. Almost all of the attending guests honked their horns for us, gave us thumbs up, or waved American flags out their windows as they drove by.

After the first 3 hours the moonbats finally produce an American flag after we chastised them for their "SO CALLED SUPPORT" (heh).

One young girl, maybe 10 or 11, was holding a hand made sign that said "BUSH IS SCUM". She was encouraged by her mother to keep displaying the sign.

While the rally was in progress, some of the college students took pink chalk and defaced the monument in front of the academy that states "COAST GUARD ACADEMY". They drew a peace sign on one side and on the other wrote "resist empire". I think they were trying to write "resist imperialism" but they couldn't figure out how to spell "imperialism" (LOL).

As is obvious, even to the most casual observer, we were indeed outnumbered, but just from looking at the photos there is no doubt about who "SUPPORTS OUR TROOPS".

Here are the pics: The first two are from a small rally in New Haven, CT, in a park called The Green, one is of the "MOTHERS FOR PEACE" group the other is GOE. Not one American flag but a whole lot of "cut and run" signs on their side.

(click to enlarge on all photos)

The rest are from the US Coast Guard Academy. Can you tell who the supporters were? LOL.

Don'tcha just love the defacing job?

After the rally, one of our Eaglettes took her bottle of water and a napkin and washed off the chalk. We couldn't leave it looking like that for the new graduating officers to see on their way out of the Academy. IT JUST WOULDN'T A BEEN RIGHT!

One thing I noticed and I'm sure others did as well, that the State Police, The New London Police and the Coast Guard Security people that stood in the center of the road always faced the moonbats with their backs to us. My take on this is they knew that if there was trouble, it would come from their side, and the Eagles and supporters would watch their backs. I don't know about you, but that made me pretty damn proud.

Thanks, Chuck.

HOW CAN THE MSM BE TRUSTED TO HONOR THE DEAD IF IT CAN'T EVEN TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT THE LIVING?

No more excuses for the MSM not being able to cover the good news in Iraq.

Hell, Chris Muir managed to cram everything you need to know in one Day by Day comic strip.

They REALLY need to work harder.

Seriously, I've never seen that "47 embassies" number reported ANYWHERE.

WTF?

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Whenever we have to part, I have an irresistible urge to make flimsy excuses to stall for more time with you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[www.tweak3D.net]

I wanted my porn site domain to be www.tweakher38DDs.com, but that was already taken.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

IT'S A BOY! AND NOT A BLOGGER THIS TIME

Blogson-in-law Alex of Alex in Wonderland reports that he and blogdaughter Sally of Whimsy Capricious have finally finished that project they've been working on:

On Monday 21st May at 11:11pm, after 18.5 hours of gruelling labour, baby Jamie decided to make his appearance. He was one week early born on exactly 39 weeks. It was all a bit of a rush at the end but he made it, Sally made it (although she said for a second baby he was hard work!) and I made it.

I feel like I should be doing something right now, but I'm not sure what would be appropriate.

Maybe some tea...

ERIC'S PEEPS JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF SUPPORTING LINKAGE

In a post about a manualist musician (that's "hand-farting" to the proletariat) performing "The Entertainer", A lot of Straight White Eric's commenters mentioned other of his works, but failed to provide linkage to those performances.

Shame on them!

Blogging is all about reader convenience - making it as easy as possible for your readers to enjoy that which you've enjoyed.

With that in mind, I offer what Eric's commenter's didn't.

Bohemian Rhapsody:

Classical Gas:

Iron Maiden's "The Trooper":

And his tutorial on Manualism:

Remember folks: READER CONVENIENCE!

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Sometimes I quiver when you touch me. The truth is I feel like I could fly and I'm fighting to stay on the ground.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

[(Pink around the All-Seeing Eye on the back)]

A gynecologist's view.

[Hat tip to blogson Madfish Willie for finding this one]

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK

Blogson Peter of Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack has some VERY tough questions for the left about why they've been in bed with thugs & murderers for the last 90 years while claiming that the Republicans are "The Party Of Hate And Repression".

It's posts like this that are the reason that I wanted Peter to get his own blog in the first place. I'd hate to think that something like this would have gone unwritten.

FRICK! MEMED AGAIN!

1389 of 1389 Mobile Blog whacked me via e-mail with the following:

Players start with 8 random facts about themselves. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts. Players should tag eight other people and notify them that they have been tagged.

I'm feeling lazy, so you'll get 5 random facts and 3 taggees. Victims may either play by the original rules, my rules, or just make up their own damn rules.

Hey... it's a free internet.

Note to callers: "Hey, it's me" is not helpful. Please use your name.

2) I once traded a coffee pot for a Koosh Ball. I still have the Koosh ball. It's green & purple.

3) I once traded a high-mileage '85 Honda Accord hatchback (which sustained major front end damage in an accident, but ran fine) for a Braun coffee grinder. I still have the coffee grinder.

I also kept the car. As it turned out, the guy who gave me the coffee grinder never filed for a new title. The guy HE sold it to never filed for a new title either. THAT guy abandoned it in the parking lot of a Goodwill store. Since it was still in my name, I got a parking ticket and had to arrange for the car's removal. Sadly, the car was no longer running fine, and I let some salvage yard scavenger keep the wreck in exchange for towing it.

