December 01, 2006
Bears-Packers Rivalry Now Classified As "Civil War"
(cross-posted from IMAO)
In a major decision by NBC, the long-standing rivalry between the Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears will now be referred to as a "Civil War".
In a morning press conference today, Matt Lauer, co-anchor of NBC's "Today" show explained, "after careful consideration, NBC News has decided a change in terminology is warranted, that the situation in NFC North Division with armed militarized factions fighting for their own political agendas can now be characterized as civil war."
Lauer was quick to dismiss criticism of the decision.
"While some may not agree with our new terminology, I'd like to point out several salient facts:
"First, Brett Favre has frequently been referred to as a 'gunslinger' with a 'rocket arm' that has launched thousands of murderous, high-speed footballs that have killed millions, or at least broken Donald Driver's finger once."
"Second, Bears coach Lovie Smith [no relation to Mrs. Thurston Howell III - ed.] has declared repeatedly that his goal is to build a team that can defeat the Packers. Now THAT'S an agenda!"
When asked about whether either team was technically "militarized", Lauer countered with incontrovertible evidence.
"What? Are you blind? They wear UNIFORMS! And talk about well-armed! Everywhere you go: Cheeseheads! Cheeseheads! Cheeseheads!... They may not look very formidable, but those things have corners... pointy corners..."
Murderous Cheesehead extremist prepares for battle in NFC North Civil War.
Meanwhile, other news organizations have been swept up in the re-classification mania and will henceforth refer to the following as Civil Wars:
* Arguing over how to split the check during a "girl's night out".
* Squirmy toddler diaper-changing.
* Any Dick Cheney hunting trip.
ROFLMAO. Well at least they are two worthy opponents... They could have done something like declare the Civil War was with the Oakland Raiders. (considering the amount of effort the MSM puts into researching would be pretty appropriate) Now that would have been one the make the libs heads explode... way too lopsided. *grin*
Dude, the pointy cheese heads are foam... FOAM! How dangerous can that be?
Contagion - Don't make me break out the comfy chair and SHOW you!
Does this mean my house is a hazard due to the sheer amount of foam cheese items hanging on the walls?
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