January 30, 2008

ROTFLMAOTNTPMPAFM!

I dearly love a good turn of phrase, and I like my humor rapid-fire.

Oh, and I find stick figures hilarious for no sensible reason that I've ever been able to nail down.

Best combination of these three comes from - oddly enough - a gentleman who reviews video games. And none too gently, either. Oodles of coarse language, so you've been warned.

I suppose you can start with his review of "Clive Barker's Jehrico" and work your way down the list in the right sidebar, but they're all pretty damn good.

Drink alert in effect.

[Hat tip to Shamus of Twenty-Sided for introducing me to Zero Punctuation in the first place]

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Posted by Harvey on January 30, 2008 at 09:05 PM | Permalink | 4 Comments | Other People's Funny | Trackback

January 29, 2008

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

A little something for the bacon-lovers in my life.

The Bacon Flowchart.

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Posted by Harvey on January 29, 2008 at 08:40 PM | Permalink | 8 Comments | Other People's Funny | Trackback

January 27, 2008

Unfortunate Headline of the Day

Someone at the Christian Science Monitor failed "Word Choice 101":

taliban snatch.jpg

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Posted by Harvey on January 27, 2008 at 06:49 PM | Permalink | 5 Comments | Naughty Stuff | Trackback

85 EXACTLY! I WIN!

Blogson Andrew of Custos Honor tagged me with this one (edited slightly):


SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life.

Mark the ones you've seen. Copy this list, check the movies you've seen, add them up, and include the number in your post title.


(x)Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x)Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
() Boondock Saints
() Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
() Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
() Along Came Polly
() Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
() Never Been Kissed
() Meet The Parents
() Meet the Fockers
() Eight Crazy Nights
() Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG
Total so far: 10

() A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
() The Lizzie McGuire Movie
() Passport to Paris
() Dumb & Dumber
() Dumber & Dumberer
() Final Destination
() Final Destination 2
() Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
() The Ring
() The Ring 2
() Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 13

() Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
() Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
() Ghost Ship
() From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
() I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
() The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 17

() The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
() Seed of Chucky
() Bride of Chucky
() Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
() Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
() Coach Carter
() The Grudge
() The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
() Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 22

() Bad Boys
() Bad Boys 2
() Joy Ride
() Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
() Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
() Bourne Supremecy
() Lone Star
() Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
() The Fog
(x) Ice Age
() Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
() Curious George
Total so far: 27

(x) Independence Day
(x) Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
() Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET
() Children of the Corn
() My Bosses Daughter
() Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
() Rush Hour
() Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 32

() Best Bet
() How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
() She's All That
() Calendar Girls
() Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks!
() Event Horizon
() Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
() Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 38

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
() X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
() Sky High
() Jeepers Creepers
() Jeepers Creepers 2
() Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
() Freaky Friday
() Reign of Fire
() The Skulls
() Cruel Intentions
() Cruel Intentions 2
() The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
(x) Shrek 3
Total so far: 46

() Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
() Old School
() The Notebook
() K-Pax
() Kippendorf's Tribe
() A Walk to Remember
() Ice Castles
() Boogeyman
() The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 47

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 53

() Baseketball
() Hostel
() Waiting for Guffman
() House of 1000 Corpses
() Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
(x) Highlander
() Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History X
() Three
Total so Far: 56

() The Jacket
() Kung Fu Hustle
() Shaolin Soccer
() Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
() Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
(x) Willard
Total so far: 60

() High Tension
() Club Dread
(x) Hulk
() Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
() 28 days later
(x) Orgazmo
(x) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
Total so far: 65

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
() Mortal Kombat
() Wolf Creek
() Kingdom of Heaven
() The Hills Have Eyes
() I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
() The Last House on the Left
(x) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 69

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 75

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
(x) Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2
(x) Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal

Final total: 85


Next victims:

Contagion of Miasmatic Review
That 1 Guy of Drunken Wisdom
_Jon of We Swear
Physics Geek
Shaun & Joey of Cheap Shot Entertainment (they're young, but they're both film students - I expect a good score).
Sarah of That's Not Very Nice!

