ON WEALTH

Blogson Peter of Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack has some good advice on creating wealth.

I'll add a little to that.

Pay yourself first - cash your paycheck, put away 10% for saving/investing. Use another 10% to pay down whatever outstanding debts you have, and do whatever it takes to live off the other 80%.

What to invest in? Well, personally, I think civilization will continue for a while, so I like stocks. Which are kinda pricey. So, put the money in a savings account until you have enough to invest. I recommend a stock index mutual fund. You'll never BEAT the stock market average return, but you'll never come in under it, either.

If you're less optimistic about the future of civilization, then invest in inflation-proof assets. I'm partial to the advice from the book "The Alpha Strategy". His two most important things:

Education - learn how to grow stuff, make stuff, and fix stuff. Your best investment is a marketable skill. Secondarily, hit a book sale and find some guides on carpentry, home repair, gardening, hunting and camping. At the very least, get a Boy Scount Manual. Keep 'em handy just in case.

Tools - good, solid, reliable hand-tools. And not just the electric ones.

As for Pete's advice about buying gold & silver, it's sensible, but I'll add this: don't bother with fancy collectable coins or bullion bars. Go to a pawn shop & get rings, chains, and beat-up coins with no collectable premium. They're smaller, and easier to sell, trade or barter if the need arises.

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NOTE TO SELF: LEAVE THE FANNY PACK AT HOME

Remind me never to travel to England.

Or if I do, not to open my mouth.

Just read this at FML:

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina."

Huh. News to me. A little Googling, and:

Does anyone know what fanny means in Britain?

UK, Australia, NZ. Fanny = pussy
Silly yanks, fanny = bum
Also used to clean up certain swear words.
Scottish slang insult. Close meanings include: stupid, idiot etc.

A female English Victorian name.

Vagina - named after early 18th century English erotic novel 'Fanny Hill'. Later became slang for the posterior in the USA.

Thing is, I always wear a fanny pack on vacation.

Guess I'd have to remember to call it my "ass bag" to avoid embarrassment.

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HOW TO KILL A SKUNK

Straight White Eric has a skunk problem, and I gave him some mis-remembered advice in the comments.

Fortunately, I had a chance to talk with my eldest brother about his skunk-killin' technique on Saturday, and I'd like to offer some REAL advice on ridding yourself of these white-striped interlopers.

The normal solution is to pop a cap in their skull, but the problem is that they may evacuate their scent glands in a death reflex. If you're a good enough shot to sever the spine, no problem. But here's an alternative that doesn't rely on marksmanship.

Items required:

* Skunk-sized live-trap
* Cat food
* Sheet you don't care about
* Metal garden rake

Directions:

Bait the live trap with cat food, since Warner Brothers was evidently right about skunks having identity issues.

When the skunk is trapped, walk up to it, holding the sheet up in front of you so he can't see you coming (skunks are rather dim this way).

Drop the sheet over the trap.

Using the rake, pick up the trap and carry it to an area where it will sit in direct sunlight all day.

Using the rake, remove the sheet.

After several hours in the sun, the skunk - being a predominantly black animal - will absorb the sun's rays and soon die of heat exhaustion.

Remove the dead skunk, put it on the trunk of your car.

Drive down a quiet country road until the skunk slides off your car onto the pavement.

It is now technically "roadkill", and the county (or scavenging birds) will take care of it.

Blogless Brother Dave reports great success with this technique, but offers no guarantees that it will work in any particular situation. Use at your own risk, and keep plenty of tomato juice handy in the event of errors during implementation of this plan.

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NOBODY CARES IF YOU FORGET THEIR NAME

Ok, watching late night TV, there's an Axe Shower Gel commercial, which basically consists of one hot chick introducing you to 4 other hot chicks. At the end of the commercial, one of the hot chicks is making eye contact, smiling, and obviously being interested in you. Then the screen flashes the words "What was her name again?".

My answer?

It doesn't matter.

Because at that point, I'd simply say, "I'm sorry, what was your name again?"

In all my years of meeting people, I've used this line dozens - possibly hundreds - of times, and you know what?

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN UPSET THAT I'VE ASKED FOR THEIR NAME.

Ever.

No one's ever rolled their eyes and snarled, "What the hell's the matter with you? Can't you remember my name? What? You think you're so much better than me that my name's not important?"

Never.

Here's the deal - we all been victimized by quickie introductions, and we've ALL forgotten names three seconds after we've been introduced. Even when it's one-on-one.

We've all been there. We all know what it's like. And we're all VERY understanding about it.

So if you EVER forget someone's name, just admit it and ask again. They won't get mad. They'll be understanding, and they'll tell you.

Now, if you DO want to piss someone off, then GUESS at their name - and get it wrong. You'll become persona non grata in a heartbeat.

Screw Axe.

Just ask.

By the way, has anyone here EVER gotten pissed that someone asked you your name? I know *I* never have. I'm too busy being flattered that someone cares enough to ask.

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HOW TO BOYCOTT THE MSM

A guy emailed into the Fred Thompson Show his idea for punishing the MSM for being so biased:

"NBC, MSNBC, ABC, and the other mainstream media continues to attack the Tea Parties. But it is our money buying the products advertised on those stations that allow them to attack us. Can you please explain that if we all collectively stop buying the products on those stations, that their advertisers will send a tingle up their legs faster than we can do that. If they stop their propaganda, then it will be harder for them to win in November. We are only funding the hate speech against ourselves. The Founders had to risk death. We only have to risk buying our second and third choice products."

Fred basically patted him on the head and said "That's nice, you go ahead & do that. Just remember to vote in November, because that's a lot more effective".

Which is true.

Unless you do the boycott right.

Gerard of American Digest wrote the seminal work on the topic about 5 years ago. Short version: boycott, yes, but more importantly, make sure you write to the advertisers you're boycotting so they know why their sales are down so they will stop advertising with your target.

There's three things I want to add to this: who, how, and what next.

Who - the smaller advertisers: Huge companies get mountains of hate mail every day. 5 or 10 more is just going to be a snowflake in the daily avalanche. For a smaller company, those 5 or 10 make a mountain out of their molehill. It will get their attention, and may motivate a change in behavior.

How - be firm but nice: The theme for your letter should be sadness, regret, and disappointment, not anger. Cursing, TYPING IN ALL CAPS, and name-calling will get you dismissed as a crank. Try this:

Dear Company,

I've used [Product] for a long time, and it's one of my favorite things. Sadly, though, I can no longer use it. I've noticed you advertise on [Offensive News Media Program]. That show is so biased and offensive to me that I can no longer in good conscience support a company that supports them with their advertising dollars. From now on I will be using [Competing Product]. It's not as good as [Product], but it'll have to do for now.

Please consider discontinuing your advertising on [Offensive News Media Program] so that I can switch back.

The important thing is to keep it brief and to the point. Keep your complaint about the Offensive News Media Program to a single sentence. If you rant and vent for paragraphs, you will get dismissed as a crank.

What next - spread the word: let your circle of politically-active friends know who you've targeted and why. Invite them to join in. Invite them to suggest other targets. Drop a line to your local Tea Party chapter, if you have one. And remind everyone to keep the program positive, along the lines of "We love you, [Product-maker], please give us a reason to start giving you our money again!".

Now go get 'em.

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HANDY TIP

Ladies, THIS is how to buy flowers for a man:

The Bacon Bouquet

[from This Is Why You're Fat]

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SECRET TO HAPPINESS? THINK OF 12 REASONS TO BE MISERABLE

Something useful from the Boston Globe:

Students asked to come up with a longer list of reasons they would fail reported feeling more confident than those asked for a shorter list. Indeed, they reported feeling as confident as the students who had been asked to come up with the short list of ways to succeed - by the authors’ calculation, thinking of 12 ways to fail had the same effect as thinking of three ways to succeed.

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HOW TO STOP PROCRASTINATING EVENTUALLY

Bloggreatgranddaughter Sticks of From Chaos To Serendipity is having some issues with procrastination, and is asking for advice.

Here are three tricks that I use that sometimes help:

1) Procrastinate in place - have the thing you're supposed to do in front of you, then screw off. For example, if you're supposed to write a blog post, but you'd rather read a book, sit in front of the computer, open your browser to your Blogger editing page, then sit & read your book. That way if your better nature kicks in, you can just jump right onto your task.

2) "Just for 5 minutes" - Get a kitchen timer. Set it for 5 minutes. Work on your "supposed to" project for 5 minutes. When the timer goes off, quit.

Although the idea is to get you going, don't be afraid to actually quit after 5 minutes sometimes so that your brain doesn't get that idea that this is just a trick to make you do what you're supposed to.

3) The "what's stopping me?" list - Write on a sheet of paper "What's stopping me for doing [my project] right now?", then list the reasons/excuses you're using for avoiding the work. Sometimes seeing your problems in writing makes it easier to figure out how to solve them. The added bonus is that you still get to procrastinate, because you're not actually working on the project by doing this, even though it may lead to productive activity ;-)

If you've got any other tips, please drop them in the comments.

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HOW TO FIND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR WHILE SEARCHING ON GOOGLE OR BING

This Bing search [screenshot] showed up in my referer log (sans quotes):

"i just want to see ballet vids if u mind as i am not so interested in hollywood stuff"

And it made me sad, because someone came to Bad Example looking for information and didn't find it.

Judging from the spelling & grammar, this person is a teenager going to a public school, so it also makes me sad that kids are not being taught the important life skill of successfully using a search engine.

So, I'll try to fill the gap:

1) Write out a sentence describing what you're looking for - which my Bing-baby did just fine.

2) The fewer words you use, the better your search will work. So eliminate every word from your search except the nouns. A noun is word that names a person, a place, or a thing, as this video explains:

[YouTube direct link]

3) Look at your search results. If there's a particular word that keeps showing up, but it's not what you're looking for, add it to your search with a minus sign (-) in front of it.

So, with the above example, it would be:

1) i just want to see ballet vids if u mind as i am not so interested in hollywood stuff

2) ballet vids

3) ballet vids -hollywood

An addendum on part 2 - when you search, you should use the words that the people who would provide that content would use. In this case, people who make ballet vids are snooty and formal, so they would actually refer to them as "videos".

Hope this helps.

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COOL CANS

Physics Geek links a video that demonstrates how you can quickly cool a can of carbonated beverage by using a can of expensive compressed air that you should really save for cleaning your computer. You'll also need to drill a hole in a tupperware container, use up some electrical tape, and I hope you have a pair of gloves handy.

Feh.

This is a lot cheaper & requires fewer tools. Forgot where I found it, but I've tested it successfully:

Big mixing bowl, enough water to cover the can, lots of ice, lots of ordinary table salt.

Combine & stir for 2 minutes.

