CRAP... GUESS WHICH ONE I AM

The science of good dancing:

GOOD DANCING:

[YouTube direct link]

HARV DANCING:

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THE ONE THE CMA OVERLOOKED

Country music is stupid and boring.

However, this one I like, even though it doesn't veer an inch from the standard template upon which every popular country music song is written.

Must be the lyrics.

There's some backstory to this song over at Hot Air, if you're curious, but meanwhile, just enjoy it. It's catchy (in a good way, not in a painfully-stuck-in-your-head "Llama Song" way:

[YouTube direct link]

NOT SURE WHY I LIKE THIS ONE

Nothing Kanye West has ever done falls particularly short of annoying, yet - through circumstances beyond my control - I've been forced to listen to his "Golddigger" song in it's entirety on more than one occasion. You know how it is with office radios.

Also, I'm not Jewish. Everything I know about God's chosen people I learned from watching "The Nanny" (Another one of those "beyond my control" things - I'm blaming Beloved Wife this time).

Still, I need neither be a rap afficianado nor a Hebrew to appreciate that this is how the excremental movie "Pay It Forward" should've ended:

[YouTube direct link]

[Hat tip: HuffPo]

SCHADENFREUDE OF THE DAY

This video:

[USA Today direct link]

Because Shirley Sherrod spends the last minute of the interview whining about how perfectly awful it feels to be smeared as a racist. She does it with a straight face and absolutely no sense of irony.

Boo-hoo, honey bunch, welcome to the world of 21st century racial politics.

The world that you & the NAACP helped create.

Sucks, don't it?

Think Stephenopoulos would ever ask a Tea Partier this question? (starts at 2:34)

SUCK IT, YO-YO MA!

Full disclosure: I played cello for 4 years, and the way it was taught to me always made the cello seem like such a dull and limited instrument, so there may be some personal issues at play here. Also, I *really* like Joe Satriani.

I first came across Rebecca Roudman when she washed out during her America's Got Talent audition. Admittedly, the acoustics were bad, and she had the distortion set a bit high, so she didn't make a good first impression. But it didn't help that the plebes in the audience started hooting loudly for blood within seconds. Neither did it help that the judges were retarded philistines, including, surprisingly, Sharon Osbourne, whose husband made quite a living off of out-of-tune, badly-distorted vibrating strings.

Anyway, here's what she was trying to play, without the hooting & buzzing:

[YouTube direct link]

She's also got a rendition of Guns n' Roses' "Sweet Child o' Mine" that's quite delightful, assuming you like that song:

[YouTube direct link]

SURPRISING, YET SOMEHOW NOT

In America, our bums are more patriotic than our President. [hat tip: Uncle Jimbo of Blackfive]

[YouTube direct link]

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

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I HEARD IT WAS ABOUT 60 TAKES

Best in the Goldbergian genre since Honda's "Cog":

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[Hat tip: Shamus of Twenty Sided]

A PRESENT

For all you Wii Fit fans:

APPARENTLY I HAVEN'T MOVED ON

Shamus of Twenty Sided posted this video called "Panic Attack!" to illustrate how far computerized special effects have come and how cheap the software has gotten:

And it's fairly impressive, technically speaking, since it was made for $500.

Artistically, however, it turns my stomach.

Sorry, I still remember watching real architecturally iconic buildings being blown up by real "panics" in 2001.

The creator of this thing can go artistically fuck himself.

[YouTube direct link]

The Warrior Song

(Cross-posted from IMAO)

What I really like about this song is that it's in a cadence format, so the guys in uniform could sing this one while they're marching around.

Had it been written 70 years ago, this is the song that General Patton would have sung in the shower.

[YouTube direct link]

Pass this one along to anyone you know in theater. Veteran's Day is coming up. It'd make the perfect gift.

Also current or former member of the military can request a free copy of the song via e-mail

[hat tip: commenter Rain of Lead]

ACTUALLY, THIS IS THE WAY PACHELBEL ORIGINALLY WROTE IT

[YouTube direct link]

Matt Rach performs Pachelbel's Canon in D Major.

IF YOU'VE SEEN ANY PIXAR MOVIE, YOU'LL LIKE THIS

[CollegeHumor direct link]

[via I Hate My Cubicle!!!]

SAW IT. STILL NOT COMPREHENDING ITS EXISTENCE

I hadn't the slightest idea that you could do this with Legos.

[YouTube direct link]

My head started exploding when he opens the box at about the 40 second mark.

Sit through the credits in the middle if you want to see some different camera angles.

Which you probably do.

[via I Hate My Cubicle]

TOTAL PERSPECTIVE VORTEX

Per Douglas Adams via Wikipedia:

The Total Perspective Vortex is allegedly the most horrible torture device to which a sentient being can be subjected.

"When you are put into the Vortex you are given just one momentary glimpse of the entire unimaginable infinity of creation, and somewhere in it a tiny little mark, a microscopic dot on a microscopic dot, which says, "You are here."