4) I don't like Maglites for two reasons; first, turning the lens counterclockwise to turn the light on feels WRONG. If you want a light to come on, you should turn it clockwise - like screwing a bulb into a socket.

Second, unlike thumb-switch lights, after you turn on a Maglite, your hand is not in a comfortable carrying position. You have to adjust your grip, which either requires using your other hand or involves an awkward finger-shuffling maneuver.

I prefer the grab-thumb-go type of flashlight.

5) I miss Jim Henson

Next Victims... I feel like picking on the new kids:

Matthew of Maybe Baby

Bruce of Back to the Batcave

Maranda Rites of Maranda Under Stress

YOU NEED TO HAVE USED A MAC TO GET THIS ONE

Still, having used a Mac myself, this proposed commercial sent me into a fit of giggles.

Does He Really Have What It Takes?

(cross-posted & updated from IMAO)

Since TV became a factor in presidential politics in 1960, Americans have never elected a man that didn't have important-looking hair (Ford wasn't elected, W - while always in need of a trim - at least doesn't have hairline issues, and LBJ & Nixon had that Jack Nicholson look going for them).

Will his bald spot turn out to be Fred Thompson's kryptonite?

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

What makes this country so great? Liberty, justice, and the fact that you live here with me.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(black horizontal line)]

With his swordsmanship waning in his later years, Zorro eventually gave up and just changed his name to "Line-o".

[Hat tip to blogson Madfish Willie for finding this one]

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

Deconstructing the Muslim Survey

(cross-posted from IMAO)

By now you've probably heard about the Pew survey of American Muslims that showed 25% of them in favor of suicide bombings and only 40% of them believing that the 9/11 hijackers were Arab men.

If you're not sure if you've heard of the survey, it was probably under a headline like "Muslims Love America and You're Just a Paranoid Islamophobe for Thinking Otherwise".

Anyway, here's the 108-page pdf file of the actual survey so you can see for yourself what it says. But if you're feeling lazy, here are some of the important numbers:

* 72% think that we should've looked for Saddam's WMD's in his basement, since that's where they keep their WMD's.

* 83% want to fight global warming, unless said warming results from a nuclear strike on Israel.

* 51% said Lindsay Lohan would look hotter if she had four legs and a hump.

* 2% have an MP3 of John McCain singing "Bomb Iran" on their iPods.

* 92% visit IMAO every day hoping to read that something bad has happened to Laurence Simon.

* 7% can say "JOOOOOOS!" without reflexively shaking a fist in anger.

* 18% admitted to having a secret crush on Tom Selleck because of his Saddam-like moustache.

* 89% believe that fire can weaken steel enough to collapse a building or have plans to conduct full-scale tests of the theory.

* 34% just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to GEICO and gave it all to Al Qaeda.

* 68% want Michelle Malkin to do another video in that cheerleader outfit.

* 12% can never remember if "Allah" is spelled with one "l" or two.

* 31% have taped a sign that said "Fatwa Me" to someone's back as a practical joke.

* 25% admitted to youthful experimentation with drawing Mohammed cartoons.

* 82% cheered at the end of "Old Yeller".

* 100% cheered at the end of "V for Vendetta".

* 8% regret the night they got REALLY drunk and let their friends talk them into getting that Piglet ankle-tattoo.

* 42% wonder why it's not spelled "mosq".

* 65% can always find the right direction to face during prayers, thanks to their Apple iMecca.

* 13% have used a Pittsburgh Steelers souvenier "Terrible Towel" as an emergency prayer rug.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

In my eyes, time has passed you over, leaving you perennially young, lovely, and possessed of a childlike sense of wonder. Being with you is the Fountain of Youth for my soul.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

In my eyes, time has passed you over, leaving you perennially young, lovely, and possessed of a childlike sense of wonder. Being with you is the Fountain of Youth for my soul.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: ***MIKE***)]

Try as he might, Michael Moore just couldn't break his habit of using presidents named George to draw attention to himself.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

TWO CENTS NEEDED

We're looking to get a collection of minor repairs done on our house. A few windows, some soffit and fascia repair, replacing some door frames that the horse-dog ate... nothing huge, but still apt to be a touch pricey when it's all said & done.

I've never really dealt with home-repair folks before. Those of you who have, please pipe up with advice.

IT'S A BOY!

Bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks has adopted herself a baby blogson:

Matthew of Maybe Baby

Since he's been around since January, I'm going to do a random sampling rather than the usual "link every post" tour:

Puppy picture! - didn't take him long to dive for the cuteness jugular, but I'll let it go because he learns an important lesson here: "Small Things Are Both Stupid and Defiant".

Photoshopping and whack-it blogging - always a good combination. Sure, it's TMI, but this IS the information age... too much, or otherwise.

I think this is one of those Zen questions - "If only I had a kid that I could boss around, an indebted member of my family who could vacuum, walk the dog, do the dishes and fold the laundry, perhaps I wouldn’t be so stressed. But if I’m stressed, how will I ever have that kid who will eventually cut down the amount of work I have to do?"

