OBAMA VS MEDVEDEV

Let's see, Russia's First Lady has a simple, tasteful outfit with a quiet accessory to add a splash of color.

Our First Lady looks like a bad wedding cake.

Oh, and would somebody PLEASE buy Michelle a WonderBra? The girls are looking a little neglected in that top.

Although I suppose I should give her partial credit for not going with the boob belt this time.

NO, AL, YOU'RE JUST AN IDIOT

Al Gore:

These reports are deeply disturbing:

"When the operators of Southern Seaplane in Belle Chasse, La., called the local Coast Guard-Federal Aviation Administration command center for permission to fly over restricted airspace in Gulf of Mexico, they made what they thought was a simple and routine request."

"A pilot wanted to take a photographer from The Times-Picayune of New Orleans to snap photographs of the oil slicks blackening the water. The response from a BP contractor who answered the phone late last month at the command center was swift and absolute: Permission denied."

This behavior is completely unacceptable. Access by reporters should be as unfettered as possible. This de facto form of censorship needs to stop.

Here's the deal, Al. It's BP's mess and it's BP's responsibility to clean it up. If they don't want just any random yahoo to frolic around in it, I got no problem with that.

Also, if that plane crashes in the middle of the spill, someone would have to go into the middle of the spill to rescue his dumb ass. BP's got more important things to do than pull some moron out of the shit.

D-Day +66

[Originally posted 2004 as part of the MilBlogs And Friends Special Edition of the Sixtieth Anniversary of D-Day. Please click the link to see the excellent work done by the other participants]

(click to enlarge)

When over 100,000 men hit the beaches of France 65 years ago, they were well-prepared. They had training, they had practice, they had equipment, and they had their mission.

They also had the right attitude. They were landing on these beaches, not to catch a bare toe-hold in the sand, but to begin a push that wouldn't end until they marched down the streets of Berlin and looked Hitler right in the eye.

But if they saw him, they wouldn't see Hitler as we see him today - a legendary figure of personified evil and a demi-god of power and malice.

Not hardly.

To the troops coming off the boat, he was nothing but a spastic, greasy-haired, one-balled, lunatic Austrian paper-hanger with a bad moustache.

Because back during the early 40's, Americans didn't fear their enemies. They made fun of them.

Why?

Dictators HATE being made fun of. Hitler even made it a crime to tell anti-Nazi jokes. So if you were caught saying something like:

Hitler and his chauffeur are whizzing along a country road when a pig rushes out and is hit by their car. Spotting a nearby farm house, the chauffeur is sent up to inform the occupants of the demise of their animal. He returns with an armload of food and wine. Hitler is amazed.

"Why did they give you that?"

"I do not know. All I did was knock on the door and say I am Hitler's chauffeur and I killed the pig."

or

Hitler asked his astrologer on what day he would die.

"On a Jewish holiday," the astrologer replied.

"But which holiday?"

"Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday."

or

There are two kinds of Aryans: non-Aryans and barb-Aryans

or

A fatally wounded German soldier asked his chaplain to grant one final wish. "Place a picture of Hitler on one side of me, and a picture of Goering on the other side. That way I can die like Jesus, between two thieves."

or

Goebbels was touring German schools. At one, he asked the students to call out patriotic slogans.

"Heil Hitler," shouted one child.

"Very good," said Goebbels.

"Deutschland Uber alles," another called out.

"Excellent. How about a stronger slogan?"

A hand shot up, and Goebbels nodded.

"Our people shall live forever," the little boy said.

"Wonderful," exclaimed Goebbels. "What is your name, young man?"

"Israel Goldberg."

or

"What is the difference between an Nazi and a dog? A Nazi lifts his arm."

or

A German father instructing his son on how to say grace.

"From now on you must thank God and Hitler when you pray," says dad.

"But what happens if Hitler dies?" the boy asks.

"Then you just thank God."

The consequences would be dire.

But in America, it was an industry.

Warner Brothers studios put out several classics cartoons mocking this failed house-painter and part-time goose-stepper, including: Herr Meets Hare, The Ducktators, Daffy - The Commando, and Scrap Happy Daffy.

Disney got into the act with Der Fuehrer's Face and Education for Death.

Popeye took a whack with Seein' Red, White & Blue and Spinach Fer Britain.

And did you think that Dr. Seuss just wrote quaint little children's books? You might be surprised to learn that he did a large number of political cartoons during the war. Like the one at the top of this entry.

Here are some more of my favorites. I like them because they show Hitler as a weak, sweaty, nothing of a man.

And let's not forget about Jack Benny in "To Be Or Not To Be".

Or Charlie Chaplin in "The Great Dictator".

And if you're in a singin' mood, there's always Spike Jones' rendition of "Der Fuehrer's Face" (full mp3 available free here).

Now, I'm not saying that a few cartoons and a sprightly war ditty made all the difference on the beaches of Normandy, but I would feel safe in saying that when you've been mocking that "paper hanging son-of-a-bitch" instead of fearing him, it makes finally taking that piss in the Rhine river all the sweeter.

Of course, things are a little different today. The major Hollywood studios don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, so they're out of the precision guided humor business.

Fortunately for us, however, there are those who have not forgotten the lesson, and spare no effort in reminding the public that even though we may have to fight our enemies seriously, we don't have to waste time taking them seriously.

I TOLD YOU SO

F My Life is one of my "guilty pleasure" web sites. The premise is that people briefly tell what tragedy has befallen them that day, and readers get all judgemental by voting either "I agree, your life sucks" or "you totally deserved it".

This one caught my attention:

Today, after over a year of intense diet and exercise, I finally lost 30 lbs and got into a size 0. When I was hanging out with my friends I told them the good news. The girls all congratulated me. One guy said, "You looked way hotter 30 lbs ago." The other 15 guys all agreed. FML

Reactions are running about 3 to 1 for "you totally deserved it".

I've been saying for years that women look better with curves.

NOW do you believe me?