Heat transfer rate is greatly increased by increasing the relative velocity of the cooling medium.

By the way, you might want to wait 20 seconds before opening the can.

Why 20 seconds? Because that's all the longer it takes for a can of soda to settle, no matter how vigorously you shake it. I've tested this one, too. (Credit: Penn & Teller's "How to Play in Traffic").

Please note that the 20 second rule does NOT apply to bottled soda.

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THE 18-INCH RULE

Blogdaughter Teresa had an issue with misplacing a SD memory card. I don't know if this advice applies in this case, since she found it under some paper, but the 18-inch rule is still a handy tool, so I thought I'd share this (NOTE - I didn't invent this, it's just something I stumbled across while wandering the mysterious backwaters of the internet many years ago).

Since your arms are about 18 inches long, a misplaced item will usually be within 18 inches of where you are when you notice it's missing.

Unless you're the type of person who will get up and walk around your house, hiding things from yourself.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm not here to judge your choice of lifestyle.

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FASTER SERVICE AT THE BANK

If you're going through your bank's drive-through, which lane should you pull into?

Based on observing customer behavior, I suspect most people think the answer is "whichever lane is closest to the building", because I see people going 3 or 4 deep in that first lane when the rest are empty.

But here's the truth. Tellers do not process transactions in order of your proximity to the building. Nor do they process them in the order you pull up.

They process transactions in the order that they arrive at their workstation.

Unless your transaction is too big (or too heavy with coin) to fit into that plastic tube, ALWAYS pick an open lane, even if it's the one that's farthest from the building, then send your transaction in as soon as you can. If you get yours in before someone who pulled in at the same time in a different lane, you win.

Just a little time-saving tip. Use it as you will.

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SCOTT ADAMS 9 POINT WEALTH PLAN

I'm posting this here so that I can find it whenever I need it:

Do these in this order

1. Make a will.

2. Pay off your credit cards.

3. Get term life insurance if you have a family to support.

4. Fund your 401(k) to the maximum.

5. Fund your IRA to the maximum.

6. Buy a house if you want to live in a house and can afford it.

7. Put six months' worth of expenses in a money market account.

8. Take whatever money is left over and invest 70% in a stock index fund and 30% in a bond fund through any discount broker, and never touch it until retirement.

9. If any of this confuses you, or if you have something special going on (retirement, college planning, tax issues), hire a fee-based financial planner.

The only modification I'd make to this is to suggest that the bond investments be on sort of a sliding scale proportional to your age. The bonds are there as a hedge against downturns in the stock market. The closer you get to retirement, the more you need that, because you have less time left to ride out rough patches. If you're in your 20's, there's nothing wrong with going 100% stocks. By the time you hit your 40's, though, you should definitely start putting some bonds in the mix.

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FLASH!

Blogdaughter Teresa of Technicalities points out that there's a gaping security hole in my Adobe Flash player.

Since I use Flash all the time for everything from fun little online timewaster games to random video clips, I figured I should get this fixed.

Seriously, I don't have time to deal with a virus.

If you don't either, click the link, and thank Teresa.

Oh, and be sure to patch ALL your browsers on ALL your computers.

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JUST IN CASE YOU NEED IT

A little help for the over-hormoned teenage boys.

If you're ever refer to someone's mother as a MILF, and she overhears you and asks what a MILF is, tell her it stands for "Mom I'd Like as a Friend"

She'll probably say "Awwww... that's so sweet!" and give you a cookie.

Try not to stare at her cleavage when you take it.

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PRICEY, BUT COMPLETELY WORTH IT

If you like dark chocolate, you need to try Bellagio Sipping Chocolate.

I bought it for TNT, but then I started putting a little in my coffee, and now I can't stop.

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THE ONE TIME THE PHRASE "FOR THE CHILDREN" DOESN'T MAKE ME VOMIT

From Rachel of Pereiraville:

Please go visit my ten-year-old brother’s month-old blog and my almost eleven-year-old step-daughter’s often abandoned blog. Please. Don’t just click over there, leave them a comment or two. And maybe consider checking in on them once in a while. Don’t tell them, but blogging is a great way to get them to practice their writing skills. And how great is it for them to have random strangers offering them feedback and encouragement?

Now I support children improving their writing skills, so I'm going to encourage you to go to Rachel's post and click the kids' links from there.

I'm not including the links here, because I don't want them following their refers back here.

Bad Example is NOT an appropriate place for pre-teens.

Nevertheless, I *do* want to look at Cal's Sept. 5th post, "Blah Blah Stuff", where we find the question, "Why in school they teach us all this boring stuff that you downright don't need[?]"

Well, here's the short answer:

Truth is, after you graduate, you will forget 90% of the stuff you learn in school, and it will not hurt you at all.

However, 10% of the stuff you learn will be vital to your ability to live and thrive as a successful, independent adult.

The trouble is, until you actually graduate and choose a career, it's IMPOSSIBLE to know which 10% is the stuff you'll need and which is just useless garbage.

Therefore, unless you learn it ALL, you run the risk of losing out BIG TIME in the future.

To use a video game analogy: the first time you play a game, you don't know what items or power ups you'll need to defeat the final level, so you grab everything you can when you have the chance, lest you end up without what you need at a critical moment.

Education is exactly the same.

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A SPRING CLEANING FOR YOUR CONSCIENCE

I did not write this.

This is something I found while I was poking around in the deepest, darkest depths of my hard drive. Sadly, I neglected to note the source.

Anyway, it's good stuff.

Figured I'd share

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*** THE TOP 10 STEPS TO GUILT-FREE LIVING ***
----------------------------------------------------

Too many people live in a state of constant guilt. They feel guilty if they spend a cent on themselves. They feel guilty if they are not constantly at the beck and call of someone else. They feel guilty if anything goes wrong in the life of any of their loved ones, because, somehow, they should have prevented it. Sometimes it seems as though they feel guilt just because they exist! Others feel guilty because their behavior and their values are frequently at odds. Here are some reassurances and ways to plan ahead so as to not feel guilty.

1. If you don't want others to know about something you are about to do, then that is a signal that you are ashamed of it. Solution - don't do it.

2. Understand that you are as worthy of care and attention as anyone else, and it is not wrong to nurture yourself. Whether it is taking time for yourself, spending money on yourself, or eating good chocolate as you take a bubble bath, you are entitled, and you do not need to feel guilty. The edict from the Bible says "Love your neighbor AS yourself, not MORE THAN yourself."

3. Examine your motives. Why are you contemplating a particular action? If you will eventually need to explain to anyone else why you did it, will you be willing to be honest about it? If not - don't do it.

4. Set your own values according to what you believe. When we are very young and do not know right from wrong we need to learn values from someone. As we grow older, we need to develop our own values, according to our beliefs. It may be that those values will be the same as the ones were given when young. Or not. What is important is that we have examined them, and made our own choices.

5. Identify and dismiss your judges. Most people who suffer from unnecessary guilt do so because there is a little judge sitting (metaphorically) on their shoulders. It may be the voice of an angry parent, a judgmental teacher, a mocking older sister, or someone else who judged you when you were young and not old enough to have developed your own values and conscience. Understand that you are now old enough to make your own decisions, to decide on your own values. When your behavior is based on your own decisions and you hear the judge whispering guilt into your ear, smile, turn your head, whisper "Goodbye," and gently blow the judge off your shoulder. This ritual will help you to become aware that the judge's values are not necessarily your values.

6. Understand that you have done the best you could with the tools that you thought you had. You could do no more. If you now realize that it was not enough, reach out to get some more tools, tools to help you become more of who you really want to be, to help you do what is right. The only way to make right the past is to make right the future.

7. Integrate yourself, do not live different lives, or be different people, in different settings. A person who is one person at work and lives according to completely different values at home, or who splits life up in other ways, lives in fear of being found out and cannot always live according to his/her true values. We need to find our own deep foundation, and use this to support all aspects of our lives.

8. Imagine that the entire world hangs in the balance between good and evil, and that your action will swing the balance in one direction or the other.

9. If you are still in doubt, talk with someone you trust, NOT with someone who will advise you to do what they think you want to do.

10. Ask yourself if this is the behavior you would want your grandchildren to know you by. If you still have any doubts about whether or not it is right to do something, ask yourself this question. The answer will be your guide.

---

If anyone knows where this came from, drop a comment.

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OK, SO NOW YOU KNOW HOW NOT TO KISS *HER*

Kevin of Wizbang points to a post by Cassy of Cassy Fiano who complains that men don't know how to kiss and she lists several osculatory annoyances.

The problem I have with the list, though, is that I'm horrified at the thought of someone reading it and then crossing all those techniques off their list for the rest of their lives, never to try them again because they're "bad".

Apparently Cassy thinks they're bad. And some of her friends agree. But I can guarantee you that there ARE other women out there who find excessive saliva and intrusive tongue action to be pleasureable.

Fact is, one person's "EWWW!" is another person's "OHHH!". There aren't any universals, just individual preferences, and making assumptions based on one woman's opinions just might wind up costing you.

My point is that if you're not sure how your partner likes to be kissed, just ask. If she's not comfortable talking about it, ask her to SHOW you how she likes to be kissed. You might be surprised to find her doing something from the "forbidden" list.

Or maybe not.

Just be aware that it's better to get advice on intimate topics from your partner than from some stranger on the internet.

Which, I suppose, would technically include THIS post, but I'm not a stranger, I'm a friend. Just trust me on this one. Try talking. Communication is sexy.

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A HEALTHY ATTITUDE ABOUT BODY IMAGE

Note to the ladies - talk like this is sexy. You know why? Because taking a strong woman to bed feels like conquering Mt. Everest.

I like women who make me believe that they KNOW that they are a prize worth having.

[Hat tip to Beth of She Who Will Be Obeyed for the video]

P.S. Here's an interview with Joy Nash in Skorch magazine (April 2007, page 66).

P.P.S. Not to be confused with the romance novel author or the basketball player Joy Nash.

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ON PODCASTING

Because I did some podcasting for IMAO, and because blogdaughter Michele of Letters From New York City suggested it in the post where I mentioned the upcoming PodCamp Conference in NYC (April 6th & 7th, 2007, and there's still time to register), I'm going to share what I learned from the my podcasting experience - which was mostly how to do it on the cheap.

When the IMAO crew first brought up the idea of doing a podcast, I was totally against it. Figured that if I'd wanted to do voice work, I'd have gotten a job at a radio station. I mean, while it's true that I have a face for radio, I also have a voice for mime. Nevertheless, I took the plunge to be a team player.

The first step, of course (aside from reluctant acquiescence), was getting some recording equipment.

I started with a cheap microphone. Not the bottom of the line $10 model, the nearly-bottom $20 model.