Concerned that the right of free speech doesn't cover "poop"? - Matthew is, and he's fighting for you!

Some important history on being formerly fat - A lot of folks have weight (or at least weight image) issues, and Matthew would probably be a good person to chat about those with. Voice of experience and what not.

I'd also like to mention that it looks like Matt has finally given up that disgusting habit of putting plain text in extended entries. Good job!

Membership in the Bad Example Clan is also an option, if you're so inclined to jump through the requisite hoops, but is not mandatory.

Meanwhile you can look forward - with either anticipation or dread - to regular visits and comments from me.

Welcome home.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

There is only one secret between us - how much I love you. I ask your patient indulgence, as I believe that telling you the whole of it will take a good many years, even though I will spend every day doing it.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Good Charlotte]

Better: Charlotte AND her sister

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

Maybe We Should Be Afraid of Bill Cosby

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Revenge is sweet.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

So... revenge is... pudding?

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Wrap me in your arms like a Christmas present, while I pray that it stays December 24th forever.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Rubber stamp: I GREW HEMP)]

And made candy!

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

ANSWERS

To the Movie Meme

1) Princess Bride
# Arranged Marriage
# Loss Of Loved One
# Drunkenness
# Storyteller
# Chocolate

2) Jaws
# Gore
# Marijuana
# Disturbing
# Boy Eaten
# Breasts

3) Robocop
# Gun Battle
# Mayor
# News
# Police Car
# Cynical

4) Terminator 2
# End Of The World
# Dysfunctional Family
# Bodyguard
# The Terminator
# Dystopic Future

5) Aliens
# Parenthood
# Profanity
# Tense
# Crushed Head
# Mission

6) Unforgiven
# Eccentric
# Bad Guy
# No Opening Credits
# British
# Widower

7) Highlander
# Good Versus Evil
# Magic
# Sword
# Historical
# Chrysler Building New York

8) Muppet Movie
# Rainbow
# Good Versus Evil
# Actor Playing Multiple Roles
# Conscience
# Friend

9) Wizard of Oz
# Allegory
# Teenage Girl
# Friendship
# It Was All A Dream
# Black And White Segues Into Color

10) Batman
# Damsel In Distress
# Gambling
# Mugging
# High Concept
# Love Interest

I conclude from this exercise that IMDB's keywords are completely useless.

YES, I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH NERDS

Back in high school, I used to laugh at Zaui of This-n-That - taking all those crazy chemistry classes.

Turns out that you can actually use mole ratios for something.

Like estimating the caffeine content of Diet Coke Plus.

Bonus points for showing his work.

SOMETIMES IT'S NOT JUST HIS GREAT FAROOKIN' HAIR I ENVY

Sometimes it's brilliant pieces like Jim of Parkway Rest Stop's "Hillary's To-Do List".

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[The magic dollar: each time someone spends it, please write name on back margin]
[(no names on back margin)]

Looks like Kucinich is still having trouble raising funds.

Maybe it's because he's still a crap weasel.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

May I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it right back.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[If you get this dollar, please return to www.dollar dot.com or C.Y. Butts]

You can send a dollar bill over the internet, now?

Wow! What will Google think of next?

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

MPAA Adds Islam As Film-Rating Factor

(cross-posted from IMAO)

(AP) Following the Motion Picture Association of America's recent decision to take a more negative view of tobacco use in movies, the MPAA today announced that depictions of practicing Islam will also come under greater scrutiny. However, some critics said the move does not go far enough to discourage teens from taking up the degenerate religion.

MPAA Chairman Dan Glickman said his group's ratings board, which previously had considered kids wearing bomb belts in assigning film ratings, now will take into account Koran-waving and other Muslim kookiness by adults, as well.

That adds Islamic rituals to a list of such factors as sex, violence and language in determining the MPAA's G, PG, PG-13, R and NC-17 ratings.

Film raters will consider the pervasiveness of jihadist propaganda, whether it glamorizes terrorism, and the context in which the Islamic behavior appears, as in movies set before 9/11, when Islam was marginally less despicable.

Some critics of Hollywood's depictions of Muslim insanity in films have urged that movies that show any aspect of Islam be assigned an R rating, which would restrict those younger than 17 from seeing them.

"I'm glad it's finally an issue they're taking up, but what they're proposing does not go far enough and is not going to make a difference," said Tori Titus, spokeswoman for Americans Against Dhimmitude, which opposes film images of Islam that might encourage young people to start worshipping a psychotic, bloodthirsty, Mood-God.

Glickman disagreed, saying a mandatory R rating for Islam would not "further the specific goal of providing information to parents on this issue."

"Although," he added, "it might be nice to discourage film-makers from actively kissing the enemy's ass."

Islam in movies with a G, PG or PG-13 rating has been on the decline, and the "percentage of films that included even a fleeting glimpse of Imam-approved methods of slaughtering innocents declined from 60 percent to 52 percent between July 2004 and July 2006," Glickman said.

Of those films, "three-fourths received an R rating for other reasons", he said, "since it's almost impossible to depict a Muslim without also showing him happily murdering children in Allah's name."