Located on Frogstar World B, the machine was originally invented by one Trin Tragula in order to annoy his wife. Because she was forever nagging him for having no sense of proportion, he decided to invent something that would show her what having a sense of proportion really meant. Unfortunately the shock of being placed in the Vortex destroyed her brain, but Trin Tragula's grief was tempered by the knowledge that he had been right and she had been wrong. In Adams' words, the Total Perspective Vortex illustrated that "In an infinite universe, the one thing sentient life cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion."

I imagine that it's something very much like this:

[YouTube direct link]

BUMBLIN' BARRY STRIKES AGAIN

[YouTube direct link]

At least he did it without tripping over something.

SINCE HE'S ONLY HALF-BLACK, DOES THAT MEAN CRITICIZING HIM ONLY MAKES ME HALF-RACIST?

Red State Update ruminates about whether criticizing Obama amounts to racism, and in the video:

[YouTube direct link]

they mention that if you want to criticize his health care program, you could call him a quack, and put his head on a duck.

But not a black duck.

So, photoshopping him onto Donald Duck would be ok, but not Daffy Duck.

Which, I suppose, means the most racist thing you could possibly do is say his presidency stinks and put his head on Pepe Le Pew.

NOT SEEING THE SIMILARITY

I've seen liberals make mention of the fact that in 2006, a bunch of "Katrina Kids" sang a song about President Bush to Laura Bush (sorry, no video available, just a story).

Partial lyrics:

Our country's stood beside us
People have sent us aid.
Katrina could not stop us,
our hopes will never fade.
Congress, Bush and FEMA
People across our land
Together have come to rebuild us
and we join them hand-in-hand!

Which is the precise equivalent of the ObamaJugend rap ditty, right?

Look, I'm just gonna be polite and only mention a couple really obvious differences.

1) The O-J tune was NOT sung to Michelle Obama.

2) The Bush tune does NOT mention Bush's first, middle, and last names SIX times.

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In related news, the San Francisco Gate piece linked above has an "incriminating" video of "the 'Jesus Camp' where kids were worshiping a cardboard cutout of good old Number 43":

[YouTube direct link]

which the article's author uses to bludgeon Michelle Malkin for criticizing the O-J video:

Now I'd bet Michelle would say, "Aww, that's so cute!" Why? Because the kids are white and its George Bush? Yeah, right. And so there's the racial problem - she can ignore singing if its done by white school kids praising a white Republican President, but if the subject's America's first black President, she gets really mad.

Three problems with this statement:

1) The kids are in a private Bible camp, not a public school.

2) They are praying FOR President Bush, not TO him.

3) I saw one black boy and two Mexican kids in the crowd.

Ignorance is sad.

Willful ignorance is repugnant.

CBS: U R FULL OF AWESOME!

Here's a video of kids singing a song of praise to Obama:

[YouTube direct link]

And here's a news story by CBS.

Which is not about the video.

The story is about the reaction of angry, illiterate, right-wingers to the video being posted by Fox News.

They also misquote Fox by saying that part of the song was sung to "the tune of 'Jesus Loves the Little Children,'"

What Fox said was the song "quotes directly from the spiritual "Jesus Loves the Little Children," though Jesus' name is replaced with Obama's: "He said red, yellow, black or white/All are equal in his sight. Barack Hussein Obama."

The actual line is "Red and yellow, black and white/They are precious in his sight".

The tune they "borrowed" at the end of their otherwise tuneless rap ditty is "Battle Hymn of the Republic", sans chorus.

Lyrics, courtesy of Fox News:

He said that all must lend a hand
To make this country strong again
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said we must be fair today
Equal work means equal pay
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said that we must take a stand
To make sure everyone gets a chance
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said red, yellow, black or white
All are equal in his sight
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

Yes!
Mmm, mmm, mm
Barack Hussein Obama

Song 2:
Hello, Mr. President we honor you today!
For all your great accomplishments, we all doth say "hooray!"

Hooray, Mr. President! You're number one!
The first black American to lead this great nation!

Hooray, Mr. President we honor your great plans
To make this country's economy number one again!

Hooray Mr. President, we're really proud of you!
And we stand for all Americans under the great Red, White, and Blue!

So continue ---- Mr. President we know you'll do the trick
So here's a hearty hip-hooray ----

Hip, hip hooray!
Hip, hip hooray!
Hip, hip hooray!

CALIFORNIA IS AN IRON

I got this video via blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice:

[YouTube direct link]

My first thought - what a horrifying thing to see on your horizon.

My second thought - Look at all that smoke! I'd hate to be live out there if I had asthma.

Finally - Thank God California protected its citizenry by banning smoking in bars!

To paraphrase Spider Robinson, "If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then California is an iron."

POWERTHIRST!

Finally, a serious energy drink for people seriously in need of energy!

[YouTube direct link]

And when you're done with that, there's POWERTHIRST ROCKET EDITION!.

[Caution: videos may contain language not suitable for pussies too weak to handle POWERTHIRST!]

Cello Rap

At lunch with Beloved Wife & Richmond of One For The Road, the eternal question arose - has anyone ever mixed rap with cello music?

The answer is yes:

[YouTube direct link]

Not saying it's great. Just saying it exists.

BLADE RUNNER IN 30 MINUTES

Courtesy of Blogless Brother Tom

Part 1:

[YouTube direct link]

Part 2:

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Part 3:

[YouTube direct link]