I used this for most of the early podcasts, but around August of 2005, I splurged on a fancy $60 mike and a $150 amp on the advice of the podcast's then-producer, Scott McCollum, who wanted to standardize the quality of the recordings. You can probably tell the difference if you compare the earlier and later podcasts, but if podcasting is only a hobby for you, then a $20 mic is fine.

However, after I got my $20 mike, I realized that I also needed two pieces of equipment that I didn't have - a pop filter and a microphone stand.

Well, they didn't sell pop filters locally, I didn't want to wait to have one shipped, and I didn't want to spend the time to make one of the fancy home-made ones. Even the ultra-half-assed method of slipping old nylons over a bent coathanger was beyond my means, as my wife didn't have any old nylons kicking around.

So, working on the theory that what I *really* needed was just some porous material between my lips and the microphone, I took a sheet of mesh foam-grip drawer-liner and wrapped it around the head of the microphone.

As for the microphone stand, well, I figured all I needed to do was get the thing off my desk and near my face. So I put the mike in a glass cup (heavy enough so that it wouldn't tip over), and set the cup on a cigar box. Here's what it looked like:

Crude, yet effective. But mostly crude.

For recording software, I used WavePad - it's free and relatively intuitive.

Then there was my "recording studio".

You can't just talk in a room, you need something to deaden sound & minimize echoes and ambient noises. My chosen something was to put a sheet over my head and the computer monitor:

Sheet over computer monitor (left) and computer chair (right). Recording artist not included. Some assembly required.

Which does the job ok, although it does get a little warm under there, and the light's not very good. The main side effect of this method is that it makes you do several takes, aiming for one good read, because you don't want to spend MORE time under the sheet editing your recording and it's a pain to keep setting up & taking down the sheet.

Once the talky bits are recorded, it's time for some simple post-production work with WavePad:

1) Apply the noise reduction function - get rid of most of the pops, paper-shuffling, and chair-squeaks. Makes the rest of the clean up easier.

2) Amplify - With my computer system, I found it helpful to double the volume so that I could hear everything clearly without cranking up my speakers.

3) Frequency adjustments - using the Equalizer, lower the highs and boost the lows a bit, so that it doesn't sound so tinny.

3) Cut! Cut! Cut! - Carve it down to one good, clean take - mostly snipping out throat-clearings, dead air, and bad takes.

And then the nightmare begins:

Mixing in music.

First, trying to find royalty-free music on the web is like trying to find REAL information on discount mortgages - a LOT of fruitless searching through deceptive, search-engine-optimized web sites. Ditto for sound effects. It was even worse for me, since I'm not musically inclined enough to write my own tunes, and all the free music-generating software I found had miserably steep learning curves. Sure, those programs are versatile, but I'm stupid and impatient. Plus none of them seemed to come with electric guitar samples - which is what I was mainly looking for - although you can bass, drum, and piano to your heart's content.

In the end, I wound up finding some guitar chord samples and I put them together using some chording instructions for basic blues riffs. Not pretty, but it gave me 8 seconds of music that I could loop for background. You'll hear it in the last few podcasts behind my reading of the Fun Facts.

Blending music and speech is fairly simple with WavePad - just copy, set the volume to mix at, and paste - but getting the music to stop and start at precisely the right points is tedious and time-consuming. Putting together a three-minute Fun Facts segment (actually two 90-second ones) took about two hours from the time I started printing out my scripts to the time the last finishing touch was in place. Very nearly the same amount of time it took me to write the Fun Facts in the first place. Which somehow made it seem not worth the bother, because I didn't think the background music & occasional sound effects improved the piece all that much over the plain written version.

Once that was done, I was done. I just mailed it off to the podcast's producer/sound-engineer, and prayed for no last-minute re-writes.

So that's my experience with podcasting. It was a huge bother and I didn't much enjoy it.

However...

Going through the process, with all the script-writing, Skype-chatting, and e-mailing back & forth with other participants in the various IMAO podcast sketches DID help cement friendships with the rest of the IMAO crew.

And THAT made it all worthwhile.

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IF YOU HAVE KIDS, *THIS* IS THE MOVIE REVIEW SITE YOU NEED

How many times have you taken your kids to a "kids" movie - maybe something from Disney that you figured HAD to be safe - only to discover that it was peppered with inappropriate violence, sexual innuendo, and toilet humor?

Well, via bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks (via Dad of Raising4boys.com), I've discovered Kids-In-Mind: Movie Ratings That Actually Work.

They break a movie down completely and specifically mention every single scene that you might have to explain to or discuss with your kids.

This does not mean that they're passing judgment or saying these movies are bad, they're just saying that forewarned is forearmed. If you read these reviews, you WILL know exactly what you're getting into if you take your kids to see a particular movie.

They also list possible topics for discussion, and the movie's overall message.

And they are THOROUGH. Here's a review for the G-rated movie, Charlotte's Web:

Dakota Fanning stars as a young girl that saves a little pig from being killed and cares for it, and they become friends. The pig also befriends a spider named Charlotte that none of the other barn animals can tolerate, and their friendship causes a chain of events that eventually has an effect on the lives of everyone. Also with Julia Roberts, Oprah Winfrey, Dominic Scott Kay and John Cleese. Directed by Gary Winick. [1:37]

SEX/NUDITY 1 - A boy and a girl look at each other and smile in a few scenes, and then run off holding hands in another scene.

VIOLENCE/GORE 2 - A man picks up a piglet, and then a heavy axe, and walks out of a stall where is confronted by his daughter who protests the fact that he is going to kill the piglet (the man relents).
* A girl punches a boy in the arm. A girl tackles her younger brother who was trying to kill a spider (the boy had trapped the spider in a jar).
* A rat is chased by two crows who squawk and dive toward it: one pokes it with its beak, and the other rolls it in an empty can, but the crows crash into a refrigerator and fall in a pan of wet paint.
* A pig slams its head into a fence plank three times, until the plank falls off and the pig runs out of the yard. A rat with a yo-yo string around its neck is pulled back and onto its back when a sheep steps on the string. A goose slaps another goose on the head with its wing.
* Spiders break out of their egg sack, shoot a strand of webbing into the air and sail away in the wind. A rat pulls a spider egg sack and drops it off a ledge to the hay-covered floor where it is picked up in a pig's mouth.
* A horse faints and lands hard on the ground, and a pig faints and lands hard on the ground.
* A goose egg rolls down a rat tunnel, lands on the rat and breaks open covering the rat with goo that apparently smells really bad (the animals in the bar react to the smell). A rat falls into a tattered stove in a garbage dump.
* Two crows are frightened by a scarecrow in a field. A man drops a cleaver that nearly strikes a rat on the ground.
* A piglet squeals and thrashes while in a school desk and the girl who put it there gets in trouble. Animals call a spider many insulting names (creepy, disgusting, hideous). A pig is told that he will be killed and smoked for Christmas dinner.
* A man pours slop (gooey brown mush) into a trough in several scenes, for a pig to eat, which it does and its face and front hooves are covered with the goo; a rat also wallows in it and eats the slop.
* A cow flatulates in a couple of scenes, at one time blowing in the direction of a rat that is consequently thrown off a fence. A rat burps loudly, and a cow drools.

PROFANITY 1 - 2 mild exclamations (bloody, ruddy), name-calling (stupid, hairball, creepy, disgusting, hideous).

SUBSTANCE USE - None.

DISCUSSION TOPICS - Pork, friendship, death of a loved one, kindness, patience, livestock farming, caring for others, beauty, extraordinary occurrences, thinking for yourself, being humble, the life of spiders, nocturnal creatures, childhood phases, miracles.

MESSAGE - Friendship can have an extraordinary impact on people. We are better listeners when we are children.

The only downside is that - because of their thoroughness - the site is chock full of spoilers. So you'll have to make your own decision as to whether ruining your sense of surprise is worth being prepared for your kids' inquiries.

If you have impressionable children, bookmark this site now.

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HOW TO PICK A CAT

Blogson Andrew of Custos Honor is considering getting a kitten, and is looking for advice on the selection process.

Well, there are plenty of sites that give advice on doing some quick physical checks, but I'm going to discuss personality.

I'm going to assume here that you want a cat for purposes of phyical interaction, and not one that'll just be a skittish blur that zips away from you at light speed whenever it sees you coming.

My personal preference is to get a cat from a shelter, since - after going through a few days/weeks of living in a smelly wire cage - they tend to really appreciate being given a real home. That, and it's usually cheaper.

The discussion below assumes a shelter setting, so adjust it accordingly if you go to a breeder, pet store, or private owner.

I'm also going to use the word "cat", since feline quality is not necessarily related to age. Sometimes good animals get put up for adoption through no fault of their own. Don't discount the possibility of finding a perfectly suited older animal.

1) Pick a cat that shows an interest in you - Stand in front of the cage and put your finger on the bars. Does the cat come up to you, sniff, rub, and continue to do so? This is a sign of a "people cat" - one that finds humans more interesting than their food bowl. That's a GOOD thing.

2) Dangle a bit of string - Does the cat pounce & play? If so, you'll never be bored again. Another good sign. Cats that ignore string are a drag and not worth having.

3) Pick the cat up and hold it supportively in your arms - It will either squirm and try to get away (some cats don't like being held), or it will be content to enjoy the view. If it snuggles in, lays in your arms like a lump, and starts purring, you probably have a keeper.

4) OPTIONAL - Hold the cat up near other cat cages. Some cats will hiss & spit, others will be indifferent to the presence of other cats. Having an asocial feline isn't a deal breaker, but it will make things a little rougher should you get an additional cat in the future. NOTE: This test is mandatory if you're planning to bring this critter home to a house that already has another cat in it.

That pretty much covers it from my end. Please feel free to leave further advice in the comments.

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HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT BY ASKING

Whenever you need to get something accomplished, and you're stuck dealing with a low-level flunky (no offense to the flunkies of the world), DON'T ask "How can I get this thing done/changed/removed/approved?". They will say "I don't know" and you will be screwed.

Ask instead: "Who do I need to talk to in order to get this thing done/changed/removed/approved?"

Someone, somewhere ALWAYS has the power to grant your wish. And, since you're letting the flunky shift responsibility for the decision away from themselves, the person you're talking to will ALWAYS happily point you to someone who is either authorized to grant your wish, or someone who has a better idea of who your wish-granter might be.

At some point in your journey, the person you're talking to will answer "I can help you with that".

Repeat as necessary until you get what you want.

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HOW NOT TO BE NOTICED BY SECURITY WHEN YOU GO THROUGH THE AIRPORT

Blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World posted the handiest links ever for infrequent fliers who are lost in a sea of confusion regarding the latest airline rules on what is and isn't allowed.

