August 09, 2009
WHAT'S IT LIKE TO HEAR OBAMA SPEAK?
(Cross-posted from IMAO. Drink alert in effect in the comments section over there.)
Senator Max Baucus (D-MT):
"It's just so wonderful to hear him speak, it's like a symphony"
Yeah... that's ONE analogy. Let's try some more.
Listening to Obama speak is like...
... that eternally long half-second between when you realize you're going to hit the car in front of you, and the first musical tinklings of glass & metal.
... accidentally hitting "delete", then accidentally hitting "yes" on the "are you sure?" dialog box.
... pouring milk on your cereal and watching earwigs float to the top.
... passing an exit, rounding a curve, and joining a 12-mile traffic jam.
... fumbling for a light switch and finding a wall socket
... hearing that creaking, ripping sound a tree branch makes as it separates from the trunk prior to coming through your roof.
... a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced..
... noticing the empty toilet paper roll before standing up instead of before sitting down.
... dropping a butcher knife, but keeping it from hitting the floor with a deftly-executed blade-first catch.
... hearing that awful tearing sound that inevitably accompanies stuffing 10 pounds of arrogant into a 5 pound bag.
... watching the First Lady serve soup to homeless people while wearing $540 shoes.
... listening to something with angry German facial hair... not sure what, exactly...
What's it like for you?
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July 03, 2009
Capitalist Propaganda - Independence Day Edition: "No More Kings" and "Fireworks":
(cross-posted from IMAO because EVERYONE should see these today)
From 1975, the Schoolhouse Rock episode, "No More Kings":
From 1976, the Schoolhouse Rock episode "Fireworks":
Happy Independence Day!
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August 28, 2008
MY OWN HORN, I AM TOOTING IT
If you've heard about Nancy Pelosi asking some protesters "Can we drill your brains?", you will LOVE this piece I posted at IMAO.
Seriously, it's one of the best things I've written in months.
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March 24, 2008
GOOGLE NEWS SWINGS & MISSES
Looks like one of my Newsish Fakery posts at IMAO got picked up by Google News by mistake:
[Click to enlarge]
Notice how beautifully my headline (at the bottom) contrasts with the one directly above it.
I.
Am.
Amused.
[Hat tip to fellow IMAO-ite Frank J. for bringing this to my attention.]
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October 26, 2007
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE LEMUR SHAKES MY HEAD
When I get an idea that I just can't wait to run with, there's an almost audible "click-buzz" sensation in my brain.
I wish it happened every day, because writing off that always seems to work out particularly well.
Anyway, this is just my way of saying go read my editorial "America Can't Win the 'War on Fire'" at IMAO.
Normally I'd just cross-post it, but in this case, there's WAY too much fun going on in the comments.
Also, you can help me figure out if comment #6 is a sincere guilt trip or clever satire.
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June 24, 2005
MANUFACTURED WITH PRIDE IN THE USA
(cross-posted and slightly modified from IMAO)
While reading Blackfive, I noticed this:
"What Durbin faced [in reaction to his comparison of US troops to Nazis] was the bubbling up from the blogs and the pounding of the drums," said Daou, who first began monitoring the bloggers and feeding them information when he worked for Sen. John Kerry's presidential campaign. "This is a political tool, and it's manufactured outrage, it's feigned outrage, and it's extremely effective."...
Yes, it IS extremely effective.
Why?
Because since 2003, Bad Example has consistently manufactured only the highest quality outrage. Accept no inferior substitutes!
Made to the most exacting specifications at our state-of-the-art production facilities in Wisconsin, ALL our outrage is 100% American made from the finest pique, fury and indignation.
Looking for peevishness, huffs, or hissy-fits? Try France - because you won't find any of that girly crap here.
When you shop from the Bad Example catalog, you'll find only durable, long-lasting products, such as acrimony, anger, bile, gall, hatred, ire, rage, wrath, and the occasional blood-oath of vengeance.
Why settle for petty peevishness when you can have black-hearted murderousness?
For all your manufactured outrage needs, think quality.
Think Bad Example.
OR I'LL STRANGLE YOU DEAD! RARRR!
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May 31, 2005
HIP & TRENDY
The IMAO editorial staff has posted its first Podcast.
They tell me I've got a good voice for radio.
Usually they only say that about my face.
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May 17, 2005
OVER AT IMAO
Glenn Reynolds: "Putting puppies in blenders"
They Don't Make Child-proof Journalists, So You Need to Journalist-proof Your Child
Newsweek Reports Star Wars Episode III Script Flushed Down Toilet - Widespread Riots Ensue
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May 15, 2005
May 12, 2005
May 10, 2005
May 08, 2005
2 AT IMAO THAT I KEEP FORGETTING TO LINK TO BECAUSE I REALLY *HAVE* BEEN THAT BUSY LATELY... OR AT LEAST THAT DISTRACTED
The Terrorists Aren't Even Trying Anymore
and
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May 02, 2005
OVER AT IMAO
I tell a filthy lie & celebrate Saddam's birthday.
