KARNIVAL OF THE KIDZ - RETURN OF THE BAD UNCLE

I don't have any children myself, but I *do* have brothers & sisters with kids, which makes me an uncle.

A bad uncle.

Yeah, I'm the one that teaches the kids important life skills that they can use to drive their parents crazy.

Serves 'em right for letting me babysit.

I thought people would've learned their lesson by now, but - once again - a crowd of grubby crumb-crunchers is jumping on my furniture & scaring the cats, so the least I can do is to make sure they go away a little more creative than when they arrived...

"Seriously! Cats can swim! Toss this one off the bridge if you don't believe me."

Equuschick of The Common Room probably knows what it means when a man's feet are really big, but her kid has a theory on what it means when they're two different sizes.

"Squeeze all the ketchup into one end of the packet, then slam your fist down on it. With a little practice, you'll be able to hit targets clear across the room."

ArmyWife of ArmyWifeToddlerMom posted a picture. See if you can spot 3 things wrong with it.

"When your sister's sleeping, put shaving cream in her hand, then tickle her nose EVER so gently."

Sweetney of Sweetney.com actually discovered a way to make the movie "March of the Penguins" interesting.

"HAH! The lady in front of me now has SIX pieces of popcorn stuck in her hair and hasn't noticed yet. Beat that!"

On behalf of human pet Bruce, Ferdinand of Conservative Cat explains why third chair trumpet in an orchestra is better than first chair in a band.

"Anyone can squeeze their hands together to make fart sounds, but did you know that you can play entire SONGS that way?"

Speaking of music, Amy of Prochein Amy has a kid who insists that there's only one way to master the art of finger-snapping. Guess I'll have to find something else to do with MY fingers :-(

"You can make your mommy's favorite sound by blowing on a blade of grass using this special technique. Use it to wake her up in the morning to show her how much you love her."

VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks has a young son with a pickle problem.

"Writing your name in the snow is easy. Dotting the i's & crossing the t's... THAT'S an accomplishment"

Based on two reports from Jody of Iowa Geek, I suspect we may have to fight the Revolutionary War again, as Monarchist forces appear to have invaded our fair shores.

"Need a light saber to go with that Jedi costume? Check in the back of that drawer in mommy's nightstand."

Headmistress/Zookeeper of The Common Room demonstrates the futility of using literature as a somnolescent.

"If you expect to get enough height to touch the bedroom ceiling, you need to pop your legs straight just as the bed starts springing you back upwards."

Susie of Practical Penumbra wonders what the baby in this picture is thinking. My guess is "OO! I love Pampered Chef parties!"

"If you sprinkle pepper on a red hot electric stove burner, it makes pretty sparkles!"

GA Mongrel is dealing with some enunciation issues. I tell ya, kids & music just don't mix.

"No, 'ass' isn't a bad word. It means "donkey". Here... just type it into Google Image search and see for yourself... uh... ok, maybe it IS a bad word..."

Looks like ArmyWife of ArmyWifeToddlerMom found out the hard way that she shouldn't slice onions while taking pictures of her kids.

"Onions taste great raw, too. You can eat 'em just like an apple. Here... take a big ol' bite."

Despite the best efforts of Sticks of From Chaos to Serendipity, she couldn't talk Gilette into using her kids in their commercials.

"It's ok to write on the walls with shaving cream because it's basically just soap anyway."

And finally, a tragic tale of hardship from my own misspent youth:

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"Back when I was a kid, we didn't HAVE fancy digital cameras! We had to use PlaySkool Cameras made out of WOOD, and by gum, that's the way we LIKED it!"

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go try to get this popcorn out of my hair.

UNLESS... if someone would like to volunteer to be the new moderator, please contact VW, and she will set you up with passwords, links, and mailing lists.

Duties include:

Sending out reminder e-mails
Putting a reminder post on your own site a couple days before the entry deadline
Updating the Karnival of the Kids home page
Getting volunteers for each week's round-up
Hosting the round-up yourself if you can't find a volunteer
Linking the Karnival after it's been posted

Anyone interested in taking on a big sack of responsibilities can e-mail VW at onehappydog-at-gmail.com

ROTTEN LITTLE BRATS

That's right, everyone's favorite Bad Uncle (that's me) will be hosting the Karnival of the Kidz again next week, teaching the little curtain-climbers some bad habits & sending them home to annoy their parents.

Deadline for entry is midnight on Sunday and I'll be posting it Monday morning, or whenever the wicked hangover I plan on having goes away, whichever comes first.

Email a link to karnival.kidz-at-gmail.com

Or just make it easy on yourself and use Ferdy's All-Purpose Carnival Submission Form.

Either way, would you tell those little... uh... darlings... to keep it down?

KARNIVAL OF THE KIDZ: BAD UNCLE EDITION

I don't have any children myself, but I *do* have brothers & sisters with kids, which makes me an uncle.

A bad uncle.

Yeah, I'm the one that teaches the kids important life skills that they can use to drive their parents crazy.

Serves 'em right for letting me babysit.