"That means there's not a great amount of films in the unrestricted category as it stands," said Joan Graves, who heads the ratings board. "We're not saying we're ignoring the issue. We're trying the best way possible according to what we've learned from parents to give them information about what's in a film."

"In short," she summarized, "if it contains Islam, it's boring, stupid, and evil. Don't waste your money."

Descriptions on sex, violence and language that accompany movie ratings now will include such phrases as "glamorized Islam" or "filthy, murdering terrorists robotically obeying their pedophile prophet," Glickman said.

If rated today, a film such as 2005's "V for Vendetta," which features a homosexual fawning over a Koran, would have carried a "politically correct pandering to Muslims" tag but probably would have retained its PG rating because it takes place in an idyllic future where Islam has been wiped from the face of the earth, Graves said.

Titus said film raters should be as tough on Islam as they are on bad language to minimize the effects of on-screen Koran-babble on children, including her own 5-year-old daughter.

"I don't want her using bad language, but last time I checked, she's probably not going to die from that," Titus said. "If Islam becomes acceptable because of these images she sees in movies, chances are she's probably going to die early from that. Mostly likely from being stoned to death in a soccer stadium for not wearing a burka."

While Titus' group wants tougher ratings restrictions, the MPAA is not without its supporters.

"By placing this sick, twisted, maladaptive 'religion' on a par with considerations of violence and sex, the rating board has acknowledged the public-health dangers to children associated with glamorized images of a toxic and lethal belief in Islam," Barry Bloom, dean of the Harvard School of Public Health, said in a statement.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

The well of my love never runs dry, for you are always filling it. You are my life's eternal source of water.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: I Grew Hemp)]

Eh. It's cheaper than gasoline...

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

With Apologies to JK Rowling

(cross-posted from IMAO)

With the imminent release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, author J.K. Rowling has requested that people refrain from leaking any spoilers.

Sorry, lady, but I need the site traffic.

TOP TEN SPOILERS FOR HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS

10) Harry learns "visio correcto" spell and ditches those stupid Birth Control glasses.

9) Hogwarts Alumnus Day guest of honor - Gandalf!

8) Harry is shamed with a lifetime ban for betting on quidditch.

7) Snape and Hagrid - oh yes they are!

6) Final battle against Voldemort cancelled when Democrats vote to pull funding.

5) It's all a dream. Harry wakes up in his mother's basement to discover that he's just a 35-year-old nerd who nodded off during a game of D&D.

4) Malfoy and the Sorting Hat - oh yes they did!

3) Dumbledore only MOSTLY dead - revived by Miracle Max.

2) Voldemort is the name of Harry's sled.

and the #1 spoiler for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows...

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Whenever I see your hair blowing in the wind, I think to myself, "Lucky wind".

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Fnord (printed backwards)]

If you're not part of the conspiracy, please ignore this message.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

I'M JUST A HATER AT THIS POINT

I stopped believing the myth of the Moderate Muslim.

Matty O'Blackfive quotes what he believes is one:

Suicide and killing innocent people is strictly forbidden in Islam.

I'm sure it is.

Except that if you call it "martyrdom for Jihad" instead of "suicide" and consider all non-Muslims to be "not really innocent", then Islam condones all the atrocities you see in the Middle East.

Islam is an inherantly corrupt, degenerate, anti-life belief system. I'll have no truck with it, and I don't trust any of its adherants.

No good can come from it, and I don't believe civilization can co-exist with it. It needs to be crushed and eradicated.

I suppose maybe it could be "reformed", like the way the reformation of Christianity took it from the Dark Ages to the Renaissance, but we don't have 800 years for these animals to get their shit together.

So... is it time to nuke Mecca & Medina, or does someone have a better idea?

DINOSAUR?

When was the last time you saw a cigarette vending machine?

Last one I remember was in 1998 in a little bar near the capital building in Madison, Wisconsin.

UPDATE 7:30 AM - Also please mention if you remember one that wasn't in a bar. Last one of those I remember was a grocery store in the 70's.

RIGHT WING NEWS POLL OF THE RIGHTOSPHERE

Here are my answers to the Right Wing News Poll, along with explanations:

C - I'd like more tax cuts, and less domestic spending, but he is working on getting me more dead terrorists, so I'm not entirely disappointed.

2) Which of the two following groups better represents your stance on illegal immigration.
A) George Bush, John McCain, the Wall Street Journal.
B) The Minutemen, Tom Tancredo, Jeff Sessions.

B - I'm assuming these answers represent "open borders" and "closed borders", respectively.

3) Do you think the Federal Government should fund embryonic stem cell research (Beyond the embryonic stem cell lines which are already being funded)?

No - Outside of national defense, I really don't think the Fed should be spending money on much of anything. So, unless stem cells can kill terrorists...

4) Do you think that the mainstream media as a whole...

A) Leans significantly to the left - although I'll temper that a bit. The big problem with the MSM isn't it's leanings, so much as it is that they only have time to hit the high points of a news story. Working under such time & space constraints, there have to be some omissions. Both right AND left wing partisans see this and claim that those omissions are part of a political agenda, which is why lefties can cite the "right wing media bias" with a straight face.