The Transportation Security Administration home page.

And the ever-changing list of what you can and can't bring.

You might want to bookmark these.

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WORD OF WARNING

I got bored.

So I went surfing via randomwwebsite.com

Which was boring.

Mostly corporate crap sites & 404 pages.

But eventually I found a moderately non-boring site, and an intriguing picture that could probably be titled "My First Teddy" (work safe, but hard to explain)

Advice to the young ladies:

Now matter HOW vehemently he promises that your intimate picture will NOT be posted on the internet - he's lying.

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IF YOU DIALED 911, COULD THEY FIND YOUR HOUSE?

As a worker in the food product delivery industry, my success depends heavily on being able to find the right street and the right house.

Streets are easy - I just look at a map and read the street sign.

The right house... that can get a little tricky. Sometimes I have to pass a house a couple times or even just *guess* if I can't see the house number.

Now, it's not a big deal if your pizza's two minutes later than it could've been.

But what if it's a cop or an ambulance that's trying to spot your domicile? Those two minutes might be a VERY big deal.

Do me a favor. Next time you come home at night, see if you can spot your house number, in the dark, while doing the speed limit on your road.

"But," you say, "that's not fair! If my house light were on, I'd be able to see my house number".

I giggle at that, because half the time, turning the porch light on actually makes it WORSE.

See, with most outside lights, when you turn them on, they'll cast cones of light to the sides, and cones of darkness to the top & bottom. And most outside lights are installed DIRECTLY ABOVE the house number, thus shrouding those numbers in shadow. Even worse, I can't see it even if I shine a flashlight on it, because my flashlight can't compete with the outside light.

Ok, so your house number's invisible. What should you do?

My suggestions, in order of preference:

1) If you have a mailbox by the side of the road, put large, reflective, stick-on numbers on BOTH sides of the box, so that they can easliy be seen by a car coming from EITHER direction.

If you have a flag on the side of your box, make sure it doesn't cover the numbers in either the up or down position.

DON'T put the numbers on the front of the box - by the time a driver sees it, he's already blown by your house & will have to turn around.

2) Put the numbers either just to the left, or just to the right of the door frame. This is the "standard" location for a house number.

3) Put the numbers IN the cone of light your porch light gives off. Be careful here, because if you use raised numbers, they can cast shadows that make them difficult to read.

So maybe now you're sitting there all smug because you have a house number next to your door frame.

Well, kudos to you, but during this happy, festive time of year, PLEASE make sure you don't accidentally cover it up with a wreath, or a raindeer, or a 6-foot inflatable snow globe. I see this (or DON'T see this, as the case may be) all too often. In fact, an errant wreath is what prompted this post.

In short, make sure that your house number is easy to spot under the worst of circumstances, because it may be under the worst of circumstances that you most need your house number to be spotted.

And your pizzas will get there hotter, too.

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HOW TO GET YOUR KID'S LETTER FROM SANTA ANSWERED

From the USPS web site:

---

There are simple steps for families to follow if they are interested in having a "response" from Santa postmarked from the North Pole.

Parents, families or friends helping a child write a letter to Santa should mention some of the child's requests and information in the letter from Santa. Adding a line or two about the child's accomplishments or successes this year is encouraged.

Once the response is written, place the letter in a stamped envelope addressed to the child. "North Pole, AK" should be the return address. Then place the envelope into a larger, properly stamped, First-Class Mail or Priority Mail envelope and mail to:

North Pole Christmas Cancellation
Postmaster
5400 Mail Trail
Fairbanks, AK 99709-9998

North Pole postmark requests must arrive in Fairbanks, AK, before Dec. 15. Parents should send letters by Priority Mail after that date.

---

Feel free to copy and re-distribute this post to help spread the word to those who might be interested.

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ON STORING CIGARS

Hapkido of Crunch Time e-mailed me to let me know that he actually found my blogging tips useful. And since I'm a sucker for flattery, I checked out his site.

32, Iowa, politically conservative, practices Hapkido, Italian, not in the witness protection program (or so he says).

Nice guy. Go check him out.

Meanwhile, I'd like to address a particular concern of his: storing cigars.

I love me a good cigar, usually about twice a week (unless I'm at a blogmeet, in which case I chain-smoke 'em like George Burns). Mostly I buy them in bulk from either JR Cigars or Cigars International, depending on which brand I'm in the mood for.

But that leaves the question of what to do with the rest of the box once they arrive. If you don't do something to maintain humidity, they'll dry out within a week, so leaving them as is isn't a good option.

Here are some better ones:

Humidor - you can buy all manner of fancy wooden boxes with humidification devices and maybe even a hygrometer, and you can spend anywhere from $20 to over $2000. I guess they work ok. I've never used one.

Tupperdor - About 8 years ago, I spent $2 on a 9x12x6 plastic tub with a lid. I then took a two-piece travel soap dish, drilled holes in the sides, glued the top to the lid of the box, put a damp rag in the bottom, closed it, and threw my cigars in there. Keeps my cigars just as fresh as the $2000 wooden model.

Baggiedor - Sometimes my cigar shopping exceeds my storage capacity, so I have to expand. Here's what I do. Take two ziploc baggies (I like the gallon size) throw your cigars in one of them. Seal it up. Put the cigar baggie inside the other baggie and seal that up. Assuming you bought the cigars in good condition, the double air-tight seal will keep them in good shape for about a month. If it's going to be longer than that, take a paper towel, fold it up small, get it wet, then squeeze it as dry as you can so that it's just damp and doesn't drip. Put your damp paper towel inside the outer baggie. Check it every few weeks. If it's still damp at all, you're fine.

As for WHAT to smoke, well, that's a personal choice. Hapkido is looking for recommendations on mild cigars. I prefer medium- to full-bodied ones, so I'm useless for advising him. Anyone else got any tips?

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ARE THOSE HUNDREDS REAL?

Blogson Mike the Marine of From The Halls To The Shores asked me to check out this burgeoning controversy at Hot Air about possible Hezbollah counterfeiting.

I've had 7 years of doing nothing but fondling currency all damn day as a bank teller, and I ran the vault for 4 of those years. Somewhere around $1 million a month passed through my hands.

And not just idly. I inspected those bills closely.

Not looking for counterfeits so much as looking for errors. They're worth a bit to collectors, and I've found and sold my share.

And yes, I've spotted a few counterfeits, too. Some good, some poor.

Anyway, my analysis.

Re: Hot Air & Sticky Notes - The placement of the treasury seal is under such loose tolerances so as to be practically random. As long as as it's not either so far off as to touch other design elements, the BEP (Bureau of Engraving & Printing) will usually let it slide. One extreme example of sloppiness that I found in circulation:

(click to enlarge)

Minor shifts mean nothing.

Also, why all this fuss about squinting at signatures? Try looking at the serial numbers. The first letter tells you which series they are. If it starts with "A", it's the 96 series. It's a "B" it's a 99 series, etc.

More on that at the US Paper Money Info site.

Anyway, by squinting at those horrible pictures, I think I see a "B", and I also think I see Lawrence Summers' dark little scrawl at the bottom, making it a series 99. Which, as you can see at the link, didn't even start get printed until October of 2000, and the last of them rolled off the presses in March of 2002

Which sounds old, and it's making people suspicious because it looks like new currency. But it's NOT suspicious. New currency doesn't just pour out into the streets the day after it comes off the presses. Mostly it sits in vaults at the Federal Reserve banks until they run short of circulated currency, at which point it's shipped to local banks. Local banks don't like handing out new currency either, because it sticks together - increasing the likelihood of counting errors. So it likewise sits in vaults until circulated currency runs short.

Also consider that these bills are part of large cash payments. People who handle these sorts of transactions don't handle individual bills. They count them once, put them back in their paper currency straps, and wait until they need to pay someone else a big pile of cash. The new recipients do the same. Again, this cash mostly sits for months or years until it's needed, unlike the cash in your wallet. Its crispness is not suspicious at all.

Re: Commoner Sense - That man is getting handed at most $2000. Trust me, I know how thick a stack of 100 new $100 bills is.

Re: Little Green Footballs - Those are photocopies for tracking serial numbers. There's no green in the Treasury seal or the "100" in the lower right corner, and this is a color photograph.

Re: Snapped Shot - The lack of a security strip is inconclusive. Here's the photo:

(click to enlarge)

Here's a comparison bill:

(click to enlarge)

Even with a large, clear scan, the strip is hard to spot unless you know it comes straight down through the "I" in America. The first picture isn't necessarily clear or well-lit enough to spot the strip.

About this: "Thomas and Marcie write via e-mail that, not only should a portion of the security strip be visible towards the top of the bill in Photo #9, but that in Photo #15, the green color is brighter than a bill would normally be at that angle. Furthermore, on the backs of the bills, the semi-circle appears too green."

The color of the green ink varies tremendously during a print run, from very dark green to medium green, depending on when the printer's rollers were last inked. This variation means NOTHING.

Re: More Snapped Shot - "another commenter has indicated that bills, when placed in stacks, should show some separation at the edges, as the currency is printed on more of a cloth material, than on thread. This is still under investigation."

A pack of spanking new bills nestles together seamlessly. They HAVE, after all, been pressed tightly together by high speed machinery during the packing process. It can - and does - still hang tight even after some handling, which is why tellers hate new currency.

---

So... what would convince ME that these bills are fake? Well, watermarks and even that security strip can be fudged with a little creative inking. The one thing you CAN'T fake is the color changing ink with which the bottom right "100" is printed. If you can hold that bill up and see the change from sparkly green to black as you tilt it back and forth, then it's real. 600 dpi color laser printers can do a fantastic job of making fake bills, but they can't duplicate the color-shift effect.

But without a video, I really can't tell.

So these bills MAY be fakes, but from what I've seen, ALL of the people saying so are using the wrong evidence to try to prove it.

If I'm missing any other evidence in need of debunking, let me know.

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THERE *IS* A SOLUTION

Pam of Pamibe is concerned that her daughter might find some nekkid pictures that are floating around her house, and worries that seeing her old man in the raw might scar her for life.

Yeah, that IS something to think about.

My suggestion is that - if you have nekkid photos - scan them, keep them on your computer, and burn the originals.

But what if your kids paw through your hard drive?

Just go into your anti-virus software folder, and create a new folder labelled "Virus Data File Quarantine". Keep the pictures there.

For added protection, name the pictures something like "Virus93876exe.jpg", just in case the kiddies do a hard drive search for "*.jpg".

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ON BABY NAMES

Bloggranddaughter Irish Pixie of Pixie Dust Productions is riding the pregnancy train. As a happily childless man, I should know better than to get involved in this discussion, but Pixie brought it on herself by mentioning:

Speaking of names. I like-

Boy- Aidan Connor
Girl- Dakota Rayne or Dakota Leigh

Your baby, your call, but I'd highly recommend avoiding names found at this site.