By the way, if any of the above actually do this, please drop a link in the comments to this post. I'm old, and I don't get around my blogroll like I used to. Gosh durn lumbago, ya know.

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Posted by Harvey on January 27, 2008 at 09:46 AM | Permalink | 27 Comments | About Me | Trackback

January 26, 2008

JUST IN CASE YOU NEED IT

A little help for the over-hormoned teenage boys.

If you're ever refer to someone's mother as a MILF, and she overhears you and asks what a MILF is, tell her it stands for "Mom I'd Like as a Friend"

She'll probably say "Awwww... that's so sweet!" and give you a cookie.

Try not to stare at her cleavage when you take it.

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Posted by Harvey on January 26, 2008 at 04:57 PM | Permalink | 2 Comments | Good Advice | Trackback

January 24, 2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Beloved Wife TNT turned 40 today.

Still hotter than any two 20-year-olds.

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Posted by Harvey on January 24, 2008 at 07:51 PM | Permalink | 9 Comments | Love Notes | Trackback

January 23, 2008

BECAUSE IT'S JUST SO WRONG

Rated R for brief nudity and adult themes.


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Posted by Harvey on January 23, 2008 at 05:03 AM | Permalink | 0 Comments | Other People's Funny | Trackback

January 20, 2008

REALLY, I'M OK

With the Packers loss.

Realistically, they played about as well as they usually do, it's just that the Giants defense played better than the Packers defense.

They got behind our screen passes and blew them up.

Short passes, where our receivers can usually run for 5 yards after the catch, there was always a Giant right in the receiver's grill.

The Packers played the kind of football that got them to the playoffs, the Giants were prepared for that, and they execute consummately. They deserved to win.

Of course, in two weeks, those filthy sodomite troll-humping shit-hound Patriots will end up kicking a last-second field goal to win by 3 points like they always do, so I hope Eli & company enjoy their victory while it lasts.

Meanwhile I'm looking forward to a 2008 season where pretty much the same Packer team will have a similar run, but with a happier ending.

Hopefully including a victory at Texas Stadium, which is pretty much the only damn thing missing from Favre's resume.

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Posted by Harvey on January 20, 2008 at 11:09 PM | Permalink | 7 Comments | Trackback

January 19, 2008

THE OTHER REAL MEANING OF CHRISTMAS

As explained by blogson Shaun of Cheap Shot Entertainment:

it isn't that people avoid giving gifts year-round because they're waiting for Christmas to do it, it's that if it weren't for Christmas, most people wouldn't even give gifts once a year.

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Posted by Harvey on January 19, 2008 at 12:54 PM | Permalink | 2 Comments | Trackback

January 16, 2008

APPARENTLY SOME FOLKS CONSIDER DR. SEUSS "LONG-WINDED"

As illustrated in this Sheldon Comic strip.

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Posted by Harvey on January 16, 2008 at 08:51 PM | Permalink | 9 Comments | Other People's Funny | Trackback

THE MIRACLE OF THE BEAN

I'm dedicating this Sinfest comic to Blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World.

I know it applies to a lot of people, but in her case, more so ;-)

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Posted by Harvey on January 16, 2008 at 05:09 AM | Permalink | 6 Comments | Other People's Funny | Trackback

January 15, 2008

IT'S LIKE SCOTT ADAMS CAN PEER DIRECTLY INTO MY SOUL

He made this observation:

[I] wonder if other people get an actual physical pleasure from doing work, at least the kind where you accomplish something, no matter how unimportant. My guess is that people who work long hours get a sort of charge every time they complete a discrete task.

[snip]

I think the pleasure of completed work is what makes blogging so popular. You have to believe most bloggers have few if any actual readers. The writers are in it for other reasons. Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn. All you get is the pleasure of a completed task.