Whether and to what degree the choice of omissions is politically driven - or just editorial laziness - is debatable. However, the fact remains that, statistically speaking - a given set of omissions is more likely to bias a story against a conservative viewpoint.

Why?

Conservatives tend to support things as "right" which are neither simple nor intuitive. For example - "Why are we fighting in Iraq?" requires the understanding of complex and abstract issues, including projected consequences of failure, and various international political scenarios stretching forward in time for decades to come, not to mention relying on the examples of other historical incidents as precedent. Leave out any part of that, and the explanation is weak and unconvincing.

All a liberal has to do is say "Bring the troops home now and they won't die overseas". That's a news-sized soundbite, which is actually true and intuitively obvious - as long as you keep it isolated from any broader context and refuse to think about the consequences.

So, even if the news is "fair and balanced", it's de facto leftward-biased because brevity is harmful to the right.

Thank God bloggers never have to shut up.

5) It has been said that if we haven't seen enormous progress in Iraq by September of this year, that Congress may cut off funds for the troops or set a timeline for the troops to pull out. Do you think we should...

B) Stay in Iraq at least until we feel confident that the Iraqis can handle their own internal security after our troops leave the streets - actually, I think we should stay until it's no longer in the strategic or military interests of the US to be there. I don't give a f*ck what the Iraqis think or want, and I don't think it should have any bearing on our foreign policy.

6) Tom Cole, the new head of the National Republican Congressional Committee, recently said the following about the GOP losses in 2006. - "Oh, I don't think the problem was spending. People who argue that we lost because we weren't true to our base, that's just wrong."
Do you agree?

No - again: not enough tax cuts, too much spending, need more dead terrorists. Please remember that in 2008

7) If we absolutely had to have a President chosen out of the Big 3 Democratic contenders, which one would you most prefer to see as the POTUS.
A) Hillary Clinton
B) John Edwards
C) Barrack Obama

SURPRISE! - A) Hillary Clinton - Why? Because as much as I despise her, and hate her liberal political agenda, I know that she's every bit as much of a "govern-by-the-polls" spineless political jackal as her husband was. She'll be too busy trying to be popular to push her agenda as hard as she'd like to. Plus we know that she has no problem voting across party lines if she thinks it'll be to her political advantage to do so. Not to mention she can play the stone-bitch if she has to. So when the terrorists test her will with an attack on US soil in 2010, she'd be able to pull off the screaming-for-vengeance dragon-lady act. Edwards & Obama are just too young and pretty to convincingly saber-rattle. Hillary's already voted for war once. She's got foreign policy street cred.

8) If you had to pick the presidential contender that you would LEAST like to see as the party's nominee in 2008, who would it be... (Note: This is the LEAST liked candidate, not your favorite candidate)

Tommy Thompson - He was my governor for 12 years. Just another spineless tax & spend Republican. The only thing he ever did right was welfare reform. Plus he already said he'd listen to the polls when making foreign policy decisions. I want a leader who will do what's in America's best interests, even if the polling public doesn't understand it.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

My greatest moment of triumph? When you first surrendered your lips to mine.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[D F BOBANA NEZA ANA]

It's the Name Game!

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

MOVIE MEME

From WritersBlock of Pereiraville:

Pick out ten favorite movies, then look them up at IMDb. In the overview at the top of each movie’s page, there are "Plot Keywords," usually five of them. (Plus more, if you click the link.) Take the first five, and post them. Then the rest of us get to play movie buff and see if we can guess them.

1) # Arranged Marriage
# Loss Of Loved One
# Drunkenness
# Storyteller
# Chocolate

2) # Gore
# Marijuana
# Disturbing
# Boy Eaten
# Breasts

3) # Gun Battle
# Mayor
# News
# Police Car
# Cynical

4) # End Of The World
# Dysfunctional Family
# Bodyguard
# The Terminator
# Dystopic Future

5) # Parenthood
# Profanity
# Tense
# Crushed Head
# Mission

6) # Eccentric
# Bad Guy
# No Opening Credits
# British
# Widower

7) # Good Versus Evil
# Magic
# Sword
# Historical
# Chrysler Building New York

8) # Rainbow
# Good Versus Evil
# Actor Playing Multiple Roles
# Conscience
# Friend

9) # Allegory
# Teenage Girl
# Friendship
# It Was All A Dream
# Black And White Segues Into Color

10) # Damsel In Distress
# Gambling
# Mugging
# High Concept
# Love Interest

Good luck. Especially on 2, 5, 6, & 10. I promise they're not obscure.

Answers in a couple days.

Recommended tagging quota is 10. I'm only tagging Susie of Practical Penumbra, since she works at a theater. That should count extra, doncha think?

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Because you are a lady, you make me want to become the gentleman you deserve.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Rob L. TNV]

Just a reminder to myself that Rob Lowe is going to be on Fox's new show "Tuesday Night Vasectomy".

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

NEXT MOTHER'S DAY, *EVERYONE* GETS ONE OF THESE

Turn your vacuum cleaner into a vibrator.

Video is safe to watch with kids around, since they just won't understand why watching that flapping ribbon is making you grin.