Here's where the 3-part alphabetical list can be found if you want to do a quick check of your choices.

Rules of thumb:

Boys - Use more consonants than vowels.
Girls - Don't name her after a state that's west of the Mississippi.

Check this site to find something slightly less hip & trendy.

Don't let your boy to be the 7th Aiden in his graduating class.

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WHATEVER THE OPPOSITE OF DILBERT IS

Paul of Snooze Button Dreams offers serious & practical advice regarding good (and bad) things to do at a business meeting to keep it from being a waste of your time.

If my job involved meetings, I would keep a copy of this in my wallet.

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DRIVE SAFELY

Bloggranddaughter Rave of Quid Nunc has a son with a fresh driver's license, and she's seeking advice from other moms on how to quell her rising tide of inner panic.

Well, I don't have any advice for her, but I *do* have some advice for the boy.

Since this advice is coming from a guy, he might even take it:

1) Always assume that every other driver you see hasn't noticed you, and is just about to do something incredibly dumb - probably right in front of you - and leave yourself enough room to avoid it.

In any traffic situation, there are 3 ways out: swerve left, swerve right, and stop. Make sure you have at least one available.

Always.

No exceptions.

2) Always wear your seatbelt. There's a reason that a racecar driver can smash his car in a 150mph fiery rollover and walk away without a scratch. Notice that they don't rely on airbags.

Please also notice that the steering column is aimed directly at your chest. If you have a head-on collision while unbuckled (I know YOU'D never cross the center line, but see #1 above), it will crush your heart between your sternum and your spine, and you will die.

3) If one or more of your friends is in the car and refuses to put on their seatbelt, tell them you aren't going anywhere until they buckle up. Just say that they're perfectly welcome to die in a car crash if they want, but not while riding in YOUR car, because you don't want to have to pay the increased insurance rates.

4) The preceding advice assumes that you want to live. If you don't, then please don't drive.

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HAVE YOU CHERISHED YOUR WIFE THIS WEEK?

In the comments to this post on relationships, Richmond of One For The Road made this suggestion:

a date -- a real honest-to-God date once in a while would be nice

Yes, but HOW once in a while? Once a week? Every other Wednesday? Any day that ends in a 0 or 5?

Guys can happily follow instructions, if they're SPECIFIC instructions.

Of course, once orders are issued, then the lady feels like her man's only doing it because he HAS to, and it spoils the effect.

I suppose fellas should just ask themselves "have I gone out of my way to make my wife feel especially loved in the last 7 days?"

If the answer is "no", get hopping.

And keep track of it on a secret calendar so that the wife doesn't find out that you have a schedule - which would destroy the illusion of sponteneity and undo all your hard work.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

From Robert Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love":

"Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as "empty," "meaningless," or "dishonest," and scorn to use them. No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into the machinery that does not work too well at best."

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USE YAHOO - BECOME WORM FOOD

Blogdaughter Michele of Letters From New York City asked me to spread the word:

---

Yamanner arrives in a Yahoo mailbox bearing the subject header "New Graphic Site." Once the message is opened, the computer becomes infected and the worm spreads itself to people on the Yahoo e-mail contact list. The harvested e-mail addresses are also sent to a remote online server, which Symantec suspects may use the information for spam campaigns.

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE VISIT CNET NEWS!

"Before opening your email program/client/browser to check your email PLZ update your anti-virus software so that you can catch this worm. Please note, If you're a yahoo messenger or music subscriber it's also attempting to come in through the launch applications in those programs. Luckily I always update my anti-virus before opening up application. Although I've got the Yahoo email beta the worm tried coming in through my Yahoo Music Launch program.

If you're viewing this please make sure you update your anti-virus before surfing any longer, because if you get it, you'll definitely pass it ON to everyone in your address list.

So be a good friend/neighbor and clean yourself up before visiting."

---

Be a late bird - don't get this worm.

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NICE TRY, VIRUS BOY

Got this e-mail today:

Dear Harvey:

Greetings.

In the interest of exploring employment with your Web blog as a freelance copyeditor/proofreader, I am enclosing my corrections to four passages within your Web blog for your consideration.

As you can tell from my résumé within my Web site, I have 20 years’ experience as a proofreader and 5 years’ experience as a freelance copyeditor. I have a firm grasp of the American Medical Association, Associated Press, Bluebook, Chicago, Government Printing Office and Word Into Type style manuals and I know how to follow in-house style manuals.

I am diligent, incessant and implacable in my attention to detail. I am relentless in my fact-checking methodology, be it using reference materials or be it online using LEXIS/NEXIS, WESTLAW or the Internet, to ensure accuracy. I am undaunted by deadlines or last-minute addenda.

As a copyeditor/proofreader, it is my job to strengthen the fabric of society, held together by a common language, by not having mistakes or inaccuracies distract the readers' attention from the message that is being presented.

In closing, please accept my very best wishes for your Web blog's continued success and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Ivan Santana

--
"Bringing grammatical order to the Internet."(TM)

Attached were four Word documents, each bearing the name of one of four recent blog post titles.

The itch of curiosity was MADDENING - what passages could I have possibly screwed up in my Simpsons Trivia post?

However, I know that Word docs are notorious virus vectors, so this e-mail just got marked as spam & tossed.

Two suspicious items in this e-mail: "As you can tell from my résumé within my Web site" - and he doesn't include a link or a URL in the body of the e-mail.

Also "Web blog"? Even fanatical purists who refuse to use the word "blog" know that the formal term is "web log".

Anyway, I'm just concerned that this loser might target the Family (& friends), so I thought I'd mention it.

... positively MADDENING, I tell you!

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PICKING THE RIGHT CHECKOUT LANE

Jim of Parkway Rest Stop had some issues with an old lady and her checkbook in the checkout line.

As always, the wisdom of the Simpsons prevails:

Apu: Mrs. Simpson, the express line is the fastest line not always. That old man up front, he is starved for attention. He will talk the cashier's head off.

Abe: Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three -- medium brown.

Apu: Let's go to... that line.

Marge: But that's the longest.

Apu: Yes, but look: all pathetic single men. Only cash, no chitchat.

On another note, I've found that - at least at my local Wal-Mart - the checkout lane closest to the exit is usually shortest.

Why?

Because the racks of impulse items obscure your vision so that you can't easily tell if anyone's in line in a given lane. So most people will get into a relatively short line near the side that's closest to the middle of the store, rather than walk past all the lanes to see if there's a shorter one, because if they're wrong, then they'll have to go back, by which time their semi-short line may be longer.

Anyway, that point aside, the most important thing to remember is to NOT get behind people with checkbooks, because none of them know how to fill out a check correctly, or with any due speed, and they probably left their ID at home.

The second most important thing: don't get in line behind people with purses, because they may contain checkbooks.

The third most important thing is - again - don't get in line behind people with purses, because they have loose change at the bottom, and EVERY woman will spend a couple minutes rooting around in her purse looking for the exact coins to pay her total to the penny. Because, you see, she doesn't want to "bother" the clerk by making her break a dollar, even though the clerk has an entire drawer FULL of change expressly for that purpose.

Meanwhile, guys just hand the clerk a $20 and stuff the cash in their pocket without counting it.

So get in the line with the most guys.

Unless they have purses.

UPDATE: If you're a woman to whom the above does NOT apply, please wear a sign that says "I know how to use a checkbook" so that I know that it's safe to stand behind you in the checkout lane.

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YOUR EMERGENCY KIT

YOUR EMERGENCY KIT

If you have to evacuate your house & not come back for a couple days, what should you take with you?

Kim Du Toit has an excellent pictoral essay (found via Physics Geek) which covers the basics.

I'm just going to list the text for the sake of having a handy printable checklist for quick reference. Packed in a large Hefty tub, he has:

---

-- four packets of pre-cooked shrink-wrapped ham- and turkey meals
-- coffee for The Mrs. and me, tea and drinking chocolate for the kids
-- powdered vegetable soup
-- pet food for the stupid dog (the cats get left behind with 14lbs. of dry cat food in a paper bag—they’ll get it out when they need it)
-- about a dozen Power Bars of various flavors
-- canned food of various types: chicken, tuna, pilchards, corned beef, sausages
-- canned milk
-- about 2lbs of jerky
-- peanut butter
-- sugar
-- salt, pepper and bouillon cubes
-- Kool-Aid.
-- water bottles with cooking/drinking cups
-- water purifying tablets
-- paper towels and wipes
-- emergency shortwave radio, with wind-up capability
-- small first-aid kit with bandages, sterile dressings, antiseptics and a suture kit
-- tin with analgesics and other medications, scissors, small knife, soap, mouthwash and toothbrushes
-- left out of the picture were a couple of open-carry holsters, because I forgot to put them in the pic (open-carry so that if the SHTF, we can be seen to be armed, if we want)
-- also not in the pic (because I forgot etc.) are six Sterno cans, and a small waterproof case containing matches, firestarters and a compass.
-- stakes for the tarpaulin (which is always in the Suburban)
-- 8-hour handwarmers, and thermal blankets for each family member
-- flashlights and a spare lantern battery
-- duct tape
-- a bush knife
-- walkie-talkies
-- a “bag o’ bags�: six 33gal. trash bags, and a few more Baggies
-- 100’ of nylon parachute cord
-- the NAA Mini and a bag of spare .22 ammo
-- mini-toolkit, with a Sharpie, folding saw, Swiss Army knife, Leatherman, tape and rubber bands.
***if you’re on medication, don’t forget to take that.

---

Modify to suit your own taste, but this should be enough to keep you going for 3 days in the event of a breakdown of civil order.

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THE HARD PART IS GETTING STARTED

Bloggranddaughter Rave of Quid Nunc is wondering how to start her exercise program so she can finish attaining her weight goal.

My suggestion - a two-minute workout.

Seriously.

Why?

Because:

1) It's not much, but it's still better than the nothing you're doing now.

2) "It's only 2 minutes" is a fairly convincing argument if you find yourself "not in the mood".

3) The hardest part of any exercise program is getting the habit. Once you have the habit, then it's easier to convince yourself to do more.

Doesn't matter what you do for those two minutes. Even walking in place. Just something vaguely exercise-related. You can fine-tune it later. The important thing is that your self-concept changes to "I'm a person who exercises".

Make that switch, and you win.

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HOW TO LAST LONGER DURING SEX

Serious advice, collected by Blogson Andrew of Custos Honor.

By the way, I know I can't stop you from watching the video he linked, but I nevertheless feel obligated to mention that it will be... unpleasant.

And if you're wondering who to have sex with in the first place, check his Relationship Quiz.

