August 03, 2007
Sending 19,000 Additional UN Troops to Dafur "Best Idea Ever"
(cross-posted from IMAO)
NEW YORK (AP) - In a stroke of strategic brilliance, the UN has authorized the deployment of 19,000 new peacekeeping troops to the troubled Darfur region of Western Sudan, nearly quadrupling the current multinational force of 7,000 already on station.
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"The decision to send additional armed forces into a war-torn area" said UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, "is a move that's utterly unprecedented in the history of modern warfare. Only a sophisticated military genius such as myself could have thought of it."
French UN Ambassador Jean-Marc de la Sablière hailed it as "the best idea ever for putting a stop to civil unrest", saying that "it's too bad nobody else ever considered a similar option, because - even though I'm not a gambling man - I'd gladly bet my bloated government stipend that this decision is a sure winner."
Britain's Ambassador, Sir Emyr Jones Parry, was in complete awe of the plan. "it's almost as though the troops will be 'surging' into the area," noted Parry enthusiastically, "shooting the bad guys and protecting the innocent. You'd have to be either ignorant, dishonest, or some sort of subversive traitor to pretend this isn't the intelligent way to go."
Although completely unconnected to the decision, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi called a press conference to lavish praise on this startlingly original plan.
"I'm not usually in favor of anything even remotely war-like," said Pelosi," but... DAMN!... how can you NOT love this? Freakin' BRILLIANT!"
"It's a crying shame," she concluded glumly, "that none of America's war strategists were imaginative enough to dream up something like this. We could've actually had a shot at winning this war. Pity our only way out now is to cut our losses, slink home, and lick our wounds."
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