Every day at my job (which I enjoy, except for the insanely long hours), I face a long series of discrete tasks that have definite ending points. As such, I get the satisfaction of completion literally hundreds of times a day. There are very few events that are open-ended or that carry over to the next work day. When I leave work, I can leave it behind without guilt or remorse.

As for blogging, well, it pretty much goes without saying.

So yeah, I'm a "discrete task lover".

And that's not TNT's nickname for me, either.

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Posted by Harvey on January 15, 2008 at 08:32 PM | Permalink | 6 Comments | Trackback

January 12, 2008

IT'S A BOY!

Putting a pause in the waterfall of estrogen pouring out of blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World's corner of the Bad Example Family, she's graced us with a bouncing baby blogson:

Musings from the Smartest Man in the World

Who, for the sake of brevity, I will start calling "Chief", as he's a fellow Navy man, and rightfully proud of his rank.

Hey, it was either that or "MSMW", which is way to close to the vile epithet "MSM".

Let's peer into the bassinet, shall we?


Traditional sucky first post - Totally. It's the long-winded version of "Look! I've got a blog!". You can always count on Navy guys to respect tradition (although I *still* wonder whatever happened to rum rations and gold hoop earrings).

A short bio - Good introduction. Chief, I recommend linking this prominently in the sidebar with the words "About Me" so that future visitors can get a feeling for who you are and why you write what you write.

Speaking of your sidebar, I'd also suggest putting up an e-mail address in the sidebar so that people can say howdy and/or discuss things in private. If you want a dedicated blogging e-mail addy, just let me know and I can send you a Gmail invite.

Ok, this guy's a freak - A Navy man who doesn't drink? If he's also Irish, then Satan is strapping on his ice skates.

He thinks being part of the Bad Example Family is cool because it brings traffic. Wait until he discovers the dark side... MUAHAHAHAHA!

Little boys, big balls - that's what *I* would've titled this one.

Already embedding YouTube videos - Ya know, back when I was a little Blogsprout, we didn't HAVE fancy YouTube videos! When we were desperate for filler content, we had to blog about our cats! And by gum, that's the way we LIKED it!

Rain - turns out it's like Kryptonite for Californians.

Blood boiler - I thought the headline he quoted from the Seattle Times was his sarcastic condensation of the opinion piece that it was topping. Turns out he quoted it verbatim. Color me nauseous.

Unintentional blood boiler - a basketball game where they don't keep score? That's what pre-game warm-ups are for.

One more suggestion for the sidebar - a "Cast of Characters" list, e.g.:

Number 1 (wife)
The Story Teller (older[?] son)
Mini Me (younger[?] son)

For the benefit of new readers.


Anyway, Chief, you can pick up a Bad Example Family logo from this post, and you may, if you wish, blogroll the rest of the Bad Example Family using the handy blogrolling javascript, although neither is a requirement.

Membership in the Bad Example Clan is also an option, if you're so inclined to jump through the requisite hoops, but is not mandatory.

Meanwhile you can look forward - with either anticipation or dread - to occasional visits and comments from me.

Welcome home.

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Posted by Harvey on January 12, 2008 at 01:15 PM | Permalink | 10 Comments | Bad Example Family | Trackback

YAY! AN AWARD!

bloggerwithintegrity banner.jpg

Bloggreatgranddaughter Tink of Tink's Tribulations gave me a "Bloggers With Integrity" award:

For Staying True To Their Beliefs
Bad Example. In the two plus years that I have been blogging, I can honestly say that I know what to expect when I visit granddad Harv's blog. He has never waivered in his beliefs. Thanks Harv.

Now, I wasn't the only awardee on the list, which makes me happy, because - as we all know - one important Bad Example Family Value is:

* A belief that new bloggers should be supported and encouraged.

And when it comes right down to it, we're ALL new bloggers at heart.

I'm proud to see Tink putting some shine on the family honor.

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Posted by Harvey on January 12, 2008 at 11:56 AM | Permalink | 1 Comments | Bad Example Family | Trackback

GIFTHORSE DENTISTY

Something I wrote at IMAO wound up getting linked on the sidebar of Ann Coulter's web site (January 9).

