WHY DIDN'T YOU SEE IT COMING?

Seriously, I've had enough of this line of talk from Charles Krauthammer and his addlepated ilk:

The other culprits are pretty obvious. It starts with BP, which seems not only to have had an amazing string of perfect-storm engineering lapses but no contingencies to deal with a catastrophic system failure.(emphasis mine)

I used to work in the engineering spaces of a nuclear-reactor-powered aircraft carrier. I'll understate things and say that I dealt with dozens of very complex, inter-related mechanical systems.

They trained us well how to operate these systems, and they also drilled into our heads what to do in case of an emergency.

Or, more specifically, what to do in the event of broadly-categorized general types of emergencies.

For example - flooding (always a big concern when you're on a vessel whose bouyancy depends on keeping the seawater in the sea).

The official procedure was "find the hole, and cram shit into the hole until the water stops coming in".

You can ignore the quote marks in the previous sentence, since that's not verbatim, but honestly, the written procedure was no more detailed than that.

Because it COULDN'T be. You could never know beforehand where the hole would be, how big it would be, or what you would have available to cram into it.

When you deal with a complex mechanical system, there is simply no way of predicting how it will fail when it finally does. Speaking from experience, nothing delights one of these aforementioned systems more than going kerblooey in a new and exciting way that you couldn't have seen coming, even if you spent all your time inspecting the system instead of operating it.

In short, BP's oil rig failed (as all complex mechanical systems do) in a surprising way, the specifics of which could not have been predicted. They could only be dealt with in the aftermath. Criticizing BP for lacking omniscience is a fool's pastime.

In justice, if Krauthammer ever fails to get his car started because he forgot to turn off his headlights a few hours earlier, someone needs to shove a microphone in his face and demand to know why he doesn't carry a spare battery in his trunk.

How dare he not be prepared.

NOBODY CARES IF YOU FORGET THEIR NAME

Ok, watching late night TV, there's an Axe Shower Gel commercial, which basically consists of one hot chick introducing you to 4 other hot chicks. At the end of the commercial, one of the hot chicks is making eye contact, smiling, and obviously being interested in you. Then the screen flashes the words "What was her name again?".

My answer?

It doesn't matter.

Because at that point, I'd simply say, "I'm sorry, what was your name again?"

In all my years of meeting people, I've used this line dozens - possibly hundreds - of times, and you know what?

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN UPSET THAT I'VE ASKED FOR THEIR NAME.

Ever.

No one's ever rolled their eyes and snarled, "What the hell's the matter with you? Can't you remember my name? What? You think you're so much better than me that my name's not important?"

Never.

Here's the deal - we all been victimized by quickie introductions, and we've ALL forgotten names three seconds after we've been introduced. Even when it's one-on-one.

We've all been there. We all know what it's like. And we're all VERY understanding about it.

So if you EVER forget someone's name, just admit it and ask again. They won't get mad. They'll be understanding, and they'll tell you.

Now, if you DO want to piss someone off, then GUESS at their name - and get it wrong. You'll become persona non grata in a heartbeat.

Screw Axe.

Just ask.

By the way, has anyone here EVER gotten pissed that someone asked you your name? I know *I* never have. I'm too busy being flattered that someone cares enough to ask.

NO, NO, NO!

Look, I've been hearing these well-meaning ideas about throwing crap like straw into the ocean to mop up the oil spill, but honestly, that's just dumb.

Anything you throw in would have to be scooped out again and transported somewhere. Lots of mess and expense involved.

Back in my Navy days, I was introduced to a piece of equipment called a centrifugal oil separator. We used it to keep water out of the lubricating oil systems of our heavy machinery.

Here's how it works: oil & water get pumped in, it spins the mix around. The water, being heavier, gets spun to the outside of the bowl where it's pumped off. The oil gets sucked out of the middle & pumped somewhere else.

They worked great.

So all you need is a hose floating on the ocean surface to suck up the oil & water, spin it around, then pump the water back overboard. Don't have to transport anything except the oil.

Simple.

NON-VIOLENT PROTEST

The New York Post says that they're planning to open a mosque at Ground Zero on 9/11/11.

Plans are under way for a Muslim house of worship, topped by a 13-story cultural center with a swimming pool, in a building damaged by the fuselage of a jet flown by extremists into the World Trade Center.

The opening date shall live in infamy: Sept. 11, 2011. The 10th anniversary of the day a hole was punched in the city's heart.

How the devil did this happen?

Plans to bring what one critic calls a "monster mosque" to the site of the old Burlington Coat Factory building, at a cost expected to top $100 million, moved along for months without a peep.

Hopefully there'll be enough outcry to prevent this blasphemy from coming to fruition, but should this atrocity go through as planned, here's my suggestion:

Attend the dedication ceremony on 9/11/11, and throw a paper airplane at the mosque.

THE MAN THAT WROTE THIS IS AN IDIOT

From the principal of an elementary school in Ann Arbor that recently had a blacks-only field trip to meet a black rocket scientist:

""The intent of our field trip was not to segregate or exclude students as has been reported, but rather to address the societal issues, roadblocks and challenges that our African American children will face as they pursue a successful academic education here in our community."

No, what happened was that you taught the white kids that a black man should not be their hero, a black man should not be their role model, they should not look up to a black man, and the accomplishments of a black man are completely irrelevant to them - not because they're not accomplishments - but because the man is black.

What a bumbling, racist moron.

OBAMA AS HOLLYWOOD

I was email chatting with a friend, and the question came up: "how would a Hollywood-imagined president confront some of the challenges facing President Obama?"

Well, Hollywood answered that question in the Clinton fantasy "The American President" in 1995 (which I had the misfortune of seeing). Thinking about that maudlin, ham-fisted pile of crap, I mulled it over a bit, and came up with this maudlin, ham-fisted pile of crap:

"Denzel Washington would play America's first black President. He would be shown as a true patriot (scenes of him quoting the Constitution & Declaration from memory to justify his policies as he talks about fulfilling the dreams of Washington, Lincoln, & Kennedy).

But he's beset at every turn by fat, white, balding radio talk show hosts, cable news personalities, and racist Tea Party activists that compare him to Hitler. Congressional Republicans refuse to pass the legislation this country needs to rescue it from a financial crisis. When Denzel confronts the legislators, they make dismissive, vaguely racist remarks about him not understanding his position in the political scheme of things.

When it looks like his country-rescuing legislation is doomed to be defeated, we have a pivotal scene of Denzel looking in on his innocent, sleeping daughters. He MUST get his legislation passed... FOR THE CHILDREN! By any means necessary!

He recruits a down on his luck, former-Republican lobbyist of sleazy reputation who's seeking redemption, (played by Viggo Mortensen). Together they dig up dirt on every Republican Congressman who's opposing the bill.

At the climax of the film, Denzel calls a meeting with the Republican opposition. He proceeds to read the documentation Viggo's obtained, threatening to expose the assembled group if they don't vote for his bill.

Next scene, the Republicans, looking guilty and defeated, pass the legislation unanimously. The movie ends with a beautiful sunlit scene of Denzel signing the bill into law in the Rose Garden, as the assembled masses cheer.

Happy music plays, Denzel embraces his wife and daughters... fade to black... roll credits."