So this week, a bunch of folks are dumping their brats in my lap, and it's my job to make sure they go away a little more creative then when they arrived...

ArmyWife of ArmyWifeToddlerMom submits a picture of a young Elton John... no... wait... that's Pink Ninja.

"If you pull on kitty's tail really hard, but then let go right away, he'll meow, but he won't have time to turn around and scratch you."

Oddybobo of Bobo Blogger gives us... fighter pilots? hunters? rap stars?... at any rate, there's two of 'em.

"Dip your finger in lighter fluid and then light it. The fuel all burns off before it gets too hot."

VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks has the boys out in the yard to watch the Discovery launch. Educational!

"No, seriously, you CAN light them. It makes a big ol' flame just like the shuttle taking off"

Sissy of And What Next... is a little fuzzy on the concept of "kid", since these pictures are from her teen-age years, but we'll roll with it.

"Just pour a little water into the bottle and your folks will never notice that some of it's missing"

Jody of Iowa Geek reminds me of why I'm childless - trying to get baby pictures taken. Round 1 and Round 2.

"Leaving your toys in the doorway makes it easier for mommy to find them so she can put them away."

Amy of Prochein Amy has no pictures of this tender mother-daughter moment... but I think the description precludes the need for a visual.

"Well... it MIGHT be small enough to flush down the toilet. Drop it in and give it a try."

Susie of Practical Penumbra has to dig way down to the bottom of the shoebox to remember when her niece was sweet & innocent.

"When you point at someone, always use your biggest finger so that it's easier for people to see."

Finally, here's an important lesson that I had to discover for myself, since *I* didn't have any cool uncles to teach me this sort of thing:

"When playing with the white sand that your parents brought home as a souvenier from Texas, make sure that you play with it in a carpeted area."

So... anyone need a babysitter?

Next stop: August 8th with Susie of Practical Penumbra

ATTENTION! Karnival of the Kidz needs hosts/hostesses for the August 15th and later editions. Volunteer now, or I'll babysit your kids!

FOR KARNIVAL OF KIDZ #7

Me at about 2.75 years of age.

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And I'll bet you're wondering just exactly WHAT me & my Fischer-Price toy camera have been taking pictures of.

Here's a hint: I was inordinately pleased by it as you can tell from this picture.

KARNIVAL OF KIDZ #6

... has been posted by Sissy of And What Next...

FOR KARNIVAL OF KIDZ #6

No, I'm not old enough to be from the Stone Age, but I *am* old enough to be from the "Age of Shoe-Shaped Toys Made From Wood"

KARNIVAL OF KIDS #5

... is up over at Practical Penumbra.

If for no other reason, you should go check it out to see all the toys I never got as a child.

FOR KARNIVAL OF KIDZ #5

Me at about 22 months:

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"So I just throw the ball WAY over there, and when they go to chase it... BAM! I steal the bike... I am SOOOOO freakin' crafty! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

KARNIVAL OF KIDZ #4

Is up at Boudicca's Voice.

She says SUCH nice things about the pictures. You should read that part even if you don't click a single link.

FOR KARNIVAL OF KIDZ #4

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There's no date on this picture, but I'm guessing it's around 1970, and I'm just under 4. This was the super-cool, ultra-deluxe swing set that we had in our yard. I'm guessing it's something Dad got from the Sears catalog. Dad got damn near everything he owned from the Sears catalog since the order center was only 3 blocks from our house.

In this picture, Dad seems to be having more fun watching me play on this thing than I had playing on it.

He's probably thinking about the Sears catalog.

Possibly the women's underwear section.

Like father, like son...

KARNIVAL OF KIDZ #3

... is up at Prochein Amy

I'm Einstein :-)

FOR KARNIVAL OF KIDZ #3

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... and THAT'S how I won the Elmer Fudd look-alike contest...

KARNIVAL OF KIDZ #2

... is up at Whimsy Capricious, where you'll also see the baby picture of me that was once featured on Fox's show "When Breastfeeders Attack!"

KARNIVAL OF KIDZ #2 ENTRY

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My favorite sister (ok, she's my ONLY sister) mischievously bottle-feeds me dish soap instead of milk, much to my dismay.

KARNIVAL OF THE KIDZ

Bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks is kicking out with a new carnival:

There are Carnival of Cats, Dogs, Recipes and so much more. So let's have a little fun and put out pictures and stories of kids! Your kids, yourself as a kid, or your spouse as a kid! I would prefer the pictures to be a kid (or kids) under the age of 5 and posted at your own site. But it's yourself or your children, so feel free to put out what you are comfortable with on the picture side. Also, those cute/stupid/insane stories of what the kids have done lately (or what you did as a child). Send the post link to Karnival.Kidz –at- gmail.com before Midnight Sunday. If you don't have your own blog and would still like to participate, send the picture or story to Karnival.Kidz –at- gmail.com before Midnight Sunday.

Might as well get this over with:

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Here I am at about 6 months old. I was inordinately pleased about something, but I can't quite recall what.