[140k screenshot for posterity]

Color me bemused. I can't imagine how she found it. Although she probably has interns to comb the web for sidebar fluff, so I doubt it's actually personally approved.

Still, I'm a little embarrassed by this link. When I wrote that piece, I didn't END it so much as... just quit writing... because I was tired from my day job. I told myself comforting procrastinators mottos like "It won't get posted for a couple days [IMAO has a scheduled-post feature that actually works, unlike the still-broken one here], so I can put a little polish on it tomorrow", and "it doesn't really matter if it's good or not, the audience is forgiving of the occasional near-miss".

Then it winds up with a celebrity endorsement.

It's like dashing out to the grocery store in your sweats & bad-hair-day hair, and being accosted by a CNN reporter and her camera crew.

On the bright side, it turns out that Ann Coulter doesn't have anywhere NEAR the site traffic that you'd suspect a crudely-entertaining, political bomb-throwing polemicist like her would have, so it wasn't as humiliating as, say, being Instalanched would've been.

Small favors. I'm grateful for them.

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Posted by Harvey on January 12, 2008 at 11:28 AM | Permalink | 3 Comments | About Me | Trackback

January 09, 2008

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Something my blogless brother Roy passed along

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

For those who are wondering, I don't eat a lot of sandwiches.

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Posted by Harvey on January 9, 2008 at 03:32 AM | Permalink | 14 Comments | MTFE | Trackback

January 06, 2008

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(Introduction)

[new bill - not previously posted]

(click to enlarge)
george beard glasses.jpg
[(glasses & beard on Washington)]

And in 2016, John Larroquette succeeded Fred Thompson to become America's third actor-turned-President.

[Hat tip: Susie of Practical Penumbra]

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Posted by Harvey on January 6, 2008 at 08:40 PM | Permalink | 5 Comments | Graffiti Currency | Trackback

January 01, 2008

ROUGH WEEK

In accordance with Harvey's Law, I'm posting again after saying I wouldn't post jack anymore.

Just gotta vent a bit.

The week in Jamaica was awesome and the 7 days of drunken nudity really hit the spot.

However, when I returned to work on Wednesday morning after getting home at 10:30 Tuesday night, I discovered that my lazy/incompentent coworkers had decided that keeping the computer system updated on the vault's cash transaction was "optional" because they were "busy".

And they hadn't balanced the vault once during my absence (supposed to be every day).

Starting Wednesday, and including Saturday, I put in 60 hours over 4 days unfucking everything that got fucked up while I was on vacation.

When I left, the vault was a well-oiled machine. When I got back, it was Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang.

BEFORE Caractacus Potts started working on it.

After Monday (another 15 hour day), everything was unfucked.

Of course, due to the holiday, we've got to cram 5 days worth of work in to 4 days. I expect it's gonna be another busy week.

However, after the 7th, there aren't any more bank holidays until Memorial Day, so I may actually get to work normal human hours at some point.

Wish me luck.

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Posted by Harvey on January 1, 2008 at 10:06 PM | Permalink | 18 Comments | About Me | Trackback

NEW YEAR, NEW DIRECTION

After over 4 years of blogging at Bad Money & Bad Example, it looks like I'll be doing things very differently after January 1st.

Now, I'm not pulling some kind of Rachel Lucas, claiming that I'll be checking out of the blogosphere, but recent changes in my life situation require that I set some priorities and make some choices. Not necessarily easy ones, but ones that I feel will be best for me in the long run.

Couple things driving this, and stemming mainly from a very relaxing vacation where I took some time to think thinks over in a setting where I wasn't beset by pressures & deadlines.

First, my day job - which I really do enjoy - is asking for about 60 hours a week on the clock, plus 7-8 hours of non-quality windshield time. There's just not much left over.

So what to do with it...

