Terrorist Threat From Radical Atheist!

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Deb Schlussel says that, as an atheist, I'm very likely to be seduced by radical Islam.

Which I thought was just the dumbest thing I'd ever heard.

But then I realized how right she was.

You see, although I've called myself an atheist for years, I'm always been a Christian Atheist, because it was the God of the Holy Bible that I didn't believe in. I mean, sure, I scoffed at other popular deities, too, but it was really reading the Bible that convinced me that believing in God was as silly as believing that Criss Angel doesn't use camera tricks and audience shills during his Mind Freak specials.

But recently all that changed. I started reading the Koran. I mean REALLY studying it and thinking it over.

And I've come to the conclusion that it's Allah and not Jehovah that's the most hysterically unlikely anthropomorphic personification of infinite power that's ever been fictionalized between the covers of an overlong holy book.

That's right. I've converted.

I'm an Islamic Atheist now.

And since the ideas put forth in the most blood-soaked, kill-'em-all passages were the least believable parts of the completely deranged waste of paper that IS the Koran, I had no choice but to become a Radical Jihad-Lovin' Islamic Atheist. There's simply nothing that I don't believe in more.

And so now five times every day, I don't face Mecca and don't bow down while I'm not saying the prayers that will cleanse my non-existent soul, as I don't purify my thoughts for the moment when I don't martyr myself in Allah's imaginary name while not killing infidels so that I may not be immediately swept into a mythical paradise to enjoy the spuriously sweet temptations of the 72 virgins who don't eagerly await me.

And thus it is for the completely made up glory of Allah The Not-Really-There, that I have not strapped on this explosive vest filled with C4 ball bearings and will now not blow up this blog and all its readers.

If you don't believe me - and you shouldn't - then believe your own lying eyes as you gaze in horror at this "genuine live web cam" image of the bomb I'm not wearing!

Prepare to meet your makers!

... by which, of course, I mean "your parents".

Next time you see them, tell 'em Harv says "Hi!"

And that Deb Schlussel doesn't know sh*t about atheists.