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IT'S JUST FUN TO WATCH THE BODIES PILE UP

Blogson GA Mongrel has declared his yellow-jacket death-trap a success:

I poked a mostly peeled apple four times with equal lengths of a bamboo skewer, effectively creating an apple quadruped. I then filled up a metal pie-plate with soapy water - watch the bubbles! - and stood the apple in the middle of the pie-plate [about 1/2 inch above the water].

Let's face it - yellow-jackets are evil and deserve to die screaming as they choke on soapy water.

Current body count: 20

Let's hope it climbs high & fast.

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HOW TO HAVE YOUR IDENTITY STOLEN

Simple.

If Chase sends you a credit card application, just tear it up and throw it away.

Because if someone tapes it back together and puts a new address on the form, Chase will let them activate it with a cell phone.

Or you can buy yourself a sub-$20 shredder, and mix the remains in with your wet kitchen garbage.

Your call.

[Hat tip: Musings from Brian J. Noggle]

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"MUST SEE" BLACK & WHITE MOVIES

Bloggranddaughter Carmen of I'll Do What I Wanna Do... Gosh! said this while answering her meme:

Well, I haven't really seen any black and whites - the few I have seen are all those corny old monster movies; which I don't enjoy.

Making me wonder... what ARE the "good" black & white movies?

Of the ones I've seen, a few stick out in my memory:

The General - Not only black & white, but silent, too. Buster Keaton does his own stunts - some of which are VERY impressive - and the story moves right along. If all silent movies were this good, talkies never would've taken off.

It Happened One Night - Yeah, it's terribly dated, but I like it for the snappy dialogue. They don't let actors talk that fast any more.

The Fountainhead - YAY! Capitalist propaganda! Favorite line? Probably:

Ellsworth Toohey: We're alone. Why don't you tell me what you think of me.
Howard Roark: But I don't think of you.

Cyrano de Bergerac (1950, w/Jose Ferrar) - Like an early version of The Princess Bride without the abject silliness. Sparkling dialogue, humor, romance, and swordplay.

Casablanca - Not because it's particularly good - it's cheesy, contrived, and drags a bit in places - but because it's one of those pop-culture references that's frequently alluded to. Just watch it once so that you REALLY get it when someone says "I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!"

I've also heard that the Hope/Crosby "Road" movies are good, but I can't seem to find them at the local video store.

Anyway, add your favorites in the comments, or just post them at your own place & send a trackback. Links to the relevant IMDB page would be helpful, too.

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DIGITAL CAMERAS

Blogson Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist laments:

I really need to invest in a good digital camera

Or maybe just get a half-good digital camera for $55 bucks?

Seriously, decent digitals are getting so cheap they're practically disposable. As long as it's over 1 Megapixel and has an LCD preview display, it's fine for casual photography.

Personally, I use a 1.3 Megapixel Canon A10 for all the photos I post on the web. They're all sharp & clear, even when I maximize them on my 21-inch monitor. If you're just looking to share photos, you don't need to spend much.

Of course, most stores don't carry much below a $100 digital camera with 2 more Megapixels than you really need, but that's what they make eBay for. Just look for a reputable brand name and a seller with decent feedback. You'll be taking pictures in no time.

Anyway, if anyone knows anywhere else to pick up a 1.3 Mpx camera for under $50, please pipe up. I'm kinda surprised at how hard it is to find "low end" models, even on clearance.

NOTE: Arguably, a 4 Mpx camera will give you the same quality as off-the-shelf 35mm film for 4x6 prints, so anything over that is just gravy. From my personal observations, a 1.3 Mpx camera makes prints every bit as good as anything I've shot with a point-and-shoot 35mm camera. But if you want "looking out the window" clarity, you're certainly free to take out a second mortgage to buy a 16 Mpx Digital SLR.

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SMOKE 'EM IF YA GOT 'EM

If you find yourself stuck in Madison, WI - which has banned smoking in all bars & restaurants - and you're looking for smoker-friendly establishments (either outside the city limits, or with "smoking patios"), MadSmokers.com is a resource you'll want to bookmark.

[Hat tip: Boots & Sabers]

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HAVE YOU CHERISHED YOUR WIFE THIS WEEK?

In the comments to this post on relationships, Richmond of One For The Road made this suggestion:

a date -- a real honest-to-God date once in a while would be nice

Yes, but HOW once in a while? Once a week? Every other Wednesday? Any day that ends in a 0 or 5?

Guys can happily follow instructions, if they're SPECIFIC instructions.

Of course, once orders are issued, then the lady feels like her man's only doing it because he HAS to, and it spoils the effect.

I suppose fellas should just ask themselves "have I gone out of my way to make my wife feel loved in the last 7 days?"

If the answer is "no", get hopping.

And keep track of it on a secret calendar so that the wife doesn't find out that you have a schedule - which would destroy the illusion of sponteneity and undo all your hard work.

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PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT'S IMPORTANT, LET THE REST GO

Blogson Deathknyte of Bad Catholicism is contemplating a relationship issue:

Once you are in love with someone it makes you.... blind, to their faults. Or, perhaps, you just don't want to see those faults.

Personally, I believe that a good relationships involves overlooking a LOT of faults. What matters is overlooking the little ones, and being wide awake on the important stuff.

For me, the short list is:

Fidelity - I'm the only one in her bed.
Trustworthiness - Even tiny promises like "I'll be home by 8" are consistently kept.
Financial Responsibilty - Habitually spends less than she earns.

Pretty much everything else is negotiable after that. I can put up with clothes on the floor or dried toothpaste in the sink.

Then there's the "nice to have" stuff, like intelligence, sense of humor, taste in music, etc. which comes in varying degrees, and I'll just enjoy whatever supply is there to enjoy.

Anyway... figure out what's on your short list, and don't compromise on it. If she's got any deal-breakers, you're better off without her.

All the frosting in the world won't make you happy if there's no cake underneath.

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HEROES IN OUR MIDST

Every once in a while, I take a chance on a piece of spam. I got this one recently:

Here's a musical tribute to the courageous men and women of the American Military: http://www.allrightrecords.com/id88.html.

Ok, the topic intrigued me, and their weren't any typos or grammatical errors, so what the heck.

Turns out to be the first non-country patriotic song I've ever heard. Pleasant, catchy, upbeat, cheerful, and full of genuine admiration for those who serve. Musically, the clean, simple melody reminds me a little of Barenaked Ladies, except that it doesn't suck.

Anyway, Dick Eastman is mostly a songwriter by trade, but he picks up a guitar and sings, too, for this one.

MP3 is free to download and the site encourages you to burn and share. Go check it out.

Here's the first verse, so you can get a feel for the theme:

As Johnny’s marching off to war
All these talking heads keep score
Thinkin’ they know so much more than he does
While they pretend to play hardball
Johnny’s watched his brothers fall
This ain’t no game to him at all, red white & blue
Are more than colors in the distant view
A flag that stands for freedom proud and true
Is counting on you

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YAY! FREE MUSIC! - UPDATED 7:15 AM

RSM of When the Smoke Clears pointed me to The Music Genome Project.

It's sorta like Yahoo's LaunchCast, in that the more you rate the songs, the more likely their next selection will be to your liking.

However, unlike LaunchCast, MGP actually WORKS with Firefox.

Which is a BIG plus for me.

Anyway, go there, enter the name of your favorite artist, and it'll branch out from there.

Word of caution: you ARE limited on how many songs you can skip per hour, so try to limit skipping to songs that actually suck, and just turn the volume down a bit on the ones that are only so-so.

UPDATE 7:15 AM: I got an e-mail from MGP's founder Tim Westergren. Obviously a form letter, but still, it's the thought that counts:

---

I wanted to make sure that you knew you could create up to a 100 different stations for yourself. Pandora [the actual name of the music service based off of the MGP] will store them all. Try a new song or artist (stump us if you can!) We've been working on the music collection for six years so there's plenty to choose from!
[snip]
P.S. If you're interested in learning how to make your stations really hum, check out our playlist crafting tips at http://blog.pandora.com/faq/index.html#88

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I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTER TO GROW UP FEELING UGLY

Interestingly, Dove and their Campaign for Real Beauty are doing something about it.

Too many girls develop low self-esteem from hang-ups about looks and, consequently, fail to reach their full potential in later life. So, we've created the Dove Self-Esteem Fund as an agent of change to educate and inspire girls on a wider definition of beauty

Here's some more stuff from the site:

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Feature Article
The Fashionable Body: a brief history
The current recipe for ideal beauty has the following ingredients: a beautiful woman must be extremely tall and very thin, have small hips but a big bust. She has large eyes, large lips and a small nose. We are so used to seeing this beauty stereotype in the media that we assume that such features have always been considered ideal. Think again.

Feature Interactive Article
Owning Your Own Smile
Sometimes, you can spend so much time trying to look good and trying to fit in, you forget to feed your inner self. Find out how to flip the script!

Feature Quiz
How Do You Really Feel About Yourself?
Do you have your life 'on track'? Do you need a little push in that direction?

---

I'm a huge fan of Dove's Real Beauty ads (FINALLY, some women who look cuddly instead of malnourished!), and I hope their project gains popularity.

So, if you're a woman with body image issues (which, according to ArmyWifeToddlerMom, is pretty much EVERY woman), go see Dove.

Especially if you've got a daughter to worry about.

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ARE YOU A WOMAN WITH BODY IMAGE ISSUES?

Think you're alone?

Can't find anyone who understands that all the "you're so pretty" in the world won't drown out the "you're so FAT!" demon that's always shrieking inside your head?

Blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World understands.

Go visit.

Her e-mail is in her sidebar under BIO STUFF if you want to talk about it, but aren't ready to leave a public comment.

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THE INDEPENDENT WOMAN'S ULTIMATE GUIDE ON HOW TO PEE STANDING UP

Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks has risen from the dead and is back posting. His first offering is a rant about "potty parity" and the sleazy lawyer behind it all.

Which made me think of the best way for women to avoid pesky restroom lines:

* Stadium Gal - Discreet external catheter and leg-mounted storage bag.

But what if you want to pee in the woods without worrying about squatting in poison ivy? Or what if that public toilet seat is just too disgusting to sit on? Well, you just pee standing up:

* TravelMate - Handy, portable, washable, re-usable plastic tubular device which can be used for directing the urine stream. For a mere $5, you can be writing your name in the snow in no time.

* The Whiz - Same concept, fancier design. Sold by an Australian company for $20 AUD. Or - for $25 AUD - you can have the "Whiz Plus" with the "high tech plasma coating that repels all liquid so it always remains dry".

* Freshette - An "anatomically designed funnel with 6" retractable extension tube". Washable, reusable - $23.

