August 22, 2007
JOHN EDWARDS FABULOUS FACTS
(a weekly round-up of the daily posts from IMAO)
John Edwards doesn't play jumprope, since there's no rope thin enough for him to jump over without tripping.
John Edwards is actually a lesbian trapped in a lesbian's body.
Halloween was invented by John Edwards so that he wouldn't ALWAYS have to wear something over his fairy princess costume.
Sequined fur coat, candelabra, Liberace CD's blaring - just another football Sunday at John Edwards's house.
John Edwards just can't stop thinking about what it'd be like to lick the sweat off of Bruce Willis's head.
John Edwards was once possessed by a demon and kept uncontrollably vomiting unicorns & rainbows.
John Edwards SWEARS that there's no such thing as a "twist-off" bottlecap.
There isn't a hooker in the world who wouldn't sell her soul to have John Edwards's perfect, round little ass.
Bonus Fact: Estimated street value of John Edwards's perfect, round little ass: $10,000.
Bonus Bonus Fact: 10 cartons of cigarettes in Attica.
BONUS FACTS:
From Lethbridge & Stewart:
John Edwards sulked in a darkened room for three days when he heard Reese Witherspoon was the new face of Avon.
From Jim:
It takes John Edwards three times as long to shave as the average man. This isn't because his beard is heavier but because he has to also "hit the pits" and those areas around the knees and ankles can be so gosh darn tricky.
From Silicon Valley Jim:
John Edwards believes that there are two Americas: one where there are Islamofascists, Dick Cheney, and George W. Bush, and another one populated by fluffy bunnies, cuddly kittens, and darling lambs.
John Edwards sued his high school because he wasn't permitted to perform "The Good Ship Lollipop" in the annual talent show, although really he was just pissed that he wouldn't be able to wear his Shirley Temple costume.
"John Edwards just can't stop thinking about what it'd be like to lick the sweat off of Bruce Willis's head."
Great, there is a visual I didn't need.
Blech
E-Mail Me (Harvey)
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://blog2.mu.nu/cgi/trackback.cgi/222481