Don't miss the comments on that second one.
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April 25, 2005
I Am One Super-Tolerant Mofo!
By the way, I got my first IMAO profit sharing bonus today. I was hoping for whiskey & smokes, but it turned out to be something slightly more utilitarian.
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April 20, 2005
April 18, 2005
April 17, 2005
April 15, 2005
April 14, 2005
Trust Me, You DON'T Want Frank J. as the Overlord of the Blogododecahedron
In case you were wondering why I re-posted that Filthy Lie, the answer is over at IMAO.
The short answer being that I wanted the traffic HERE instead of at Bad Money.
I'm greedy like that.
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April 12, 2005
Totally True Tidbits About Libraries
Also this little snippet about Frank's insensitivity.
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April 11, 2005
April 08, 2005
April 07, 2005
April 05, 2005
Minutemen on the Job!
Maybe you people would read my IMAO crap if I gave you an excerpt:
In Arizona, a group of over 400 well-armed, patriotic citizens - mostly retired men - have taken it upon themselves to patrol the Mexican border to help the Border Patrol stem the tide of illegal immigrants.Which is fine by me.
But what if their project succeeds and the border becomes secure? What will they do then? Just go home, sit on the couch, and ogle Baywatch reruns?
'Twould be tragic.
Surely there are other projects available for a heat-packin' mob of American Patriots. Projects like the ones in the extended entry:
Breast-feed kittens.Clean out my refrigerator - assuming they're trained in proper bio-hazard disposal techniques.
Storm the DNC offices and wrap everything in aluminum foil.
While they're at the border, they can check the signal for Verizon - "¿puede usted ahora oÃrme?"
...click this link to read the rest.
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April 04, 2005
Now THAT'S a Happy Dance!
As is If One is Good, Then Two Must Be Better, which I totally forgot to link on Saturday, and which you should probably read first, because it'll make the second one make more sense.
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April 02, 2005
THE CHECK BOUNCED
And Frank got the IMAO.us domain back. Also, he was smart enough to back up all his files, so the site is back the way it was.
Physics Geek has a screenshot of the temporary front page, in case you missed it.
And Frank tries to save face by explaining that it was a hoax. Which you can believe, if you want.
Or you can believe the title of this post, which was written by a guy who works at a bank.
Street cred, yo.
Anyway, I posted a filthy lie about Glenn Reynolds over at the recently-returned IMAO.
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April 01, 2005
SARAHK WOULD LIKE A SINGLE PLUM, FLOATING IN PERFUME, SERVED IN A MAN'S HAT
Just something that popped into my head after one of my (now former) IMAO teammates made a certain comment.
(If you're not a Simpsons fan, or if you are and you're not quite catching the reference, try this link because I'm just too polite to come right out & say it)
Anyway, it appears that the purchasers are the same company that owns the IMAO.com domain and they wanted IMAO.us as part of their expanding into US markets.
Whatever.
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» It's A Pundit.com links with: http://www.itsapundit.com/2005/04/frank_j_sells_o.html
March 31, 2005
FUN WHILE IT LASTED - UPDATED 4-2-05
About six weeks ago, Frank J. decided to make IMAO a group humor blog, and he asked me to be a member of the editorial staff.
I was honored. I was flattered. I was scared shitless.
I knew I could write IMAO-worthy, over-the-top humor pieces. I *have* the talent. The only question was - could I do it 4-5 times a week?
Maybe.
I was already doing 2 straight-up humor pieces a week in the form of Alliance Precision Guided Humor and Filthy Lie Assignments. But the rest... did I *really* have the self-discipline to create my own funny on a near-daily basis? And could I do it without completely neglecting Bad Example, Alliance HQ, and - most importantly - my relationship with Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite?
Over the last 6 weeks, the answer appears to be "yes and no". I *do* have the ability to crank out regular funny bits, and I still fulfill my Alliance obligations, and I still manage to pay enough attention to TNT to keep her reasonably happy, but posting at Bad Example has taken a serious hit. By the time I finish blogging for everyone else, I don't have the energy left to do much at my own site.
This disturbs me.
I really enjoy what I've been able to do at Bad Example - the linky-love to my blogfamily, the thoughtful pieces of near-philosophy, the teasing posts, the straight-up humor bits... but there just hasn't been time to do all I want lately.
I'm still not sure what to do about it.
Currently I'm contemplating trying to farm out some of my Alliance duties. That would help.