[From Shiny Shiny via A Sweet, Familiar Dissonance]

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If I complimented your beauty as often as I noticed it, I wouldn't have time to breathe.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(red & purple splotches)]

Your currency's latest security feature: grape & strawberry flavor-patches.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

IF YOU PISS IN SOMEONE'S WHEATIES, THEY JUST MIGHT MAKE YOU EAT IT

Bloggranddaughter Mrs. Who of House of Zathras has an interesting video clip of idiots who painted offensive slogans on their cars, drove around Alabama, and were surprised that they were neither welcomed nor tolerated:

This is just odd.

I've seen other clips from Top Gear, and it's usually car focussed and quite interesting. This seems very unlike them.

Anyway, I think it's an excellent reminder that freedom of speech means freedom from government interference. Other citizens have no obligation to let you say anything, especially when you're on their property (like the gas station).

They deserved every rock that was thrown at them.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

When I feel defeated and discouraged, you help me to dig deep and find the strength to overcome.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp - Skydive!)]

As a follow-up to its popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the first in its new series of "Matty O'Blackfive Dollars". Coming soon: "Bust their chops!" and "So I looked at the French General and said..."

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

CROSS-POND NEWS

Milk-carton blogdaughter Sally of Whimsy Capricious dropped me a line recently. She's alive & well & expecting a baby in two weeks.

She also asked me point out the story of the incredible efforts being put forth to find real-life milk-carton girl Madeleine McCann:

(click to enlarge)

There's currently several million dollars in reward money being offered for her safe return by such famous folks as Sir Philip Green, Sir Richard Branson, and JK Rowling.

Figure with those eyes of hers, Madeleine should be fairly easy to spot. Take a good look at her right one.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I seem to be suffering from fits of uncontrollable happiness caused by your presence. If you can call that suffering.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Ashley Blossom]

Years of investigation have finally turned up the names of the two interns that Bill Clinton didn't have sexual relations with.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

DO ALL PRINTERS SUCK?

Lynn of A Sweet, Familiar Dissonance is busy hating on her printer and observes thusly:

Why can't anyone make a printer that works and will keep on working and not suck down tanker-loads of overpriced ink? Our printer hasn't been working for several months and I've been procrastinating on buying another one because I don't want to spend more money on something that will not work.

I have to agree. The last printer I owned that didn't consistently piss me off was a 24-pin dot matrix model that I had about 15 years ago.

My major peeve these days is that my HP Deskjet 3425 goes through colored ink half as fast as black ink, even though I normally only print text documents and NEVER USE COLOR!

Also topping my shit list is the fact that, because I don't print with color every freakin' day, the color nozzles now have unfixable clogs. Which isn't a problem unless I want to print something containing a shade of red, i.e. damn near anything.

Is there such a thing as a reliable inkjet printer that doesn't dry up without regular use? Should I consider a low-end laser printer?

Or maybe it's time to take my KXP-1121 out of storage.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I feel nothing but utter amazement when I consider how wonderful you are, and how lucky I am to be loved by you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Manuel y Candy 4ever 4ever 4ever 4ever]

Which would be quite romantic if "Manuel" weren't the name of Candy's partner in her Tijuana donkey show.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

The power, the grace, the passion of you... I see now why the Greeks believed in Goddesses.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THE FIGHT SCENES IN THE MATRIX MOVIES?

"a combination of an aerobics class and long division"

Although I'm willing to give them a pass on The Lobby Scene.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

There is no virtue in reasonableness when it comes to loving you. Only the maddest of excess is appropriate.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(dollar bill + boredom + pink hi-liter)]

Don't ask, don't tell, don't keep obvious hints in your wallet, either.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If perfection has a name, it's the one I whisper when I tell you I love you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Thank you for being our customer, Phil]

The people who brought you Discover Card have started a chain of strip clubs that gives you one percent cash back on all g-string stuffings.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

SICK

Feelin' like crap today, and my creativity apparently got blown out of my nose along with a bunch of earthtone-colored mucous.

Feel free to leave some medicine in the comments.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Your eyes trumpet irresistible pleasures, and my heart, as the walls of Jericho, tumbles before you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[dollar bill dollar bill dollar bill]

IDG Publishing presents "Currency for Dummies"

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I've always been in awe of the way you can make a terry bathrobe seem as sexy as a showgirl's stocking.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Jesus Christ IS GOD]

In "Passion of the Christ II: Return of the Savior".

Coming soon to an Apocalypse near you.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

CALLING BULLSHIT ON THE ATF

After raiding an Alabama militia because they "had not made any specific threats or devised any plots", but DID have "heavy firepower", the ATF's spokestool Jim Cavanaugh said:

"Any time you have a self-appointed colonel or a self-appointed major and they've got weapons and explosives, it is a recipe for tragedy."

Oh... really?...

Somebody help me out here. I don't recall hearing of ANY militias going on shooting sprees. EVER. Despite the fact that there are plenty of groups of citizen soldiers who fear their government and keep themselves armed for a prolonged resistance in the event of either government excess or the catastrophic loss of civil order.