* Magic Cone - Disposable cardboard funnel. Don't miss the Not Safe For Work animated instructional video, $17 bucks for 30 (three 10-packs).

* P-mate - Disposable, cardboard, square-cone-like device from a UK company. 5 for £2.50

* Whizzy - Pportable, foldable, disposable heavy-paper trough that lets you stand away from the toilet. About a buck a piece.

* My SweetPee - Another trough. Comes in paper (disposable - 10 for $12) or plastic (re-usable - $15).

Don't want to bother with a portable device?

* Manual labial adjustment, hip-aiming, constant pressure, and practice - It's a physical skill, and lots of women have mastered it. You can, too. Here's a NSFW picture of the process in action.

No more excuses ladies. It's time you took a stand.

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HOW TO FIND A SOLUTION TO A NON-SPECIFIC TROUBLING PROBLEM

Blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World is mired in mental confusion:

I don't know what I'm fussin' about. Honestly. I'm just mad at me. If I knew why I'd forgive myself and tell me to get over it. That's the problem. I don't know why.

Here's my suggestion:

Pen, notebook, quiet place.

At the top of the sheet of paper, write the question you want the answer to. Perhaps in this case "Why does my life feel unbalanced?"

Then just start writing whatever falls out of your head for about 15 minutes or so. Doesn't have to make sense. Doesn't even have to be legible. It's for your eyes only, so feel free to write ANYTHING, since no one else will ever see it. Feel free to throw it away when you're done.

Your problem is that your mind is currently a clogged sink. There's a wad a greasy muck in your mental pipes, but you can't get at it because your head is full of the standing water of muddled thoughts.

Writing down the muddle is like bailing out the sink. With the murky water out of the way, you can start to work on clearing the clog.

Which you can do by getting a fresh sheet of paper and topping it with a more direct problem-solving question, like "How can I get [thing that would make your life feel more balanced]?"

Of course, if you're not much for writing, there's always prayer. Try this one:

"God, if I asked you why my life felt unbalanced, what would you say?"

Then sit quietly and listen. I suspect you'll get an answer within 5 minutes, as God (just like everyone else) tends to be prompt when giving advice to someone who asks for it willingly.

Hope that helps.

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MAIL ORDER COFFEE EXOTICA

Or erotica, depending on the depth of your passion for coffee.

AJ of Random Firing of Neurons passed this link along to me, and I thought I should share:

The Coffee Fool

The prices are in line with what I pay at my local super-size grocery store (the one with half an aisle of nothing but bean dispensers), and shipping costs aren't too outrageous, either:

Our two US delivery choices are Standard (US Priority Mail) for a flat $3.85 (2-3 day delivery), or Overnight (DHL Next Day) for a flat $13.75 for any order up to 4lb. We know, sounds crazy, but we get a great shipping rate up to this weight because it's the typical size of our daily coffee orders to restaurants, offices, and those fellow Coffee Fools crazy enough to drink around a gallon of coffee a day.

If you're into decaf, that's also an option on some (but not all) of the varieties.

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YEAH, THEY CASHED THAT OLD CHECK, AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT

Tiffany of Blown Fuse is having a bank-related issue:

Isn't there a sort of "deadline" on how long a person has to cash a check? I've been wondering, because a $5 check I wrote almost five months ago just got cashed this week.

Technically it's considered "stale dated" after 6 months. However, each individual bank has its own policy on cashing stale-dated checks - usually "we won't cash it if the teller notices that it's over 6 months old".

However, tellers have no legal obligation to check the date on every check that comes in, and are not liable for cashing stale-dated checks.

Why is this so?

I quote a discussion of the Uniform Commercial Code:

Many of the "tweaks" found in the most recent version of the UCC are intended to accommodate the evolution of bank processes, specifically the fact that most checks paid by automated means do not get a sight inspection. They will be paid without regard to the date.

So, if a check is taking way too long to clear, your best bet is to contact the payee & say "cash my check, bitch!". Or - after six months - you can hope some dim bulb bank teller just *happens* to pick that day to notice the date on your check AND feels anal enough to refuse to cash it.

As for stop payment orders... my bank charged $20, and it was only good for 6 months - although the sorting machine WOULD catch the check during that time. After that, though it was back to praying for an observant teller.

Which is rather like using a leaky condom for birth control.

I wish there were happier options, but - realistically speaking - that's it, and they all suck.

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ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'

Blogdaughter Teresa of Technicalities is having issues with her bank:

I had taken some coins in to the bank to get them changed... They don't have a coin counter!!! UN-FRIGGIN-BELIEVABLE! She told me I'd have to put them into coin wrappers and bring them back!

Coin handling policies & equipment vary wildly from one financial institution to the next and there's no rhyme or reason to it.

So instead of wasting your time rolling coins, it's probably better to waste the time making phone calls to any nearby bank or credit union, and ask 2 questions:

1) do you have a coin counter?
2) is there a charge to use it if you're not a customer?

I'd bet it wouldn't take long to get "yes, no".

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TIME TO BICKER LIKE BLUE-NOSED COFFEE SNOBS

AJ of Random Firing of Neurons just wrote the ultimate coffee-maker's guide, and I'm going to say right off - he's exactly right about the whole thing, top to bottom.

Best coffee I ever had in my life was that Kenya AA that got put through Pizza Pit's filthy 12-cup drip coffee-maker - because we followed the master-brewer's secret.

Less water.

Remove grounds.

Go. Read. Learn. Try it yourself. Report back.

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HOW TO DISCOVER A QUALITY PRODUCT

If you're in the market for a product with which you have no experience and you don't know who to turn to for advice, Google can help.

Just type "[product name] sucks" (WITH quotes) into Google and see what comes up.

There's ALWAYS something, but once you read the specific complaints, you can judge for yourself if they're legitimate.

Is it some moron who can't type whose REAL complaint is that he couldn't return the product to the store without a receipt?

Or maybe it's someone who ACTUALLY knows his stuff who gives a list specific flaws and failures in the product.

The biggest thing you'll want to look for, though, is a pattern. If the same problem keeps getting mentioned on one link after another, you'll probably want to avoid that product.

The good news, though, is that a lot of times you'll see people chiming in with alternatives for the product you're considering - something you may never even have heard of. You might want to look into one of those, instead.

Final hint: if your "sucks" search turns up a dedicated site at www.productnamesucks.com, you REALLY might want to think twice before using it.

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HOW TO FOLD A T-SHIRT IN 2 SECONDS FLAT

Anathematized of Rivers of Blood points out this instructional video that shows a VERY slick t-shirt-folding technique.

The bad news - the video is in Japanese

The good news - it's a visual, so the words aren't important.

You'll probably need to watch it a couple times to get the hang of it, but it's kinda cool. And if you fold a lot of t-shirts, it might be a technique worth learning.

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THE SECRET

... to never locking your keys in your car?

Only lock your door by using the key while you're outside the car.

The other secret is to carry a second set of keys with you.

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HELP FOR THE UNEMPLOYED

For those of you (and me) currently "between jobs", there's an excellent resource available.

Aunt Bonnie's Career Catapult

Her qualifications:

after 11+ years as a college career counselor, masters in counseling, and my own personal history of stumblings and foibles (i’m old...thus the aunt bonnie part), I thought it would be a good idea to jump into conversations revolving around....anything career/vocation/life calling/job related.

So here's your chance to pick the brain of a real live career counselor who can actually answer those job-search related questions.

Plus she's already got numerous posts full of good advice.

I've got her blogrolled under my "Useful Tools" section. You might want to put her link somewhere handy, too.

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EMERGENCY WATER FOR KATRINA VICTIMS

8-16 drops of household bleach will purify a gallon of drinking water.

First let water stand until particles settle. Filter the particles if necessary with layers of cloth, coffee filters, or fine paper towels. Pour the clear water into an uncontaminated container and add Regular Clorox Bleach per the below indicated ratio. Mix well. Wait 30 min. Water should have a slight bleach odor. If not, repeat dose. Wait 15 min. Sniff again.

Iodine works, too.

In an emergency, iodine in a medicine kit will purify water. Use 2 percent U.S.P.-strength iodine (read the label). Using a medicine dropper, add 20 drops per gallon to clear water and 40 drops per gallon to cloudy water. Mix completely by stirring or shaking in a clean container. Allow the water to stand at least 30 minutes before using. Iodine is an antiseptic and is poisonous, so use and store it safely.

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10 HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS FOR THE OVERWORKED

From the Successories newsletter:

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1. Have a plan.
Each morning, make yourself a to-do list. As each task is accomplished, cross it off your list. It’s a nice reminder not only of what you need to do, but also of what you’ve already accomplished.

2. Plan for the Unplanned.
Don’t fill your entire day up with meetings and tasks. All it can take is one unscheduled phone call or a small emergency to throw off your entire day. Give yourself room every day to answer e-mails, make phone calls and to deal with unexpected tasks.

3. Tackle the Big Stuff First.
Our tendency is to put off the big or difficult tasks for later. But studies have shown that most of us are more alert and productive in the morning. And accomplishing the major assignments first will energize your afternoons.

4. Take the 10-Minute Challenge.
Is your desk filling up with papers? Put aside 10 minutes every other day—you may even want to set a timer—to go through and file, pass along or trash those piles of papers. A clutter-free desk can add some much needed calm and makes other tasks seem less frenzied.

5. Make big tasks small.
Here’s another use for the timer: when you have a large task, break it up into 10- or 15-minute increments of work. Set the timer, and just do that amount of work. You’ll find that, like small amounts of exercise, small amounts of work make any task less intimidating.

6. Learn to negotiate your time.
Every project has a deadline, but if you need more time, ask for it. Communicate your needs with the project manager and work with them to get the time you need to complete the tasks at hand.

7. Lend a helping hand.
If you have some extra time, share it with a co-worker. Even if it’s just to make copies or get them some coffee, that little helping hand can make all the difference.

8. Respect other’s time.
If you have a meeting scheduled for 10 am, be there at 10 am. If you’re meeting is only suppose to last a half hour, do your best to stick to 30 minutes. Don’t abuse other people’s time, and hopefully they’ll respect yours as well.

9.Make work fun.
It may seem like there can’t possibly be time for fun, but that’s when you need it most. Take just five minutes a day to free your mind of work and just relax. Take a short walk, learn to juggle, share a joke of the day—you’ll return a little more refreshed.

10. Reward yourself (and others!).
Celebrate your accomplishments—big and small. Give yourself a snack break, take a short walk or literally pat yourself on the back. Also make sure you acknowledge other members of your team who work with you to get the job done.

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IN CASE OF EMERGENCY

[passed along to me from an old high school buddy]

#1:

A Cambridge-based paramedic has launched a national campaign with Vodafone to
encourage people to store emergency contact details in their mobile phones.

