July 18, 2010

HOW TO KILL A SKUNK

Straight White Eric has a skunk problem, and I gave him some mis-remembered advice in the comments.

Fortunately, I had a chance to talk with my eldest brother about his skunk-killin' technique on Saturday, and I'd like to offer some REAL advice on ridding yourself of these white-striped interlopers.

The normal solution is to pop a cap in their skull, but the problem is that they may evacuate their scent glands in a death reflex. If you're a good enough shot to sever the spine, no problem. But here's an alternative that doesn't rely on marksmanship.

Items required:

* Skunk-sized live-trap
* Cat food
* Sheet you don't care about
* Metal garden rake

Directions:

Bait the live trap with cat food, since Warner Brothers was evidently right about skunks having identity issues.

When the skunk is trapped, walk up to it, holding the sheet up in front of you so he can't see you coming (skunks are rather dim this way).

Drop the sheet over the trap.

Using the rake, pick up the trap and carry it to an area where it will sit in direct sunlight all day.

Using the rake, remove the sheet.

After several hours in the sun, the skunk - being a predominantly black animal - will absorb the sun's rays and soon die of heat exhaustion.

Remove the dead skunk, put it on the trunk of your car.

Drive down a quiet country road until the skunk slides off your car onto the pavement.

It is now technically "roadkill", and the county (or scavenging birds) will take care of it.

Blogless Brother Dave reports great success with this technique, but offers no guarantees that it will work in any particular situation. Use at your own risk, and keep plenty of tomato juice handy in the event of errors during implementation of this plan.

posted by Harvey on July 18, 2010 at 10:00 PM | Permalink | 0 Liars | TrackBack | Good Advice
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