I *don't* want to drop IMAO. Mostly because I have a bigger audience there. It's like having the chance to do stand-up at the Hollywood Bowl. It's a rush, and I love it. And after initially receiving a somewhat icy reception, I've managed to make peace with my critics, and I *do* get a fair amount of love and encouragement in the comments these days.
At least when my entries deserve it, which - I'll be honest - they don't always. Comedy's not easy. Some days I'm in the zone, some days... not so much.
But mostly I think I do it for the challenge. When I first started blogging, I had not even the vaguest hope of being able to write "the good stuff". Now... it's a daily test to see what I'm REALLY made of.
It's invigorating. It makes me feel alive.
So now that I've gotten the notice from Frank saying that IMAO is shutting down, I think I'm going to try to keep the funny going over here at Bad Example.
I must admit I was rather stunned to receive an e-mail from Frank saying that he had sold his domain name and shut down his blog...
Ok, I was a little pissed off, too.
Ok, MORE than a little.
But in the end, I remind myself of why I agreed to join IMAO in the first place. Yes, part of it was taking my shot at blogger fame, but another part - and I believe the GREATER part - was that I *like* Frank J., and I wanted to be able to help him reach his dream of getting his books published. He's done more for me since I started blogging than I have time to put into words. He's given me a lot of support & respect over the months, and I wanted to return the favor to the best of my ability.
So now he's made his choice to give up blogging for a cash settlement.
I understand.
He's got a fiancee now, and SarahK deserves to be the main focus of his life. If he can make more money by selling his domain than he can by using it. I'm not going to hold it against him.
Believe me, I understand the importance of giving a good woman the love she deserves.
So I'll wish Frank the best of luck in his non-blogging pursuits, and if he needs my help for a future project, I have his back. No questions asked.
Meanwhile, I guess it means more funny for the blogfamily, and more quality time for the woman who is my world.
I'll make the most of what I've got, and I think that - in the end - I'm still coming out ahead.
Thanks for the memories, Frank.
UPDATE: Wow. Didn't take them long to move in...
UPDATE 4-2-05: Well, they moved out again. My thoughts about are in this post.
As for everything I said above the "Frank sold out" section of the post, that's all true, and that still all applies. Fortunately, blogson GEBIV of There's One Only has agreed to help do some Alliance stuff, so I may be able to post more stuff here after all.
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» Technicalities links with: All Gone? Totally?
» basil's blog links with: Breakfast: 4/1/2005
» Bobo Blogger links with: Woke up this morning . . .
» There's One, Only! links with: OK. They had me for a second...
ELSEWHERE
Lie reminder, Linky stuff, round-up and new PGH all at Alliance HQ
My PGH at IMAO
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March 29, 2005
Helpful Wedding Advice
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» Letters from New York City links with: The Demise of a relationship
March 28, 2005
March 25, 2005
MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ
Filthy Lie Round-up: Evil Glenn's Investment Advice
I especially recommend GEBIV'S and Alex's entries.
New Filthy Lie Assignment: What will Evil Glenn be doing for April Fool's day?
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March 23, 2005
March 22, 2005
March 21, 2005
March 20, 2005
March 17, 2005
March 16, 2005
Dan Rather's Farewell
By the way, did you remember to send Jen my interview questions yet?
jenlarson-at-gmail.com
And if you left questions in my comments, I'm just going to ignore them. SEND THEM TO JEN SO YOU CAN BE PART OF MY HISTORIC INTERVIEW!
Silly people.
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March 15, 2005
March 13, 2005
March 11, 2005
March 10, 2005
The Happy Bunny Song
Over at IMAO - and I've been told it fits well to the tune of "The Yellow Rose of Texas".
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March 09, 2005
March 08, 2005
March 07, 2005
March 06, 2005
March 05, 2005
MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ
My Lie at IMAO: Glenn Reynolds' Rehab Clinic
Filthy Lie Round-up: Evil Glenn's Rehab Clinic
New Filthy Lie Assignment: What historic feat will Evil Glenn attempt to accomplish?
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March 03, 2005
March 02, 2005
March 01, 2005
February 28, 2005
February 27, 2005
February 25, 2005
February 23, 2005
February 21, 2005
February 19, 2005
February 18, 2005
THE EXCITEMENT IS ELSEWHERE
At IMAO:
Glenn Reynolds vs. President's Day
At Alliance HQ - Linky Stuff, Round-up, New Assignment, Late PGH & Lies.
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HOW TO BE ROMANTIC ON A BUDGET
Where the "M" stands for "Me".
Frank's getting an Instalanche right now. This is as close as I'll ever get to one.
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E-Mail Me (Harvey)
awesome!
wRitErsbLock exemplified on March 24, 2008 at 06:23 PM