In my years of blogging, I've tried a lot of different projects - King of the Blogs blog reviews, running the Alliance of Free Blogs, Graffiti Currency, Love Notes, Precision Guided Humor, Filthy Lies, smutty innunendo, raising blogkids, hosting comment parties, and assorted knick-knackery. I've learned and grown from all of it. It's had an inestimable effect on the person I've become, and I don't regret any of it.

Perhaps the biggest event/process was becoming a paid contributor to IMAO, after starting off as a lowly fan-boi with no sense of humor and a lot of admiration for the comedy stylings of Frank J.

When I started blogging, I had no idea that I could actually write humor pieces. I think there was always a bit of fantasy that I could parlay my blog into some sort of paid daily column, but it was kind of iffy, at best. However, these days, I find myself more or less doing just that. I write 5 days a week at IMAO, usually original satirical political pieces, and I find myself thoroughly enjoying the constant reader feedback. Its very emotionally satisfying. More so, even, than my day job.

Looking toward the future, I don't want to be doing my day job in 10 years, but I wouldn't mind writing for IMAO, or some other paid, published vehicle. Unfortunately, any efforts that I put into regularly posting at Bad Example will inevitably interfere with that.

So it looks as though something has to give, and it will be my posting here.

There will be no more daily features at Bad Example.

Posting here will not cease, but it will become an afterthought, receiving only those entries which niggle at my brain too much to be silent about, but which don't fit the mold at IMAO.

In short, Bad Example will become, essentially, a blog about nothing, lacking theme, substance, and goal.

Not shut down so much as not maintained.

I will be focussing what little time & energy I have to spare at IMAO, where I expect to continue posting five days a week.

I have to say that dedicating my life to writing political satire (or at least cruel, derisive, anti-leftist polemics), isn't necessarily my primary career choice. Frankly, politics and current events can be a bore. However, I find that I do enjoy the raw challenge of taking a news story and twisting it in my head until it yields up a humorous angle. It's not always easy, but the mental gymnastics required DO pay off with a certain amount of psychic satisfaction that is both rare and precious. It would be nice to dedicate my writing talents to building up and supporting causes which are good, but there's also value in mocking, belittling, and knocking away the smug, self-satisfied importance of ideas which, I believe, would do this nation great damage if they were to be given general credence. For example, it'd be nice to propose a practical, free-market based health care system, but it's also good to mock a government-run system by pointing out that it would have the customer-service anti-mentality of the US Post Office combined with the soulless inefficiency of the DMV. There's all kinds of fun to be had in stomping the cockroaches of leftist dogma.

Still, I can't help thinking of what I'll lose with this decision. There will be little to no time for surfing my blogroll (not that there HAS been for the last few months), and there will be the inevitable drifting apart from the friends I've made in the on-line world over the last few years. I won't be able to keep up with everyone's blogs, and I fear that we'll wind up as strangers or mere passing acquaintances. The potential for loss tears at me, despite the fact that I recognize it as an inevitable price.

Yet I know that I'll still be able to keep in touch, here and there, and I take strong comfort in the knowledge that my blogkids have all turned out well, and become strong, talented bloggers in their own rights. I must trust them to raise and guide their own blogchildren and bloggrandchildren to the best of their ability. The apron strings have long frayed away and I can look out with pride to see the bloggers they've become.

On the bright side, I know I will still be able to enjoy the physical company of those bloggers in my local sphere. The Illinois-Wisconsin border will continue to be a gathering place for good times, great minds and wonderful company. I hope that it will become more so with each passing year.

So for now, it's less posting here, more at IMAO, and as for the future, we'll just have to see where it takes us. Wherever it leads, I can only hope that it will be as much fun as as the past.

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Posted by Harvey on January 1, 2008 at 05:12 PM | Permalink | 15 Comments | About Me | Trackback

BAD EXAMPLE'S DAILY LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Every tick of the clock marks another second in my heaven of being with you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

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Posted by Harvey on January 1, 2008 at 04:58 PM | Permalink | 0 Comments | Bad Example's Daily Love Notes | Trackback