Bob Brotchie, a clinical team leader for the East Anglian Ambulance NHS Trust,
hatched the plan last year after struggling to get contact details from shocked
or injured patients.

By entering the acronym ICE – for In Case of Emergency – into the mobile’s
phone book, users can log the name and number of someone who should be
contacted in an emergency.

The idea follows research carried out by Vodafone that shows more than 75 per
cent of people carry no details of who they would like telephoned following a
serious accident.

Bob, 41, who has been a paramedic for 13 years, said: “I was reflecting on some
of the calls I’ve attended at the roadside where I had to look through the
mobile phone contacts struggling for information on a shocked or injured
person.

“It’s difficult to know who to call. Someone might have “mum� in their phone
book but that doesn’t mean they’d want them contacted in an emergency.

“Almost everyone carries a mobile phone now, and with ICE we’d know immediately
who to contact and what number to ring. The person may even know of their
medical history.�

The campaign was launched this week by Bob and Falklands war hero Simon Weston
in association with Vodafone’s annual Life Savers Awards.

Vodafone spokesperson Ally Stevens said: “The Life Savers Awards already
demonstrate, through practical example, the important role a mobile phone can
play when minutes matter in an emergency.

“By adopting the ICE advice, your mobile will now also help the rescue services
quickly contact a friend or relative – which could be vital in a life or death
situation.�

The campaign is also asking people to think carefully about who will be their
ICE partner - with helpful advice on who to choose - particularly if that
person has to give consent for emergency medical treatment.

Bob hopes that all emergency services will promote ICE in their area as part of
a national awareness campaign to highlight the importance of carrying next of
kin details at all times.

He said the idea was for the benefit of loved ones as well as the patient.

“Research suggests people recover quicker from the psychological effects of
their loved one being hurt if they are involved at an earlier stage and they
can reach them quickly," he added.

He said he hoped mobile phone companies would now build the ICE contact into
future models, adding: "It's not a difficult thing to do. As many people say
they carry mobile phones in case of an emergency, it seems natural this
information should be kept there."

Snopes has more about this.

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#2:

Plastic-laminate a card with four emergency contacts on one side and any
critical drug allergies on the other. Stick it in your wallet next to your
driver's license. The license and/or insurance card is all they want in the ER,
they won't dig through your wallet if they find those items 1st.

---

According to Snopes, you should get that wallet card finished first.

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GUESS THAT SOLVES MY "BACK UP MY BOOKMARKS" PROBLEM

Backing up important files just got easier.

I Hate My Cubicle! explains how to use your GMail account as an on-line hard-drive by downloading a 120k file.

I did it in about 10 minutes, and now saving my bookmarks is just a drag & drop process.

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TIME MANAGEMENT: ONE SIMPLE TECHNIQUE

Blogging Tips Groupie Dustbunny 101 of Thoughts From the Perimeter said something in this post that caught my eye:

My time management skills suck, so there's still a lot I want to do, that I haven't gotten to yet, or that I started but didn't stick with, and plan to go back to

Which brings to mind the first time-management technique I ever learned, and that I still use:

1) Write down the 6 most important things you have to do today, in any order
2) Number them from 1 to 6, with #1 being the most important, and #6 being least.
3) Start with number 1 and work on it until it's either finished or you're stuck. Then move on down the list in a similar fashion.

That's it.

If you can't finish all of them, at least the most important items are out of the way, and you can start with a new list tomorrow.

Of course, you can always embellish the technique by breaking down each task into a list of smaller tasks, or adding estimated completion times so that you know whether you're on schedule, but you'd be surprised at how well even the basic format keeps you on track & moving along.

Give it a try.

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HOW TO TIP

Ogre of Ogre's Politics & Views is contemplating a subject near & dear to my heart - tipping the pizza guy. Since I worked pizza for about 6 years during (and after) my college days, here's my advice:

Assuming the pizza box is still warm to the touch when it's handed to you, my general rule for pizza is "buck & change". The idea being that you keep the poor kid from having to dig around in his pockets for the silver, plus you give him a little something for his trouble.

If the silver happens to be especially skimpy, throw another George on the pile.

With barbers, my theory is to drop him at least two so that he'll remember you fondly the next time you stop in, thus improving the odds of your cut being even on both sides.

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HOW TO MAKE BROWNIES WITH CAKE MIX

According to Amy of Prochein Amy, the short answer is:

Increase the fat, decrease the liquid

Longer answer at Amy's place.

Thank you Amy. I didn't have a cookbook to compare brownie & cake recipes, and bare-bones brownie & cake recipes are a bear to find via Google.

UPDATE: See also: ArmyWifeToddlerMom

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CHEAP, HOMEMADE HEATING PAD

Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite has a headache this morning. Unfortunately our good heating pads both died in tragic microwaving accidents recently, so what's a man to do?

Google to the rescue!

INGREDIENTS:
Sock
Uncooked rice
Piece of string to tie the sock closed.

DIRECTIONS:
Assemble, microwave, give to wife, graciously accept numerous brownie points.

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HOW TO BUY A USED CAR WITHOUT GETTING SCREWED

I've never owned a new car in my life. My philosophy has always been that I'm better off buying a $1500 car every year than getting a $15,000 car and hoping it lasts me 10.

That, and I usually owned 2 cars, so that I had a spare when one of my high-mileage babies had to go to the shop to get a worn-out part replaced.

My point being that, through a combination of research and personal mistakes, I have - over the years - compiled a checklist of things to ask about and/or look for when shopping for a used car.

The first section, "Background", is a list of things you can ask about over the phone when you see an ad that catches your eye. This will let you know if there are problems so major that you shouldn't even bother looking at the thing. The other things are specific items to look for during the pre-test-drive physical/visual inspection. In recent years, I've found that checking the oil-level dipstick and air filter is especially important, since quite often I can't even spot the damn things without help.

Anyway, after you get the background info, you'll be able to go to www.kbb.com and find out what a fair price for the vehicle is. You'll need that later.

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BACKGROUND:
MAKE, MODEL, YEAR
FWD/RWD
AUTO/STICK
MILES
TIRES
PROBLEMS
ACCIDENTS
MPG
TIMING BELT
WHY SELLING
RECENT REPAIRS/REPLACEMENTS
OUTSTANDING LEINS
WATER PUMP/FUEL PUMP
ALTERNATOR/VOLTAGE REGULATOR
FRONT END ALIGNMENT
WHOSE NAME IS IT UNDER
HOW LONG WITH THAT OWNER
UNDER THE HOOD:
FLUID LEVELS: COOLANT, TRANNY, BRAKE, OIL
UNDERSIDE: RUST, OIL, T-FLUID
AIR CLEANER, OIL FILTER
BATTERY CABLES, FLUID, VOLTAGE
HOSES, BELTS, SPARK PLUGS
FRONT SUSPENSION MOUNTS
EXTERIOR:
EXHAUST SYSTEM
JACKING POINTS
STRUTS/SPRINGS/SHOCKS
CV JOINT BOOTS
FRONT/REAR WIPERS/WINDSHIELD
DOOR/WINDOW GASKETS
SPARE TIRE
JACK/LUG WRENCH
ALL LOCKS
INTERIOR:
TURN SIGNALS/4-WAYS/HEADLIGHTS
BRIGHT SWITCH
FRONT/REAR WIPERS/WASHERS
SEAT ADJUSTMENT
HORN
SEAT ANCHORS
FLOORBOARDS
WINDOW CRANKS/LATCHES
HATCH/TRUNK RELEASE
GLOVE COMPARTMENT
FUSE BOX
REARVIEW MIRRORS/ADJUSTMENT
SUNROOF (LEAKS?)/WATER DAMAGE
CASSETTE PLAYER
TEST DRIVE:
PARKING BRAKE
HEATER
A/C
DEFROSTER
FINAL:
CARDBOARD UNDER CAR AFTER TEST DRIVE TO CHECK FOR LEAKS
REQUIRED TOOLS: LARGE PIECE OF CLEAN CARDBOARD, RAG, CASSETTE/CD, FLASHLIGHT

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How to use this checklist to your advantage as a buyer:

First, the fact that you just spent 30-60 minutes checking every damn detail of the car before you even start it up intimidates the seller into thinking you REALLY know cars.

Second, if you actually do each and every one of these items, you will not be surprised by "little problems" after you buy it. You will know the car as well as the owner, and possibly better.

Third, if you find little problems that really don't matter to you, you can still use them as a negotiating tool, as long as you keep your mouth shut about them really not mattering to you.

Here's the quick & dirty guide to negotiating for the price you want.

1) Ask the seller how much he wants for the car. Even if the price tag is still sitting right in the window - ask. He will then mention a price.

2) Ask him how he arrived at that price. Let him answer.

3) Pause. Say nothing for 15-30 seconds. He may or may not shoot himself in the foot during this period by mentioning an even lower price.

4) Mention the little problems you found and tell the seller that he either needs to get them repaired before you'll consider buying the car, or he needs to knock the repair costs off the asking price. Ask him what's the lowest price he would take for the car.

5) He will mention a price, which may or may not be lower than the last price he mentioned.

6) Pause. Say nothing for 15-30 seconds. Shuffle your feet. Look anguished. Tell him that you can give him (an amount less than price mentioned) [I like to add the words "in cash, right now" to that price - which is why I buy cheap cars and bring cash to the transaction, including enough small bills that I can make change for whatever price we settle at].

7) If he says yes, buy the car. If he says no, thank him for his time, give him your phone number and ask him to call you if he changes his mind.

8) If he said no, call him in 24 hours and ask him if he's re-considered your offer. He'll probably either agree to your price, split the difference, or at least come down SOME amount. If the number he mentions sounds reasonable, buy the car. If it doesn't, say goodbye & look elsewhere.

Best deal I ever got using this was a 10-year old Honda Civic in fantastic shape for $1000. It lasted me 7 more years and gave me about 60,000 miles before enough things wore out on it that it wasn't worth repairing.

Anyway, feel free to print this out & use it yourself next time you're in the market for a vehicle.

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HOW TO KILL A FLY WITHOUT A FLYSWATTER

Blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World is having a fly problem.

The insect, not her zipper.

Anyway, here's how to kill a fly without a flyswatter. This has a high "EWWWW!" factor, but it works great:

First, understand two things about flies - their peripheral vision only extends about 6 inches, and when they take off, they always go straight up. They are physically incapable of taking off forwards, backwards, or to either side.

Wait until the fly lands, then sneak up behind him. Hold your open hands - fingers together, palms facing each other - so that each one is about 8-12 inches on either side of the fly.

Clap your hands together about 3 inches above the fly's current position.

Now go wash the fly guts off your hands.

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