The ATF, on the other hand, has a storied history of provoking firefights.

Am I missing something, or is Mr. Cavanaugh simply full of shit?

[Hat tip: The Puppy Blender]

DOOR COUNTY? ISN'T THAT WHERE JIM MORRISON LIVES?

Blogson T1G of Drunken Wisdom is looking for information about Door County, Wisconsin:

insights as to where to go, what to do, and favorite places to eat/drink

Anyone with a clue, please shout out.

HEAD SCRATCHER

How do you suppose they pulled this one off?

[Hat tip: I Hate My Cubicle!!!]

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

When other loves around us crack and crumble, we hold tighter to each other, standing stronger and taller with each passing day.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: GUN OWNER)]

How stupid do you have to be to steal one of these?

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

More Propaganda To Undermine Terrorist Morale

THE 72 VIRGINS YOU EXPECT

THE 72 VIRGINS YOU'LL GET

Give up. Go home. It ain't worth it.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

The only thing that really bugs me in life is that every time I start kissing you, I know that eventually I'll have to stop.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[MAD]

Just put your thumb on Washington's face and it tells you how you're feeling. I LOVE these new "mood dollars"!

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

My heart's most vital function is not pumping my blood, it's loving you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Political Correctness is Fascism

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Naomi Wolf penned an excrutiatingly long, factually-challenged, spun-like-a-centrifuge screed about Bush turning America into a fascist dictatorship that invokes Godwin's law so fast and frequently that it makes a frog in a blender look like a Doc Edgerton photo.

As a mercy to IMAO readers, I'll give you the short version of her "10 Steps To Fascism" delusion:

2. Create a gulag - "put terrorists in Guantanamo"

3. Develop a thug caste - "hire private security guards"

4. Set up an internal surveillance system - "monitor international communications of vocal terrorist sympathizers"

5. Harass citizens' groups - "have cops join anti-war groups with a history of violence"

6. Engage in arbitrary detention and release - "...of vocal terrorist sympathizers"

7. Target key individuals - "fire eight attorneys"

8. Control the press - "tell people that known spy Valerie Plame was a spy"

9. Dissent equals treason - "call a leak of classified information 'disgraceful'"

10. Suspend the rule of law - "create an emergency plan for dealing with a devastating terrorist attack".

Still, maybe she has a point. Perhaps there IS a political movement in this country that fits all ten of the warning signs. Maybe the ACTUAL fascist threat to this country is Political Correctness:

2. Create a gulag - "sensitivity training classes"

3. Develop a thug caste - "activists"

4. Set up an internal surveillance system - "any blog with the word 'watch' in the title"

5. Harass citizens' groups - "animal rights groups that accompany hunters with noisemakers"

6. Engage in arbitrary detention and release - "suspending students for ham-related hate crimes"

7. Target key individuals - "Imus"

8. Control the press - "ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, blah, blah, everyone but Fox, Rush Limbaugh, and maybe Michelle Malkin"

9. Dissent equals treason - "Global warming deniers"

10. Suspend the rule of law - "More gun control"

In your face, Wolfie, ya blithering hack.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

It's not just THAT your love pleases me, it's the scintillating intensity with which it does so.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: butterfly)]

If hippies ran the Treasury...

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

America Needs a War On Ham
An Editorial By Harvey

(cross-posted from IMAO)

 Recently in Lewiston, Maine, a middle school student was suspended - and rightfully so - for the hate crime of placing a ham steak on a lunch table where Muslim Somali students were sitting. Sadly, instead of treating this grotesque offense with the seriousness it deserved, insensitive jerk Nicholas Plagman of Associated Content actually wrote a parody of the original news story, treating this serious subject with levity, as though it were merely a harmless prank instead of a repugnant assault on someone's religious beliefs.

I am outraged.

 So I'm taking a cue from Toledo Blade columnist Dan Simpson, who wisely seized the opportunity of the Virginia Tech shootings to propose a sane and practical plan for forcibly disarming America's dangerous gun nuts. I've come up with a sensible program for de-hamifying our swine-flesh-saturated country. After all, it's not enough to complain about the problem. One must be part of the solution.

The first step, of course, is to admit that we, as a nation, have a problem. According to PeTA and other unimpeachable sources, ham and its associated hog-derived food items are directly responsible for over 200 million deaths in this country each year. Now, the government-controlled media craftily hides this fact by fudging the statistics, euphemistically blaming the deaths on "obesity" or "heart disease" or "falling into a rendering vat", but this doesn't chance the FACT that pigs are always the root cause. However, the MOST tragic consequence of America's Hoggy Holocaust is that these ham-tastic delicacies are an unforgivable insult to our Muslim brethren, driving even the calmest of Allah-worshippers into an uncontrollable, ululating, American-murdering frenzy. The simple truth is that if it weren't for all the ham in this country, 9/11 never would've happened.

Sadly, America's unconscionable hatred-by-ham has done nothing but escalate since then. I'm always reading people suggesting (as a "joke", of course) that our troops should dip their bullets in bacon grease before shooting terrorists in order to send them directly to Hell - do not pass Paradise, do not collect 72 virgins. I cannot begin to describe the depth of my disgust at statements like this. I don't have a problem with filling someone so full of lead that you could use them as nuclear reactor shielding, but I draw the line at callously insulting someone's religion!

So to save America from both cholesterol and terrorists, I say that the government needs to get serious about implementing a final solution to our porky problem. We could call it the "War on Ham" and model it after other successful government programs, such as the War on Poverty and the War on Drugs, both of which managed to completely eradicate their target problems within a few short years of being implemented.

Here's how it would work (NOTE: for the sake of brevity, I'll use the term "ham", but it would also include bacon, pork rinds, chitlins, etc.):

First, pass a federal law making ham possession a felony punishable by a $1000 fine or a year on a tofu diet. People would then have a three-month amnesty to deposit their offending meat without penalty at a government collection center. The collected ham could then be safely disposed of by having the UN distribute it to the French, since no one cares if they get heart disease or blown up by terrorists.

Sure, the Washington lobbyists for Big Pig will start chucking lawyers at this left and right, but since most of them would be Jewish and sympathetic to our cause, this fight'll be over in no time. Then, after our nation is safely sow-free, we can get to work on averting America's next looming crisis by enforcing mandatory cow-worship before the Hindu Street rises up and destroys us all.

Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as "Soooo-Wee! Sow-free For Me!" and "Udders on the Altar: A Beginner's Guide to Bovine Adulation".

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I enjoy taking you out just to watch the looks of envy on the faces of other men. Sadly, I never see them, because I'm too entranced by you to look anywhere else. I'm SURE they're there, though.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Pink circle around the US Treasurer's signature)]

Marked for death by the Gay Mafia

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

The Morale We SHOULD Be Undercutting

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Denny of Grouchy Old Cripple was contemplating how the Democrats are the new Tokyo Rose because they're hitting the same three themes that the Japanese used in their propaganda, namely:

1. Your President is lying to you.

2. This war is illegal.

3. You cannot win the war.

I'm not sure about #2, but after a little research, I discovered that there was also a fourth theme - which the Democrats aren't using yet, but it won't surprise me when they do - which I'll call for the sake of decorum "Your wife isn't lonely".

Which got me thinking... maybe we should start working on demoralizing the terrorists:

First Democrat that promises to leaflet Baghdad with this gets my vote.

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

You are a luscious temptation of sensual pleasures, and there's nothing I enjoy more than giving in to you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[To God you owe your life]

To the IRS you owe this dollar.

TODAY'S DIRTY MINDS QUIZ

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)

HYPOTHETICAL - UPDATED 5-1-07 1:15PM

On a post on abortion, Gerard of American Digest mentions this sentiment:

"Of all those babies we destroyed, how many were Einsteins, how many were Mozarts?"

In the comments, we had this exchange:

"how many were Einsteins, how many were Mozarts?"

Statistically, about as many as there were Hitlers, Dahmers, and Chos.

There are persuasive arguments against abortion. I don't find this to be one of them.

Posted by Harvey at April 24, 2007 11:23 AM

We'll leave Hitler out of the equation just this once Harvey.

I'll see your Dahmer and Cho and raise you Einstein and Mozart.

I'm pretty sure which is the winning hand.

Posted by Gerard Van der Leun at April 24, 2007 12:29 PM

A fair enough point. But it got me thinking... at what point would those hands be a tie? In other words, what great man would you give up in order to have had Cho/Dahmer/[insert evil man's name here] never been born?

Mozart was good, but there's plenty of other classical musicians. Would you trade him for Cho?

John Kennedy for Jeffrey Dahmer?

Gandhi for Hitler?

Just something to think about.

UPDATE 5-1-07 1:15PM - Ok, this is getting WAY heavier than I was looking for. I only mentioned the abortion thing to give background to the question, because I thought it'd seem really weird to just ask it out of the blue.

What I meant to go for was just a straight-up fantasy-world exchange of good for bad. Leave abortion out of it. Think of it instead as "If you snap your fingers three times, then Mrs. Kennedy had a headache that night, so John was never conceived - BUT Mrs. Dahmer ALSO gets a headache on Jeffrey's conception night so he never happens either. Would you do it?"

I'm looking for your estimations of what relative value you'd place on various good and bad people. That's all.

For example, I'd give up Jim Henson for Karl Marx. I love muppets, but I *really* hate communism.

Hope that clears things up a bit.

NOT SURE I'M COMFORTABLE WITH THIS

Remember the controversy surrounding backscatter x-ray screening? The see-through imaging technology that let's screeners do a little TOO much seeing through?

Well, it now comes in a mobile version: the Z Backscatter Van. Anyone using this can just drive down the road, searching and irradiating people at random.

Probable cause? Consent?

The site doesn't cover those issues, and the videos at the site seem to show the equipment operators not really giving a shit.

This photo caption wasn't very reassuring, either:

"In this Z® Backscatter Van™ image, organic objects were detected in the body of this pickup truck -- officials subsequently searched the vehicle and seized a significant amount of heroin." [emphasis added]

Nevertheless, I'm going to set my paranoia aside, and assume that these are only used under proper Constitutional restrictions until I'm notified otherwise.